


A Different Sort of Adventure

by Ablissa



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Regeneration, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 106,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ablissa/pseuds/Ablissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She was a breath of fresh air in his life, appearing out of nowhere and blowing away all the dust, leaving the content exposed." A story describing the one adventure the Doctor has never had before. Starting with Nine/Rose, but will be mainly Ten/Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or any of the characters in this story. If I did, Rose and the Doctor would be together, in the TARDIS, just as it should be.**

**The first five chapters are about Nine/Rose. If you'd like to start with Ten/Rose, jump straight to Chapter 6! :)**

* * *

 

"Doctor?"

He looked up, only to see her standing before him. Barefoot, wearing pink shorts and a white top;  _so this is what she sleeps in_ , he thought. An uncertain, yet happy expression adorned her face.

In the back of his mind, he thought she looked beautiful.

"I thought you'd gone to sleep." Soft smile. His thoughts pushed back behind the wall that never collapsed.

"I did," she agreed, "Only I... I couldn't sleep. So I thought I'd, y'know, check if you're up," she shrugged.

"Usually am, don't need much sleep, me," he said, and pointed at the seat next to him. She understood and sat down. Not close enough to touch him, but not far, either.

He marveled at how much she put him at ease. He barely knew her, yet at the same time, he felt as if he's known her for a very long time, too; it was odd, unfamiliar, brand new, just like their friendship.

They sat in companionable silence for a moment.

"It's a little chilly in here, don't you reckon?"

She shivered slightly, he noticed. Moments later, his black leather jacket was on her shoulders, and she inhaled his smell subtly, replacing her small, shy smile with a bigger one, beaming at him.

"Thank you," she said softly, tucked her legs in and turned to him a little more. He never tore his eyes away from her. "Anyway, what do you even  _do_ , up all night? Don't you get tired?"

Oh, she always asked a lot of questions: about the planets they've visited, about the future, about the past, about  _his_ past. He avoided the last set of questions, most of the time. Because really, what could he even say?

_I do get tired, but when I close my eyes, I see my planet. Burning. And it was all my own doing, Rose. I've destroyed my own race. I'm the last Time Lord in existence._

He wouldn't say that to her. She was a youthful, beautiful being. He cherished every moment with her, even if he'd known her for barely a month, so he never said much when she curiously asked. For one, speaking of Gallifrey might break his hearts. Two, she'd leave him, well, she  _probably_ would. And it would get so much worse. She was a breath of fresh air in his life, appearing out of nowhere and blowing away all the dust, leaving the content exposed, and strangely enough, he didn't want her to stop.

"Time Lords don't sleep much, Rose," he reminded, skillfully dodging the first part of the question, "Our superior genetics allow us to stay awake for up to-"

"Right, right, I get it," she chuckled, "So, does your superior  _everything_  allow you to go and fix me a cuppa?"

He smiled widely and selfishly thought that she should sleep less and visit him more. Humans, fragile beings, they sleep their stupid little lives away. He never understood that.

"Who do you take me for? I've got the TARDIS!" he exclaimed and stood, headed towards the ship's kitchen as Rose padded behind him. Unsurprisingly, two cups of tea were already waiting at some innovative tea maker the Doctor had tinkered with a few weeks before. He handed her a cup filled with steaming liquid - hers was offensively pink, his - black.

"In other words, you can't make tea yourself," she teased with that cheeky tongue-in-teeth smile of hers that he really liked to see. Before he got to retaliate, she sat in one of the chairs and said, "When I was a little girl, Mum would always make me a cuppa whenever I've had a nightmare, and she'd stay with me till I fell asleep," she reminisced with a happy, yet absent expression, although her face fell after a moment upon remembering the events from three weeks ago, "Poor Mum, thinkin' I was dead or somethin'. You ought to learn to land this thing in the right time, Doctor," she said with a mix of teasing and concern, still feeling guilty about the event.

"Oi, I'd like to see  _you_  fly the TARDIS! Besides, I dare say your mother has more than avenged your disappearance with that slap," at this, he rubbed the side of his face, "Blimey, it still hurts, and it's been what, three weeks!"

She giggled at his complaint. She wasn't really upset with him, and he wasn't really upset with her, of course. She couldn't say that she knew him well, but she did feel at ease with this enigmatic, strange man.

"Y'know, I was just thinkin'," she changed the subject, "How I barely know you at all. I mean, I know  _you,_ but not anything  _about you,_ not really. You still haven't even told me your name..."

"I did! I'm the Doctor!" he responded cheerfully, masking his true feelings just the way he always did. She gave him a doubtful look.

"Right, well, I  _still_  don't know much about you," she shifted in her seat, now fully facing him, her eyes intently glued to his.

He looked back at her; he didn't respond. Because really, what could he say?

_I want you to know me. I want to know you. But sometimes, even I don't wish to know me, so why would you?_

She shook her head and her shoulders heaved with a sigh. Alright, if he wants it that way, she'll just have to go first, then.

"I'm happy that you blew up my job," she said with a cheeky smile.

"What?" she caught him off-guard. As always.

"Yeah. I hated that bloody shop. There was this girl there, Claudia, and she was  _such_  a bi-"

"Rose," he chastened.

"What? She was!" she giggled, "My mate Shareen always called her a stupid cow. One time, when she'd gone with us on a night out that some people from work put together, Claudia was all up in her face - Shareen's, I mean - about her handbag or something other, and Shar snapped and hit Claudia in the face.  _Literally_  in the face. It was hilarious, but then she started spreading rumors about me at work, and-"

"Do you know any women that  _don't_  hit people?" he interrupted with a smirk.

" _I_ don't hit people," he rolled his eyes at her, but she didn't mind, so she continued, "'sides, Mum had a good reason to slap you. She must've thought you were some... Some odd bloke with a mid-life crisis who kidnapped her daughter."

"Right, well, it's good to know that your mother likes me," he mumbled, once again rubbing his cheek.

"Oh, I think she does, now," she retorted with a smile, "I think she'd rather see me run off with an alien in his big blue box, than with another bloke that would just..."

At this, she trailed off and her eyes went down to her lap, where her hands were playing with the hem of his leather jacket, still upon her shoulders, granting her warmth.

He could ask her to continue, and maybe she'd say. But he doesn't; he doesn't feel he can. Instead, his hand reaches out to grab hers and gives her a gentle squeeze. Past, future. Painful to everyone. Oh, he knows that better than anyone.

So much less painful with Rose Tyler around, though.

She smiles softly.

"So yeah, Mum is a little...  _Impulsive_ , but hey, she loves me," she picks up where she left off, disregarding whatever painful memory lingers in her mind. He smiles encouragingly and she continues.

She tells him about her life. About school, although she doesn't mention why she never got her A-levels, and he doesn't ask. About her mother. About her father, who died when she was a little girl, so she's never really gotten to meet him. About Shareen -  _she's of the crazy sort, y'know, and she never shuts up_ (this makes him think of her mother, Jackie, but he doesn't say that out loud) - and a few other people he hears the names of but doesn't really register them, busy looking at her face as she speaks, her eyes lit up, a small smile present on her lips at all times. He listens to her and takes in all the information she so freely shares with him, and he  _does_  realize that she is doing so in hopes of him doing the same; she wants him to, as humans like to say,  _open up_.

She doesn't really say  _everything_ , though. The Doctor notices the way she hesitates at times and her words suddenly take a different turn. And she never speaks about that boy of hers, what was his name again, Ricky?

For some reason, he wants her to mention him. But he doesn't say it. Because really, what could he possibly say?

_So, that pathetic excuse of a man you left back home, he's not important, is he?_

Of course he couldn't say that. What a ridiculous notion.

Only he doesn't like it. That she's attached to so many places, so many people. All of those people will tear her away eventually. Jealous boyfriend, worried mother, a life to live. And the Doctor has quickly grown to rely on-

No, hang on, to  _enjoy_  the presence of Rose Tyler. That sounds better.

She doesn't mention Mickey, because she doesn't think he cares to listen. Because really, what could she say?

_Mickey is a great friend, but not much else, you know. Not like you._

Of course not. They're just mates, but then again, they aren't, are they? She's just a shop girl, and he is this amazing, extraordinary man - no,  _alien_  - with a time-traveling machine. Taking her on adventures. Talk about being out of her league.

So she doesn't say anything, and he doesn't ask, no matter how much they both want to.

A few minutes turns to two hours before she leaves him again. She yawns widely and moments later bids him good night with a gentle, honest smile.

"Get some sleep, Doctor," she says as she is about to exit the kitchen, turning around to look at him one last time. He smiles back at her.

"Good night, Rose."

"Night."

**oOo**

That was the first night he hadn't dreamt of Gallifrey. Instead, he dreams of Rose Tyler, laying beside him in the apple grass on New Earth, laughing joyfully, with her blonde hair tousled by the warm breeze and her whole body so close to his.

He will take her there, one day. Definitely.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Hello everyone! Thanks for reading this :) This will be a story about the Doctor and Rose, starting at the beginning with Nine and eventually continuing past Doomsday with Ten. I'm a huge fan of Ten/Rose and I'm really excited about this :D Expect  _lots_  of fluff (I'm a sucker for fluff), some angst and most of all, lots and lots of Doctor and Rose! Please let me know if you've enjoyed this, and sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking place between Father's Day and The Empty child, this chapter explores the dynamics of the relationship between the Doctor and Rose. What happens when he accidentally hurts her?

The Doctor noticed that he had picked up a strange new habit, as of late.

What habit? The habit of watching Rose Tyler.

She was fascinating, in a way, really. The way she smiled, the way she frowned, or that mischievous glint in her eye when she was up to no good. The way she looked when she was cross with him, or... Or sad... Or that hurt look on her face when he went and called her a stupid ape, which, in retrospective,  _wasn't_  the best idea.

It was their first big fight, and a lot of angry words were thrown, most of them coming from him. He was angry, he was disappointed, and most of all, he knew the consequences of her actions could be devastating. Was she  _really_  the only one to blame, though?

**oOo**

It happened a little over a week ago. She wanted to see her dad, to be there and hold his hand as he passed away. He knew better now; he knew he should have said no, lest the painful experience would hurt her too much, and he should have considered that she might go and try to save the man, but he found himself having a rather hard time denying her anything. The real mistake, though, was agreeing to give it another go. Who was the stupid ape there, really? He knew the consequences and still agreed. Could he really blame her for wanting to save her own father?

He could.

Could he?

Really though,  _could he?_

He mentioned them then, his family, his planet, his people. How he wished he could have saved them. The past weeks, months even, he has let such little slips through every now and again, slowly exposing more of his past to her. It still wasn't much, and it hadn't been consciously done; to answer her questions directly was too dangerous. He was afraid. Afraid that once the walls collapsed, he wouldn't be able to build them back up. She had that effect on him, Rose, as if she could see straight through him, all the way into the dark depths of his hearts; of course, that was a ridiculous notion, too, yet he still felt that way in those rare moments when he was being completely honest with himself.

Oh, she slowly crept underneath his skin, and she'd  _never_  know, but even so, to call her anything but  _absolutely fantastic_  was entirely uncalled for. That's right.

After all, Rose was... She was... She was full of compassion, she was raw emotion, a deadly storm and peaceful serenity rolled into one,  _that_  was Rose. She hated to see anybody suffer, be it a human or the strangest creature in the galaxy, and she'd jump straight into a volcano for a complete stranger, let alone someone she loved. Could he  _really_  blame her for wanting to save her own father?

No,  _definitely_  not.

He couldn't blame her for what he admired about her, could he now? He couldn't blame her for what he'd wished he could do himself, if not for the knowledge he had possessed; the knowledge that some events are irreversible. That his loss is final.

She had learned that, too. Only he wished that she didn't have to learn the hard way.

He shook his head slightly, putting his musings on hold. He'd really gotten to know her a fair bit, hadn't he? He liked to think so. He liked the sound of her voice, and he liked the sight of her smile, and the warmth of her hand in his; they didn't hold hands that often, but not rarely enough to make it seem like an odd occurrence. Right now, though, he was deprived of all three of those things, as Rose hasn't said a word in over an hour.

She sat the opposite of him in the library, flipping through a magazine rather absentmindedly. Not for the first time, he found himself wishing he could know what's on her mind. Humans, fantastic creatures, so predictable, yet so...  _not._

He never asked what she was thinking of, but in truth, she  _has_ been a little off this past week. He figured it was because of her father. But was it really?

The Doctor never claimed to excel at all these emotional matters that humans concerned themselves with so much. That is not to say he never felt anything, no, he felt more than he was willing to admit.

He just never spoke of what he felt. Why would he?  _How_ could he?

After all, it would be difficult to speak of the emotions he found himself quite unable to name, which were, strangely enough, related to this human girl that he was now unabashedly staring at. Watching Rose Tyler and all that. Odd habit, is it not?

Only usually when he did that, her eyes would meet his eventually, and they'd talk, or she'd talk and he'd listen, or he would tell her about wherever they were going to next, or they'd just sit in the library, each caught up in their own thing, stealing a glance here and there when the other one wasn't looking.

It was all somewhat...  _domestic_ , and he  _did_  cringe inwardly at the word, but he found himself warming up to it. These calmer moments, shared with Rose. With Rose, he wasn't always on the run. He could stop for a moment, and she stood as his shield, chasing away the memories, if only for a while.

His internal monologue had been cut short as he heard Rose sigh heavily and then toss the magazine aside in an annoyed gesture.

His curiosity got the better of him, this one time.

"What is it, then?" he asked, startling her slightly. Her eyes finally turned to him, but her expression remained unchanged.

"What?"

"With you. You've been moping about all day."

At this, she pouted slightly, and he found that strangely distracting. Why, he couldn't fathom.

"Nothing."

Oh, the dreaded  _nothing_. He didn't have to be an expert to know what that  _nothing_  meant. It could mean anything! It could mean anything, in the whole, wide universe, anything, but definitely not  _nothing_.

"Right, that means I've done something. You human females-scratch that,  _females_ , no matter the species, you always pull that  _nothing_ when you're cross about something. I've met too many women in my 900 years to let this one fool me," he says and she frowns at his words.

"Bet you did," she mumbles, looking away from him. The Doctor raises his eyebrows, thinking about where all of this was coming from, but knowing  _she_  was the only key to this particular mystery, he chose to press on. He stood from the armchair he was sitting in and went over to her sofa, stopping right in front of it.

"Go on then, tell me, what've I done again?" The tone of his voice is not intended; the urgency to find out what's wrong is a direct result of caring about her, but it's so very easy to misinterpret, and she does. Of course. Leave it to her to twist his words.

"Just leave it, Doctor, I said it was nothing. You don't have to get all worked up over a stupid human girl," she says, quietly, still not looking at him, even though he was standing right there, before her.

He is about to respond in a similar manner, but then his mind latches onto the word  _stupid_. And then he remembers what he called her just a week ago. And slowly, his expression softens as it all begins to fall into place.

"Rose?"

She mumbles something incoherent, still not looking at him.

"Rose, look at me," he pleads, and the tone of his voice is so gentle in comparison to just a moment ago that her breath catches, but she still doesn't turn her eyes towards him, afraid that he will see right through her if she does.

The Doctor, now convinced that he had found the root of the problem, couldn't stand her unhappy expression any longer. He knelt by the sofa, putting her eyes on a level similar to his, and gently reached out for her chin to tilt her face towards him, wanting her to look at him. At this, she no longer resisted and finally met his eyes. His hand, instead of leaving her face, now cupped her cheek as he locked eyes with her, and upon truly seeing her expression, noting the faint hint of hurt she was trying to hide, the Doctor came to realize something that he did not often consider. Something he certainly wasn't used to.

He had been  _wrong_. Yes, really.

For one, she was definitely not stupid and definitely not an ape. She was  _lovely_.

Two, this wasn't just about her dad.

Three, he unknowingly caused her pain.

Four, he wanted - more than anything - to mend it. To make it better.

"Rose..." he begins, but she interrupts him.

"It's just-I was just thinkin'-You're this... You've seen  _everything_... And, well... I'm just... Nothin'. I mean, I'm a shop girl, from a council estate in London, for God's sake!" He notices the tears that are welling up in her beautiful eyes and his hearts clench. "And if not for you... And my Dad... All these people... The whole Earth...  _You_..." At this, tears begin to stream down her cheeks, and he catches one of the salty drops with his thumb as his hand still cups her cheek.

He doesn't say anything because the sight of her in tears paralyzes him; his friend crying because of his own inconsiderate actions was not something the Doctor was used to, either.

"I could've killed all these people... I could've killed you..." she continues, "You're right, I'm so stu-"

"Oh, Rose," he whispers in a voice so tender, she briefly wonders if she hadn't imagined it, but before she can think of that again, he pulls her into a tight embrace.

Neither one speaks for what feels like a short moment to Rose, but the Doctor, ever so aware of time, estimates it was well over a few minutes. He holds her close as her tears cease their journey down her cheeks and her breath evens out, and only then does he speak, with her head still burrowed into his shoulder, not wanting to break the comforting embrace.

"You wanted to save your dad, right? Rose, there is no better reason to break the rules of time than to save someone you love," he says, and as a smile creeps up on his face, he pulls away to be able to see her. She looks like a proper mess, what with her make-up ruined by tears, but he still finds her beautiful. He  _always_ finds her beautiful, for that matter.

"But you were so angry with me-you said I was-"

"What, so when I tell you not to wander off you  _never_  listen, but when I, for once in my life, say something completely daft, you start listening, is that right?" his smile grows wider, "It wasn't right, what you did back there, but what I've done was no good either, and d'you know why? Because I lied. You're not stupid, you're  _fantastic_."

"So you're not... Y'know... You don't want me to go home?"

His eyes widened at her ridiculous idea. Does  _she_ want to go home?

"'Cause I don't want to, but you know, I thought that maybe... Maybe you're too upset, or something... And I was just waitin' for you to say so..."

His look of surprise changed into a warm smile once again as he shook his head at his silly human friend. How could she be so blind to what she meant to him? To how much he needed her?

"If you're waiting for me to send you home, then you're gonna be waiting a long time, Rose Tyler. And mind you, no one knows time better than I do, so when I say long, it means  _really, really long,_ " he says and happily observes as her face lights up, "I'm sorry. I... I guess I'm not all too good at all those...  _domestic_  things."

"Can't disagree there," she finally smiles properly, showing that teaseful tongue-in-teeth smile that lights up the darkest of his days. He responds with a wide grin of his own and then stands up, extending his hand to help her do the same.

"Come on, then, I think we've been sat here for too long. Where d'you want to go? Past? Future? Earth? Another planet? Another galaxy?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm a bit hungry. Chips, I want chips!"

He chuckles and her smile widens. Her Doctor. It occurs to her that if he didn't find her worthy of his company, he'd never bring her along, would he? He even said so to that bloke they picked up in Utah, Adam.  _I only take the best._

"Chips it is! Oh, I know, I'm going to take you to Pitello. Fantastic planet, absolutely fantastic. Ninety-eight percent water. Pitellans live underwater, yet they make the best chips in the galaxy. Isn't that funny? One would think they'd live on seashells and the like, but nope! Chips, no matter where you go."

"Knowing you, we're gonna end up in a tree in the Amazon," she teases, giggling, and follows him into the console room.

"Oi!"

"But that's alright, too. Don't mind,"

They exchange a warm smile and the Doctor begins starting up the TARDIS, ready to take them on yet another one of their adventures.

**oOo**

Both of them learned something new that day.

Rose realized that, while the Doctor may have seen more than she could possibly imagine, and he may have done more than she ever will, he still treated her like an equal, and that's why he felt disappointed in her when her rash decision put them all in danger. He never looked down at her. He made her strive to better herself. He made  _her_  better.

She also, not for the first time, realized that she could hardly imagine her life without him anymore, and  _that_  was a terrifying thought. All those monsters, aliens and ghosts, all that completely mental stuff was alright. But losing the Doctor?

This daft alien may have had two hearts of his own, but that didn't stop her from secretly giving him hers. Not like she'd ever tell him, though.

As for the Doctor... He realized that, no matter his past, Rose was an entirely new chapter in his life. With each new day she taught him to see the world through a different pair of eyes -  _her_  eyes - to see more than just pain, suffering, regret, hatred. It was odd and it was unfamiliar and it was nothing he ever thought he needed, but as he looked at her smiling face, he knew that he  _did_ need her. More than he'd be willing to admit.

More than he was willing to allow himself to need  _anybody_ , especially a fragile human girl.

He knew it could never be. Yet for just one moment, he thought of the future, a future with Rose Tyler, and for that one moment, he was truly happy.

**oOo**

As Rose had predicted, they didn't end up on Pitello. The TARDIS had landed on Pafaleo, a planet currently at war. And by currently, we're talking about six hundred years.

But that was alright, too. They didn't mind. They went there together, after all. Oh, and they stopped the war, too. That was nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! I always thought that Rose would be overthinking the Doctor's angry words and I wanted to add some closure to it. Things will pick up pace in the next chapter, as it will involve our favorite captain, Jack Harkness!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Jack Harkness joins Rose and the Doctor. This chapter shows the aftermath of Jack's little flirtations.

"I didn't do anything! Jack, you were there, you saw it! Tell this... This... Impossible, stubborn, daft-"

"Oh, so now I'm daft, am I? It's not me that almost got kidnapped by a Metamorfyan in disguise just because his human form looked pretty, or is it?"

"He was just askin' me for bloody directions!"

"Right, he couldn't find the way on his own planet, how very  _convenient_!"

"He looked human!"

"Not just human, he looked like one of them pretty boys, that's why you've gone with him, Rose. Just look at Jack, same old story!" At this, the Doctor pointed at a very amused Jack, who stood by and observed their bickering with a great deal of pleasure.

"Why, thank you!" Jack said with a wide grin, and Rose turned to him in exasperation.

"Jack, tell him!" she demanded again, but their friend shook his head with a chuckle, remaining silent.

"Tell me what? That if I didn't show up, the Metamorfyan would've carried you off while  _Captain_ Jack was chatting up some alien at the souvenir stall?"

"Look at you two, arguing like an old married couple," Jack commented. Rose flushed slightly and decided it was high time they get going; back to the TARDIS, to her own room on the ship, where she could be alone for a while. She stomped angrily, exaggerating every step as she drudged through the mud, because thanks to the Doctor's  _infallible_ driving skills, they had landed in a swamp. It wasn't a swamp when they arrived, just this sort of a... muddy patch, but the pouring rain had turned the place into a sea of mud. Perhaps she should mention that, just to wind him up a little more. He deserved it.

"I'm just trying to talk some sense into her! It's not safe to run off with a stranger, Rose. I'm always telling you -  _don't wander off_..."

"Right, and you'd know about that, 'cos it's not like I ran off with  _you_ ," she replied, a little less annoyed. She found his lack of logic somewhat endearing, but she was quite set on being cross with him, so she didn't let it show. He embarrassed her in front of that alien-human-something-thing. The guy asked her for directions, and apparently he had some malicious intentions which Rose didn't find out about until she led him to the road leading out of the village, at which point the Doctor stepped in and rescued her. All was well, but he chose to lecture her, in front of that alien nonetheless, and now in front of Jack. How was she to know that he wasn't really human? Humans were everywhere, just like chip shops! The whole bleedin' galaxy was filled with them! 'sides, human or not, if she knew the way, it was only right to help him out, wasn't it?

"No, you see, that's a  _completely_  different situation, because-" the Doctor disagreed, trying to appear dignified while up to his knees in mud, but she cut him off.

"That's the  _exact_  same thing, Doctor, I'm telling-" Rose turned around swiftly to make her point, but lost her balance and fell into the mud with a loud squeal.

Both the Doctor and Jack rushed to help her up, but Jack was first, and instead of just helping her to her feet, he decided to carry her.

"Can't have you falling back into the mud, can we now?" Jack said in his usual charming manner.

"Put me down!" Rose laughed, forgetting her terrible state for just a moment. The Doctor observed his two friends with what he could only describe as unexplainable annoyance. Why was Jack the hero of the day again, when it was  _him_  that saved her from real danger, and he hadn't heard as much as a  _thank you_  for it? Not that he'd want it, of course not. It just wasn't fair to be all forgotten as the two of them had such splendid times, now was it? He's made up his mind. It was  _high_  time he had a serious talk with Jack Harkness, as soon as they were alone. For now, he couldn't resist a short remark.

"Jack, d'you mind? Rose can walk on her own, you know," he mumbled grumpily, following the pair of them.

"I'm known for saving pretty ladies, I don't want to endanger my reputation," Jack replied with a grin, still so  _pretty_  despite being completely stained with mud.

"It's alright, Jack, I can walk," she said, not wanting to make an even bigger idiot of herself than she already has when she fell into the swamp. Her whole jacket, her shirt, her hair, her jeans,  _all of it_  was good for nothing. She sighed as he set her down and then proceeded to drudge through the swamp on her own, muttering angry comments under her breath; something about the Doctor's impeccable driving skills.

"Oi! I heard that!"

"Good," she grumbled, but soon brightened as she saw the TARDIS not too far ahead of them.

* * *

Moments later, all three of them were inside the ship, and Rose wasted no time. The sooner she left the console room the better; she did not much enjoy being seen while looking like a long lost member of the Slitheen family.

"Right, I don't know about you two, but I'm off for a  _long_ , warm bath. Which means that we are not going  _anywhere_ for the next few hours. Alright?" with that, she shot the Doctor a pointed look as he rolled his eyes at her, "Great. Ta," she walked out, trying her very best to appear like she was not phased with her current appearance. Not that the Doctor or Jack looked much better.

"Won't be seeing that one for a while," Jack said as she left, then proceeded to take off his jacket and toss it over the railing as he leaned against it, grinning at the Doctor.

Oh, Jack knew more than well that his flirtatious little banter with Rose Tyler drove the Doctor mad, and  _that,_  ladies and gentlemen, is exactly why he still hasn't stopped.

You see, Jack had this little plan. He could easily tell that his Time Lord friend was completely smitten, yet he's done nothing about it, and Jack was tired of it. So, the natural course of action was to be a little flirty with Rose, in hopes of provoking an action from the Doctor; this was a favor, really. His own flirtatious nature had nothing to do with it.

Okay, so maybe it had  _a little_  to do with it. Just a little.

Now, seeing the Doctor's expression, Jack started to wonder if his little game hadn't gone a bit too far. The Time Lord's eyes were fixated on him, and Jack had no difficulty discerning that the Doctor was just  _a_   _little_  annoyed. Just a bit.

"Right, Jack," the Doctor said in a stern voice, walking over to his friend, "Let me get this one thing straight. You are  _not_ allowed to hurt Rose," he folded his arms across his chest, and Jack - not for the first time - admired the Doctor's ability to look intimidating no matter the circumstances, but despite the mud, the circumstances were still in his favor here. A lone Time Lord, the last of them, in his TARDIS. This was  _his_  domain. He created the rules, he bent them, he destroyed them, and Jack had apparently violated an unspoken agreement.

"I'd never hurt Rose, you know that."

"'Course you wouldn't! No matter, all of this has to  _stop_. It ends, now. 'cause you see, I  _care_  about her, and I'm  _looking out for her_ , and no adventurous pretty boy like you is going to make her suffer, or they'll have me to answer to, do you understand?"

Wow. Jack was impressed. His plan was a stellar success. The Doctor was seething with...

"You know what, Doctor, it sounds to me as if you're  _jealous_ ," he said, still risking a grin, knowing that the Doctor wasn't really all that mad at  _him_ , he just didn't want anybody else to lay their hands on what he had wanted for himself.

"What?" the Doctor uttered, caught completely off-guard.

"That's right!"

The Doctor stood there, speechless. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it again, frowning at his companion. When he finally spoke, his voice was a little coarse, but his expression remained stern.

"What if she thinks you mean all these ridiculous stunts of yours, eh? What if she..." he swallowed thickly, and for a fleeting moment, Jack noticed a vulnerability in his eyes that he hadn't seen before. The Doctor, a loner, a man of mystery, a man of knowledge, the last of the Time Lords, he didn't like being seen as vulnerable, that much was obvious; yet that tiny little hint of vulnerability slipped past the defenses, and in that split second, Jack suddenly regretted his little game. Because suddenly, he knew. It was more than just being smitten. Looking at them, he already knew that; he knew that what they've shared could not be named, could not be topped. Even if both of them were still unaware of it. And he knew that he should never try to sabotage it in any way.

The Doctor had suffered enough.

"What if she... Enjoys it," the Doctor finished after a moment of silence.

At this, Jack laughed out loud. Yep, they were  _definitely_  completely unaware of it. Was this man  _blind_? However, Jack decided it was time to sober up. He took one step forward and laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Doctor, trust me, she  _doesn't_. You're my friend, Rose's my friend. She wants nothing else, and I guess you don't, either..." he winked; the Doctor grimaced at him in a mixture of amusement and annoyance, "So, that's that. I really would  _never_  hurt her, you  _know_  this."

As if he flicked a switch, the Doctor calmed down. He had made his point clear, although not even  _he_  knew what the point was. Or wait, yes, he did. The point was, Jack would keep his hands off Rose. There were many, many,  _many_  reasons why this would be the most beneficial course of action, so the Doctor was quite content with the outcome. He liked Jack Harkness, so he was quick to let it go, and maybe, just maybe, a small, completely insignificant part of him enjoyed the fact that Jack made it clear that Rose had shown him no interest.  _She wants nothing else_. To be fair, the Doctor hadn't noticed her showing Jack any interest of  _that_  kind apart from that time in London during World War II, but he couldn't be sure, could he now? So this, this was good.

Not that it mattered. Not at all. Why would it matter?

"Right," he said, "Glad that's sorted! So, I should probably go sonic my clothes. Cheers for the chat!" with that, he turned around and started heading out of the console room, but Jack stopped him.

"Hold on, hold on, we're not done here yet," the Captain said with a grin.

"What is it now, then?" the Doctor turned around and folded his arms across his chest once again.

"I'm passing up Rose, but not every man will do that, you know? Like that guy she's got back home, Mickey. All I'm saying is, she's a  _brilliant_  young woman, so you'd better watch out."

" _Aaabsolutely_  no idea what you're talking about," the Doctor smiled widely and headed out, this time with no interruptions. Both him and Jack knew that he was lying, and that was alright. Some things don't need saying, right?

**oOo**

Two hours had passed until Rose Tyler emerged from her quarters on the TARDIS, now fully dressed, with her hair tied in a loose bun, wearing clean clothes and feeling much, much better. She went straight to the console room and found her two companions, both tinkering with the TARDIS: Jack was laying underneath the controls, and the Doctor stood next to them, ordering him about.

"No, not the red one! The  _blue_  one! That's right, the blue one. Wait, wait, wait, not the blue, the  _green!_ " Alas, it was too late. They have just managed to turn off all lights on the ship, leaving it consumed in near-darkness, apart from the few emergency lights which were planted here and there.

Jack climbed out from under the console just in time to notice Rose as she made her way to the Doctor, who wasn't facing her; thus she managed to surprise him when she wrapped her arms around his chest and pressed her head against his back, inhaling the smell of his leather jacket.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. He froze for just a second, pleasantly surprised, then turned around and pulled her into a proper hug. "About that alien, and yelling at you, and everythin'."

"Me too," he said, and they smiled at each other in the dim light. All was forgotten, of course it was. They never stayed mad for long. How could they, really? They were Rose and the Doctor. The best of friends.

"Who would've thought that my best friend would be a stubborn alien?" Rose mumbled as if to herself, resting her head against his chest. The Doctor chuckled, content to keep her in his arms.

"Well, I could say the same to you."

She pulled away to look at him in confusion.

" _You_  are my best friend!"

"Right?"

"You're an alien,  _to me_ , aren't you? I'm a Time Lord!" Rose chuckled, and he continued, "You funny little human, all pink and yellow and jeopardy-friendly, always getting in trouble," he said softly, and Rose knew better than to be offended. Perhaps being a  _funny little human_  wasn't the best, but his expression told her that he meant that in the best of ways.

"You two give me astoundingly little of all that," Jack said, gesturing at the pair of them, still half-hugging, "Then again, you two are-"

"Right!" The Doctor exclaimed, effectively interrupting Jack's speech and then letting go of Rose. "So, where do we go next? Oh, I know, we should go to this fantastic planet I've been to before. See, I saved their emperor, and they owe me a favor, so we could visit their sacred caverns and-"

"Aren't you gonna fix the light first, Doctor?" Rose asked, smiling at his enthusiasm.

"Jack can do it,  _he_ broke it," he shrugged.

"It was you that said  _blue_ , not me."

"Your point is?"

"Don't bother, Jack. Don't argue with the designated driver and all that," Rose joked, patting him on the back and sharing a friendly smile. A different kind of smile than the one she had reserved for the Doctor, but Jack was the only one to spot that.

"So! Where do you want to go, my alien friends?" the Doctor stood, his hands on the controls, ready to take them somewhere else.

"Y'know, I'm pretty knackered. Can't we just call it a night? We could, I dunno, watch a movie? All three of us." Rose asked.

"Fine by me," said Jack, "Three people cuddling on the sofa, what could be better?"

"Oi!" she laughed and smacked his arm, then turned to the Doctor and gave him that prized smile of hers, the one that spoke volumes, and also, coincidentally, the one that he could never resist. "Doctor? What d'you think?"

A night in. Watching a movie. On the sofa.

_DOMESTIC. DOMESTIC. DOMESTIC._

Alarm bells went off in the Doctor's head, and his initial reaction was to decline her offer and ship them off to some remote planet, because it was safer that way.

But for once, instead of listening to his superior Time Lord brain, the Doctor listened to his hearts.

The three of them ended up having a movie _marathon_ that night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still between _The Doctor Dances_ and _Boom Town_ , this chapter shows a softer side to the Doctor and explores the changes in him prior to his regeneration.

It was a grim day. Most days are, really. Bloody cloudy weather, getting up at 6 in the morning just to make it in time for work, a dead-end job that brought him little to no pleasure and an unsatisfying income. Day after day, dull hours dragged on at a snail's pace as he spent most of his time at work either napping or counting down the minutes until he could  _finally_ go home.

He always passed through the Powell Estate on his way to work. All them gray blocks, 's a miracle they don't melt into the gray sky, isn't it? Bloody well is. It's a miracle that  _he_  hasn't melted into it, too.

Tom Hubbard, age 34, born and raised in London, hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary to happen that day, and nothing has happened, not really. But then again, it did, 'cos he heard the sweetest, most genuine laughter he had ever heard, and led by an impulse, he turned his head in that direction without a thought.

His eyes quickly rested on a strange blue box that stood right next to the playground. Odd, he's never noticed it before, but it must have been there all along, he just never looked. The letters at the top of the box said POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX, and from the box emerged a young, blonde woman, followed by a man in a black leather jacket that he'd estimate must have been in his early forties. It must have been her that laughed so cheerfully, because her giggles hadn't died down yet; she said something in a happy tone of voice, then proceeded to grab the man by his arm and drag him out of that odd box - what they were doing in there, Tom would rather pass up on knowing - all the while laughing and finally grabbing his hand, swinging their joined hands back and forth as they walked. The man appeared equally pleased, although in a much more reserved way.  _Lucky bloke to be seeing a bird this young an' pretty, especially with that face of his_ , Tom thought and continued staring at the pair, strangely mesmerized. The way they looked at one another, it was... It was... Tom couldn't quite find the word, only he knew that he'd like to be that big-eared man, if only just to have someone look at him this way again.

They were now within his hearing range, and without knowing why, he continued staring at them.

"The look on your face... You should've seen yourself, you looked positively  _terrified,_ " she laughed, and just the tip of her tongue emerged from between her teeth in a teasing manner.

"What? I said I've  _danced_ , but why does that mean that I want to dance with  _Jack_? You humans with your flawed logic, it's a miracle if you ever make any sense!"

" _Who_  d'you wanna  _dance_  with then, eh, Doctor?"

"Never said I wanted to," the man shrugged, but her attention had already shifted from her partner to Tom, who still looked at the pair of them without taking a single step. Her brows shot up and she pulled away from the man, instead choosing to make her way towards Tom.

This was going to be a little awkward.  _What's she goin' my way for, she isn't going to tell me off for lookin' at them, is she?_ But no, she wasn't going to. She smiled at him and his heart sank once again. She looked so similar to Mary when she smiled.

"Hello! I was just wonderin' if you wouldn't mind takin' our picture?" with that, she pulled a cheap camera out of her bag, and Tom's eyes widened. Why in the world would they want to have their photograph taken  _here_ of all places? Then again, she'd look gorgeous anywhere, so she probably didn't mind.

"'course," he said after a long pause and accepted the camera, taking pleasure in her smile as she pranced away from him.

"You promised me a picture!" she said to the man (who looked more than a little perplexed, mind you), tugging on his arm and smiling cheekily again, "You're not gonna run away from it now, are you? 'cos I've got my running shoes on," she teased.

"You want a picture taken  _here_? We could see every wonder in the universe, and you want your picture taken  _here?_ " Tom couldn't help but laugh. Exactly.

"Why not? This is where I grew up, and we've got the TARDIS! It'll only be a mo', sorry mate," she shouted in Tom's direction.

They exchanged a few more words, consisting of him trying to reason with her and her trying to convince him that this was the  _perfect_  spot, until he finally sighed in defeat and shook his head deliberately, only to follow her while muttering complaints under his breath, which she shrugged off like nothing.

They stopped in front of that odd blue box and turned to face the camera. The man instinctively wrapped his arm around the woman and pulled her a little closer, then she leaned into him as a brilliant smile lit up her gorgeous face. The man smiled, too, a smile equally genuine but much more subdued.

Everything about them looked just...  _right._

Tom pressed the button and froze those two smiles in place for an eternity.

Later that night, Tom decided to finally call Mary. The one woman that looked at him as if she could see the world through his eyes. His Mary.

**~oOo~**

It was so quiet.

The soft hum of the TARDIS was all that accompanied the Doctor as he stepped into his bedroom with no intention of sleeping, merely just finding a way to pass the time until his companions would be awake again. Time always slowed down when Rose was asleep, he noted with a hint of surprise; he was a Time Lord, yet with her, it seemed like she was in control of the passage of his time. Slowly, without her. Too fast, with her. Slowly in a good way in those quiet moments that he had rarely allowed himself to have, when it was just the two of them in the library, late at night, talking. Slowly, yet always too fast.

He closed the door shut behind him, lazily looking around the simply furnished room until his eyes rested on the fireplace, which he rarely ever used. Atop it, on the mantel, stood a picture frame, and inside it was that picture of him and Rose from two weeks ago.

Rose didn't even know that he kept a copy, much less that he framed it. He knew, though, that she made two copies of the picture; one to keep in her wallet, one that she framed and kept beside her bed. He wasn't all too willing to admit how much he enjoyed her treasuring that picture; after all, there were a great many things that he wasn't all too willing to admit, so what's one more to add to the list? It was safer that way, much safer, and while he took all sorts of risks on a daily basis, when it came to Rose, he was very reluctant to take any at all.

After all, she was his friend, his young human friend, and he was a Time Lord. It didn't matter how fast his hearts would beat when she smiled at him in that fantastic way of hers, simply because there could never be more. Assuming that such a thought would even cross her mind, which the Doctor was sure it had  _not._  Not that he thought about it at any great length, of course not, he was just...  _analyzing theories_. That's right! Superior Time Lord brain, always analyzing things for the good of the world. What would those silly little humans do without him? Fall apart, that's what they'd do, have their planet conquered by some primitive civilization many, many years ago, only to go extinct-

He sighed. Distracting himself would not do; he could think over twenty thoughts simultaneously, after all.

The Doctor was doomed to being alone. Sooner or later, alone. Curse of the Time Lords.

Time was  _always_  too fast.

He took five steps towards the fireplace and picked up the photograph, running his thumb along the black wooden frame. Rose looked so happy and so at ease in his loose, friendly embrace; he took a moment to admire her eyes, all alight with joy, her tousled hair (it's been a windy day, you see. She tried to make him wear something a little warmer, but he wasn't having any of it.  _Time Lords don't catch colds, Rose,_ he told her, and she said  _We'll see about that,_  as if she could see the future _,_  but of course, he hadn't caught a cold), her pearly white teeth exposed in a wide smile. Not that cheeky tongue-in-cheek smile of hers, no, this was the  _Rose-is-happy_ smile.

He liked both of her smiles.  _All_  of her smiles, really.

She was a vision, standing there next to him, wearing jeans and a red jacket, and for just a short moment, when his gaze turned towards the other person on the photograph - himself - he imagined that he was like her. Not entirely like her, but of the same species. A human, a man who could live his life day to day, never having to decide the fate of a whole galaxy.

The thought came and went; he paid it no regard. It could never be.

Right. So,  _time_.

He had a good reason to think of time at this particular moment, because in 18 hours, 365 days with Rose Tyler will have passed. A year with Rose.

Time was a peculiar thing to keep track of when onboard the TARDIS, and keeping up with it while travelling back and forth in time was even harder to do, but of course, he was a Time Lord, so he could measure it to the exact second when he told her to  _Run!_ , took her hand and they ran, and from that moment, their lives entwined. She saved his life that day, and she has been saving it ever since, in more than one way.

The Doctor knew what he was; vaguely, perhaps, but he was well aware of it all the same. He was a broken, war-torn man, always on the run, not only because that was the way of his life, but also because stopping would break him even more. He had no dreams, no hopes, no wishes, and while he has met many fantastic beings on his travels - beings that he thought of fondly - he was always alone.

And then, he met Rose. 365 days ago.

He wouldn't tell her that it's been a year. He knew that she'd pay no mind to the passage of time, if she could even keep track of it on the TARDIS. Humans always say things like  _where has all that time gone?_ , they don't notice the passing days, months, even years. To be fair, a typical year meant next to nothing to him, too. He was 901 years old, he's seen a fair bit of them, hasn't he? Some eventful, some not so.

But this, this year was special, because he found Rose.

He still wondered if she'd want to go back home at some point, to her mother, to that hopeless boy of hers. If they were even still together, he wouldn't know.

He never took her for granted, but at times, he wished that he could. He wanted her to stay. To stay with him and travel across the stars every single day. He knew it wouldn't be  _forever_ , but he wanted that little bit of forever, that fleeting murmur of eternity that came and went, he wanted at least  _that._

He found himself stretched out on the bed, knowing he won't sleep, still clutching the picture and looking at her happy face. His hearts were beating a tad too fast and he wished both of his companions, Jack and Rose, were awake to provide a suitable distraction. So much of this was wrong, he wouldn't know where to begin if he tried to name all the things that were wrong with it,  _he_ wouldn't know! A superior being, 900 years worth of wisdom, and this human girl made him feel absolutely  _clueless!_

Right. Enough thinking about Rose for tonight.

He sat up abruptly, set the picture down on the nightstand to avoid constantly looking at it, and started pacing around the room. A plan was forming in his mind. If he knew her, and he liked to think he knew Rose Tyler quite well by now, she would enjoy this particular plan.

He froze in his steps. Wait, didn't he just say he wouldn't think of her anymore?

**~oOo~**

"Morning, Doctor," Jack said, sitting at the kitchen table with his steaming cup of coffee, "Rosie still in bed?"

"I'd guess so," the Doctor grinned. His solemn thoughts were all but forgotten now, and the majority of his inner monologues revolved around his fantastic plan. Yep, it was  _fantastic_. All of his plans were fantastic, so why would this one be an exception?

"Someone's looking happy," Jack commented with a knowing smile. The Doctor looked like a whole new man. He hadn't even reprimanded him for calling her  _Rosie._ He usually did, he'd get all serious and say  _Her name is Rose_ , and the two of them would laugh at their  _designated driver_.

"What, I can't even smile without you pointin' it out, can I?"

"It's just interesting. You're usually sulking until Rose gets up. What's going on, eh?"

"Right, first of all, I do not  _sulk_. As for your second question," the Doctor stood, smug smile plastered on his face, "I've thought of the one place that will just  _blow your mind_. Just like that," he snapped his fingers, "It will completely-"

"You mean blow  _Rose's_  mind," Jack interjected with a chuckle, "All these places are meant to impress  _her,_  after all. But I appreciate the gesture!" he winked at the Doctor and finished his coffee.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "What are  _you_  on about again?"

"How long are you going to be in denial?"

"Who's in denial?"

Both the men turned to Rose, who stood in the doorframe, wearing a pair of very conservative pajamas - she wouldn't dare wearing anything else with Jack around - with her hair still in a mess.

Both of them thought she looked  _fantastic_. Yes, even Jack. He had picked up on some of the Doctor's mannerisms. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and sat beside Jack; meanwhile, her two companions observed her and then exchanged knowing glances. The Doctor may deny it all he wants, Jack knew way more than the Time Lord thought.

Rose noticed their quick eye contact.

"What are you two plotting again?"

"Not plotting anything. I've got the best idea for a planet to visit, 's all," the Doctor handed her a cup of tea - (one sugar and a bit of milk, just the way she liked it), appearing uninterested. "A truly fantastic planet. You wouldn't believe it!"

"Oh yeah?" she grabbed the cup and thankfully took a sip of the hot liquid.

"Yep."

"What's this planet, then?"

"Oh, just some planet, you wouldn't have heard of it," he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Go on then, spill it, what planet? Are you goin' to make me work as a cleaner again? 'cos I've gotta tell you, I've had enough of  _that_  the last time around, so why don't  _you_  clean them bathrooms now, and I'll just, y'know, solve mysteries and the like?"

The corners of his mouth twitched up in a smile; he secretly enjoyed all that fussing and moaning she did. Jack's reaction was much the same.

"Working is the best way to infiltrate a facility! Besides, it was only one day, so quit your moaning and finish your tea. We've got a long day ahead of us, and it is going to be  _fantastic_!"

With that, he left the kitchen, perfectly pleased with his little nonchalant game which only served to pique her curiosity.

"DOCTOR! WHAT PLANET? Jack, where are we going?" he heard, but he hadn't stopped for a moment, already putting in the coordinates. She was going to love this.

 

**~oOo~**

"Go on, I'm telling you, it's  _safe_. What do you take me for, you think I'd put you in danger, Rose Tyler?"

She knew that he wouldn't, not intentionally at least, but how safe could it be to jump into an invisible bubble, placed, let's say... a hundred meters above the ground? Yeah, something like that. No, not dangerous at all, Doctor. Just deadly.

"Fine, I'll just go in first," with that, he moved in front of her, but she grabbed his jacket to stop him. If he was this set on one of them killing themselves that day, it'd be better for her to go first. 'sides, she didn't want to look like a coward in front of the Doctor. Jack had gone off on his own merry adventure about two hours ago, but that was alright, they were supposed to meet back at the TARDIS a bit later.

She bit her lip and then tentatively took a step into what looked like thin air, but instead found steady support underneath her feet, and a faint outline of a transportation device of some sort shimmered for a moment before disappearing again.

"See? Told you, they're just invisible!"

Now fascinated, Rose stepped in fully and sat down in one of the two seats in the round, rather small capsule. As soon as she sat down, the shimmering had stopped, and she felt like she was... Flying. Underneath her were a billion lights, lights of the city they were in, above her, millions of stars shining brightly in the evening sky. Moments later, beside her, the Doctor.

She opened her mouth in wonder and looked left and right, up and down, admiring the breathtaking sights. She couldn't make out any shapes down on the ground, as their capsule was too far up for them to see anything, so it felt like she was swimming in a sea of floating lights. She had never seen anything quite as beautiful as this. Has he really brought her here just to let her see this? She tore her eyes away from the sights and turned to face the Doctor, who regarded her with a wide smile.

She  _loved_ it. He knew that she'd love it.

"Doctor, this is  _amazing_ ," she uttered breathlessly, quite overcome with the beauty of it all.

"Wait till you've seen all of it," he said, and at that, he clapped his hands twice, and the invisible bubble started moving. Slowly at first, but then quickly increasing in pace, until it took a sharp, sudden turn, and then proceeded to plummet down considerably.

That sequence repeated, ever so surprising, as they seemingly flew through the night sky in this invisible maze. Rose had realized that this must be some sort of a very, very advanced  _rollercoaster_. Only it made her feel like she was flying, and it was  _amazing_ , and it was  _absolutely_   _terrifying_ , and she couldn't stop screaming whenever their capsule went down because it all felt so real, but after the first few jumps, her confidence came back, and a joyful laughter replaced the screams of terror. Oh, nothing could ever top this. Nothing. Aliens, spaceships and all that stuff,  _nothing_  could top this feeling of being in flight.

With the Doctor.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him watching her instead of admiring the sights, and she turned to face him again, fully displaying that Rose-is-happy smile he had the good fortune of having on a picture. A picture which was now hidden in one of his bigger-on-the-inside pockets.

He couldn't help but return her smile; she looked beautiful, and bringing her happiness had become an addiction, of sorts. Jack was right, he always wanted to impress her, because that look of wonder in her eyes has in turn  _done_  wonders to his old, damaged soul, and because she deserved the happiness; oh, she deserved the  _world_.

"Oh, Doctor, this is  _beautiful,_ " she exclaims and his smile widens. The capsule slowly comes to a stop, dropping them off at a different part of what she now knew must have been a theme park, but Rose remains there, slightly dizzy and very, very happy. He looks into her eyes which sparkle with joy and she looks into his; deep pools of blue, and for that one moment, he  _knows_. He knows how he feels, and he knows what he wants, and he knows there is no way back; he would always,  _always_ want this.

He would deny it later, but in that one moment, he really knew.

But it could never be.

He smiles at her with that goofy grin of his and says:

"Shall we go again?"

* * *

They've had an amazing night. Jack caught up with them eventually, and the Doctor showed them everything the planet had to offer and then some more. The Doctor thought it was a fitting way to celebrate a year spent with Rose - even if she was completely unaware of the fact that they were celebrating anything, as he'd presented it as just another adventure.

It was dawn when they made their way back to the TARDIS, and Rose could barely stand upright, exhausted and overwhelmed with all the fantastic things she has witnessed. Despite this, she and Jack discussed the various rides at great length, and the Doctor felt pleased with himself, remaining mostly silent, observing his two companions.

How much has changed during this past year! All of it thanks to her, to this pink and yellow human...

"Doctor?" her voice is quiet and soft. He notices that Jack had left them alone in the console room.

He doesn't say anything, he merely looks at her.

"It's been a year," she murmurs, and a slow smile spreads over her face. His eyes widen in surprise, but soon enough his smile matches hers.

"I know,"

They share a long, friendly hug, having no use for any more words, although she could've sworn that she heard him say  _thank you_. Very, very quietly. She could swear she heard him say it, but she would never know for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you for reading this chapter :) The purpose of this chapter was to explore the changes that transpired in the Doctor prior to his regeneration. The next chapter will give us an insight into the Tenth Doctor!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, it is time for the Doctor to change into someone entirely new. How does he feel about his regeneration and is he aware of his growing feelings for Rose? Takes place during _The Parting of the Ways_.

He could no longer stop it, there was no way to change the turn of events. In mere moments, he would regenerate, becoming an entirely new man. A brand new man with the same old soul.

It was a frightening moment in some ways; even though he  _knew_  what was about to happen, he still did not look forward to it. He already knew the pain of every single cell in his body dying and being born anew, just as he already knew the confusion that came with trying to discover what kind of person he was this time around. Would he like traveling about in the TARDIS? Well, that was a given. What would he be like? Would he even be a  _he?_ He winced. Blimey, now  _there's_  a thought!

Would he be merciless and cold-hearted or soft and forgiving, would he be a coward or a killer this time around?

He  _just_ didn't know.

It was alright, though. She came back for him, saved his life. He saved her life, too, and it's only right that a price would be paid for the events of the day. She, Rose Tyler, singlehandedly destroyed half a million Daleks, saved the Earth and the human race, brought many people back to life (which wasn't the best idea, but she was so human. She couldn't know), and saved the life of the last Time Lord in existence.

She did this even though he sent her away - he did so because he knew that this was it, this was the end. The Time War would finally come to an end, and he would perish together with his mortal enemies. It was only right. Gallifrey was lost, as were his people. Now he would be, too.

He was at peace with it. Or he would be, if not for her, because the thought of her made him want to keep on living, to run away with her, let history take its course, but he knew more than well that it could never be. He had to save them, and while saving them he'd finally meet his own end.

Oh, but he underestimated his human friend. For once the superior Time Lord was outsmarted by a mere human.

Not for the first time, he'd say, but don't quote him on that. He was just feeling a little sentimental. Y'know, regeneration and all. This chapter was coming to an end.

_Rose Tyler._

She's never gonna cease amazing him, is she? Course not. Look at her, just a human, she waltzed right into his life and shifted  _everything_  around. And then, back on Satellite Five, she said... She said...

_I want you safe._

_My Doctor..._

_Protected from the false god._

And in that moment, he knows that this is what he is.  _Her_  Doctor. She changed everything, more than he'd ever allow anybody else to change. When he found her in the middle of London and told her to run he was a man who feared attachment as much as he feared loss, because the two went hand in hand. Especially when it came to humans. Fragile little things, the slightest of reasons was good enough for them to wither and disappear.

But Rose - she - she...

A jolt of pain goes through his body.  _Not long now._

He looks over to her; she still hasn't come to, but he knew now that she'd be safe and well. Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth. The human that became one with the Time Vortex.

He would die, for her.

She... She really changed  _everything_. As he looked at her then, she was a frightening, hauntingly beautiful sight; her eyes resembled two stars burning at their very brightest right before they go out, and the power she possessed was unimaginable, even to him. No one was meant to absorb the energy of the Time Vortex.

_Pain._  That's right.  _No one_ was ever meant to absorb that kind of power.

And yet, she did.

It was funny, though. No, really, it was. Because as he observed her, feeling nothing less than absolutely terrified for her life, when she called him  _Her Doctor_ , it was something like a sudden spark of realization, a mystery long waiting to be solved finally coming to a close.

Every single thing he currently cared about - all of it - all of it moved aside to make space for her, for this young woman he could never have. It was as if all the planets in his own universe suddenly shifted only to begin orbiting around her, and she was the radiant sun, the dawn of creation, the creature that encased all the beauty in existence, the beginning and the end. She was raw power, able to bring life and destruction alike. And he, he was the lonely moon, watching her from a distance, powerless, mesmerized, frozen by the beauty, terrified of what she was capable of, but most of all, frightened of the consequences that she would have to face when all of her life energy is consumed by this very power.

Of course, all of these thoughts were completely ridiculous, but he knew that she was worth dying for. That's what this was, after all, wasn't it? Dying, in a way. This daft man with a northern accent and reportedly big ears (though who would listen to Mickey the Idiot?) would be no more. Just minutes now, no more than ten minutes.

Would he be able to forgive himself for Gallifrey in his new regeneration? Doubtful, but then again, Rose  _did_  ease the pain. See, that's what he meant, she changed  _everything_. Always acting as if she owns the place, that one. And not just the place. His hearts, too, but that, she didn't know.

He complied so very often when she wanted something, too often perhaps, when before her he'd only keep on his own merry way, minding nobody else. Hell, he'd want them out of the way if he had to choose. No harm to them, no, he just wanted to be alone with his own dark thoughts. And with her? That woman dragged him to tea with  _Jackie Tyler_. It was safe to say that she had changed  _a fair bit_.

He loved it.

No, he hated it. Insufferable little human.

No, he  _loved_  it.

Last few minutes now, he can be honest for a moment, can't he?

Honest with himself. Not with her.

He did wonder how she would take his regeneration. Of course, she had no idea that he could even regenerate, but well, she'd know now. Would she stay or would she leave him?

And suddenly, he wants to become somebody she would  _want_  to stay with.

Maybe one of them pretty boys that she likes so much...

No, wait. Definitely  _not_ one of the pretty boys.

Rose finally awakens. She doesn't remember anything, not even the kiss. He's relieved.

_Or maybe disappointed_

Technically speaking, it wasn't even a kiss; he was saving her life, but he'd never forget it nonetheless, none if it. The soft texture of her lips as he kissed her with tenderness and urgency at once, and the bitter feeling that settled far down the depths of his soul when he had to allow the sensation to reach an end, and all too soon.

He never knew that he wanted to kiss her, but well, he knew that now.

As the pain grows stronger, he only thinks of her. This would come as a shock to her, a complete shock after a very difficult day, so he wants to ease her into it, if he can. He starts rambling about Barcelona and their dogs with no noses, and she smiles at him in that special way of hers, as if she was trying to say that he was being completely daft. But she's clever, his Rose. She asks why they can't go, and he knows he has to explain, so he keeps on rambling until the pain overwhelms him. Still much less painful than his previous regenerations, odd, but blimey, did it  _hurt._

Her brilliant smile rapidly changes into fear for his life, but she mustn't come near him right now. It wasn't safe.

"Time Lords have this little trick, it's err," he hesitates, "Sort of a way of cheating death. Except... It means I'm gonna change", he explains, and she shakes her head ever so slightly. Of course she doesn't understand, how could she possibly? "And I'm never gonna see you again. Not like this, not with this daft old face."

Finally, regret catches up to him. Regret that this man would never see Rose Tyler again. His only hope, his only wish - funny, he hasn't had any of those before - was that the stranger that will replace him in... In less than a minute now, that this stranger would be everything she'd ever want him to be.

Flashbacks flood his mind as he looks at her, for the very last time, with this pair of eyes. And those flashbacks, they are all of her. Not of Gallifrey burning, not of his people, no, only of Rose; 'cos she was the one that took the blank, dark canvas and painted it with life.

It lasts but a second, but well, superior Time Lord brain and all. His mind scans through the past year with Rose Tyler, just before he gets to say his final words to her.

_"What sort of date are you?"_

Right, he's had no money to buy her chips. And he thought she'd leave him then, because of how dangerous it had all been, nearly getting blown to bits in year five billion.

She didn't leave him. She  _never_  left him. On the contrary, she came back for him.

_"No wonder you never stay still."_ she said when he took her back in time. She was impressed. He liked it.

_"Not a bad life,"_ he grinned at her then, but her smile widened when she spoke the next words.

_"Better with two."_

Oh, it was. It really was.

That day was the first time he called her beautiful. Of course, he took the words right back by adding  _for a human_ , but he still meant them.

_"There's me."_

That was more true than anything, really. There she was. He was no longer alone.

_"You think you're so impressive."_

_"I_ am  _so impressive!"_

_"You wish._ "

The memories start blurring out; his brain is collapsing, he doesn't have much time. Before his eyes, he can see all the embraces they've shared, all the times they held hands and laughed together, and he can see her in those times when she was cross with him. It was amusing more than anything else, really, but sometimes, they'd get into a big fight and both remained upset until they came to their senses an hour later, only to share a strong hug and then let her talk him into some completely ridiculous idea of hers, such as watching a movie or (almost, not quite) redecorating the library.

It was time.

Funny thing,  _time_. There never seems to be enough of it.

"And before I go..."

"Don't say that!"

"Rose..." he pauses and she lets him go on, "Before I go, I just wanna tell you, you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic."

He smiles affectionately, knowing that his words are more than true.

"And d'you know what?"

Rose shakes her head again.

"So was I!"

At this, she finally smiles with a degree of comprehension, and it is time to let go of the pain and become that new, strange man.

In mere seconds, he would be a brand new man with the same old soul; the same man who carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders, the man who had saved and condemned too many beings to name, never trying to save himself.

The man that spent a year with Rose Tyler.

And d'you know what? He wouldn't have missed it for the world!

Her name is the only thought that lingers in his mind as every single cell in his body is torn apart and then born anew; just one name, just one person.

_His Rose._

Pain engulfs his entire being, and then just like that, it stops.

He opens his eyes - brand new eyes that he doesn't yet know the color of - and looks at her.

_Rose._

He knows. Some things change, but some things, well, they just  _don't._ And you see, his... His... errrr, regard? Right, regard, regard is good. So, his regard for Rose. That's one of those things that just don't change.

Brand new man, same old soul.

She looks positively bewildered. He hasn't turned into some sort of a green monster, right? Because that'd be... rather unpleasant. Monsters, nobody really likes them, although there  _was_  this one particular monster that was not all too bad if you took the time to get to know them and you know, understand their  _feelings_. Weeell, assuming they've had any, beyond wanting to eat you. Right, being eaten was not quite what he'd refer to as a splendid experience, not really-

Oh, Rose.  _Please_  don't hate me if I'm a green sea monster.

Right.

"Hello," he says cheerfully. Her eyes widen. "OK," Blimey, he's got a brand new set of teeth! That's  _amazing_! They don't feel like sea monster teeth, but Rose still looks completely bewildered. "New teeth, that's weird. So, where was I?"

She doesn't respond, so he goes on.

"Oh, that's right. Barcelona!"

Although, Barcelona was probably not the very best idea right now. Not quite, no. Weeell, it  _is_ a lovely planet, but seeing as he has just regenerated, and she looks at him as if she might run off this very second... Was he really such a fright? Then again, this must be strange to her, right? Right. And what's the best place for a human to deal with  _strange?_ And by strange he means the  _my Time Lord friend had just turned into this entirely new person/(hopefully not) sea monster_  kind of strange. Wait wait, technically, he  _cannot_  turn into a sea monster, so scratch that. But he very well might be a very, very ugly humanoid, which would be most unfortunate, because he'd like her to like him and ki-

_Right,_ let's  _not_ go there right now. Very, very bad idea.

So, the best place for Rose to deal with  _strange_.

"Y'know what, I've got a better plan. London, Earth, the Powell Estate! You're always going on and on about visiting your mum, so why don't we pop in for a visit, eh? Have a cuppa tea? Test drive this new Time Lord here?"

At this, her eyes widen even more, and she opens her mouth slightly.

He inputs the coordinates somewhat carelessly.

Interesting. Who was he? What was he like?  _What_  did he like?

Aaaabsolutely no idea.

Then his eyes slide from the console towards Rose.

Well, perhaps he  _does_  have some sort of an idea. Pretty easy question, actually.

What does he like? Rose!

What does he  _love?_

Weeell, that's... That's...

The TARDIS starts tossing them around in her veeery shaky flight, and his mind goes on rambling about other things, like quantum physics, Barcelona and Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! _The Parting of the Ways_ is one of my favorite episodes and I really wanted to do it justice, whether I succeeded is for you to judge. From now on, this story will be about the Tenth Doctor!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tenth Doctor is bursting with energy and feelings he finds himself quite unable to name. This chapter explores his early relationship with Rose and gives them a moment to get used to his new self.

"Rose. Rose.  _Rose_!"

"Mmmm."

"Roooooose, wake up!"

"My God, what is it  _again_?" Rose looks around in confusion and proceeds to rub her eyes in a tired gesture. She's wearing a simple red t-shirt and jeans, while the Doctor is in his newly chosen attire - brown pinstriped suit, a pair of converse and a tie.

"I'm  _bored,_ " the Doctor whined, sitting right next to her on the couch in her living room. She dozed off while watching the telly, and that was over twenty six minutes ago. He enjoyed watching her sleep for a moment, but he longed for company, and she was fast asleep. This is too much! How can she sleep all the time! He feels so bored and lonely and-

"Doctor, you wake me every what, five minutes?" she sits up properly and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, partly annoyed, partly amused with his childish impatience. Her old Doctor always used to moan about how much she slept, but never in this excited, can-hardly-wait kind of way; he just liked to make a fuss about it in the morning when they met for their tea in the kitchen.

"Oi, it was  _twenty-six_! Almost twenty-seven! 'sides, it's the middle of the day, you can't sleep! Excess sleep is very bad, you know, it can cause anything from lack of energy to  _depression_ , and we wouldn't want you to be depressed, would we now? Course not! So, the moral of the story is: you  _have_  to stop dozing off. It could be dangerous, Rose! Very dangerous!"

"Fine," she stretches and smiles at him. He was  _so different,_  but she no longer doubted that he was, in fact, the Doctor.  _Her_  Doctor. She's only known this version of him for a whole of three days, but he was... Growing on her. Rapidly. "What d'you wanna do, then? You woke me up, you ought to have somethin' in mind?"

"Not too much to do here, is there?" he wrinkled his nose and the corners of his mouth tipped down. Why were they even there in the first place, you might ask? Well, you see, Rose used her surprisingly effective powers of persuasion to get him to  _stay the week at their flat_. In all fairness, he was still quite weak after regenerating - he actually slept every single night! - but for the most part he just wanted her to be happy, and to give her a little time to get used to this new version of himself. Give them  _both_  a little time, for that matter.

And this wasn't all that bad, really. Only that it was so very boring if she'd doze off. What do these humans do all day? Lounge around watching the telly? Then again, that wasn't too bad with Rose next to him; not cuddled up to him, no, but that  _would_ be rather splendid if she'd want to, only he didn't think she'd want to, but then again-

"You've been moaning about being bored the entire day, and you have nothing better in mind? What is goin' on in that superior Time Lord brain of yours? 'cos it sure seems like a fat lot of nothin' much," she teased, and the tip of her tongue peeked out from between her teeth. He frowned, acting as if he was deeply offended, when in fact, he found himself enjoying their banter a whole lot.

"Rose, you  _know_ that my brain is just, simply  _filled_  with things, with information, with ideas, bursting with knowledge! I know everything, or weeell, not everything, that would be a little boring. But, I do know  _a lot_ ," she giggles and his frown turns into a smile, only to turn into an even wider one when an idea comes to his mind. "I know! I know of one thing which I don't really know yet,"

"What's that, then? How to stop talkin'?"

"Oi!"

"It's true, though. You've been talking a lot more since... Since... You regenerated."

"See, that's kinda what I was gettin' at, because-wait wait wait, is that bad? Do you want me to  _stop_  talking?" The Doctor was genuinely worried. What if he's talking too much? Of course, he's got quite the gob since he regenerated, but he thought she was alright with that. Nothing says he couldn't have been wrong, though; this was Rose Tyler, and he often felt lost in regards to this human girl.

He stares into her eyes with a little more intensity than he had intended to, and her expression turns serious for a moment as the faintest hint of a blush appears on her cheeks; he never used to look directly into her eyes before, not like that, not in this intense, prolonged way. She shakes it off and smiles teasingly once more before he starts giving it any thought.

"No, I don't. Unless I'm tryin' to sleep after a long day spent helping Mum paint the living room 'cos a strange Christmas tree happened to destroy it. Such as what, five minutes ago?"

"I helped too! Or weeell, I wanted to, but you wouldn't let me sonic the walls, and then I..."

"...You spilled the whole container of paint on the carpet, yup."

"It wasn't entirely my fault! It was a... a... A hazardous container! It just, sort of... collapsed out of nowhere!"

She laughs earnestly and moves closer to him, sitting right beside him now.

"Right." They look at one another for a moment, both smiling, both surprised with the ease they had already fallen into. They were more at ease with each other now than they were before he regenerated, even if in a way, he was a stranger to them both. She still hesitated around him; it was instinct, she didn't know this version of him yet, but deep down inside, beneath her own common sense, she felt drawn to him in the same way as before. "So, what's this thing you don't know yet, then?"

He blinks in confusion; he'd forgotten all about it, startled by their sudden proximity. She tucked both of her legs underneath herself and then laid her arm on his shoulder, all the while looking at him with her trademark smile.

"Oh, right, that. Weeell, if there is one thing I don't know yet, it's  _me_. That's the downside of regenerating, you see, I don't know what I like, what I don't like, nothing! So, I was thinking you could help me with that? If you like?"

Her thoughts betray her for a tiny fraction of a second and a blush creeps up on her cheeks again, but the moment comes and goes as she realizes he is talking about something  _entirely_  different.

Why on Earth did he have to be so bloody  _gorgeous_? She's known the man for three days!  _Three days_! And over a year before that, but in her mind, she still didn't fully connect the two Doctors; two different chapters, in a way, since her big-eared Doctor was so dark and brooding compared to this... This... This rambling man with the most  _amazing_  hair...

"So, like... Your favorite places and things?" she asks, to be sure.

"My favorite  _everything!_  Ask me things, anything!" he is beaming at her excitedly and she can't help but smile. She shifts on the sofa to be able to face him and thinks of things to ask.

"Alright. Do you like... movies?"

"Rose Tyler, what do you _think_? Of course I like movies! Who doesn't like movies?"

"So does that mean that you don't mind just, you know, sittin' down on the couch and watching the telly?" she asks carefully.

"Not with you," he blurts out before he can even think about his response. It appears that he has developed this strange little tendency to speak without thinking, especially when he spoke to Rose. Not a very good thing, that... But, it does mean he is honest! That's good, right? Honest is good. "I mean, not all the time, that would be... That'd be..."  _quite pleasant_ "Dreadful. Sittin' around all day like that, that's just... Dreadful, yeah."

She smiles softly and shakes her head, hoping her expression will help him ignore the fact that her heart was now beating a little bit faster.

"You really are  _so different_ ," she comments and then continues, "Do you like reading?"

"Come on Rose, try harder! Of course I like reading," he grumbles in response.

"Alright, then. What's your favorite color?"

He ponders the question for a moment.

"Depends," comes the evasive response after a moment of silence.

"On what?"

"Weeell, one is TARDIS blue, of course, can't forget my wonderful ship, and the other one is, err... Sort of... Secret, I think, yes," he evaded once more, making an innocent face which only piqued her curiosity all the more.

"Doctor, why would your favorite color be  _secret_? You're not makin' sense!"

"It's... Just... You know, why don't you ask me something else? Colors hardly matter, after all!"

"Why won't you just tell me?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Oh god, it's  _pink_ , isn't it? You love pink! That's why you won't tell me, 'cos it's not manly, right?" she laughs and pokes him in the chest as he starts protesting in astonishment.

"No! Well, yes, I like pink, but only when-"

His explanation is interrupted by the return of Jackie Tyler herself. Upon seeing her daughter with the Doctor, on the sofa, closer than she'd prefer seeing them be, she immediately placed her hands upon her hips and started complaining.

"Look at you two, goofing around when you were supposed to be paintin' the bloody bedroom! Them aliens ruined the entire flat, and guess whose fault that was?"

The two of them have a look on their faces that says  _busted_ , as if they were a pair of children caught stealing cookies from the secret jar on the upper shelf of the cupboard.

"But Mum, we've been painting all day... Or well,  _I_ have been," she shot the Doctor a pointed look, "I was just about to get back to it..."

"Of course you were! Go on, you two, at least help me make dinner, will you? Come on, shift!" Rose stood, sighing in defeat, but the Doctor looked at her pleadingly with a look that spoke volumes.

Problem was, the Doctor wasn't the biggest fan of Jackie's cooking, and Rose was well aware of that sad truth. To be fair, her mother  _was_  a rather lousy cook, but Rose has had over twenty years in which she could've gotten used to it, so she finally did. Sort of. Not that Rose was some sort of a splendid chef, but the Doctor was much more accepting when it came to her cooking than her mother's, at least his old regeneration was.

"Um, Mum... How about you just... Sit down and watch the telly, and I'll cook, yeah? Least I can do," Rose suggested warily, "And you," she turned towards him once again, "You're helping me!"

Jackie's expression softened considerably, although she still tried to appear stern when she warned the Doctor, "Just don't blow up the kitchen, will you?"

He made an apologetic face at her and followed Rose out of the room, then proceeded to watch as she assembled the ingredients from the fridge.

This was all  _so_   _domestic_. He wouldn't have gotten himself into such a situation just four days ago, not ever, but now, he kind of liked it; it was odd, really, but it felt like he belonged in this old flat of theirs in some small way. Of course, not  _for good_! Oh, no no no, definitely not for good, but for now, when he was recovering and Rose still had to get used to him, this was... This was... Somehow alright, wasn't it? His brows shot up in shock. Blimey, it really  _was_.

He, the man with only his TARDIS for a home and a constant companion, felt like he belonged in Jackie Tyler's old, tiny flat. What in Rassilon's name has happened to him?

Perhaps it's because... Because he wanted to become... Somebody Rose would accept? Could it be that his  _regard_  for her influenced him this much?

He felt so at ease with her now, too. It was so difficult to keep himself from hugging her constantly and always staying close, oh, and let's not forget bringing that brilliant smile upon her face again - she kept it from him at first, that evil woman, she'd completely given up on him! Weeell, not really, she didn't. She was just confused. He didn't blame her, of course not, but he did feel a little upset that she'd just go and think he would leave her... Must make sure she never thinks that again. Yup, sounds like a plan. He liked plans, all sorts of plans, and he's had pleeenty of plans for Rose. Places to see, people to meet, all of time and space!

"Well? I thought you were supposed to help me, not run away into some sort of a dream world of yours?" Rose brought him back to reality, handing him some vegetables to cut up. He frowned upon seeing the knife, acting as if he'd never seen one before.

"What am I supposed to do with  _that_?"

"What are you, daft? Cut 'em up, it's for the stir fry," she laughed, gesturing at the ingredients on the counter.

"Who would waste time on that?" he mumbles and grabs his sonic screwdriver. Seconds later, everything was sliced up nicely. Rose sighed in defeat and threw everything onto the pan, letting it cook slowly. Or, that was the initial plan, until the Doctor's sonic screwdriver cooked it all in seven seconds time.

"See? I'm helping!" he beamed as she shook her head with a smile. No, he'd never change  _that_  much. But then, she didn't want him to.

He was her Doctor, after all.

"You do realize that Mum won't let you leave until you fix her microwave up to cook this fast, right?" Rose laughed and gestured at the cupboard, asking him to get the plates.

"Don't mind if I do! All those human things are still so... so... primitive, really, I mean, you should see humans in 3781! Oh Rose, that was a brilliant year, they've finally invented their own food pills! Imagine that, food pills, ready to eat at any time, any flavor you want, anything! Mind you, your lot came up with it about, weeell, fifty thousand years after the Pletorians started manufacturing them, but better late than never, I s'pose."

"Still insulting species. I guess you haven't changed  _that_  much," she laughs, shaking her head and then peeks out of the kitchen, "Mum! Food's ready!"

"What do you mean,  _food's ready_? What did you two make for dinner, a sandwich?" Jackie grumbles and joins them in the kitchen to find the food neatly served on the counter and the two of them smiling (the Doctor) and giggling (Rose) like anything.

After a while spent questioning the meal, muttering about how  _this was completely bonkers, that's what it was,_ and the Doctor's solemn promise to  _fix her kitchen up with that odd thing of his_ , they've all sat down in the living room, each with their own plate in hand.

And that was very domestic, too. Sitting down, eating with Rose and her mother, hearing them talk about some program that was currently on the television, and about Cousin Mo, and Jackie's friend Bev, and some other people he has never met before, most of whom Jackie held an eager interest in. Jackie Tyler, now there was one woman who's had an interest in the affairs of literally every person in the whole wide universe! It's a wonder that Rose turned out the way she did, really, because Rose was compassionate, but not nosy, which was rather good, even if she  _was_  rather curious about a great deal of things which he'd rather not talk about in his previous regeneration. Previous, because in this one, he didn't seem to mind all these domestic,  _dangerous_ things that much.

See, it was odd, because he liked that strange feeling of having something resembling a family again. After all, he spent over a year with Rose; and Jackie, despite being the nightmare that she truly was, wasn't a bad sort of woman. She brought up Rose,  _his_  Rose, all by herself, so-

Wait. He's not supposed to be calling her  _his Rose_  all the time. It just wouldn't do. Fine, every now and again is alright, but not all the time. Horrible, horrible habit, truly something to work on, right away, yes, definitely.

Only... He didn't exactly  _want to_. Calling her  _his_ felt somehow... right? Right. It did.  _Oh_ , Rassilon.

The mystery had been solved at long last. He knew what he was. He was the most brilliant fool in the universe, that's what he was.

His eyes scanned the room, paying no mind to the little coffee table, old television set, the few books here and there and all the cheesy flea market decorations scattered all over the shelves. Instead, his eyes rested on the picture frames, as all the pictures, bar one, were of Rose. He remembers the treasured picture that is still inside his own pocket, and suddenly, an idea comes to his mind.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Aren't you hungry? Rose, look at that man, he's only just come back from the dead and he won't even eat! I reckon you're gonna be dragging him here again, all lifeless, and don't say I didn't warn you!"

"Mum, he wasn't really  _dead_ ," Rose corrects her mum with a small smile, but her eyes remain on the Doctor as the smallest of wrinkles appears between her eyebrows; a clear sign of worry that he knows so well by now.

"As far from dead as I can be, Jackie!" he beams to cover his thoughts, "Everything is brand new and brilliant, I was just pondering things, that's all. You're going to find that I do an awful lot of pondering," he then turns to Rose, "I think I'm gonna pop into the TARDIS for a bit, if that's alright with you? I mean, once we've finished."

She liked it.

She liked that he asked.

And that he said  _we_.

And she barely knew him, but she knew him so  _well_. And she wished to know him even better.

"Just don't wander off without me, yeah?"

"Oh, I wouldn't do that."

They share a meaningful glance which lasts a little longer than it should. A little.

After dinner, she walks him to the door and they both smile at one another. Still confused and unsure and somewhat hesitant, but instinctively longing for the other one's presence, they don't really wish to part.

"Won't be long," he says as he steps out of the apartment.

"Good."

"Good."

Rose shuts the door behind the Doctor and then leans against it, closing her eyes for a brief moment, trying to make sense of all the things on her mind and in her heart.

**~oOo~**

"So is he really the Doctor, then? I mean, is he still the same man?" Jackie asked Rose while the two of them were washing the dishes.

"He  _is_ the Doctor, he's just sort of... Different," Rose responds, "But not in a bad way," she hastily adds, lest her mother would jump to some nasty conclusions.

"Well, at least he's of the good looking sort now, isn't he?"

At this, Rose shrugs and tries her hardest to appear very, very disinterested, but there's no fooling Jackie Tyler.

"I wouldn't know," she dries off one plate and takes the next one to do the same.

"Now, don't tell me you haven't noticed. The eyes, the hair... And he's got a nice bum, too."

"Mum!" Rose shrieks in astonishment, almost dropping the plate to the floor.

"Oh come on Rose, you've been looking, don't play a saint now! If there's one thing I know, it's my own daughter!"

"I don't really know him yet," she mutters. This was definitely  _not_  the kind of thing she wanted to be discussing with her mother.

"Well, looking at the pair of you, I'd reckon you were thick as thieves. Poor Mickey just about gave up on you,"

Rose sighs sadly. She wasn't happy about hurting Mickey, but it's been a while now, and she knew he'd be fine. For her, there was never a choice - not since she ran into this odd alien in a blue box. No choice but to travel with him. She'd never, ever leave him.

Jackie leaves the kitchen, leaving Rose alone with her thoughts.

It was all confusing to her, in a way. She was missing her old Doctor, even though he was right there. It's not just that she  _knew_  he was the same person, she  _felt_  that he was. She could see him so clearly in this completely changed man, and quickly found herself drawn not only to what he used to be, but also to the man he had become; talkative, painfully honest, a little wild, and most of all, absolutely amazing.

It was no good, really, but she couldn't help it. Her only consolation was that even though her mum had caught her staring, she knew that  _he_  never would. Her daft alien was perfectly oblivious to these things, regeneration or no.

It was nice, though. He agreed to stay the week here, and he was much, much nicer to Mum, and the two of them talked and laughed and she loved it.

She really loved it.

"I'm back! See, I've gone to the TARDIS to get this electric force magnifier to combine with the microwave. You don't have to thank me," the Doctor waltzed right into the kitchen, waving a strange metal object in front of her face with a smug smile.

"Are you sure you won't blow up the flat?" Rose asked warily, unable to hide the big smile on her face that appeared the moment she had laid her eyes on him again.

"Rose, what do you take me for? It's a microwave, not a 98th century spaceship!"

"That's exactly why I'm warnin' you, if you blow up the flat, Mum's going to kill you."

"Weeell, that's not too big a deal. I'd just regenerate again, I'm a Time Lord."

"It  _is_ a big deal to me. You can't go changin' your face all the time, I still haven't gotten used to this one," she teases with a cheeky smile.

"Me neither," he replies cheerfully and starts tinkering with the microwave.

"So," she says after a moment of silence, "What else do you like?"

"Hmm?" comes the distracted response.

"You like movies. Sometimes. You like TARDIS blue and  _pink_. What else?"

He remembers their conversation from earlier and smiles softly, his eyes still focused on the task at hand.

"I like people. You lot are quite amusing, so brave and curious and always full of surprises."

"All people?"

He turns to look at her, his eyes fixated on hers.

"Not all," he says, "Some more, some less. But, I do have a favorite!"

"You do?" she asks hopefully, suddenly needing to hear that old Doctor or new, she was still one of the _best_  in his eyes.

"'Course I do! Albert Einstein, he was a brilliant man, good old Bert! We've done quite a lot together, him and I," he teases, but quickly gives up on it when he notices her hopeful expression, "Oh, alright... I suppose you'll do, too. Can't be too picky..."

"Oi!" she smacks his arm playfully and laughs, quick to recognize his teasing, and he joins her.

Odd. Very, very odd. This old flat really feels like home.

Perhaps his home was now where Rose was? What a terrifying thought.

Or was it?

**~oOo~**

They've spent two more days on the Powell Estate, helping Jackie fix her flat, talking and getting used to the new Doctor, until they both ached for the stars too much to stay. Things were packed, goodbyes were said, but the Doctor wanted to carry out his idea before they left.

So, he handed Jackie a camera he picked up from the TARDIS that day, then he dragged Rose in front of the TARDIS, and he embraced her, and smiled widely as her mother took a picture of them. Only this time around, his eyes weren't on the camera. He just couldn't bear to tear them away from Rose, so he didn't.

Just then, as he observed her surprised smile (she'd never thought that  _he_  would ask for a picture of the two of them, especially in that particular place), he remembered the dream that recurred with an increasing frequency.

Him and Rose, laying on the grass on New Earth, laughing and not rushing anywhere, just this once.

She looked up to meet his eyes after the picture had been taken and smiled at him so earnestly; a smile that spoke volumes. She really wouldn't leave him, even though he's changed. And he would never, ever leave her.

It was decided.

New Earth with Rose. Brilliant plan. All of his plans were brilliant, so how could this one be anything less than just that?

Oh, and he  _did_  like pink, but only when she was wearing it. And his favorite color?

The color of her eyes. What else could it be?

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, that kiss back on New Earth... Not Rose's intention, of course, but it still happened, and now, the Doctor's mind is in a complete mess.

SHE KISSED HIM.

Oh, Rassilon.

She. Kissed. Him.

Rose Tyler kissed the Doctor.

On the lips.

KISSED.

No, wait. That wasn't really Rose. That was Lady Cassandra. Rose calls her a  _bitchy trampoline_. She controlled Rose's body.  _That_  Lady Cassandra.

Eugh. No. No no no no. Forget that thought. It was Rose. Rose's lips met his, even if it was by a design that wasn't perhaps  _entirely_  hers. Okay, so maybe it wasn't her design at all. But still. SHE KISSED HIM.

Rassilon.

And it wasn't some small tiny insignificant kiss, not a peck on the cheek, not a friendly little kiss. No, no. It was a proper _snog_. Okay, almost. No, it was. It  _was_  a proper snog. As in, she took his face in her hands and snogged the life out of him. For a brief moment.

_too brief_

Oh, no, no, no. This would not do. What in Rassilon's name was he thinking?! Rose was being controlled by a piece of skin in constant need of moisturizing. That is all that happened. Case closed.

But she  _kissed_  him. And her lips were delightfully soft yet decisive on his own. And he was so shocked that he didn't even return the snog properly...

Wait wait wait. What? He didn't want to kiss her back. Oh, no, never, not in a million years. It was a dreadful, horrible, terrifying experience and poor Rose must be traumatized-

WAIT.

What if  _she_ remembers the kiss?

No, she couldn't have. She certainly couldn't have. Impossible. Completely, positively unplausible.

But what if she did?

Oh, Rassilon, what should he do?

Can he just go and kiss her again and pretend that he too was being controlled by some invisible force?

No, that's probably rather unlikely to happen merely an hour after they got back home...

But maybe? Things happen all the time. He could do it.

Wait, full stop. He is  _not_  going to kiss Rose. They're friends! Good friends! Friends don't do snogging, do they? Right. This would not do. Distraction, he needs a distraction, a great, time consuming distraction from this completely unimportant, irrelevant subject.

The TARDIS needs a check up. Definitely. Let's do that.

He already kissed her once. Back on Satellite Five, in the last minutes of his previous regeneration. That was... That was, well... Weeell... To be fair, it was rather  _brilliant,_  although she doesn't remember it, and he was dying, in a way, but still. He  _kissed_  her. But this time...

_She_  kissed  _him._ A proper kiss, a proper snog, and he'd done nothing to return it. Oh, and he hasn't even  _mentioned_  it yet! They just went back to the TARDIS and she's gone for a shower and he hasn't said a word about it, for all sorts of reasons. It  _would_  be a rather uncomfortable conversation to have, so the best course of action seemed to be  _not mentioning it_  and never ever thinking of it again, but there was this tiiiny little nagging part of him that wanted to mention it, and then repeat it, and then repeat it again-

Oh, Rassilon, what should he say to her?

_"Err, Rose, you know when you were controlled by Lady Cassandra and you snogged me? Yeah, is there any chance you might want to do that again? Just once? Or, more than once, if you'd like. Or maybe all day, every day? What d'you think?"_

NO. What was he thinking?! This would not do! She would be back in the console room any minute now, and he had to forget the soft texture of her lips, the passionate way her tongue just barely grazed his lower lip-

ARGH.

He was a 901 year old Time Lord, for Rassilon's sake! He  _danced_  before, and kissed before, and he's done all sorts of things before, with varying degrees of pleasure,  _but this was so much better than all of it combined_

No, no, no, that's  _not_  what he was trying to say. What he was trying to say was... Err... Oh, yeah, that he's done it all before, and this meant nothing, and it wasn't even her own choice, so he should... Kiss her again? No, no, no, definitely  _not,_ not in a million years. Not even then. So... He should... Console her? Right, console her, in the unlikely case of her feeling traumatized by the event, in case she did remember it, which he didn't think she did, but she  _may_ have, so on the odd chance that she did, he should be there for her, because he was her best friend.

And best friends don't kiss.

Nor talk about kissing, if a kiss ever occurs. Which it didn't, not really, because it wasn't her, it was Lady Trampoline.

But it was her body, her lips, her everything. So the kiss  _did_  happen, in a way, and maybe, just maybe, he liked it.

Blimey, does that mean that he should mention the kiss?

Does she even remember it?

If she doesn't remember it, he will look like a fool.

If she remembers it, then did she like it?

Oh, Rassilon, did she  _hate_ it?

What if she hated kissing him? Oh, that would be... That would be... Not good, not good  _at all_...

No. STOP.

That's it, he would drive himself completely mad if he didn't stop all this nonsense right this instant. Enough. Over. Never thinking of it again. Never ever ever.

Right. TARDIS, check-up, maintenance, right on it!

Extrapolator working fine. Temperature levels in order. Is there any chance she might want to kiss him again? Properly, on her own? No, that's completely unlikely, totally impossible, not happening, not ever, nope! And he is  _done_  thinking about it. Done, fin, finished, never thinking of it again!

But she kissed-

"I'm all done!" Rose calls out cheerfully; he jumps at the sound of her voice, and then proceeds to hit his head against the console, 'cause you see, he crawled underneath it to give the TARDIS a little check up. And now his head was hurting. Ow. "I really needed that shower... It felt... Weird, y'know, after Cassandra..." he notes the change in the tone of her voice as she speaks of Lady Cassandra. Rose and her ever compassionate nature, she felt sorry for the woman, despite all her crimes. Although, technically speaking, Cassandra wasn't really a woman anymore, due to the lack of... Right, let's not go there. Let's not go  _anywhere near there_. Nope. Ugh.

Right. So, she's here now. Two things. One: he should say something. Something casual and Time Lord-y and completely, completely unrelated to kissing. Two: he needs to stop thinking about that kiss (which never happened, nope, not ever) and about all the future kisses (which would certainly never happen, because it wasn't Rose's intention to snog him, and he could never force it upon her, so no, no kisses. Or maybe she'd let him have just one more? NO. NO. STOP IT.)

"What are you doing down there? Is there something wrong with the TARDIS?"

Time to crawl out and look at her. Oh, Rassilon, somebody save him.

Why was he so fixated on this whole  _kissing_  thing, anyway? He was just fine without it for a long, long time; weeell, to be fair, he had  _always_  been fine without it. Not that a kiss can't be enjoyable, of course not, just think of the kiss Rose had given him, but that was not Rose, so it doesn't really count, but-

Oh, right, he should say something. Something, anything! She is staring at him oddly. Must have remained silent for too long, or stared at her for too long, or maybe both?

"Right, no, TARDIS is fine, I was just checking. You know what they say, better safe than sorry? Well, I believe that is  _very, very true_ , so I never let her go without a proper check-up, you know, we don't want to crash, and well, yes, I mean - no, nothing wrong with my magnificent ship! Did you have a nice  _ki-_  I mean, shower? Nice warm shower, all refreshing and relaxing and perfectly healthy and brilliant?"

Why on Earth (New Earth, rather) was he tumbling over words like an awkward human teenager? And what was Rose thinking about? She looks at him and she appears to be amused, which is rather good, because he loves it when she's happy as well as because that means she either  _doesn't remember_  the kiss, or  _didn't mind_  the kiss, and he doesn't know which is better, but if he had to take a wild guess, he'd go for...

For...

"Um, yeah, I did, but... Are  _you_  alright, Doctor?"

"Me, I'm always alright, Rose! I told you that before, didn't I?"

She still appears amused, as if she knows some big, big secret but would just  _not_  tell him. It was infuriating.

Add that to his list of qualities. He  _despises_  secrets. He wants to be let in on each and every one of them, especially Rose's, because you see, she is his special friend and he should know, for the sake of her safety and well-being, of course, obviously.

What if her secret is that she remembers the kiss, and she is smirking like that because she thought it was really, really bad? He didn't kiss her back, after all; that's really bad, boring, unpleasant, all sorts of negative things. But she should give him some credit! He was surprised! Shocked, even.

They say that curiosity killed the cat. The Doctor didn't like cats, so that rule surely didn't apply to him, right?

He'll stand in front of her and lean against the console, looking all casual and dignified and like a proper Time Lord (which he was, so it was all in order), and he'll ask.

"Rose?"

"Yeah, Doctor?"

"Do you... Um. Do you remember anything that err, transpired, while you were... Under Lady Cassandra's control?"

He swallows nervously and even he can feel his Adam's apple bob in his throat, so she must see it, and that's rather unfortunate, but he can't really help it.

Rose bites down on her lower lip in a thoughtful expression, raising her eyes to the ceiling for a brief moment, and making this kind of a face should be  _forbidden_ , especially that biting-down-on-your-lip thing, that must be illegal in at least a few star systems, because it's very distracting and very, very unfair, considering she'd just kissed him a few hours ago, so she shouldn't be doing that, that thing with her lip, right now.

_YES,_ it was Lady Cassandra that kissed him. DOESN'T MATTER.

"Not much, not really... I remember she thought I was a chav," she giggles, and on a second thought, that should be forbidden too. It's so unfair.

So, she  _doesn't_  remember. That's... Fantastic! Exactly!

_not really_

But she is still smirking at him. And her tongue pokes out between her teeth. That's distracting, too. Why is she smiling like that? What has he done? Is she just toying with him? Rassilon, she is  _impossible_!

"Then why are you staring at me like that?"

Right. Blurting things out is most probably  _not_  the best idea. Her eyes widen in disbelief, and her laughter returns, and it's absolutely lovely, but he can't shake the feeling that it's  _him_  she's laughing at.

Then, she reaches into the pocket of her jeans, and produces something - some fabric - something he can't quite see between her fingers - and then applies that object to his face. Oh, it's a handkerchief. Lovely, lovely texture, but-

Wait. She is touching his face.

"What're you so shocked about? You've got this spot of... I don't know, tar? It looks like tar. Somethin' on your nose. You look like a... A...  _A tar-nosed Doctor,"_  that last line is said in singsong, like that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer song, lovely, lovely song, "You look so funny, I couldn't help it, sorry," she giggles again.

So Rose cleans said spot of tar (she is right, tar, maybe the TARDIS maintenance was a little bit ill-timed), and removes the fabric, and with it, her hand, and he only  _just_  manages to convince himself not to hold her hand there, on his face, maybe on his cheek or-

Rassilon. He was out of his mind. He's gone completely bonkers, as Rose would probably say.

"Right. Cheers for that! But, I'll have you know, Christmas was over a week ago, so that song is a little late."

Good, this was good. Dignified and perfectly composed and he didn't even mention the kissing thing from earlier yet; progress, now  _this_  is what progress looks like!

"Do I look like I care?" she smirks at him again and buries the handkerchief back inside the pocket of her jeans.

He shrugs. No, she doesn't look like she cares, and he doesn't care, either. She should sing the whole song, and then some more songs, because he liked hearing her voice.

Wait.

Wait.

WAIT.

All the rambling he's done today, and the way she distracts him, and that blasted kiss that he has sworn never to think of again, and the fact that he likes hearing her voice, and her smiles suddenly make his hearts beat like a set of very loud drums (he's had a set like that once. He tinkered with it to make the beat faster and faster and it was a rather painful experience.), all these things seem well, odd. Very odd.

It's almost like he is... Weeelll... Infatuated?

To be fair, he has already admitted this to himself on numerous occasions, but clearly, he must have been out of his mind during those times. He is a Time lord, the very last of them, he doesn't get  _infatuated_.

Or, maybe he does. A little.

No, he doesn't. Rose recklessly messed around with his superior Time Lord head, and  _this,_ this is the result.

"Doctor? You there?" he feels somebody poked him in the arm, and of course, it was Rose. He makes a questioning sound; she startled him out of his thoughts, you know, that cruel, cruel friend of his. "You've drifted off again. You didn't answer my question. You know, I just asked you somethin', yeah?"

Oh, Rassilon. This was another one of those traps that females liked to set up only to trap the nearest victim and then tear them to pieces because they weren't listening, wasn't it?

He must be looking at her with a healthy dose of confusion, because she chuckles and repeats her question.

"What are we doing now?"  _For starters, you could kiss me again. If you want._ No, no, she doesn't want to and he needs to stop. "I mean, I'm not sleepy yet. I just wanna relax a little. I'm completely knackered after this whole Cassandra thing... It was... Weird, like having someone inside my brain, sort of." she frowns and it suits her and he can't help smiling at her.

"Time Lords have a similar trick. I mean, I can't just... Transfer myself anywhere, of course not, but I do have that  _being inside somebody's brain_  thing. It's pretty magnificent, in case you were wondering."

"How does that work?"

When did they end up standing so close to one another?

"It's... Difficult to explain?"

Him and his big gob. Now she's going to ask him to show her. He'd bet ten quid on it.

"Can you show me?"

Theeere we go.

"I'm, err, not sure you'd want that. When I do it, I gain access to every thought, every memory, unless you'd consciously shut them out, but something may slip, sometimes, occasionally, and it could be, you know, uncomfortable. For you."

"Oh." she looks down at her feet, and it looks like she might be blushing a little bit, so she undoubtedly  _does_  have secrets she won't share with him, and-

Yeah, he is thinking of the kiss again. Blimey, it wasn't even Rose, or well, technically not, so get over it, for Rassilon's sake!

"So... If you did that, would I have you inside my brain, then? Like with Cassandra."

"Well, yes, yes you would. I mean, there are different kinds of links, this one is just a temporary one, there is-"

He did  _not_  just say that. Well, apparently he did, but he shouldn't have. Because he knows Rose Tyler, and he knows that in four, three, two, one second's time...

"There's what?"

...she would ask him about it.

Today was most certainly  _not_  his day. Weeell, yes it was, she  _kissed_  him! She really did! But, other than that, no, because it wasn't really her, and now he kept talking and she was far, far, faaar too curious to be around.

"There's... Ice cream in the fridge! How about that, would you like some ice cream? Oh, I love ice cream! I know, tomorrow I'll bring you to this one planet that is famous in the entire  _universe,_  and do you know what they're famous for? That's right! Ice cream! They have the most flavors, and they even have rain flavored ice cream, which tastes like nothing at all, which is quite pointless, if you ask me. Right then, ice cream!"

Great. This was  _brilliant_. Let's get to the kitchen! The TARDIS will surely move it closer. Or, she should, but when he checks the nearest door, he finds the wardrobe. Rose is following him, and he checks room after room, but he can't seem to find the kitchen.

"Doctor? You're acting strange today. I mean, more than usual," Rose prompts while he keeps checking, he runs into the attic, swimming pool, library, TV room, Rose's bedroom (it looks nice. Very nice), his own bedroom (she doesn't follow him inside. Why doesn't she?), game room, and all sorts of other rooms, only to end up back at the consoles.

"What are you playing at, eh?" It was odd, like the TARDIS wouldn't let him find the kitchen.

"And you still haven't answered my question," Rose complains behind him. What could be wrong with the TARDIS? Did he break anything during the maintenance? No, can't be, he was an utter genius, he'd never break anything...

Wait. Her question.

The TARDIS wants him to answer the question.

A smugly amused hum in his mind tells him that he has indeed located the root of the problem. His TARDIS was extremely fond of Rose; she always took her side in arguments, always made sure that they were stocked up on her favorite kind of chocolate, helped her pick outfits... And she had become a little...  _playful_  with young Rose on board. Playful, as in, she played tricks on him sometimes. Such as  _right now_.

But what good does it do to tell her about the bond?! This was  _impossible_. Even his own ship was against him! What on Earth has he ever done to anybody to deserve this kind of treatment!

Rose pulls his jacket and forces him to turn around, and again, he finds her in quite close proximity. It's horrible and she should  _stop_.

_Or not_

"Why are you ignoring me? What's goin' on? You've been in a daze of some sort ever since we've gotten back to the TARDIS, and you won't even answer my question," she pouts slightly while she complains, and now he is absolutely  _certain_  that this kind of behavior is surely illegal somewhere; and if it isn't, it should be.

It's so unfair.

Why did he even care?

Better question: how could he  _not_  care?

He hates seeing her disappointed, though, so for better or worse, he'll answer, somewhat. Not all of it. He'll elaborate  _just enough_. That's exactly what he'll do.

"I'm not ignoring you! I was just looking for the kitchen! It seems to have gone missing... Right, as for your question: there are many kinds of telepathic connections, Rose, not just what I can do, or what Cassandra did, though that wasn't a connection, it was a... kidnapping? Anyway, as I said. Many kinds! They depend on so many things, and some are weak, some strong, just like anything else in the universe!"

It wasn't a lie, not really. Even though he's had one veeery specific kind of bond in mind, he wasn't going to go into detail there. Not even if she'd be mad and not speak to him for three hours. No way.

She shakes her head and smiles, but then looks him straight in the eye with a look of worry, and his hearts beat a little bit faster again; but she's human, she won't hear it, everything is fine.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Absolutely." That wasn't a lie, either. He was alright, just a little... Weeell... Just a little more interested in kissing than he had been twenty-four hours ago, perhaps?

Or perhaps not  _more interested_  in kissing, but more aware of that interest, that very peculiar interest, which, oddly enough, was closely tied to Rose Tyler. She smiles at him with relief, and he smiles at her, and it's very nice.

So, ice cream... Only she looks into his eyes, and he looks back into hers, and it's more enjoyable than he'd care to admit. He'll stop. Just another second.

Just another second.

Okay, one more.

No, he's done.

DONE.

"Right, so how about that ice cream?" He broke the eye contact - it was a very wise move, he should be applauding himself, only he wasn't all that happy with it, but- so yes, he stops staring at her and he bounds to the nearest door, and of course, there it is. The kitchen, with two bowls waiting on the table, and some ice cream waiting to be served.

"I've got an even better idea," Rose says with that distracting smile of hers, the one where her tongue shows, the one that should be  _strictly forbidden_.

"What's that, then?" he is serving the ice cream; large spoonful of chocolate for her, and then another one, because he knows she loves that flavor.

"Ice cream and a movie! You like movies, don't you? You said so, back at our flat."

Blimey. The tiny little remaining part of his last regeneration starts panicking and then runs far, far away, because it's so domestic.

He won't try to hold on to it. Let it go. It's Rose, his best friend ( _that he just happens to be a little bit in love with_ )... Wait, no, he is  _not_  in love with her. That's ridiculous. But, it's Rose, and he'll watch a movie with her, and it will be brilliant.  _Everything_  is brilliant with Rose!

"Fine," he follows up with a sigh of exasperation. Perfect. Now he won't appear  _too_  enthusiastic. He has a reputation to uphold, you know. "Which film, then?"

She grabs a spoon and then lets out a little noise of appreciation upon tasting the ice cream.

"This is  _so good_. Which film? I don't know, how about...  _Emma_?"

"Emma. You want to watch  _Emma_. Why on Earth would you want to see  _that_? It's a daft romance, Rose!"

"You suggest something, then."

A list of films runs through his mind, and he suggests a few which she disagrees with, and he disagrees with her new suggestions, because he is a Time Lord and he won't watch  _Pride and Prejudice_ or  _The Notebook_ or  _When Harry Met Sally_  or anything of the sort.

Two hours of trying to choose a movie later, they sit down on the sofa with a new bowl of ice cream in hand, and the Doctor considers himself the loser, because they are about to watch, you guessed it,  _Emma_.

"You won't tell a soul about this, understood?" he attempts to sound dangerous and annoyed when in fact, he is neither. When it comes to Rose, that is.

"Not a soul," she laughs and takes a spoonful of ice cream, and she sits close to him this time around, and he likes it.

He does briefly wonder if she'd ever kiss him again, on her own. Ever, as in, right at that moment, with her lips surely tasting of chocolate and of Rose.

But she doesn't, so he consoles himself by pointing out all the historical inaccuracies and ridiculing every single thing, up until the proposal scene at the end of the film, because it was rather  _sweet_.

What? It  _was!_  But don't tell a soul.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor recalls a few seemingly insignificant interactions between himself and Rose, and the memories lead him to some rather bewildering assumptions.

A most bewildering, impossible and ridiculous idea had entered his mind. Just an idea, but an idea, once planted, spreads like wildfire; luckily for him, his mind was truly  _brilliant_ , not trying to brag, but yes, it  _was_  quite brilliant, so he could analyze the whole thing right away with his superior Time Lord brain.

Right, so... Back to the beginning... But where was the beginning? Last month? Last year. No, let's take a smaller sample, make it easier... Last week. Right. Starting with last week...

**~oOo~**

"Rose? Roooose. I was lying. You can wear jeans! It won't matter in the slightest! Okay, so maybe it will matter  _a little_ , but what's the worst thing that could happen? Let's just go! It's been  _two hours_!"

The door to the wardrobe of his ship never looked more boring and disinteresting than it did right now. Really, Rose was impossible!  _Two hours_  to pick an outfit! He  _did_  tell her it would be best if she dressed the part, as they were about to go to 18th century England. Mind you, it was only because Rose forced him to watch one too many Jane Austen adaptations, and upon watching Elizabeth Bennet dance with the apparently  _gorgeous_  Mr. Darcy (Mr. Darcy was most definitely  _not_  gorgeous and the Doctor did not approve of her saying so. It was just, you know, rather unfair and objectifying to the actor that portrayed him. That was the only reason. Of course it was. What else could it be?), Rose seemed so lost in a daydream of sorts that he was a little hasty and said that they could go to a  _real_  ball instead of sitting around watching daft films.

In retrospective, it was a terrible, terrible idea, but he couldn't have known, could he now? Of course not! Besides, Rose looked quite brilliant in that red dress back in Cardiff... No, wait, that played no part in his suggestion, no part at all. He was just being a good friend, as he had always been. He was, wasn't he? He was a good friend to Rose. And she, she was a fantastic friend, too. Having friends was nice, very nice, especially if their name was Rose Tyler, because who could be nicer than Rose?

So, being the good friend that he was, he waited a whole of five minutes after she went to change before he started  _inquiring about her_  from behind the door. And by inquiring about her, he may have meant shouting her name and pleading for her to hurry up, but what else could he do? And then he waited another four minutes until he opened the door, only to have his own ship shut it in his face.

He and the TARDIS would need to have a serious chat later on.

Then, he knocked and asked for her again. She'd respond, sometimes. At the two hour mark, she answered him by saying that she wasn't quite ready yet and that it was his own fault because it was his own idea, and she had to pick the  _perfect_  dress.

"But you loved my idea! You said you wanted to go to a real ball. And mind you, a real ball is much more splendid than what they show in those daft romances of yours, although it is a great deal darker, because in films they have all this extra lighting on set, and-"

"Doctor, instead of standing at the door, can't you go and change, too? You ought to be ready when I'm done! I know it takes you  _forever_  to fix up your hair..."

"What!" It definitely did not take him forever to fix his hair up. Wait, did it? No, it didn't. He just used setting 1273 on his sonic and it was all done. Why would she say that? "No, it doesn't. It takes me about fourteen seconds, Rose!  _Sixteen_  on a bad day."

"Well, it... It looks rather... Time consuming?"

His hair looks  _time consuming_. What is that supposed to mean?

"What! No, it doesn't! Wait wait wait, is that good or bad?" Right, he was supposed to work on the blurting things out thing. Not good. But she's giggling, and he loves it when she smiles, or laughs, or giggles, or... Weeell... In other words, that's  _good_.

"So what're you gonna wear, then?"

She was making small talk with him and it was somewhat unnerving. Because, who knows what  _she_  was wearing behind that door? Wait. Wait. No, no, he did  _not_  just think that. He was just... Worried about her health, that's right, because if she was wearing, say, well... Weeell... If she is not...  _Fully_  dressed, she might catch a cold, and that would be awful, but he would take care of her, so it would not be  _too_  awful. He can almost see it. Her resting on the sofa, plenty of pillows, blankets, tea, and him right next to her; they could even, well, he could help her maintain her body temperature by embracing-

Oh, right, Rose asked him a question. Better respond.

"The usual, of course!"

"No. You're  _not_  going to a  _ball_  wearing a pair of trainers."

Rose always paid so much attention to little details like that.

It was  _very_  frustrating.

No. No, it wasn't. It was quite lovely. You see, he rather liked all her fussing about insignificant things like that, and he'd sometimes get into a  _heated discussion_  with her just for the sake of it, because she really did look quite adorable when she was cross with him. But, he liked it even better when she smiled. Not that it was  _important_ or anything! He was just rather fond of her, you see, that's all there is to it. And now, she was taking an  _eternity_  and he was feeling bored and lonely and she should really, really hurry up in there so that they can go and he can show her that she certainly does  _not_  need any silly romance hero, because  _he_ was right there and-

The door opens, he jumps just a little bit. And then she steps out the door.

Oh, Rassilon. She was trying to kill him.

She- she looks-

Very, err, very adequate. As in, very lovely. Fine, beautiful. Breathtaking. Amazing.

_as usual_

She pulled her hair up loosely, thus some loose ringlets of golden still framed her face, and she smiles at him and it's brilliant and he wants to take her face in his hands and-

NO. No. He doesn't want to do that. No chance. Not in a gazillion years.

Her eyes met his for a brief moment before traveling down, and her smile was replaced with a frown. Why isn't she smiling?

He should ask.

He  _can't_ ask. He can't really speak. But he could try?

That dress, it's... Rather... Low cut for 18th century...? He wants to find out the color, the shape, the style of the dress, all those tiny details that he never ever cares about, but his eyes stubbornly keep traveling back up, all the way up to her exposed neck line, her face, her eyes, and he needs to stop, most definitely, because this was, weeell, this was rather...

"No one's going to let you go to a ball like that, y'know," she cuts into his inner monologue, "Look at that tie!"

Tie? What tie?

Oh, she walks over to him; one step, two, a total of five, and she is very, very close to him, and her fingers take hold of his tie, and for just a brief second, he wants her to pull it, pull him closer, and-

NO.

His thoughts were running away on him again! This was very, very bad. He really needs to work on his self control, that's what he needs to do, work on all these ridiculous things that she makes him think and do, yes, right away, definitely-

And then, her fingers lightly brush his neck.

On accident.

And she untangles the knot of his tie only to slowly set it right again, and he can't stop looking down at her fingers, even though it makes things rather... Difficult.

Why was she doing these things? Cruel, insufferable human! Why did she have to look so beautiful, too? She was trying to kill him. There was no other explanation. She most certainly wants to kill him. She may be a hired assassin or something along those lines, and if she isn't, then she  _should_  be, because she might kill him if she keeps acting like that.

"There. You've had it all messed up," her voice is barely audible, and he notices a faint hint of red on her cheeks, which only makes her look so much more... So much more...

_enticing_

No, no, that's not what he meant. He meant  _healthy_. Yes. Rosy cheeks can be a sign of good health, and she looks, well, she looks very, very healthy, which is very, very good, because Rose should always be healthy and happy and she looks very beautiful and she might drive him to distraction if he doesn't stop looking at her.

Right. Distraction! It would not do to stand there like that, with her, so close and so-

Yes, distraction. He needed a distraction. A ball could work, but perhaps something a little more distracting, like  _dinosaurs_ , for example. Now, let's turn right around and run to the console room.

"You know what I was thinking? Why don't we go and see dinosaurs? Brilliant creatures, Rose, you should see them yourself! A little bit dangerous, mind you, but-"

"D'you like my dress?"

He tells her of dinosaurs and she inquires about her dress.

_Rose Tyler._

It would not do to ignore her question. He'll allow himself another look, followed by a very casual answer. He will be perfectly composed and most definitely  _not_  tell her how much he couldn't care less about that dress or any other, because, fact of the matter is, she looks stunning in anything and everything, but to say that would be rather risky and not very friend-like, so he most definitely should not say it.

Right. Question.

"Um, weeeell, yes, it is- it is- you are-" why in Rassilon's name was he stuttering? This was not good, not good at all! "You look quite- well, I mean, Rose, you are a perfectly adequate specimen of a human female, a rather  _exquisite_ specimen, even! So, the dress is, well, it is very adequate, yes."

She bursts into laughter again and it's quite lovely, but as it is often the case, he can't help feeling like she is laughing at him. But, well, that's alright, too. As long as she is happy.

Anything for Rose to be happy.

Oh, Rassilon. It's that cheeky, distracting grin of hers again. Not good.

"Y'know, Doctor, you're quite a fine  _specimen_  of a Time Lord too, if I may say so myself."

Oh, of course he is-

WAIT.

WHAT?

Waitwaitwaitwait.

Wait.

She pokes him in the chest and walks towards the console room and... wait... what?

"You comin' or not?" The look she gives him is one that he would refer to as  _playful_ , and  _that_  is rather distracting, too.

Wait.

He called her an exquisite specimen of a human female. And with that, he meant that she was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful and amazing and stunning and gorgeous and-

Right. So, the point is, he said less than what he had been thinking, because it's safer and better that way.

Then she went and called him a quite fine specimen of a Time Lord.

So what was  _she_  thinking?

What?

**~oOo~**

Then there was that thing with the cooking. That has to count as a proof, right? Right? It absolutely has to! Or, weeelll...

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and lately they've established that they would stay in on Tuesday nights, because Sundays are too boring, you see, so on Sundays they'd be adventuring, but Rose still wanted one day in, and she nagged and nagged and nagged and whined and moaned and then nagged some more until he finally  _gave in_. They always say that compromise is important, so that's what he did, he  _compromised._

Alright, so maybe she didn't nag him  _all that much_. Maybe she hasn't said a single word in regards to that subject. But, she was human! And humans are weak and fragile and need their leisure time, right? Of course they do! And if that's not good enough a reason, then... Maybe, just  _maybe_ , he may have _perhaps_  enjoyed staying in with her. A little bit. But only on Tuesdays, mind you! Not every night, not a chance, not at all, not in a million years.

Anyway! Point is, Rose should be within his seeing and hearing range. She should  _always_ be close to him, for that matter, because without her everything was boring and he didn't know what to do, and with her, weeell, with her... Everything was rather... Brilliant. So, yes. Rose  _should_  be in the same room as he was, only this time, she  _wasn't_.

He went on a frantic search, calling out her name, not used to her leaving his side at any point when they were aboard the TARDIS. Where would she go that he couldn't possibly follow? If she was in her room she'd answer when he knocked. Maybe she fell asleep? She sleeps way too much! Always sleeping,  _every-single-night_. How these humans get  _anything_  done with all this downtime, he simply cannot fathom, it's highly impractical and a waste of time to sleep every night, several hours at a time. Completely illogical, that's what it was.

After checking many different rooms and  _not_  finding Rose, he was in full panic. Where is she? Had she left him? Been kidnapped? Even if that's highly unlikely, considering they were parked in the vortex...

Weeell, since all of this had already transpired and he is now merely recalling the story, he will spare himself the five minutes of despair and fast-forward until the moment when he had finally found her in the kitchen, doing a most peculiar thing: cooking.

Rose Tyler was _cooking_.

He had seen her cook before, of course. She cooked for him when they were staying at her mother's flat. To be precise, she chose the ingredients and his sonic screwdriver did the rest, but still. She knew how to cook. However, while traveling, neither of them ever bothered to cook. Cooking was too domestic for him, and she was happy to give up any boring chore in favor of doing other things, too. Conclusion: cooking was a waste of time, time she should be spending with him, doing much more pleasant things, such as talking, smiling, kissing-

No. Wait. Wait, that's not right.  _Not_  kissing. Definitely not! They were  _friends_ , for Rassilon's sake! Why does he keep thinking of kissing?!

She was facing away from him, and he couldn't tell what it was that she was cooking, only that it smelled surprisingly good. He leant against the doorframe, looking all casual, and then spoke. You see, he always knew just what to do to look casual, because, weeell, we don't want Rose to start thinking anything odd, do we now? Right, 'course we don't.

"What are you doing?"

Oh, he startled her. She turned around with a surprised look on her face, clutching a bowl of something close to her chest.

"Come on, Doctor,  _think_. What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked after a moment of silence, and he really enjoyed watching as a slow smile spread over her face; he always enjoyed watching her smile, after all. And watching her frown, and hearing her laugh, and the way she bit down on her lip when she was thinking about something, and-

_Right_. Point is, he likes to see her smile, and undoubtedly his face looked much the same, as he had finally found her. She had been hiding from him! Hiding from him and making him look for her and making him all miserable and-

"Weeell, I don't know. Hiding from me?" Right. Again, blurting things out -  _bad_.

Anyway, so _this_  is where it started. The  _evidence_.

"Why, were you looking for me?"

See, now this is a little hard to explain, but the way she smiled when she said it, and that gleam in her eye, and the way she raised her brow gave the words a whole different meaning. Or, so he likes to think, not because it matters or anything, but just-

Well.

Maybe it matters. A liiittle tiny bitsy bit.

"'course I was! It's Tuesday and you just... Just... Disappear on me! And the TARDIS wouldn't help me either, so I was looking and looking and you never even said you were going to the kitchen, and  _why_  are you here in the first place?"

"So you've been missing me, is that what you're saying?"

She resumed stirring something in that big bowl of hers with a wooden spoon but never took her eyes off of him, and it was strangely exciting and somewhat...  _Terrifying,_  the way she looked at him that time.

He knows that it's banter, and he smirks to hide his nervousness. What is there to be nervous about? She is just teasing him, and if she can tease him, then he can tease  _her_  in return.

"Of course I did! You're supposed to be my companion, but you always go wandering off without me. It just isn't  _fair_."

Did he just say that?

Did he  _really_  just say that?

No. He couldn't have.

But he did.

HE DID.

Banter. Just banter! Nothing else!

Only it wasn't.

In truth, he  _did_  miss her, as he had always missed her when she was absent, even if it was for a whole of five minutes, and he knows that so very well, he knows that he isn't jesting, he knows that it  _isn't_ just banter, and lastly, he knows that she  _doesn't_  know. And that's good, that's safe, that's casual.

Only he wants her to know, or at the very least, play along. This kind of excitement is... New, unusual, and like nothing he had ever experienced before; it's a state of mind and a physical sensation of giddiness and fear all rolled into one. So against his superior Time Lord common sense, he wants to dive right in, to let go and see where this goes.

Just a moment. A short moment, and then he'll stop.

Promise.

Weeell, alright, so maybe he can't promise that he will keep that promise. But, he can promise that he will  _try!_ That's got to count for something, right?

Her eyes give her away. He surprised her.

Is she upset?

Does she know?

No, she couldn't know.

Could she? Of course not. That's ridiculous. There is nothing for her to know, anyway, absolutely nothing! But what if she suspects something? No, she can't be, she-

Wait. She doesn't look upset, no, on the contrary, he knows her; he knows she is about to tease him.

Good. She doesn't know.

Or doesn't mind. Whichever.

"Do I? I didn't think you'd notice. You're always rambling about this or that, I'm surprised you even notice when I've gone off somewhere."

His stare flicks back and forth between her eyes and her lips, both equally  _distracting_. She is doing that thing with her lips where just the tip of her tongue shows between her teeth, all the while smiling in this completely disarming way, and her eyes, weeell, her eyes deserve a story of their own. He doesn't claim to be an expert at reading human emotions - wait, yes he does, he is a Time Lord, he knows these things! Anyway, her eyes - her eyes - they present a challenge, of sorts. She thinks that this is just banter, and she is testing the waters, he thinks. Very well, then.

He'll indulge.

"For one, I don't  _ramble_ , Rose. I'm talking about important things! See, if you cared to listen instead of running off to find some pretty boys to talk to, you'd see that these are all important,  _crucial_  things! But no, I'm always stuck trying to find you on this or that remote planet, while you-"

She appeared amused as she handed him the bowl and ordered him to keep stirring while she continued with some other kitchen-y task that he had next to no clue about. Who would care about these boring human chores? So, he starts stirring without a thought while leaning against the counter and goes on, "...while you run off and leave me all alone. You see, Rose, it's not nice and not fair and dangerous and just plain  _wrong_  to wander off! Especially when we're on the TARDIS! Wait, no, the TARDIS is safer than 99.8% of the places we visit, but still. It's Tuesday! And again,  _what_  on Earth are you doing here?"

It was distracting, watching her do all these things with that small, knowing smile on her face, as if she knew all his secrets, and her secrets, and  _their_  secrets, but wouldn't say a word. It was  _infuriating_. He wants to know! All of it, everything, as soon as she lets him.

She reaches a finger into the bowl that he was told to stir in and samples whatever it is that's in there, and her movements are excruciatingly slow and casual and  _how can she even do all that to him_?

She was being very, very unfair. She shouldn't be doing all these things. Does she have no compassion for her 902 year old Time Lord  _friend_? Not that there is anything to feel sorry for him for. He was there, with Rose, nothing could ever be better.

"I'm baking," she replies and goes back to her task.

"Baking. Why? And  _what_?"

"See for yourself."

Oh.

_Oh._ Weeell, this is  _new_.

She took the spoon out of his hands, took a small sample and then, instead of handing the kitchen utensil back to him, she fed it to him herself. It was very, very disrespectful of her - horrible really! He was a Time Lord, the very last of them, an extremely dignified and brilliant being, and she-

And she was absolutely  _disarming_. Also, this tastes  _very good_. It tastes of bananas. He likes bananas. Always bring a banana to a party, or to any other event, for that matter. Bananas are good.

He licks his lower lip and makes a noise of appreciation, and he  _does_  catch the way her eyes linger on his mouth for a brief moment, but what can he make of it, really? Not much; instead, he just looks at her, hoping for answers, any answers - she never said anything about wandering off to chase all those pretty boys, and she should, most definitely, because he liked their banter a whole lot.

"Banana cake," she explains with a smile, "I just thought, y'know, you always go mental about bananas  _and_  you eat enough sweets to feed an army, so I thought I'd try and bake something for you. For no reason really, just b'cause."

He nearly drops the bowl right then and there.

Let's get a few things straight. Rose doesn't  _like_  cooking. And yet she was baking him a cake, on a Tuesday, a cake with  _bananas_ , just because he likes them. No other reason, just that.

Distraction. He should find them a distraction. Banter is one thing, but this-

Well. This doesn't mean anything either. Friends do such things for one another, right? Of course they do. It doesn't mean anything.

_I wish it did_

What, no! He definitely doesn't. It's the bananas! They went right to his head, because you see, he really loves them, he loves-

"Right, give it here," she takes the bowl from his hands (he is kind of speechless, you see, motionless too), mixes a few ingredients in, throws the whole thing into a cake tin (he had no idea that he even owns a cake tin) and then goes to put it in the oven. That shakes him awake; why bother with silly ovens when he has his trusty screwdriver? Setting 1721...

"No," she grabs his hand, and it's very distracting, and it feels so right, "This one's mine. Come on then, we'll wait for it to bake, yeah?"

"But... Why?"

He shouldn't mutter things without thinking. He should just say  _brilliant, cheers!_  and change the subject. But he wants to know.

"Why  _not?_  Don't you like it?" she frowns in concern, and all he wants to do is assure her that yes, he does like it, and yes, he does like  _her_ , and yes, he does want to thank her properly, with a kiss perhaps, or-

No. No, that won't do.

"No, 'course I like it, it's a  _cake with bananas_ , Rose, it's going to be absolutely brilliant!"

She laughs and he relishes the sound. Juuust as usual.

"And don't pretend that you don't like searching for me when I wander off. You like to have something to moan about, Doctor."

She is teasing him again, just as he thought she'd completely changed the subject, but no, she didn't, and she is  _baking him a cake_ , and she looks so very beautiful and difficult to resist, so he breaks his promise and dives right back in, head first.

"Weeell, searching for you, that's a bit tricky, you see, because you might be in danger, and we don't want that. But! I do enjoy  _finding_ you, quite a lot, I might add."

Her lips part in surprise, and she looks into his eyes as he looks into hers. Suddenly, the tease is gone, but the look they share doesn't leave him uncomfortable. No, no it doesn't, because it's him and Rose, and he doesn't want to break this strange spell. His only hope is that since he cannot figure out what is on her mind at that time, she cannot figure  _him_  out, either. Why? Because he is (once again) thinking of kisses and embraces and a slice of cake they could share instead of each having their own, and he thinks of cupping her cheek with his hand, tracing a path along her cheekbone down to her lips-

BEEP.

Oh.

The oven's ready.

He definitely shouldn't have tinkered with it to increase the cooking speed by, weeell, what was it, eight thousand percent? Yes. Bad idea, very bad.

No, wait. It's good, because she looks away and the moment is over.

That's good, right?

Right?

**~oOo~**

Those were just two days of the previous week. There was more. That time at the Fourth Moon of Larina Z-98 when she clung onto him a little tighter than was necessary when they jumped over a broken bridge, or that time with the locket-

Oh, yes, the locket... But, that wasn't really her...

No, that was mostly him.

"Doctor, look at that! Oh, that looks  _amazing_!"

He hasn't torn his eyes away from her for the past, weeell, five minutes? Something like that, so he noticed the gleam in her eye even before she exclaimed that  _something_  was beautiful. He has no idea what she is talking about; she looks too wonderful today, you see, so he is determined to not look away until he absolutely has to. Not that today is any exception. He looks at her every single day, for... For... Scientific purposes, of course. What else could it be?

"Mhm." he murmurs without even knowing what she was talking about, but doesn't look away from her, and when she looks up to him, he gets busted.

"You're not even listening to me!"

"What? 'course I'm listening to you! I always listen!"

"Well then, what did I just say?"

Ugh. This wasn't good.

"You said... That  _something_  looks amazing," he mutters unconvincingly. You see, he  _did_  listen to her, but he had been preoccupied watching her instead of the item in question, so he couldn't ace that particular quiz, not unless she'd stop hiding the thing behind her back. The shopkeeper observed them curiously.

"Miss, are you buying this or not?"

"Moment, please," she turns to him again, "Yeah? And what was that  _something_?"

"Errr, well, it was..."

Peeking over her shoulder doesn't work; whatever it is, it must be small, because it remains hidden within the palm of her hand, and she won't show him. Cruel, cruel, so very cruel.

"What was it? I... I didn't quite catch it. Show me?" he extends his hand expectantly but she refuses, so by impulse (or perhaps he just wanted an excuse to touch her. No, wait, definitely not, that's  _ridiculous_ ) he grabs her hand in an attempt to obtain the item.

"No! You were ignoring me, Doctor. Now you can't see it."

"Oi, you two, if you break something you're payin' for it!"

"I wasn't ignoring you, Rose! I was just... Looking at something else. Now, give it here!"

See, this is where it went  _bad._ Or fantastic, if you will. He wasn't sure. Anyway, he grabbed her arm but that didn't help, so he did the only thing that came to his mind: he took hold of her hand and extracted it from her fingers, or well, he  _tried_ , but she laughed and wouldn't budge. He'd keep going until he succeeded, but then,  _something_  had happened.

Namely, someone ran into them and effectively pushed Rose into his arms. He caught her and steadied her, and he could have ended it at that, but not quite. He didn't want to let go of her yet, so he embraced her lightly for a short moment (in an attempt to steady her, of course, what else?)

_Or in an attempt to feel her close_

WHAT, no, no, no, definitely not to feel her close. Why on Earth was he always thinking these ridiculous things?! It was as if she had bewitched him in some way, because strangely enough, these thoughts only revolved around his best friend, Rose Tyler. Odd thing, that.

They shared another quick but strangely intense look, which was sadly... No,  _fortunately_ interrupted right after it begun.

"You lot obviously aren't buyin' anything, give it here!"

Rose shook her head slightly and handed the  _thing_  back to the shopkeeper. Turns out that it was a locket, of sorts: it had a simple shape of a heart, but the detail that truly stood out was the gemstone right in the middle of the heart; deep blue and mesmerizing, shimmering in the daylight.

She'd look lovely in it, but they had no credits, and she'd scold him if he would go and sonic a cash point...

But...

Yes! Brilliant. He really  _was_  quite brilliant.

"I'm just going to pop into the TARDIS for a moment. Back in a jiffy!"

"Wait, Doctor, what about me?"

"Stay put!  _DON'T WANDER OFF!"_

Ten minutes of frantic sifting through a complete mess later, he returned to the little shop and of course, Rose was nowhere to be seen. He sighed, did what he had planned to do and started looking for her,  _again_. Turns out she went to help a little boy who had lost his dog. So, long story short, they find the dog, ship off the boy to his mother (who had been looking for him for three hours), walk back to the TARDIS, all is well.

Only he has a present for her. So later, when they sit in the library and she is reading a book, he walks over to her, she puts her book down and he makes her extend her hand out, only to give her the very locket she had been admiring earlier.

"Had to trade a 47th century scooter for it, mind you, so I didn't just sonic a cash point, though that would have been better, because that kind of technology is not invented for another what, two thousand years? But, anyway. All yours!"

His hearts soar upon seeing the joy in her eyes, and she stands up and wraps her arms around his neck, giving him a joyful hug.

What can he do? He wraps his arms around her in return and doesn't want to let go, but eventually, they both do, and she goes to put on the locket.

It does look lovely on her, it really does. And just like that, he was even more smitten.

**~oOo~**

Right, no, that can't count as evidence,  _but..._

The  _idea_ remained strong in his mind. You see, he was under the impression that Rose  _flirted_  with him once or twice, and it was delightfully terrifying (he didn't know which feeling won over. It was a constant battle, as if he was a human teenager), but the amount of evidence didn't really settle whether she  _did_  flirt with him or not.

And if she did, what did it mean?

Nothing, of course. That's what it meant. There's no chance that she might ever-

"Doctor! You've zoned out  _again_. It's your turn."

Oh, right. They were playing Scrabble. It must have been about thirty seconds, roughly estimating, and she must have gotten impatient. He drifted away, you see, recalling the past week, trying to decide if...

If she maybe could...

But no. She could never.

"Right, sorry."

He absentmindedly arranges the letters into a short word.

"What does that mean? It's not even in English. You're cheating again, aren't you?"

He frowns and looks down upon his creation.

_Oh._

It was in Gallifreyan, and the TARDIS did not translate it. He makes a mental note to thank his ship later - the old girl wasn't  _always_  against him, Rose or not. He scatters the tiny blocks and arranges a different word, smiling at his beautiful best friend.

"I'm not  _cheating._  I'm just testing you!"

"Right, 'course you are. Just 'cause I'm human doesn't mean I can't beat you at Scrabble," she smiles cheekily and continues with her turn while he silently observes the way she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and bites down on her lower lip whilst trying to think of a matching word.

She did win that round, but then he won the next one, and on the last round they got too distracted with conversation and abandoned the game.

As for the word... Weeell... It may have meant  _love_  in Gallifreyan. Maybe.

Alright, it did.

So what? It's just a game.

Or is it?

* * *

**A/N:** The Doctor is a little confused, isn't he? I hope you don't consider this chapter too long. I wanted to give you some insight into his growing feelings for Rose. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As his feelings for Rose become harder and harder to deny, the Doctor fights his own fear of loss. Takes place before _School Reunion_.

He hasn't been sleeping much lately.

Not that he usually slept a lot. No, no, he didn't. Once a week or so was the routine, and even that felt like a lot at times, and he slept just a few days ago, so he wasn't exactly planning on it tonight. And yet, he felt so restless when Rose was asleep, he ended up in bed with his eyes shut, although entirely unable to give in to slumber.

When she was asleep, he was thinking. Always.

Weeell, he was constantly thinking, of course! But when she slept his thoughts took a calmer, less distracted turn. Although, to be fair, his current regeneration was rather prone to rambling no matter the mood, but with her around it was all quite messy, even for his standards.

_I want to kiss her._

_No, I don't!_

_Absolutely not. What a horrid thought._

_If I do not kiss her right this instant I might go insane._

_Hold on. I've already gone insane._

And so on, back and forth, all day long. It was a little distracting. Not to say he didn't long for exactly that distraction when she was asleep, no, on the contrary; even now he was counting down the hours until he could start attempting to wake her up. He likes to wake her with an  _unexpected emergency_ or  _a brilliant idea, Rose, it cannot wait,_  or some other silly excuse just to see her sleepy smile as she shakes her head at him as if trying to say  _you're hopeless, Doctor_ , but he didn't mind being hopeless when it was about her, so it was all fine.

Now, when everything was quiet, he could think.

And these days, when he thought, he thought about Rose. Always. Constantly. Without a moment's reprieve.

She was...

She... She was...

She met a broken man. A man with scarcely any morals, a man who wanted to save what he could but could not save himself; an alien, so very different from the humans she'd known all her life, but deep down, so very similar.

She shaped him, made him better, every single day. Even though she made him do all sorts of ridiculous things, such as watching Disney movies on the sofa in the cinema room (they both loved Disney movies a whole lot), eating ice cream in that park near her block or spending an entire afternoon picking out the best set of lamps for her bedroom on the TARDIS (she hadn't settled on any, so he spent a night making them for her. Little pale blue lights that were draped across the ceiling above her bed as if it was the night sky. She'd grown to love the stars just as much as he did).

Oh, she referred to his TARDIS as  _home_  now, and strangely enough, it  _was_  home. To him, to her, to  _them_. Not a home they shared, but a home they lived in together, and even if they spent most of their time on the run, on all sorts of adventures, he still found himself strangely drawn to those calm moments with Rose. It had all started before he even regenerated, and since then, it's only gotten  _worse._  He whined less and less if they'd spend a day in because they were never bored, and he would be more than content just listening to her all day long and doing not much of anything else. Or just being silent with her and stealing a glance where he could. Or just  _anything_  with her, really.

Thing is - Rose was human. So very human, human to the core, and he-he was an odd alien (or so she liked to say. He wouldn't say that he was odd), the very last of his race, but around her he'd sometimes simply  _forget_ that. He would hold her hand as they walked and keep chanting to himself that they were just friends, and he'd forget that he isn't just some bloke that she knows, that he may be her equal, but he is not the same. For all he knew, to her, they were best friends. Best  _mates_. He knew he puzzled her at times, with his behavior, his way of thinking, his unpredictable attitude, but she took him for what he was and not once had he seen a look of contempt on her face, nor a look of fear. No, she never feared him.

He feared her, though. A lot.

Because he...

Because...

It was all so up and down, he hardly knew what to think. The only thing he knew for certain was that he was acting like a ridiculous, pathetic human being, and acting like that was wrong, because he certainly was  _not_  a human being, pathetic or not. He was a Time Lord. His species, his people, they were not exactly the kind who would just go and develop unnecessary feelings for anybody or anything. They were superior, above it all, free of all the drama that humans were known for.

Yet, he met Rose Tyler, and all those feelings  _just happened_. He couldn't even say when it had begun. It just did, and now he was right in the middle of it.

And he was-

He was scared.

Humans lived for such a short fraction of a second in comparison to his own lifetime. Just as he had to remind himself that he was  _not_  quite like her, he also had to remember that she was different from him; not only in personality, not only in behavior, but mostly, in her lifespan.

A fleeting second would pass and just like that, she'd be gone. And he'd lose  _everything_  again.

Could he bear it?

He always thought that he was made of steel. No matter how much it hurt, he lived on, even though the pain stung like a gallon of salt on a wide open, bleeding wound; oh, the pain was a constant companion throughout every single second of his existence up until he found Rose. To lose her would be-

Oh, he'd already thought these things a million times before, and he always reached the same conclusion. Losing her would haunt him for the rest of his days, and who knew how long that might be? Another thousand years? Longer than that? Even now, even when they were  _friends_ , she never left his mind, not even for a split second.

See, that was the problem. She was everywhere; in his every thought, in his every dream. More than that, she found home in his hearts, and she was never to be removed; not even if he'd lose her would he ever forget her. He was certain of it. Absolutely.

Only now, if he lost her, he could still fool himself that he he'd be losing a friend. Weeell, not really, not on days like today when clarity struck him so very strongly, but most of the time, he could say  _My friend Rose_  and not wince at the weakness behind that word. Friend! He had friends, and he had Rose. Two different things!

He already thought he'd lost her once. And even then, when his feelings were still so much more dormant, he felt as if the entire universe had collapsed in the very second the Anne-droid shot her down with that disintegrator beam.

It was too painful for words and just recalling the event brings a similar pain, so very vivid and so very impossible to bear that he can't help but wince.

And what would happen if he'd just... Let himself go? Let go of the illusions, follow his hearts instead of his common sense? What if he stopped having those days when he'd tell himself that she was just his best friend, nothing more, just a brilliant, fantastic, wonderful  _human_  friend? Those days when he'd ramble endlessly about nothing in particular but would not look into her eyes, wouldn't pull her into a friendly embrace or hold her hand, instead he'd string her along on adventures, ending up right in the middle of a complete disaster because that was  _safer_ , in a way.

He could handle the greatest of disasters. Time Lord, superior, amazing, brilliant... You get the point, right? Right. So, he could handle  _a lot_ , but he couldn't quite handle the thought of-

Of...

Of letting go.

If he would let go. If he would stop denying it.

If he were always as brave as he felt right now.

Then he would probably try to...

To...

He would try to show her that he-

He-

That he isn't just a friend

Because he is  _not_.

The downside of doing that, though, aside from the risk of her leaving him because she is not interested, was that if by chance she  _would_  be interested...

Which she probably wouldn't be, but for the sake of the argument he'll say she would be.

So, if she  _would_...

He swallows down the lump in his throat and feels his hearts racing at the mere prospect.

If she would want to be more than just friends, he would open up to her completely. Let go and find himself with no safety net to fall back on. She would be closer to him than anybody had ever been in all of his nine hundred years. She would become a part of him as much as his arms, his eyes or his hearts, only losing her would hurt more than losing any other part of himself, because she was... She was...

She was so much more than he'd usually admit.

And he was...

He was...

He recalls the way she smiled at him earlier that day when he reminded her to be careful as she climbed a very high fence with the intention of jumping over it. Or the way she looked at him when she said good night at the end of every single day. Or that one time when she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder.

Oh, he was  _done for_.

Smitten. In love. More than so, if he were to trust poets and other people who knew about  _feelings_. Why? Because being in love, infatuated, all that was fleeting, but what he felt for Rose would never crumble.

It hardly mattered if he'd let himself come closer or not. Losing her would be unbearable, no matter the circumstances.

He should  _try_  all the same. Try to keep some distance. Try to be casual. For her sake, if not for his own.

Not think of kissing her shall his eyes ever pause on her lips, not think of telling her she is beautiful and not think of telling her  _everything_. He'd try to just be her friend.

Be the Doctor, not  _her_ Doctor, even if he knew that he was the latter.

Try.

At least try.

**~oOo~**

His plan was in ruins by morning. Oh well. He tried, right?

The day started with him waking her up as per usual at around six o'clock, because he felt lonely, you see. Even so, he had planned to stay casual throughout the whole day: no thoughts of kissing, no hugging, nothing of that sort, nooope. So you see, he was doing really, really well, he just woke her up because he longed for, weeell, _companionship_. Yes. So, she mumbled something incoherent and went straight for a so called quick shower, which usually took her half an hour. In the meantime, he prepared them some tea and waited for Rose in the kitchen. He even changed out of his dressing gown and into his striped suit to not get too domestic. It was going exceptionally well up until that point.

And then, her phone rang.

He stares at the primitive device, completely puzzled as to what to do with it. Then, he grabs it, runs towards the door leading to her bathroom, and shouts over the sound of the running water.

"ROOOOSE! YOUR PHONE IS RINGING! WHAT TO DO?!"

"My god, Doctor, stop shoutin'! It's  _six_  in the bloody morning! Just answer it, I'll be out in a mo'," she answers and for a brief moment, he just holds on to the ringing device, taken aback by a sudden thought of Rose _in the shower_.

NO. Get back on schedule! Right, the phone.

"Yes, hello! This is the Doctor! To whom am I speaking?" he answers cheerfully.

"The Doctor? Why isn't it Rose picking up the phone? What on Earth did you to do my daughter! I've always said that it's like you two go lookin' for trouble! Where is Rose? Where is she?"

Rassilon. He was on the phone with Jackie Tyler, an already furious Jackie Tyler. This was bad. On a scale of one to ten on the bad-o-meter, this was around, weeell, 1,983,428,216. Approximately.

He quickly covers the microphone with his hand and shouts through the door once more,

"Rose! It's your mother! What should I do?!"

"What do you mean,  _what should I do_? Put Rose on the phone, that's what!"

Oops.

"Just talk to her! I'm almost done!"

Rose.

In the shower.

No. The plan. The  _plan!_

And her mother on the phone.

"Right, yes, well, Rose is um, she is, errr, unavailable right now. D'you mind calling later?"

"Unavailable? What d'you mean, unavailable? What have you done to her this time?!"came the shriek from the handset.

Yes, Rose's mother was extremely fond of him. She trusted him more than anybody else in the entire universe.

"She is, um, taking a shower?"

Why was his voice so ragged as he said that?

"A shower. And how would you know that, eh? Are you stalking her?"

His brows creased. What? Stalking? What was this woman thinking? He feels completely, positively dumbfounded. Thing is, he likes Jackie well enough, but she was a little impossible sometimes. Okay,  _all_  the time. And now he was stuck talking to her on the phone! While Rose was taking a shower barely a few steps away, nonetheless.

Right. He was not supposed to think of  _that_  again. He marches away from the bathroom door and ends up in the kitchen.

"Stalking? Jackie, I  _live_ here. Or rather, Rose lives here, with  _me_. She  _said_  she's going for a shower!"

"Well, if you say so... But you better not be doing anything to her, Doctor! You know what I mean. I'm her mother, I've got a sixth sense about these things."

Oh, he had no doubt that Jackie Tyler had a sixth sense of some sort. It must have had something to do with making him feel uncomfortable.

"Right, well, can you call back later? In, weeell, an hour. Or something."

"An hour? So she still spends an eternity in the shower, does she? I remember one time, we went on a quick holiday to this pretty little cottage, and she used up all the water in just one hour. Mind you, it was alright, but you know what I mean. Always dolling herself up, is she? But then, she is a girl. A woman ought to take care of herself in today's world. Anyway, what have you two been up to? Are you taking care of my daughter? Has she been eating? And when are you coming to visit? You wouldn't believe it, our cousin Mo is comin' back to London for a week or two, so you should come visit and meet her, you'd love her, she is..."

Well, he has to admit that at that point he dozed off for about thirty seconds, which was quite good. He wouldn't have to sleep for a few more days now! When he came back to consciousness, Jackie still hadn't stopped talking.

"Oh, and Mickey's been asking about her. She never calls him! Then again, they've been broken up for ages now, but they've been friends for their whole lives, too. She never calls me, either! I swear, you've got a bad influence on her, Doctor. Put on Rose, I'll give her a good talking to, you'll see!"

Oh. Now that,  _that_  was an interesting piece of information. He'd never worked up the courage to ask her about Mickey (Ricky?) Smith, but now, he knew for certain that there was nothing making her unavailable.

Wait. The plan. He is not supposed to care.

"Did you say they were broken up? That's... That's... Very sad. Yes, very, very sad."

"Oh, I don't know. She's still young. Though I sure would prefer if she'd stay back home in London rather than go gallivanting off with a complete stranger! It is a little sad though, isn't it, Mickey's a good bloke, he comes over every Sunday. I cook him some food, you know, have a nice little dinner together and all... Last week I made him my shepherd's pie, and he..."

Alright, now he genuinely feels sorry for Mickey Smith. Jackie's famous pie was an experience he did  _not_  wish to repeat. Ever. She keeps talking and talking and he doesn't listen much. No, he is thinking of two things. Weeell, three.

One, Rose is most definitely single.

Two, her mother  _never_  stops talking.

Three, the plan.

Make that four. Rose in the shower. But that does not go well with the plan, so he will never think of that again. Not a chance.

Five. THE PLAN. Casual, best friends, nothing else.

"What are you talking about? What plan?"

Right, he must have said step five out loud. That's... rather unfortunate, he'd say.

Luckily, Rose steps out of the bathroom at that moment, now fully dressed with her hair still wet and a big smile on her face upon seeing him still glued to the phone, stuck talking to her mother.

"Are you two having a nice little chat, then?" she asks as she steps into the kitchen. He jumps at the sight of her, nearly drops the phone, and feels overcome with relief-

And a  _slight_  hint of disappointment. He'd hoped to see a towel.

Wait, no. No.

Just no. Not in a million years. Nope.

"Finally. Your mother's been waiting to speak to you! You're always gone for an eternity, I swear it's like you  _try_  to take as long as possible just to make me more impatient, Rose! Right, Jackie, cheers for the chat!"

"Oh, I wouldn't do that," she says and the tip of her tongue peeks out from between her teeth, then she takes over the phone and gets into a thirty-minute long conversation with her mother while he ponders what he had just found out and attempts to steal her last remaining biscuit.

"Oi!" She smacks his hand and snatches the sweet before he can steal it, laughing earnestly as her mother demands to know what she is laughing about and if they are going to come over to see cousin Mo.

"Rose, I've just spent what, twenty-six minutes speaking to your mother on the phone. You  _owe_  me that biscuit."

She giggles and puts her finger over his mouth in an attempt to shut him up.

He fights away the ridiculous urge to kiss it.

All in all, the morning was rather unfortunate, to say the least. His plan has swiftly gone downhill, and he had only come up with it a few hours prior, so that was, weeell, it was  _unfortunate_ , yes.

The least he could do was to try and recover from this over the course of the day. Commitment does wonders, you see. He could do it!

When she finally hangs up the phone and smiles at him, he feels disarmed and his plan is in crumbles again.

"Mum said you've got a bad influence on me, Doctor. And if  _that_  wasn't enough, you're tryin' to steal my last biscuit! Have they got no rules for aliens like you, some sort of a, y'know, biscuit stealing police?"

"Again, I've spent nearly  _half an hour_  on the phone with your mother. I deserved that biscuit!"

"Yeah? And you woke me up at  _six in the morning_  for no reason at all. You owe me  _chips_."

"And you owe me ten quid from that last bet we've made! Don't think I've forgotten. That biscuit was worth less than ten quid, you know, so actually, all things considered, you still owe  _me._ "

"You still owe me for that thing with Queen Victoria! 'sides, I haven't even got ten quid, 'cos you've made me spend all my money on your bananas in Tesco. You ought to get yourself a job, Doctor. Become a, I don't know, shampoo model or something..."

She rests her chin on her extended hand and looks up at him, the corners of her mouth twitching up in a smile, the other hand absentmindedly playing with her still slightly moist hair.

She looks absolutely gorgeous.

No, wait.  _THE PLAN._

"Shampoo model? Rose Tyler, are you trying to insult me? I'm a Time Lord, a superior-"

"Yeah, yeah, superior being and so on, I've heard that one before."

"Yes. Precisely. I could be a, I don't know, a  _rocket scientist_! My knowledge could change the entire planet in two seconds, and you say I should be a shampoo model. Where did that even come from?"

"Oh, I don't know, it's just..." she trails off, then leans forward over the kitchen table to casually run her fingers through his hair, very, very briefly. Rassilon. Why is she doing this? And most importantly, why did she stop? "You've got some pretty nice... Hair. Yeah."

So his apparently  _time consuming_  hair was also  _pretty nice_. That does sound a whole lot better.

"Right. So, where are we going today?" he stands up abruptly, trying to preserve whatever remains of The Plan, and throws their mugs and plates into the sink for the TARDIS to take care of. She shrugs in reply.

"I don't know. How about we just, y'know, pick something at random? It'd be fun."

He smiles widely at her suggestion. That sounded both very entertaining and potentially dangerous, so he'd have no more time to ponder all these ridiculous, stupid, irrelevant things.

"Alright, no time to waste!"

"Hold on, I've got to dry my hair first!"

Sonic screwdriver in action, two seconds later, "There we go!"

Moments later, they were in the console room, about to set out on yet another adventure.

That should prove to be a reasonable distraction. Hopefully. Maybe. Perhaps.

**~oOo~**

Weeell. It didn't prove to be  _that_  much of a distraction. That is, they ran into trouble, of course. And Rose had gotten herself into even  _more_  trouble by attempting to protect a group of alien villagers from this rather unpleasant alien that had been trying to kidnap them and sell them into slavery.

Fortunately, it all ended well, the villain was disposed of, villagers happy (they've thrown this huge feast in honor of the Doctor and Rose. It was nice), and most of all, Rose was safe. The Doctor finds that this is what matters the most at the end of the day. Rose.

So, as they were walking home during sunset, the Doctor still didn't quite feel alright after seeing Rose stand as a shield in between one bunch of aliens and the gun of another. He grabbed her hand; for reassurance, to feel that she was in fact  _there_  with him and safe.

She was so fragile.

"That was quite brave, what you did back there," he comments, trying his hardest to appear composed when all he wants to do is pull her into a tight embrace and then tell her off for being so reckless. Or tell her off and then pull her into a tight embrace. Whichever.

She smiles at him softly in the dim light of the setting suns (this particular planet had four), soothing his worry for her ever so slightly.

"Well, I suppose Mum was right. You  _do_  have an influence on me," she says and squeezes his hand absentmindedly.

She doesn't even need to. Plan or no plan, he won't let go.

"That's not true. You've saved me before you even knew me all that well. It's just what you are, Rose."

"Yeah, but I wasn't really like that before I've met you, you know. I was just... Waking up in the morning, going to work, back home, watching the telly... And y'know, things would annoy me, and I'd stand up for people when I could, but I... I never really thought I could... Make a difference. I don't know, it's like... It's like you've made me better, and I... I'm so glad that I've met you."

Although they were now right in front of the TARDIS, they didn't choose to go in immediately. Instead she turned to face him and smiled in that brilliant way of hers; her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. What they signified, he couldn't really say. Was she scared of what happened earlier? Was she happy to be alive?

Or...

Was she happy just being there, with him, as he was with her?

"So am I, Rose Tyler," he utters the words very quietly, but she hears him clearly in the quiet of the nightfall. "So am I."

Her smile widens and they look at each other for another moment before she lets go of his hand and reaches into her pocket for the TARDIS key.

"C'mon then, you owe me chips, remember? Chips  _and_  ten quid."

"What! It's  _you_ that owes me ten quid, don't think I've forgotten!"

"Nuh-uh. It's not."

"It is!"

He follows her inside and shuts the door.

In the back of his mind, he is still somewhat terrified of loss, even if she is safe and sound for the time being. He will lose her one day, no matter what he does, so the raging battle within his hearts never really ends. And he knows, he  _knows_  that he should be sticking to The Plan, keeping casual and friendly but definitely nothing more than so.

And he will stick to it. Really, he will.

Just, today, he doesn't quite feel like it anymore; it's been a long, long day, you know. Small steps. Two steps forward, one step back, yadda yadda.

So he'll spend this evening with his arm casually resting on her shoulders as they sit on the sofa.

And if he happens to pull her into a friendly embrace, well, there is nothing much wrong with that. After all, they were friends.

Just because he loved her didn't mean that they couldn't be friends, right?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Rose cope with the events of _Girl in the Fireplace_? This chapter describes her internal turmoil and confrontation with the Doctor.

Early Thursday afternoon. Rose was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling - or rather, staring at the beautiful set of  _stars_  that the Doctor had made for her one night. They weren't really stars, of course, they were tiny little pale blue lights that lit up the whole ceiling, but they really resembled stars so closely that she felt no need to call them lamps. Much like stars, they differed in shapes and sizes, and sometimes she'd even see a shooting star find its way across the ceiling... Her own starry sky.

They were  _magical_.

And to top it all off, they were a present from  _him_.

She groans and rolls over to burrow her face in the pillow, trying to chase away the stubborn thoughts, all the while knowing that she won't succeed. How could she? He was all she ever thought about. The Doctor. A Time Lord, her best friend, and apparently, also the man that was willing to give up the whole life they've had for the past year and a half for the sake of Madame de Pompadour.

How in the world did this all happen? She's got  _no idea_. None whatsoever. What was it, like two weeks ago? Yeah, around two weeks ago everything was perfect, really. She'd catch him looking at her, and he'd catch her looking at him, but not quite as often. He was playful and happy and she felt safe in his arms when they'd share their victorious embraces after saving this or that planet or nation or city or even a stray kitten. They've done a ton of amazing things, but that didn't matter. Really. What mattered to Rose was that they were together... That she could be with the Doctor every single day. There couldn't be a better way to live than to spend every waking moment with her Doctor; they only parted when she'd gone to bed, after all.

She'd much rather sleep next to him, but she never said. Course not.  _Friends_ , you know.

And then he... He got so... Distant? Not all at once, but yeah, it happened fast enough for it to feel... Sudden.

At first she thought she was just imagining things. She  _did_  pay him a great deal of attention, so she may have been paranoid, but no. No, he  _was_  different. He hasn't been holding her hand so much and he always rambled and rambled and rambled which was rather adorable, but this time it was a shield, not just the way he was, y'know. He was avoiding things, or so it felt, avoiding any kind of closeness. Which was weird, because a certain amount of closeness had already become routine for them. It's just what they did. They'd hug, and play-fight, and hold hands. It's what they are. Rose and the Doctor,  _best friends_.

And then, then there was the whole thing with Sarah Jane. Boy, did  _that_  put things into perspective!

She burrows her face farther in upon remembering how badly she had treated Sarah Jane when she's just met her. Then again, it wasn't a proud moment for the Doctor's older companion, either. They've both behaved like jealous school girls, and that was stupid, really, 'cause they didn't  _have_  to. It seems that he wasn't interested in that way, so...

But she's grown to like and respect Sarah Jane, and the conversation she's had with the Doctor that day... Let's just say it left her feeling even more confused.

Basically, he was scared. Of what? Losing her? Of course she'd die one day. Didn't mean she wouldn't spend her whole life with him, if he'd just  _let her_. Seriously, she'd run to hell and back again for him if he'd want that, and that wasn't anything to be proud of, yet she treated it as a fact. She needed him in her life, no matter the cost.

Yeah, Rose. NOT helping. He obviously  _doesn't_  want that, or anything to do with her really, because he's got his sights set much, much higher than that.

How stupid was she, really? Thinking he could ever look at her that way?

_Imagine that happening to someone that you..._

_What, Doctor?_

He never answered the question, and for a good reason, too, she'd guess. He wasn't going to say that he cares about her. Or he might have done, who knows, it'd still be in a strictly friendly kind of way.

And Rose was frankly gettin' kinda sick and tired of  _friendly_ , but that was all she'd ever get, wasn't it? She was doomed to nothing more than friendship. Admiring him from afar and never coming any closer than that.

She was pathetic. Pathetic! He isn't even human. But she doesn't really care anymore, does she? Not really, no. He regenerated and that messed with her head, but he was still her Doctor...

Every single day,  _her_  Doctor more and more. Time Lord, human, what did that matter? He was the Doctor and she was Rose, and together, they made a good team.

Yeah, right, a  _good team._  She knew now that this particular Time Lord would never think twice when given the choice between a shop girl from a council estate in 21st century London and an accomplished, elegant, beautiful French woman. Apparently.

Ugh.

And she was even foolish enough to think that he may have liked her! In some small way. Not the way she felt, course not. She's not conceited, but y'know... She thought he could fancy her a little bit, the way he looked at her sometimes.

Well Rose, time for a reality check. He _doesn't_  fancy her. Not one bit.

There's a knock on the door; she doesn't answer.

Right, she forgot the most important detail. He invited her very own ex-boyfriend Mickey to join them on their adventures. Think that's a pretty clear sign, a sign saying  _Rose, I'm not interested, alright_? Not that she didn't like Mickey being there, they're still friends. He never quite forgave her, though, and she couldn't blame him. They were always more friends than anything else, but it takes time to get over someone.

Would she ever get over the Doctor?

_Knock, knock._

Why can't they leave her alone? Both of them. And especially the Doctor. Not that it could be him knocking, he was still in mourning after Reinette, or so it seemed, and Rose was feeling torn. Her natural reaction was to go there and comfort him; she'd do anything him, try anything, anything at all, but... She could tell that he wanted to be alone last night, after the loss of Reinette, and she...

She's also had her own heart to tend to. It hurt.

How could he fall in love with a woman he's known for an hour, when she had been right there before him for a year and a half, secretly in love with him for the majority of that time?

"Rose? Are you sleeping or something? Blimey, it took me ages to even find your room. I'm telling you, this ship is  _massive_!"

Isn't that what she just said?  _Not_  the Doctor.

It'll be nice with a little company, though, and Mickey's a good friend. She sighs heavily and sits up on the bed. Wouldn't want to give him any ideas.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm up. Come on in."

"What're you sittin' in the darkness for?" he says and turns on the top light, illuminating her room. It's kinda blinding after all these hours spent staring at her  _stars_. "And how come you're sitting here at all?"

He sat down next to her. She schooled her features to offer him a small smile. Best she could do at the time.

"Oh, I don't know... I just felt tired after the whole France thing. Clockwork people and so on..."

He looks at her and she immediately knows that he doesn't believe her. Sigh.

"Yeah, right, clockwork people and French courtesans, right? Come on, Rose, I've known you my whole life. Spill it."

"Well, it's just... He seems heartbroken," she surrenders with a sigh. Might as well talk to Mickey, God knows she needs someone to talk to right now.

"And?"

"What d'you mean,  _and_?"

"I mean, how do you feel about that?"

She can't help but giggle.

"What, did you go and become a shrink while I was away?"

He laughs with her and it puts her at ease, but in the back of her mind, the thought of the Doctor remains. Of course it remains. And her heart is aching for him, knowing that he is in pain, and that she should try and comfort him no matter how hurt she had felt, but she still needs a little time to come to terms with it. It's quite a lot to come to terms with, to be fair. He fell in love with a French courtesan within an  _hour._ That's got to be some sort of a record, right?

And apparently he never looked at her twice, no matter what she had deluded herself into thinking.

"Really though. Tell me," Mickey prompts.

"It's nothing," she dismisses.

"Rose. Tell me."

"Well, I... I just can't believe he's fallen for this woman within like what, an hour? And he just as good as ditched us on this space ship with no way to go back home just to save her life. I mean, I'm not saying he  _shouldn't have_  saved her, 'course he should have, but-"

"...but you hate that he left us for it, yeah?"

"Exactly! I mean, we could've gone with him, or something. Anything. But he was, I don't know, blinded or something... And all the while I've..."

She trails off because she can't really go on. What's she going to say? Mickey is her ex, he's hardly the ideal person to hear all about how madly in love with the Doctor she's been for the past year or so.

"How do you know he fancied her, though?"

"Mickey, are you  _seriously_  asking me that? Have you even looked at him  _once_  since he came back to the TARDIS?"

"Rose, I'm serious. I mean, I know he's upset, but you won't know  _why_  until you talk to him, you know."

She sighs. Mickey just doesn't get it, but that's not very surprising; this can't be a pleasant thing for him to think about, this whole thing with her and the Doctor. She squeezes his hand and smiles at him earnestly, feeling a little bit better, and finding some wisdom in her ex-boyfriend's words. She  _did_  have to start talking to the Doctor again, and now was as good a time as ever. Can't sit around in her bedroom all day, can she? She's not a teenager anymore. She'll be 21 soon, and she should act like it, right?

Even if it  _hurts_.

Because  _she_  wants to be the one he would notice. Not Madame de Pompadour, but yeah, clearly that's just not happening.

"Yeah, I know. Where's he? Let's go check, yeah?" with that, she stood and led Mickey towards the console room.

It's time to face the music.

**~oOo~**

They find the Doctor laying underneath the consoles, tinkering with his ship just as he always does. He doesn't acknowledge their entrance, and neither of them knows what to say, so they stand awkwardly for a moment, looking at one another. For Rose, this was home, more so than London, more so than her very own room in their old block on the Powell Estate, but right now, she feels so... Out of place. Like she no longer belongs here, with him and his broken heart. Like he should be with Reinette.

What's she supposed to say? Might as well ask about the TARDIS; that's always a safe subject, and she knows that he enjoys speaking about his ship.

"Doctor? Is everything alright with the TARDIS?"

A small noise of  _OW!_  comes from underneath the console preceded by a tiny bang. He must've hit his head... Her daft alien. She can't help but smile a little as she awaits his response, watching him crawl out, stand up and rub his head distractedly as their eyes meet for a brief second -  _just_  a brief second before he looks away.

Right. He can't bear to even see her, that's her best guess... But before he looked away she saw so much emotion in those chocolate eyes of his; an emotion so strong it was nearly pulling her down to the ground with its unexpected intensity. She wants to know what he's thinking about, but she doesn't know how to ask, especially not with Mickey around. It'll have to wait.

The Doctor stops rubbing his head and instead tugs on his ear awkwardly, but smiles at them all the same, although still avoiding eye contact.

"Blimey, I haven't even noticed you two coming in! Rose Tyler, where have you been, eh? You sure like to sleep long, but I haven't seen  _you_ all day! Weeell, I've seen you for tea in the morning. But, other than that. Anyway, no, the TARDIS is alright, but we need to recharge. Closing the time windows was a little... Taxing, you see, so we're not going anywhere today. Is that okay?"

He finally looks at her and she feels so stupid because her heart is just, you know,  _beating out a samba_ , sort of, just because he stopped avoiding eye contact and looked at her with a casual, curious expression; he's even managed a small smile. But she knows him well by now. She can see the inner turmoil hidden behind that gorgeous smile of his, and she is aching for him.

He was heartbroken. Just a wild guess. That, in turn, puts her in a similar position. But he's the important one here. She'll manage, somehow.

Deep breath, Rose. Talk to him. He's your friend, French courtesans or not.

"No, that's fine, 'course it is," she manages to say, and she hopes that her voice sounds as friendly and indifferent as she would wish for it to be. "Me, well, I've just been resting, y'know, sitting in my room for a little while. Mickey came to pick me up."

He was avoiding eye contact before, but now he doesn't tear his eyes away from her and his expression grows serious, even concerned. How she wishes that those two deep pools of liquid chocolate would hold answers to all her questions... No, wait, not like that. How she wishes that he'd  _share_  those answers with her. That he'd open up to her a little.

Look at her like he'd look at a woman, not just a friend.

" _Resting_? Are you alright?"

The tone of his voice... It's... Tender. Yeah, tender somehow, and he doesn't even ramble, it's just a straight-to-the-point question. She's heard this voice before. It's not the way he'd normally speak to her when there are people around. She steals a glance at Mickey, but he doesn't seem phased by this, so she'll respond.

"I'm fine, yeah."

Can he see the questions in her eyes? Seeing him like this, so vulnerable behind that thin veil of indifference, it just... Breaks her, really. She wants to hug him, tell him that it's alright. That she'll learn to understand it, one day, and until then she will try her very best to comfort him, to be supportive, to be somebody he could find useful. That she forgives him for ditching her and Mickey like they meant nothing, 'cause to be honest, she'd likely do the same for him, if it meant his life or death.

But she doesn't say a word, and neither does he. It's Mickey that breaks the silence.

"I'm really hungry. Is there anything to eat on this thing? Where's the kitchen?"

The Doctor appears thrown off-balance for a split second but then he turns to Mickey and responds; all the vulnerability is long gone now, hidden behind the shield that he never really lets down.

"Right, food. You humans, all you ever do is eat and sleep! How do you ever get anything done, eh, Mickey Smith? Or wait, was it Ricky?"

"It's Mickey," her friend grumbles and the Doctor smiles at him earnestly.

"Well, come on then, Mickey. You want to find the kitchen, we'll go and find the kitchen. You see, the TARDIS rearranges rooms sometimes, it's, errr... Weeell, it's quite convenient. Sometimes. And if she feels playful, it's not very convenient, but-"

"There it is," Rose intercepts him, finding the kitchen on her first go. The TARDIS was always sweet towards her.

"My TARDIS has taken a particular fancy to Rose," he explains to Mickey as if she wasn't present, and her heart skips a single, lonely beat.

"Oh yeah?" Mickey says without interest, already browsing the content of the fridge in search of dinner, "My god, what's up with all the bananas?"

"They're, um, the Doctor's favorite thing. Isn't that right? What's that you always say?"

He turns to look at her again and his eyes gaze at her with that same intensity for a split second. Moments later he grins, and it's all gone.

"Always bring a banana to a party. Bananas are good!"

Right. She'd better just go and help Mickey with dinner. It's not like she'll get to  _really_  talk to the Doctor now.

So, they spend the next twenty or so minutes preparing food, and then all three of them sit down to eat, although the Doctor doesn't seem very hungry; he picks at his food with a fork but doesn't really eat any of it. Instead, he is talking to Mickey, who keeps asking him all sorts of questions and going all  _What, you're actually serious_? at everything. She smiles and remains quiet for the most part, busy observing the two men in her life, and for the first time since Mickey joined them, she feels genuinely happy about it. How could she selfishly deny him the pleasure of seeing all these amazing, completely mental and brilliant things? He obviously loved it, although a huge part of all that small talk must be intended to make it easier for her, too. Get him talking, make things  _normal_.

She'll thank Mickey later.

The Doctor, though, that's another thing. He acts just as he usually does around Mickey, but the way he takes a while to respond now and then, the way he makes an effort not to look at her, the fact that he doesn't even eat, it... It shows her that he's  _not_  okay. No matter what he's trying to play off as being totally, completely fine, Rose's not buying it. Not at all.

Although... Isn't she doing much of the same thing? She responds when Mickey talks to her (the Doctor hasn't said a word to her throughout the whole dinner), laughs with him and teases him just like always, even though deep down inside, she's  _not_  okay. Not at all. How could she, when the man who had showed her the most amazing things in the universe, the man that completely changed her life, the man that she just could not imagine living without, loved somebody else?

She'd really fooled herself into thinking he could perhaps fancy her, too. It was stupid and masochistic and conceited. She's just a former shop girl, now unemployed, from a council estate, without her A levels, who has accomplished next to nothing in her life prior to meeting him. He, on the other hand, he's a Time Lord, an amazing alien with a time traveling spaceship and the most gorgeous eyes in the whole universe.

That pretty much sums it up, yeah. Out of your league, Rose. You should have known. But they were so close, they did everything together, it was almost as if they were completely inseparable. Not almost, really, it was exactly like that. Inseparable.

And just like that, she grows bitter again. Concerned for him, worried about him, wishing he could be happy, but also  _bitter_. Bitter because he'd just throw it all away, just like that, for the sake of a woman he's known for what, an hour? An hour. When she, Rose, would never, ever leave him behind. Not for  _anything_.

Her shoulders heave with a deep sigh and both the men at the table look at her with concern, but neither comments on it. They finish their food and toss the plates in the sink.

"So does this thing pick up any TV? It does, doesn't it? There's a football match that I've really got to see, is that alright?" Mickey asks and looks at Rose briefly. He's giving her a chance to talk to the Doctor. Alone.

Good old Mickey...

"You and your football," she giggles and takes his hand, "Come on, then. I'll show you the cinema room. It's like an actual cinema, y'know, the screen is  _enormous_."

She goes to lead him to said room, but not before she gives the Doctor one final look as he watches them leave.

She mouths one single word.  _Stay_.

He nods and they leave the kitchen.

She shows Mickey how to work the gigantic telly, shows him where to get the popcorn and soda, and then gives him a long, friendly hug. His embrace is soothing; it's good to know that she's not alone. Despite their history and all the moments that she wasn't really proud of, Mickey never shunned her, and keeping that in mind was comforting.

"Thank you," she mutters when they break their embrace, "I mean, this can't be easy for you, so-"

"Rose. I'm over it, alright? And I care about you. As a lifelong  _friend_. And I promise you, if this fool hurts you, I'm seriously going to break his neck, couldn't care less if he's an alien!"

She stifles a laugh.

"Don't worry. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah."

She leaves the cinema room and she cannot say what emotion wins over when she finds the Doctor in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, waiting for her with a serious expression that she cannot seem to read.

Bitterness? A feeling of rejection? Compassion?

Think it's a fair mix of all three. Yeah.

She swallows down the lump in her throat and stops a few steps away from him.

_Ready or not._

**~oOo~**

Silence envelops them for a few heavy seconds before one of them speaks.

"So, you're not watching the match? It's a good match, Rose-weeell, that is, if one likes that sort of thing, which I don't suppose you do, but-"

"No. You see, I..." come on, Rose. Just say it. "I wanted to check if... If you're okay," the last words come out as barely audible, but she knows he heard her when his expression softens for a brief moment.

"If I'm okay? Why  _wouldn't_  I be okay? Although, it  _was_  a little boring, what with you sleeping the whole day and so on, but I'm perfectly fine otherwise! Yep, fine as can be, Rose."

"Doctor."

That's all she has to say, really. He knows what she means, he chooses to ignore it, but she's not having any of it. He owes her  _that_  much.

He sighs with comprehension.

"You mean... You mean Reinette, don't you?"

"Yes. I mean Reinette. Are you okay? I mean... You look so..."

"So what?"

Moment of silence. He looks bewildered, and she really does  _not_  have enough courage for this, but she knows that she has to, or she will never know peace again. She needs to know how he felt about that woman, if only for her own peace of mind.

And she wants him to be happy, even if it means sacrificing her own happiness for his sake. She cannot stand the hidden hurt in his eyes because she knows that expression all too well. When he speaks of Gallifrey, he always looks like this, so... So tormented and consumed with guilt that she cannot even put it into words.

"You look heartbroken."

Her words echo through the kitchen as both of them look at the other with the intensity of a hundred unanswered questions that would never be asked.

"Heartbroken?" he finally chokes out, "Do you mean... No, you couldn't.. Do you mean you think that I..."

"You... You fell in love with her. Didn't you?"

_Please say no. Please say no. Please say no._

Her heart is racing and she can barely breathe.

_Please say no._

He frowns deeply, clearly uncomfortable with the whole subject, clearly unwilling to talk about it, or-

"Rose, that's... That's-that's just-"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain," she hastily surrenders. She already knows the answer, so what does it really matter?

"No, no, I  _do_  have to explain," he walks over to her; they are now mere inches away, but she doesn't even flinch at the closeness, although she refuses to look him in the eyes. "I have to explain because you are wrong. So very, very wrong."

Well, that caught her attention. She looks up to meet his eyes and her breath catches at the amount of emotion contained within them.

"You see, I'm... I feel  _guilty_  about her death, because she- well, she waited her whole life for that trip to the stars that never happened, she waited for  _me_ , and she died waiting, and it's just... It's such a waste, Rose. A waste of life, a short life, much too short for so wonderful a woman, and I-I'm guilty of it, Rose, of her wasting her life waiting for me. I saved her and I condemned her, all in one swing, and it's unpardonable, because she didn't deserve it, she shouldn't have waited, because I-"

"Because you're a Time Lord."

"Well, yes, that's one of the reasons, I'm a Time Lord, and she was human, and humans-"

"We wither and we die. Yeah, I know."

He denied being in love with her, but his speech, the tone of his voice, borderline desperate... All of this says something entirely different.

And it's  _painful_ , but she cannot cry. No, she can't cry. Not here. Not in front of him.

He frowns deeply at her words.

"Yes. But that's not the only reason. She shouldn't have waited because-"

"Because what?"

"There's nothing to wait for."

What does that even  _mean_?

"I mean that I..." he clarifies without her asking, "I wasn't... Weeell...  _Involved_  with her like that. Far from it, Rose."

Her pathetic, silly heart skips another beat at that, because this time, she clearly senses the honesty in his words.

Could it be that he wasn't lying?

That didn't mean she'd ever have a chance. No, if anything, this whole story with Reinette reminded her how easily fooled she had been, and she'd  _never_  let that happen again.

But she can't stop the next words from coming out of her mouth. It needs to be said.

"So you'd just ditch me and Mickey for the sake of a woman you didn't even care about, is that how it is? You almost got stuck there, Doctor! And we waited...  _I_  waited..." she trails off, breaking their eye contact because she's feeling tears building up in her eyes and fighting them as best as she can. She can't show him how she feels about him.

No, he'd never know.

"I didn't  _ditch_  you! I knew I'd find my way back one way or another, or  _you_  would find a way back to me! There wasn't much time, Rose, and the life of many people was at stake!"

"What if you never found your way back, Doctor? What then? What would Mickey and I do? I can't control the TARDIS anymore, you  _know_  this!"

She feels angry. How could he be so careless as to leave them stranded in the 51st century? Their eyes meet again and this time, she won't back down.

"Rose, if I didn't  _know_  that I would get back to you one way or another, I wouldn't have gone."

"Well,  _I_  didn't know that you'd come back. I had no idea what happened to you! All I knew was that you ran off to save your beautiful, elegant, accomplished, smart and all that Madame de Pompadour, and we were just left here to die!"

Silence falls again for a brief moment, before she starts talking again. Now that she started, she can't really stop - it feels awful, really, yelling at him, but it also felt awful to be left there, forgotten, and to know she's got no chance of ever being with him like that, it was just... Too much. Yeah.

"I mean, I know she's got everything you could want in a woman, right, she was  _amazing_ , a million times better than me, I can't deny that, but you can't just do that, y'know? You can't just leave me and Mickey and run off, 'cause what're we gonna do without you, Doctor? I'm just-"

Instead of saying anything, he pulls her into his arms as she starts sobbing uncontrollably and he holds her tight, his chin resting on her head, tracing comforting circles across her back as he held her.

She doesn't even know what to think anymore, only that she  _never_  wants him to let go.

"I was scared, Doctor, I thought I'd lost you, that I'd never see you again, and-"

"I'd never leave you stranded, Rose. I'd never leave you intentionally. I'm sure you know that. We're friends, right? You've saved me in more ways than I can say, and I-well, I-I swore I'd keep you safe, and I  _will_. I'm sorry," he whispers and she is crying too hard to respond, so he holds her still and doesn't let go.

He wasn't in love with Reinette.

And he wasn't in love with  _her_ , either. She wasn't stupid. He even called her a  _friend_  just now. AGAIN.

But as she slowly calms down, she realizes that she'll just have to take what she can get. If friendship is all that he has to offer then she'll stick to that, because she loves him too much to let go of him, even if it was for her own good.

So she cries in his arms until there are no more tears to be shed, crying tears of what she believes to be unrequited love, and tears of relief because she was there, with  _him_.

With her Doctor, in the TARDIS, as it should be. Nothing else really matters in the end.

**~oOo~**

They haven't left each other's side for the rest of the day.

At the end of the day, Rose was in bed once again, staring at her  _stars_.

She had no idea where it would all end up, although she swore to herself that she wouldn't get her hopes up for anything more than friendship, never again.

But...

She no longer doubted her Doctor. And if she could have  _forever_  with him, she'd be content with the role of a friend, if that was the best she could get.

It's not like she's ever really had a choice. This man had become the center of her very own universe, and she...

...Yeah, she  _did_  hope. At least hope that he will see it one day. See it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, feel it in the quickened beat of her heart.

Until then, she will bask in his presence.

And fall even deeper.

Every single day, falling deeper still.

* * *

**A/N:** I know you probably hate me for this chapter, and frankly, I hate myself too. Like many other Doctor/Rose fans I absolutely despise  _Girl in the Fireplace_ , but this was still enjoyable to write somehow, my own little explanation for the Doctor's OOC behavior in that episode.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor realizes just how much his actions hurt Rose. Aftermath of _Girl in the Fireplace_.

He finds himself right in front of the door to her bedroom.

Behind the door was Rose. His Rose. And she must have been asleep by now, as they've said good night about, weeell, two hours ago? Yup. Two hours.

In those two hours, it was now the third time that he ended up here while pacing around the TARDIS aimlessly, just barely restraining himself from knocking, or worse, barging in just to see her face and try to make her smile; he could make a stupid joke, make a fool out of himself, or ramble about different places and creatures and their future adventures, or watch a film with her, or... Anything really, anything to cover the traces of tears which  _he_  had caused.

Yes, he made her cry. He, who swore to himself never to hurt her, to always protect her, to always see that brilliant smile light up her whole face...

To always be near her...

To be her friend, her protector, the one to show her all the wonders in the universe.

He made her  _cry_.

It takes all of his willpower not to barge in through that door and to hold her again, apologizing profusely again and again and again while hoping that the fake smile she had rewarded him with at the end of the night would become an expression of more honesty; a proof of real happiness, something they'd so often shared. Every single day, actually.

Why was this hurting so very badly? It had been hurting all along, so why is it worse now? Oh, for Rassilon's sake, he knows why. Because his idea had hurt  _her_ , too, and her pain only adds to his own.

He leans against the door and runs his hand through his hair in a tired gesture, unable to leave just yet, listening intently for her quiet, even breath as she sleeps and wishing he could just go in and see her, all the while knowing that no, he _can't_. No matter his feelings, they are still just friends.

See, that's where it all started, really. This whole madness, a show of his own stupidity, or rather, his inability and ignorance. Oh, he  _was_  ignorant when it came to feelings; he didn't even know the first thing about them. Time Lord, you know, not very good with this sort of thing.

That is not to say he was an unfeeling man before he met Rose, no, not at all. He knew of emotions, often felt them keenly. Happiness. Sadness. Guilt. Sorrow. Friendship and love for his family. Hope, which he was short on since... Since... Since Gallifrey. After the Time War only the negative emotions remained, his only two constant companions being grief and guilt, weeelll, his TARDIS too. Until he met Rose.

You see, to him  _love_  was a word that was unfamiliar and bewildering. He felt love before; he loved his people, his family, but he had never experienced a love of this kind, a consuming affection, a need to be with that person, an inability to imagine the world without them.

A love that called for a  _bond_  rather than just companionship or friendship.

All of this combined with the fact that Rose was human was a...

A  _dangerous_  mix...

And he-

And he was a  _coward_. A cowardly fool, that's what he was!

He wants to punch the wall with his clenched fist in his fit of self-deprecation, but he doesn't. He might wake Rose. Instead, he begins pacing again, ending up at the console room only to make his way back to her bedroom door once more.

For once, his mind was perfectly clear. Oh, he knows that he needs to feel every little pang of guilt and then some, he needs to see it and treasure it to make sure that she would never cry because of him again.

It had all started with his plan. Or rather, with the realization that he  _did_  love her, in a no-no-we're-not-just-friends kind of way, it was more of a if-I-can't-be-with-you-I-might-go-insane kind of way. And that,  _that_  was terrifying. Because what would he do, letting go, giving in, following his hearts only to lose her one day? Maybe much sooner than one might estimate, given their dangerous way of life?

Oh, Rassilon. He  _has to_  protect her. Not let her wander off. Look after her.

Always.

Or what if she didn't feel the same way and she'd leave him because of the way he felt, had she ever found out?

Although, that was the option he feared least of the two. Rose was compassionate, she would forgive if not accept it, and he would cope, as long as she'd stay with him. But to lose her? Impossible!

So he foolishly clung to this plan, in which he promised himself he'd keep things casual and friendly with Rose. As a first step, he took Mickey Smith on board, and while watching them interact made his hearts burn with jealousy (another emotion quite unfamiliar to him) and fear of losing her to him (as if he'd even had her in the first place. He didn't, and reminding himself of that was not the most pleasant thing), he felt that it was safer that way. Casual.

A safety line for him not to cross, a third companion, her ex-boyfriend nonetheless. It was a great idea, coming up with it was  _brilliant_ , and the Doctor modestly thought that he was brilliant, too-

Well, no, he thought he was an idiot, actually. But he did mentally applaud himself on his own strength; he did follow the plan after all, right? He tried to hold her less and stare at her less and just  _everything_  less, and each day he gave in at some point, but then he tried to get right back to it in the morning.

She must have been confused by that alone, but then-

Then...

Then he went and made it so many times worse in 18th century France slash 51st century odd abandoned spaceship.

He doesn't  _want to_  think about this again, but he has to. He deserves it for hurting Rose.

His mind is racing; he pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen and pins it to the wall. He is going to make a list. A list of the things he should never ever do again, no matter how dangerous, no matter how painful the future might be, he just  _won't_.

Not worth it. Not to him, not to Rose.

He starts writing in Gallifreyan, his handwriting sloppy and rushed.

_A LIST OF THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE, BUT I DID (BECAUSE I'M A RATHER BRILLIANT [Weeell, I am! Even if I know nothing about domestics, I am rather brilliant. Sometimes.] FOOL OF A TIME LORD)_

_1\. I should have never left Rose and Mickey all alone on that blasted spaceship. WHAT. WAS. I. THINKING._

_2\. I should have never disappointed Rose._

_3\. I should have never done that whole thing with Reinette._

_It was wrong._

_She waited for me_ _for the rest of her life_ _._

_And I never returned. Not in time._

He swallows down the lump inside his clenched throat and continues.

_4\. I made Rose think that I fell in love with Reinette._

_How could she ever think that? Can't she see that I-_

_No. No, of course she can't! I've done everything I could to hide it! Everything, all these stupid things, this whole stupid plan, this-_

_Anyway._

_The last point..._

_No, I can't say this. I can't._

He sighs heavily, shakes his head, goes back to writing.

_I have to. I've started, can't stop now, can I? Nope!_

_Right, so. The worst of them all._

_5\. The whole thing with Reinette, I was trying to see if I could ever_

_If I could_

_Ever_

_Really be casual. If I could be alright with Rose and Mickey being on their own and-_

_Rassilon, I really_ am _an idiot, aren't I?_

_First of all, of course I could_ not _be alright with it. And imagining that it was Rose when Reinette snogged me, weeell, that was..._

_Questionable at best, yes._

_Second of all, I've put them in danger, and I made Rose feel abandoned. Forgotten._

_She thought I fell in love, for Rassilon's sake! I fooled her more than I had fooled myself-_

_So, point 5 should read:_

_5\. I've been fooling myself and I managed to hurt Rose in the process._

He throws the pen away in an angry gesture and reads through the list, then crumples the sheet of paper in his hand and sticks it inside his pocket, not wanting to see more of it when the reasons behind his guilt were already so fresh in his mind.

It was time to face the facts. Really, really face the facts.

It wasn't alright when he tried to keep her at an arm's length. Not for her, not for him, because-

Because it was  _them_ , this strange, bewildering proximity, that's how they were, and she wouldn't understand. Course she wouldn't, she'd never see this turmoil that he had been experiencing as of late, and that was alright. She didn't  _have to._

No, he wasn't planning on telling her, but he would never keep her away like that again. He needs her more than anything else in the whole wide universe, really, he does! Out of all the things, all the people out there, he could never want anything as much as he wants her, because she is brilliant, his Rose, she is brilliant and gorgeous and compassionate and-

And he can't change all that now, can he? No. Was there ever a choice? There wasn't, was there?

The Doctor, a Lord of Time, he knows that some things are fixed, some things cannot be changed. This must be one of those things, in some strange way; strange because it wasn't an event, but it was still a  _fact_. Rose Tyler.

He would always love her.

And it would always hurt. Friends or... Or

_lovers_

Which they wouldn't be, not ever! But still. No matter the relationship, losing her will completely destroy him, but as said; too late now. He was  _stuck_.

So, the last time he reached that conclusion, he chose to try and keep things casual, acting like a bloody coward. Nope, not anymore. Rose Tyler, his very best friend, would never feel abandoned again. She would never act as if she were inferior to anybody, because she was  _not_ , and if it takes her whole life to make her see it, he will always be there to  _show her_. He will never, ever hurt her like that again, not if he can help it.

And he will lose her one day.

He'd already thought of ways to prevent it, or to prolong this newfound happiness of his. Oh, of course he thought about it night and day, but that's all for the future. For now, he will do his best to protect her and to make her happy. She's got him wrapped around her finger, his Rose, and that's how it will be. All these domestic things, watching daft films, cooking with various degrees of success, visiting her dreadful mother, he'll do it all, and he'll make a fuss about it to not show how much he loves it, but he will never leave her alone again.

He sighs with relief, with resolve, with longing.

She was right behind that door, and he so badly wanted to see her. Wanted to set this new, far better plan in motion as soon as he possibly could. To catch a glimpse of forgiveness in her eyes, a spark of understanding as he would hold her and promise her that it would never happen again, none of it! Because every now and again, even a Time Lord can admit that he was wrong, if someone quite as important as Rose Tyler had been the one he had mistreated.

He will show her that everything she'd noticed before, it was all true, that they  _were_  the best of friends, would always be so, and she was the best of  _everybody_ to him, never to be surpassed by anyone he might ever meet.

Only-

Only the plan may have done more damage than he could possibly fix.

_Mickey Smith_.

What if they reconciled? What if she'd get back together with that hopeless excuse of a man and she would leave him, leave the Doctor and the stars for a normal  _human_  life?

Marriage, children, a house with flower pots, curtains and a nice cozy fireplace; they all ended up wanting that, in the end, and that was the one adventure the Doctor has never quite experienced, not in that very domestic human sense, no, not even close.

Rose might want such an adventure, one day perhaps, and maybe being around Mickey would remind her of it?

Oh, Rassilon.

But how on Earth would he ever find that out?

Oh, this isn't good, not good at all. Now he wants to barge in and shake her awake and find out if she does, in fact, want marriage and children and all those things, and if she does then does she want them with  _Mickey_? Because, you see, he used to think that all these things did  _not_  suit a Time Lord, and of course they don't, as they are the textbook definition of  _domestic_. And domestic is very, very bad.

But recently he's been thinking that maybe there could be a way to combine his Time Lord routine with human routines-

No. He wasn't going to tell her, after all. He just won't deprive himself of being around her, that was all he would do.

Most of all, he will never hurt her again, never hurt her consciously as he had done, because she meant-

Suddenly, the door that he had once again been leaning against opens, startling him.

Oh, he shouldn't be here in the middle of the night, this was very, very unfortunate and raaather difficult to explain-

Rose peeks from behind the doorframe and he knows that he got caught before he managed to escape. She looks amused, surprised, tired and...

And still not quite  _happy_.

"Doctor? What're you doin' here? I heard some noise, so I thought I'd go and check it out, and well, there you are. Is everything alright?"

Her voice is soft, barely above a whisper. He knows that he shouldn't have gotten caught right outside her room in the middle of the night, but seeing her like this, still vulnerable after the pain he had caused her, it-

It disarms him; rids him of thoughts of shame and what he should and shouldn't do, leaves him wanting to just do what he feels is  _right_  to do.

So, he takes two steps to be able to face her properly without having a door separating them and looks at her for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, because he  _does_  feel uneasy, but weeell, that didn't matter. He got to see Rose when he thought he wouldn't see her for another five or six hours. What more could he ask for?

She looks at him with a puzzled expression and he knows that it's time to speak, so he clears his throat and says:

"I was sort of, errr, just having a little walk around the TARDIS, and I, um, I may have...  _Ended up_  here. Is that alright?"

"What d'you mean,  _is that alright_? It's your ship, isn't it?" she chuckles, but the laughter does not reach her eyes.

Oh, Rose.

"Well, yes. My TARDIS, that's correct, but you-" he pauses for a split second, "You live here, Rose, this is your _home_ , and your  _bedroom_ , so it's up to you, too. I mean, if it's alright. For me to be here, I mean."

"No, course it is. It's fine."

Neither says a word for what feels like an eternity. Rassilon, she is still sad, and hurt, and upset, and he knows that small talk just won't do. Only time and patience can heal that wound.

Or-

"Actually, I didn't just  _end up_  here, Rose," he blurts out without thinking, and since he's already started, he might as well finish. "I really wanted to see you-to see that you are-that you are alright."

She's taken aback by this; her eyes search his for answers for a moment, answers which he cannot give, so her expression returns to a distant, friendly smile.

Strictly  _friendly_.

He doesn't like that.

"Course I'm alright, Doctor, what are you on about? What is it that you always say? I'm  _always_  alright, yeah?"

Sharp pain shoots through his hearts due to how obvious it is that she's still  _not_  alright. She forgave him, of course, but she was still filled with self-doubt, and that just  _wouldn't do_. She's brilliant, his Rose, and she needs to  _know_.

He rests both his hands on her shoulders and looks deep into her eyes, putting emphasis on every word.

"Rose, I-I've been thinking. The way I acted on that spaceship, it was just  _wrong_ , Rose, it was very, very wrong, and I shouldn't have left you, not even for a second, you know I hate it when you wander off, so I  _really_  shouldn't have done that. And I'm so very sorry for it. And..." he pauses to take a deep breath. She looks at him intently and he can clearly see the emotions that are stirring underneath the surface of her brown eyes. Only he doesn't know what sort of emotions they are, positive or negative, and that  _terrifies_  him. "And I want you to know that I would  _never_  choose anybody over you, Rose. No one, not a single being in all of time and space, Rose! As we often say, we are... We are best friends, and you are absolutely  _brilliant_ , so I, well, I guess I want you to know that, because I know you-"

"Then why did you just... Just run off without me?" she cuts him off; her voice trembles as she asks him this. She looks vulnerable, exposed, and he must look much the same. His breath is caught in his chest. How could he answer that without giving it all away?

"I was... I was foolish, Rose. Not about Reinette," he adds hastily upon seeing her expression turn sour, "I  _meant_  what I said earlier. No, it's not about  _that_. I was foolish because I... I needed to try something, and it was-it wasn't right, and-"

"I thought you'd want to ditch me. 'cos I'm not so perfect and so on, y'know, and I thought... I mean, I knew you were stuck there, and I had no idea if I'd ever see you again, and then you came back, but it felt like..."

"It felt like what?" he prompts urgently after a moment of silence.

"Like you'd rather stay there, with her, y'know. And I mean, that's alright 'cos we're just... Just  _mates_ , but I thought we'd always travel together, y'know? And then you just sort of toss it all aside and-"

Just  _mates_. Oh, Rose, you have  _no idea_.

In a surge of bravery he cups her cheek and makes her look him in the eyes, secretly revelling in the feeling of his fingers brushing against her soft skin, already dreading the moment when he will have to let go.

" _No one_ 's ever going to compete with you, Rose. Remember what I said once? If you're waiting for me to send you home, you're going to be waiting for a very long time. And when I say long, I mean really, really long! I won't just drop you off. I promise."

Half a minute passes with the two of them looking one another in the eyes, not saying a word, but sharing a look that spoke volumes.

The Doctor briefly wonders if she might have noticed. How he felt, that is. But no, he doesn't think so, and then he stops thinking at all, because she rests one of her hands on his chest, right in between his two hearts.

"Promise?"

His hearts clench.

He wants to hold her. Kiss her.

Spend his life with her, if only he could.

At least he can do the first thing, right?

"I promise. C'me here," he whispers and breathes in with relief when she settles into his arms for another friendly hug. They melt into the embrace, fitting one another as if they were two long lost pieces of the same old ancient puzzle, finally finding their way back together.

But they're just  _friends_. And he cannot mind, not if she is happy, not if she can have the life she wants and needs, with him by her side, even just as her friend.

All he can do is hold her for a while, much too short a while, feel her breathe against his chest, keep the memory of this moment for all of eternity, as he would treasure every second he had spent with her, every single moment with Rose.

Having her so close, he just cannot resist; he allows himself one more thing, just one - he presses his lips against her forehead for a brief second before they part; a kiss so brief that she most probably barely felt it. Friends do that, right? He smiles at her tentatively, awaiting her reaction with a mix of fear and excitement.

He  _needs_  to see her smile at him in return. He needs to know that she believes him.

Please, Rose.

Oh, but she never disappoints him, does she? Course not. So when he sees that brilliant smile creep back up on her face, he knows that they'll be alright. They always are, him and Rose.

What the future brings, no one ever really knows. Weeell, he  _does_  know quite a lot about that, actually. But not about  _his_  future. Or hers, for that matter.

Their future, if he could choose.

"You better keep your promise, Doctor," she says teasingly, bringing him both relief and excitement in just one split second. How does she even do that? She's impossible, completely impossible! "'cos I think your TARDIS would be pretty upset if you went and ditched me. We're kind of friends, I think."

He chuckles at how right she is. His ship was completely unfair to him when it came to Rose; his human friend had become an absolute favorite, leaving him somewhat forgotten and neglected.

He honestly did not mind one bit. Nope, not one bit.

"Weeell, I'd argue with that, but I think there is no point. One of the most important things in the universe, Rose Tyler: know how to pick your battles! So, are you done sleeping for tonight, then? You sleep way too much, Rose. I'm always telling you-"

"Doctor, I've slept for like what,  _two hours_?"

"Two hours lasts me for a week!"

"Right, yeah, but you're not human, are you? You're a daft alien, that's what you are."

When he sees her smile in that distracting way - tongue poking out between her teeth - he feels as though his hearts had been set on fire, only it wasn't unpleasant, oddly enough. Quite the opposite.

"Oi! I may be an alien - to  _you_ , I might add - but I'm certainly not  _daft_!"

"If you say so..."

"So, you're not going back to bed, are you?" he asks hopefully as he does not wish to part, now that things are a bit  _better_.

"I have to. I'm knackered. I only got out of bed 'cos it sounded like you were starting a campfire right outside the door."

"We could do that, if you want! Or in your bedroom, or mine, or-"

"I've got to," she yawns quietly and he yields. She does need her sleep. Humans, fragile, time-wasting, yadda yadda.

"Right. Well, I'll see you in the morning, then."

"Course you will. Not gettin' rid of me," she says and goes back into her room, turning around to look at him as she closes the door, "G'night, Doctor."

"Night!"

He watches as the door shuts before him and once more finds himself fighting off the urge to barge in there and tell her  _everything_. Tell her  _why_ , tell her  _what_ , and tell her  _when_. Why did he act like that? Because he was scared of the unknown. What did he feel? Longing. For her. Only for her.

When will it end? These feelings for her that seem to be warmer than the core of the Sun, these feelings that take his breath away (despite his superior respiratory bypass system. It was quite amazing, really), make his hearts beat a hundred times faster and rid him of all of his common sense?

_Never_ , that's when.

It just won't end.

And during that  _never_ , he will try his best to show her how brilliant she is. Rose Tyler, his best friend.

Least he could do.

Doesn't change the fact that he wants more than that. Oh, he knows it now, he knows it more than well.

Can he ever allow it? Can he ever try? Could she ever want it?

Not very likely, but-

But he'd rather have this than nothing at all.

* * *

**A/N:** There we are, then! I hope this chapter did not bore you; I felt it was needed to add some more development to their relationship at this point, and to further excuse the Doctor for  _GitF_. I forgive you, Doctor! Sort of.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Mickey Smith onboard, the Doctor faces some rather distressing situations, which end up leading to an important decision. Takes place before and after _Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel_.

A new companion has always meant that there would be a little explaining to do. The initial reaction of  _It's bigger on the inside!_ , explaining the time travel, space travel, everything; that was, in theory, the Doctor's job. Yet Rose took it upon herself to introduce Mickey to the TARDIS, as they were both sitting in the console room, waiting for the Doctor to emerge from the attic where he had gone in search of a TARDIS part that he urgently needed for something. For what, they didn't know. He  _did_  explain, but Rose only understood a few words, and Mickey - only one, that word being  _TARDIS_.

"What's this do, then?" Mickey pointed at a lever of sorts which was located on the upper part of the console.

"How should I know? It's all completely mad, this stuff. I have no idea how he makes any sense of it," Rose giggled in reply. She knew better than to touch anything on the consoles other than a few things she had already labeled as safe.

"But you flew this thing once, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah. But I can't, not anymore."

Mickey eyed her skeptically as if she had been intentionally keeping a secret from him, then walked over to the entrance to the TARDIS and turned to Rose once again.

"But how's this even possible? I mean, the thing with the rooms? I keep getting lost when I try to get to the kitchen!"

She laughs out loud and follows him, walks right past him and opens the door without hesitation. They were parked somewhere in space, surrounded by stars, planets and nebulae. That sight never got old to Rose, not even if she'd peek out of the spaceship every single day just to see the stars again. It was breathtaking, and Mickey had never seen it before, not like this, not while being able to sit there and watch them endlessly, so she thought it would be a good idea to show him one of her favorite sights in the world.

Oh, but she'd forgotten he was unaware of the fact that it was quite safe to just open the door like that. She turns around and sees him in complete panic, clinging onto the railing for dear life.

"Rose, what the hell are you doing?! You're gonna get us both killed! Shut the door! Just shut the door!"

She laughs, leaves the door wide open, grabs his hand and practically drags him to the entrance, encouraging him to look outside.

"There's this thing, I don't remember what it's called, it's like... Like a shield, protecting the TARDIS. I look outside like this every single day. It's beautiful," she flops down with her legs hanging out of the ship and sighs contently upon seeing all the beauty in the universe right there, right before her eyes. After a minute of waiting, very, very carefully, Mickey joins her and stares, mouth wide open in wonder.

She laughs when she looks at him and points to the right.

"Look, see there? Those are the Pillars of Creation. Part of the Eagle Nebula. The Doctor and I love looking at them. He's the one that told me what this is. They're amazing, aren't they? Could stare at them all day."

Mickey nods, mouth still hanging wide open, and they look at the stars in companionable silence for a short moment until he regains enough composure to be able to speak.

"So you two are alright now, then? You and the Doctor." he asks and steals a side-glance at her, curious of her reaction. She was absolutely devastated after the whole thing with that French courtesan, but she seemed all better now.

A small smile appears on her face while she still looks at the stars.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think we're alright," she says happily, but then turns to face Mickey with a frown of worry on her face. "Are  _you_  alright? I mean, y'know, traveling with us... I mean, you and I-"

"Rose, I'm over it, alright? I've been for a while, since I've started dating Trisha. You know, Trisha from the shop. We're broken up now, but she helped me a lot. And I'm just happy to see all these things. Who would've thought I'd ever get to see all this stuff? My ol' Gran would've never believed it, I'm telling ya."

"No kidding!" she laughs with relief, knowing that he meant every word. They were over, but they could still be friends. "Shareen would have me sent to a loony bin if I'd told her about all these things. I'm still surprised that Mum doesn't think I'm completely mental. Although, she thinks that the Doctor is, so I guess that's pretty much the same thing."

"Your mum's right, though. He's kinda mad, isn't he?"

"A bit."

She is about to resume looking at the stars, her mind drifting to thoughts of the Doctor, as it had usually done when he wasn't present. What's taking him so long?

"He's kinda amazing too, though. He solves all these problems and saves the world and I don't even know what else. I mean, I could never compete with that guy," Mickey states matter-of-factly without a trace of bitterness.

"Mickey, don't say that. You've done plenty of amazing things!" Rose insists, not wanting him to think like that. Mickey Smith was no great man, but he was a good man nonetheless, and a lifelong friend to Rose. She knew all of his flaws, but that didn't make him any less a good person than he really was.

"Well, yeah. But that's only 'cos he took me with you. Or back in Cardiff, with that school ran by aliens. But d'you know what? I don't mind. If anyone deserves you, it's gotta be him."

Rose is taken aback by this; his speech took a turn she had not expected at all. She thought he was just feeling like she chose the Doctor over him, which, in some ways, was true, but Rose did not want Mickey to feel that way. She chose the Doctor over everyone - everything - her whole life, and she knew there was no way back from the very moment he returned, asking her to come with him for the second time.

"What d'you mean?" she asks, unsure if she understood him correctly. Mickey lets out a short laugh and looks at her as if she just said something really, really stupid.

"C'mon, Rose. I'm not blind. You're crazy about the guy. Hell, I used to feel jealous, but now I don't, not anymore, 'cos we're friends now."

"Mickey..."

"No, really. Friends? Let's not get into any daft situations here, alright? I mean, I'm the ex, he's the next. I just wanna say that I really don't mind, alright?"

She inhales sharply upon hearing Mickey's implication that she and the Doctor might end up together eventually. Not feeling like telling him that he is quite wrong, and knowing that denying her own feelings would be useless since everyone who wasn't blind would've seen it, the Doctor himself being the one and only exception, she simply smiles at him earnestly and squeezes his hand thankfully.

"Yeah. Friends. But only if you buy me chips when we land," Rose teases him and he laughs again, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and turning to look at the stars.

This was something that Mickey Smith could certainly get used to, all these stars, planets, everything, and now that things were cleared up with Rose, he felt relieved and eager to travel. Whenever the Doctor comes back from the attic, that is, wherever that might be.

"I finally found it! Rose, why on Earth would you stick the temporal ion engine surveyor in the cupboard, eh? I've been looking all over for- _Oh_."

The Doctor returned from his trip to the attic only to find Rose and Mickey looking out the entrance of the TARDIS, with the former being embraced by the latter. It was a loose embrace which no one would normally consider wrong in any way, but it was more than enough to freeze him in his steps.

"Right, I see you've been looking outside, lovely!" the Doctor says in a cheerful, if forced, tone as they both turn around to look at him. Rose's face lights up upon seeing him, but he misses that, still focused on Mickey's arm, so casually draped across her shoulder.

Rose stands up and skips over to him, soon followed by Mickey.

"There you are! You've been gone for ages! But yeah, I was showing Mickey around a bit, since you never did. I showed him our favorite thing, y'know. The pillars?"

The Doctor looks between his two companions distractedly, his mind in an entirely different place, yet he still, subconsciously, enjoys that she called the pillars  _their favorite thing_. Having something which was  _theirs_  was extensively pleasing to the Doctor, so he finds just enough focus to look at her and cannot resist smiling when he finds her beaming at him. Oh, what a relief it had been to see her smile like that again; to see that genuine, full smile spread across her happy face.

"Right, yes, of course. Yes, they're brilliant! But..."

"But what?"

"But, I think I've got something even better!"

He tosses the TARDIS part over his shoulder carelessly, quite possibly breaking it, and runs towards the consoles with a brand new idea in mind.

"Are we goin' somewhere, then?" Mickey asks as the Doctor frantically presses all sorts of buttons, pulls levers and starts up the TARDIS' engine.

"Yup! Could you hold that in place for a sec?" the Doctor points to the lever that Mickey had been inquiring about earlier.

"What's it do?"

The Doctor responds with a series of things that neither Rose nor Mickey understand at all, then proceeds to send the TARDIS into flight, which is, as usual, rather shaky. Thirty seconds pass, they're all on the floor, laughing after yet another rough landing; the Doctor stands and helps Rose up, leaving Mickey to manage on his own while he allows himself to hold her hand for just a little longer than he absolutely had to.

Mickey notices it, and the Doctor is, oddly enough, not feeling like he'd just done something wrong; no, instead he grabs her hand again and leads her towards the door, only to open it to a completely breathtaking sight.

They were still in space, surrounded by hundreds of thousands of stars, and right in front of their eyes was a cluster of them, surrounded by red clouds, of sorts.

"The Rosette Nebula!" the Doctor proudly announces. Rose gasps audibly at the sight, and that feeling of pride swells in his chest again just as it always does. Seeing that wonder in her eyes was like a drug to him; he'd never want it to end.

He stands behind her and casually leans over her left shoulder as his right hand rests on her right arm. He points at the nebula, "See? It's red, and sort of looks like a rose. That's why it's called the Rosette Nebula. Isn't it brilliant?" he asks with a large grin plastered on his face.

His face is mere inches away from hers and her heartbeat is very, very rapid, but neither of them gives it much thought. Rose looks ahead, taking in the beautiful sight and the proximity of the Doctor; he observes her face, enjoying having her this close and being the one to look at the stars with her. Him, not  _Mickey Smith_.

"It's beautiful," she utters breathlessly then turns to look at him, putting their faces in an even closer proximity. "But why'd we come here right now?"

The Doctor is taken aback by the question, finding that he doesn't really know the answer, and the only truthful answer that comes to mind sounds very petty and selfish, so he keeps that one to himself.

"Weeell, I just thought, since it's named after you and all, this could be our new favorite thing, if you like."

Rose smiles widely in response, thrilled by the perspective of having yet another thing that could be  _theirs_ , then, with her tongue-in-cheek expression, says:

"I don't think it's really named after  _me_ , Doctor."

"Course it is! You're Rose!"

"Whoa, this is  _amazing_ ," someone says beside them, and that is when the Doctor becomes very aware of Mickey's presence. He realizes that he may have gone a bit too far, what with being so close to Rose and all, but Mickey seems to pay it no mind, his eyes glued to the - frankly quite amazing - stars which are right before their eyes.

The Doctor forces himself to let go of Rose, not wanting to stir any trouble on board, and while he hates having to break their close contact, he feels considerably less upset than he did when he first saw her and Mickey sitting out there, watching the stars.

Why? Because of that relatively petty reason he'd rather not mention. When he saw her with Mickey, he... He didn't quite  _like it_. Stargazing, hugging, it was rather  _dangerous_. Now he managed to top that experience, or so he'd like to hope, so perhaps it would be him that she would think of that night, him and the Rosette Nebula, not her ex-boyfriend and his stupid, insignificant stars that Mickey didn't even know the names of.

Alright, so he  _may_  have felt a  _little_  bit jealous. What's wrong with that? Nothing! She loved the sights, so it was all good in the end, wasn't it?

They spent a good chunk of time looking out of the TARDIS, with the Doctor explaining various things to Mickey, feeling quite stuck when it came to forming an opinion about the young man. On the one hand, he was a complete coward, not very bright, and most importantly: Rose's ex-boyfriend. All of these things made him rather undesirable in terms of being in his company. On the other hand, Mickey was a fast learner and the Doctor couldn't help but admire the way he had grown more courageous over time and wanted to keep up with them, not be shown around as if he was a cowardly tourist.

No matter, though, the Doctor made very sure to stay close to Rose, and a satisfying feeling settled in his hearts upon seeing that Rose certainly didn't mind him being in between her and Mickey. She was all laughter and jokes and tease, and both the of her companions couldn't help but enjoy seeing her in so much better a mood than the bad mood she had been in just a few days ago.

Truth was, which Mickey once again realized when he looked at them out of the corner of his eye, he wasn't quite over Rose; not just yet. He knew, though, that they could never be. He'd given up on Rose, and he wasn't angry with her anymore, because he knew her well enough to know that she never meant to cause him any pain; and in all fairness, if the roles were reversed, he'd handle the whole thing much worse than she had been. He wouldn't wait to be asked twice if someone offered him a trip to the Bahamas, even if she couldn't join him, and if then that someone offered to let him live there with them, he wouldn't turn that down, either.

It was natural, just as it was natural that things between them were over. Mickey, however, knew that it'd be best if these two were left on their own. Both for his sake and for their sake. The Doctor spent an awful lot of time trying to hog Rose, and Mickey found that amusing, mainly because he knew the poor alien wasn't really trying to be rude or anything. He just wanted to keep Rose to himself, as Mickey himself once did.

Mickey didn't fancy being the third wheel.

It was time to find something better. His life back home had next to no meaning to it. Mates, watching football down at the pub, work 8 till 4, dinners on Sundays together with Rose's Mum, who was the closest thing he's had to a family right now.

There was something missing, and he didn't care, not before he met the Doctor, but through the Time Lord's mocking, Mickey had noticed that there was a better way to live your life and standing still was not the right way to go. It was time to move on.

How soon the opportunity would present itself, he could have never guessed. Barely two hours later, the three of them were stranded in a parallel universe. Mickey found his Gran - or well, this universe's version of his Gran - but even then, he still wasn't sure. What about Rose, what about Jackie? They need him, too, in some small way.

Only no, they didn't, and Mickey realized that quite quickly when he saw the way Rose and the Doctor looked at each other after a long hug as they were about to part for a while. Rose would never be alone. The Doctor would take care of her.

Mickey was free to go.

Twenty-four hours later, Rose and the Doctor were back on the TARDIS, short of a companion, and Mickey Smith was starting a brand new life.

**~oOo~**

Losing Mickey was a sad event, even for the Doctor. He had grown to respect the young man more over time, and despite feeling  _slightly_  jealous of him (he would never admit to it if you asked him, though, so don't bother), he knew that Rose cared about him. In what way, the Doctor couldn't say. Regardless, Rose felt unhappy at the loss of her friend slash ex-boyfriend, not to mention a little shaken by losing the woman that would have been her Mum in that parallel universe, so they ended up back at her apartment on the Powell Estate so that Rose could see her real Mum. After the slightly teary (on Rose's part) welcome, they all sat down in the living room with a cup of tea and the time had come to break the news about Mickey.

"What d'you mean,  _not coming back_? What did you do to him?" Jackie shrieked, eyes shooting daggers at the Doctor.

"Mum, the Doctor hasn't done  _anything_. It was Mickey's choice. You see, we ended up in this... Well..."

"In a parallel universe," the Doctor helped, "A different version of your world. We weren't supposed to be there, but we fell-"

Rose felt it was best to skip all the technical talk and decided to cut in.

"Anyway, yeah, we ended up there, and his Gran, she... She's still alive in that world, so he decided to stay with her, to take care of her, you know." Rose's voice had a hint of sadness to it, but she was slowly beginning to accept Mickey's decision. Deep down, she knew he'd be happier over there. It seemed as if he had finally found a meaning to his life - a meaning she too only discovered when she met the Doctor - and while losing a lifelong friend was bound to hurt, Rose knew that in the end, she had no choice but to feel happy for him, even if she'd miss him.

Jackie took her time understanding what they were trying to say, but she accepted it after some quite lengthy explanations.

"Well, I reckon he's gonna be happier that way. He was just moping around here, the poor bloke. At least there he's got family," Jackie said thoughtfully while sipping on her tea, "What about you two, then? What have you been up to? You never call, and I sit here worrying all day long, Rose!"

"I'm sorry, Mum. We've just been traveling, y'know, been all over the place."

"Are you at least going to stay the night, then? Your room's nice and tidy, and that Doctor of yours can sleep on the couch."

"Oi! Jackie, I'm right here, you  _do_ know that, right?"

"Oh, I know you! You're going to be all against it! It's better if I talk to Rose instead of you, if not for her you two would never visit!"

The Doctor doesn't argue against that, even though it's not  _entirely_  true. He really did grow to like Jackie Tyler's old flat, and as long as Rose enjoyed the visits, he'd keep bringing her home, usually after some degree of persuasion. The persuasion was just for his own pleasure, though, but he would never let Rose become aware of that.

He looks at Rose, and she looks at him, asking a wordless question. She knew more than well that he'd rather be back on the TARDIS, but he knew just as well that she wanted to stay the night at her mother's, so it was decided. The Doctor makes a fuss about it for about two minutes and then agrees to stay the night down on Earth, on the most uncomfortable couch in the entire universe. He finds himself doing more and more just to see her smile for a brief second, and strangely enough, he no longer minds it. Domestic or not, it was Rose, and Rose had her very own set of rules in his world, rules which did not apply to anybody else. And that was alright.

So they spend the evening talking to her mother, or rather Rose and Jackie talk and the Doctor listens, for the most part; he feels content just observing her and having her next to him, because they took the couch while Jackie took the arm chair, and he no longer cares, he sits as close to Rose as he possibly can, just barely restraining himself from wrapping an arm around her and pulling her even closer.

So very domestic. Him, Rose and her mother, who through all her fussing and moaning still genuinely cared about him, too. He spent an  _entire evening_  answering questions along the lines of " _Have you been eating, sweetheart?_ " or  _"Should I pack you two a little food for tomorrow? Just some shepherd's pie, maybe a little pudding, how about that?"_ or  _"Are you two staying warm enough? I know Rose's packed her jacket, but you are always gallivanting around in that same old suit of yours! If you two get ill out there in the middle of nowhere, who's goin' to take care of you, eh?"_

He spent an entire evening answering these questions and he honestly did  _not_  mind all too much.

Rose changed him, so very much, and he didn't mind at all, not with her, not for her.

As hours pass, Rose is feeling better and more at peace with the Doctor by her side and her Mum across from her. Whatever she witnessed in that parallel universe, was just like the Doctor said - it wasn't real, they weren't  _really_ her parents. And Mickey would undoubtedly be happier there in the end. She just has to accept that.

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, then turns her face to look at the Doctor, who is also looking at her, and their eyes meet. The feeling never grows old; that feeling when her heart skips a beat only to start racing moments later, just because he looked in her direction.

It's been a rough week, what with the thing in 18th century France and now this thing with Mickey, but with the Doctor near her, she finally finds herself able to breathe and to live on.

He cared about her. No matter in what way, she knew that he did. She smiles at him earnestly, forgetting that they're not quite alone in the room, and only her mother clearing her throat brings her back down to Earth.

"Look at the time, it's gettin' late. I'm going to bed, sweetheart. Come give me a kiss," Jackie demands and Rose stands up to comply, "You've got some spare sheets in your cupboard, get some for the Doctor, will you? And you, come here you!"

The Doctor joins Rose to bid her mother good night, and to his surprise, he receives a huge, sloppy kiss on the cheek, which is definitely  _not_  the most pleasant thing that has happened to him all day, but he bears it remarkably well, only grimacing after Jackie turns away and leaves the room after a short, knowing glance at the pair of them that they both don't notice.

Rose laughs upon seeing the Doctor's horrified expression and takes his hand, not wanting to part with him even for a second. This was the first time they'd been alone during the course of the day, which was not quite what she was used to. Usually they'd spend most of their time with just the two of them alone, and she loved that more than she'd care to admit.

"Go on then, let's find you some blankets and such, yeah?"

"Not like I'm going to need them. There's no way I will actually manage to  _sleep_  on that thing. It's dangerous, Rose, that couch! So... So...  _Uncomfortable_  that it should be forbidden, I'm telling you."

"Oh, quit your moaning, Doctor," she giggles and leads him to her room as he explains that he is  _not_  moaning, merely sharing his legitimate complaint with her, because he is entitled to doing so, and-

"You can sit down, if you like," Rose says, gesturing at the fairly small bed as she begins rummaging through her cupboards. The whole room is very pink, very messy and very  _Rose_  and the Doctor loves it, so he flops down on the bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes.

"Oi! Shoes off the bed!"

"Oh, quit your moaning," he echoes her own words with a smirk and pats the empty space next to him, wordlessly asking her to join him. He too missed being alone with her. Just him and Rose, as it should be.

Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise for a split second before she shakes her head at his antics and sits down next to him, with both of them leaning against the wall, their legs stretched out, their bodies very close to one another. They share a quick, slightly nervous glance.

"Your room is very..." he trails off, unsure of what to say. He'd never been here before, not like this, not sitting on her bed with her.

"Very what?"

"Err, weeell... Pink?"

"Oi! Nothing wrong with pink, is there? Your favorite color," she teases and finally begins to relax again. It was only the Doctor. It hardly mattered just where they were sitting, right?

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's  _not_  my favorite color!"

"Right, 'course it's not."

They remain silent for a moment, during which Rose rests her head on the Doctor's shoulder, feeling slightly tired. It's been a long, long day, but she doesn't wish to say good night and have him leave her just yet. She's had enough goodbye's for one day.

"It's just us two again," he comments quietly, enjoying the feeling of her hair brushing against his cheek.

"Yeah, it is."

"Is that alright?"

"Yeah. Mickey will be happier there. And we make a good team, you and me, don't you think, Doctor?" he can tell that she is smiling even though he cannot see her face. She closes her eyes for a moment, enjoying having him this close to her, wishing he wouldn't have to leave soon.

"The  _best_ , Rose Tyler, not just  _good_! As I've told you once, I only take the best, which in this case would be  _you_ ; then there is  _me_ , and weeell, I think no one can argue with the fact that I am as good as it gets, at least when it comes to being brilliant and the like. Not that you aren't just as brilliant as I am, that is not at all what I am trying to say, because you are in fact rather wonderf-" he stops mid sentence and looks down, trying in vain to see her face. "Rose? Are you asleep?"

His question hangs in the air and remains unanswered, so he says no more, for once not wanting to wake her. If he'd wake her, she'd move away, and he would then have to go to the living room to that dreadful couch of theirs. No, he will let her sleep for a moment, and when she wakes up on her own, he will leave. Until then he can stay, right? Course he can, he's not doing anything wrong, after all.

An hour passes before he brings himself to leave, knowing that it just wouldn't do to have her sleep the whole night while sitting up. She's human, they get cramps and all sorts of things, and he wants her to feel well, so with a hollow feeling in his hearts he carefully moves away, still sitting on the bed, and watches as she unconsciously adjusts herself, laying down properly.

Her sleeping face is absolutely disarming; he has to hold back from kissing her, because that's  _exactly_  what he wants to do. Kiss her awake, hold her as she sleeps, or perhaps  _both_. Instead he reluctantly leaves the bed, takes one of the blankets she had prepared for him and carefully tucks her in, then proceeds to just stand there, mesmerized, as he observes the way her chest heaves with every calm breath, admires the way her hair is sprawled across the pillow, pauses as his eyes rest on her lips which are slightly apart as she lets out a content sigh.

Oh, she is  _beautiful._

And that whole thing with Mickey - let's be honest now, he acted like a  _kid_. He felt so jealous, so threatened by the human boy's presence. How on Earth would he ever handle her finding somebody else? She was the only one in his life, and he so badly wanted to be the only one in hers.

And just like that, he realizes that the only way to achieve that would be to truly let go. Let go of all these fears, not think of that distant, dreadful future. Just let go and let his feelings grow, because they were there, and he knew better now than to try to thwart them. He couldn't do that.

Just let go. See what happens. No plans, no hesitation.

His hearts skip a beat as he realizes that he  _wants_  to do just that. How she felt, he had no idea, but he'd never know if he didn't try.

And he wants to try; oh, he wants that more than anything. No, not just that. He just can't  _not_  try anymore. It feels entirely impossible.

So he lets go and finds himself in freefall, every fracture of a second increasing his feelings for her, his long repressed feelings that he no longer wanted to fight.

Maybe he'd never tell her, maybe he'd never let it show. It was too soon to say. But he would stop holding back all the time. He'd just do what felt right, what he felt he needed to do at a given time.

What he _wanted_  to do, not just his logic, his common sense, his brain. Because, strangely enough, there was more to this Time Lord than just those three things.

He also had two hearts.

And both of them were _hers_.

He leaves her bedroom, quietly, stealing just one last glance at her sleeping figure.

He is breathless, he is excited, he is empowered, terrified, resigned, uncertain, and filled with wonder.

No matter the outcome, no matter what he'd do from now on, this would be an adventure unlike any he's ever had before.

And he really likes adventures, so it just might be a good one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor grow closer and closer. Takes place before _The Impossible Planet_.

"I... I think we may have..."

"...been up here already? Yeah.  _Twice_."

The Doctor stops walking for a moment, rubs the back of his neck and frowns as he surveys the area. Every part of this planet looked much the same: all covered in red soot and sand, there really wasn't much to go by when it came to finding the TARDIS. As a result, they have been walking around for over three hours; and that was  _after_  they've spent a lengthy amount of time running for their lives due to being chased by some local monsters (which they've, of course, befriended in the end).

"Weeell, that is... Rather unfortunate, but it's got to be there somewhere. We just have to keep on looking!" he turns to her as she looks at him with a miserable expression.

"But I'm  _tired_ ," Rose whines and proceeds to take off her jacket, only to then spread it across the ground and sit down on it. "I'm not goin' anywhere. You go, find the TARDIS and pick me up."

"What! You're not going to make me walk all on my own, are you? It's so boring, Rose! I need you for, weeell, some brilliant company, moral support-"

"And directions?" she finally manages a tired smile, but the playful glint in her eye is not any tamer than usual. "If we went the way I said, we would've been home ages ago, you  _do_  know that, right?"

"Oi, that's not a  _guarantee_! Besides, this is the right way, we've just, err, gone slightly off-course. Slightly," he grins at her and extends his hand to help her up, "So! Let's go, shall we?"

"No, seriously, I don't think I can jus' walk around like that for much longer. I mean, you woke me up at like what, five in the morning? And then-"

"It was  _almost six_! Five thirty-one! And you've slept for a whole, what was it, five hours?"

"Right, yeah, that's  _exactly_  my point, Doctor. And then we went to this planet, and we ran into those fish people, and they tried to kill us, and then we've walked around for like four hours-"

"Three!" he corrects her and she shakes her head at him with a smile she cannot suppress.

"Alright,  _three_. So, for three hours, walkin' around, yeah? I'm tired! Can't we just, y'know, at least take a little break? Just sit here for a bit?"

The Doctor sits down next to her and looks her in the eyes, momentarily forgetting what he was supposed to say. His mind had this tendency to wander when she was right there before him; wander to places where he would be kissing her, whispering in her ear and waking up next to her, in other words, very pleasant places.

His thoughts are abruptly interrupted by the distinct cry of a local nocturnal predator.

"You see, the thing is, this planet isn't the safest place at nights, Rose," the Doctor says with a serious expression, "And the sun is about to set. I think... I think we'd better move," he adds upon hearing the noise again, which this time Rose had also heard. Hearing it sends a shiver down her spine, and he easily notices the way she trembles, both from the sound and the rapidly dropping temperature, which was a normal occurrence at nightfall on this planet.

"Are you cold?" he asks her softly, helps her off the ground, embraces her tightly for a while, then proceeds to rub her arms vigorously as he lets go. "There! Any better?"

Rose flushes slightly at the tone of his voice, momentarily forgetting the supposedly dangerous night creatures on this planet, because her attention is solely on the Doctor. His voice was so tender; this was a voice she had never heard him use with anybody else, and even for her, it was quite rare. She treasured it, just like she treasured everything else that was only  _theirs_ , secretly wishing that there could be so much more.

"Yeah, cheers," she says, struggling to keep herself from pulling him by the lapels and kissing him, puts her jacket back on, zips up and asks with a small sigh, "So, I guess we'd better get goin'?"

"We'd better, yeah," he agrees with a thoughtful expression and they move on in the general direction of his ship while the Doctor tries to humor Rose with all sorts of tales about the planet. Kriamo, which was the planet they were on, was once inhabited by all sorts of different species, some peaceful, some hostile; over many thousands of years, the hostile species have won over the peaceful ones, leaving the planet with a few different cultures that constantly battled for domination. Overall, not quite the most quaint place in the galaxy. Kriamo was covered by red sand and was usually very, very hot, except for nights, when the temperature dropped considerably in the span of a few minutes. An interesting fact was that...

"...And it only rains about, weeell, once a century here, and even then, it's not much. Isn't that strange? Some generations never see it in their lifetime! Imagine that," he rambles as she drags one foot after another, struggling to keep up in her exhaustion.

It is then that the first drop of rain lands straight on Rose's head, very quickly followed by more and more and more, becoming the start of the very first downpour that Kriamo has seen in over three centuries.

Rose gasps as the surprisingly cold, purple colored raindrops soak through her clothes within seconds, making her even more alert of the rapid change in temperature that the Doctor mentioned just moments earlier.

"Oh, that's... That's... Weeell... Unusual? What are the odds that we'd see  _rain_  on this planet! It's  _amazing_!" he marvels, but his rambling is cut short when he looks at Rose.

For one, she was quite a vision when soaked by the pouring rain - flushed cheeks, her blonde hair clinging to her face, her clothes-right,  _no_ , for the most part he felt extremely concerned for her health. She was trembling, already clearly exhausted, and the TARDIS, although most likely relatively close, was still quite a ways to go from their current location.

Rose may be the most brilliant of all humans, but she is still human, and the Doctor knows that they get tired and sick under the wrong conditions. The current conditions were certainly  _very wrong_  for a human, even a brilliant human such as Rose, and he had to help her - he had to help her  _now._

"Rose?"

"D-didn't you just say it only r-rai-rains here once every h-hundred years?" she shivers and now attempts to rub her own shoulders, desperately wishing for some warmth. It was very, very cold, and the TARDIS was nowhere in sight.

"Yes, yes I did," the Doctor agrees, then after a second of hesitation which she couldn't have noticed, he adds "I've got this idea..."

"W-what?"

"See, I haven't got an umbrella, or anything really, and you are  _very tired_ , I can tell-Now, don't look at me like that! You said so yourself! So, since it's very  _dangerous_  to be out in the rain when you are a human, considering you humans have such lowly immune systems-"

"Is this goin' anywhere?" Rose asks impatiently, feeling as if she was trapped inside a freezer.

"Yes, of course it is! Let me finish! So, since it's bad for you and all, I thought I'd, you know, help you get to the TARDIS. It's warm there, and there's the infirmary if you catch cold, and-"

"Help me h-how?" she asks again, confused. What could he possibly do? She's just gonna have to soldier on, 's all. She was quite used to being in all these situations with the Doctor, so while being nearly frozen alive on some red, apparently hostile planet was not extremely pleasant, she wasn't going to lie down and cry or anything. She'd make her way home, even if she felt as if it was getting colder with each passing second, there were unfriendly beasts nearby and the rain looked as if it was just getting started.

"First," he says, takes off his coat and hands it to her, "Hold this! Now, I want you to, err, sort of, hold on to my, err... Neck?" his Adam's apple bobs in his throat nervously as he turns away from her.

"What?" she utters in a wide-eyed disbelief.

"Come on, Rose! I'm going to get you to the TARDIS. You're tired, we've got no time to waste. Don't want you getting ill, now do we? Hop on," he encourages with much, much more confidence than he actually feels. A moment of silence goes by and she takes hold of his neck briefly as he pulls her up onto his back, not surprised with the accompanying feeling of effortlessness. Carrying Rose, what could be more pleasant? The fact that her arms were now entwined on his chest, loosely embracing his neck, and her legs-

"Now, the coat! Use it as a cover, of sorts! Aren't I  _brilliant_? Go on, I've got you."

His upbeat tone of voice feels so out of place to Rose. He's carrying her, for God's sake! Then again, she may be making a bigger deal out of this than she ought to; no matter, some shelter from the rain is a most welcome idea, not to mention not having to walk for a little bit. She reluctantly lets go of him and spreads the coat over her shoulders and head; then she proceeds to hold on to him again, trembling even more now, no longer able to tell if it's from the cold or from having him this close to her.

They don't say much the whole way back to the TARDIS. It's rather surreal for the both of them, being stranded in the rain, ending up this close because of  _his_  idea, having to hurry yet wanting to prolong this unexpected closeness no matter the cost. The Doctor doesn't feel tired under her weight, and as they finally reach the TARDIS after around fifteen minutes of walking, he only wishes he could keep her there and not have to let go.

He sets her down only once they are inside and turns around to look at her, concern and longing fighting a raging battle within his hearts. The coat tossed aside, she looks back at him, forgetting the cold dampness for a brief second. If she was soaked, then he was almost drowning - his suit, his hair, everything was dripping with rainwater. They are still very close, perhaps closer than they ought to be, but they both don't seem to mind. A strange feeling hangs in the air, a wordless conversation that is always put aside, because it's always  _safer_  that way, but do they want to keep putting it aside?  _Can_  they keep putting it aside?

Rose doesn't say anything, she simply searches his face for answers. Had he felt this too? This strange electric current that pulsed through her all the way to him? No. He couldn't have.

She wishes he did. Little does she know that he wishes for the very same thing, not quite able to put his own feelings into words, but at the same time, no longer able or willing to hide them. It was a strange place to be in for the Doctor: so certain in regards to what he wanted, so unsure of the final outcome of it all.

The cold kicks in quite quickly even though the excitement does not die down; she begins shivering again, wishing for nothing else than for his arms to warm her, but when he sees her tremble, he rids himself of such selfish thoughts and focuses solely on her good health, or lack thereof, if no actions are taken immediately.

He clears his throat before he speaks, "Right, you'd better go change! You are cold, Rose, and being cold and soaked can lead to a terrible illness for someone of such a weak constitution... Weeell, I don't mean  _you_  in particular, but you  _are_  human... So, go on, change into something nice and warm and I'll go make us a nice cuppa tea! Alright?"

She marvels at the ease with which he speaks, finding herself quite breathless and overwhelmed by this sudden need to just  _touch him_ , so she simply nods. As she is about to leave the console room, she turns and says:

"I'll see you in the library, yeah? I'm  _freezing_ , I want to sit by the fireplace, if you don't mind."

"Course. Tea in the library in five!"

They each head off in their own direction, both wishing they didn't have to.

**~oOo~**

Fifteen minutes pass before Rose emerges from her bedroom, feeling quite unattractive as she wears a thick blue sweater, a pair of gray leggings and white woolen socks. Even still, she feels cold, so she grabs a blanket on her way to the library and wraps it tightly around her shoulders, not feeling much of an improvement, longing for the cozy fireplace and for his presence. Both granted her warmth, after all, even if each was of a different kind.

As she reaches the door to the library, she can hear the Doctor pacing back and forth, and she can't help but wonder if he has ever felt this confused, this overwhelmed with anything, as she did right now. She's gotten rid of thoughts of him fancying her, putting them back on the shelf where they belonged, but that stubborn gleam of hope would just  _not_  leave her, no matter how much she tried.

She takes a deep breath and the ship opens the door for her just as she decides to enter. She silently thanks her good friend and enters the library, finding the Doctor still pacing, the fireplace lit, and their two favorite cups filled with steaming tea. Not to mention blankets, plenty of blankets and even a few pillows; apparently, she wasn't the only one to think of that.

The Doctor looks at his companion with concern in his eyes, easily noting the way she still shivers and tries to hide it. He walks over to her, ready to help her to the sofa if she'd need it.

"Are you alright? How are you feeling? How is your pulse? Let me check your pulse, Rose, it could be very bad! Or, even better, let's go to the infirmary, the TARDIS will run a full sc-"

He is interrupted by the sound of her laughter.

"Blimey, you're acting like I'm about to die or somethin'! Doctor, 's alright, I'm freezing, yeah, but I'm okay. Alright?" she looks at him and observes his sober, worried expression, torn between feeling pleased at how much he cares and amused with his silly worry.

"Let's at least get you warm," he surrenders and wraps his arm protectively around her shoulder, leading her to the sofa and handing her another blanket, followed by her cup of tea. Only then does he allow himself to sit near her, just like he always does, and looks at her intently as she sips the warm liquid.

"Well, if you're always going to be makin' me tea and such, perhaps I'd better get caught in the rain more," Rose says quietly with a small smile. In truth, she really didn't feel all that good, but she hardly wanted to cause him anymore worry.

He wraps his arm around her again and she snuggles into his embrace; something they've already done before during their movie nights, but still a quite rare occurrence. She sighs contently, he does too, and they both turn their heads to look at one another at the same time.

He swallows nervously. Once, twice. Still feels nervous and hopes that his rapid heartbeats are not to be felt by her, considering she is right there, so very close to him, and the pounding in his chest resembles that of an earthquake. It's been quite a day for the Doctor, and as his fingers unconsciously trace little paths across her shoulder blade, he finds it very hard not to cross the line between friendship and  _something else_.

If only he knew how  _she_  felt about it all. He had no idea, none whatsoever, and to risk losing her was a risk he wasn't willing to take; a risk he would never take, not if he knew what's good for him.

Weeell. A risk he should  _try_  not to take.

"Are you warm enough? Because if you're not, I can make the TARDIS turn up the temperature. It can go up to the temperature of the Sun! Weeell, that's a little inconvenient, but still. Are you warm now, Rose? Because-"

"I'm warm enough  _now_ , yeah," Rose says without tearing her eyes away from his, hoping he would catch the meaning. Hoping that he'll see how much she enjoys being snuggled up to him, stuck in a timeless moment that she'd hardly ever wish to end. Sitting on the sofa just like any other pair of people in the universe, drinking tea, just taking it easy after a long day, the only difference being that their  _long days_  were a tad more dangerous than your regular long day back on Earth.

Rose would hardly mind if this moment would always last, because the way he looks at her now is so very similar to the way she'd want him to look at her always. For just a moment, she can tell herself that it's love and not concern that she is seeing in those deep pools of liquid chocolate which were his eyes, for just a millisecond she tells herself that he can see it in hers, too. That same feeling. That he knows.

She lets out a sigh and looks down at her cup, knowing that getting her hopes up would only make her crash even harder, and she  _would_  crash eventually, so it's better to prevent these things before they even happen.

The Doctor looks at her slightly flushed cheeks, her hands which still shiver although she tries to control it, her lips as they part when she takes a sip of her tea, and he feels right at home. Of course, for him, the TARDIS  _is_  home, just as much as it is for Rose; but being with Rose, anywhere in the universe and beyond,  _that_  was home, too. Holding her like this felt natural, like a completely instinctive action, which it was not meant to be. Not for a Time Lord. But then again, with her, he wasn't just a Time Lord, not even just the very last of them, he was also her-

Her friend.

He briefly thinks that she looks much too beautiful for his own good, and to top it off, that beauty is not only skin-deep, it's so much more. He can no longer think of a time when he didn't love her, because those times were filled with scarcely anything else than sorrow, and everything after her resembled a lonely painting in which the artist switched out all the dark shades for a rainbow palette. She met him when he barely existed and she showed him how to  _live_ , and that was rather brilliant, surprisingly enough.

The Doctor, stuck in his own mind, did not realize that he hasn't said a word for quite some time, so when Rose shakes him out of his silent reverie, he feels exceedingly surprised; Time Lord, not one to lose track of time, but with her it always seemed to happen.

"Are you alright? You usually babble on about things until I doze off, but now you're silent as a rock," Rose says, tongue poking out between her teeth in that extremely distracting way that he simply  _hates_ loves and it's just too much for him, really. So he doesn't think when he says:

"Rose, I..."

"Yeah?"

"I think I... No, I  _know_ , I know that I..."

She looks at him curiously, seemingly completely oblivious to his current state. His voice is strained and he feels torn between running away, running away  _now_ , and just doing what he wants to do, for once in his very long life, exactly what he wants to do.

"What?" the corners of her mouth twitch up in a bemused expression.

"Weeell, I..." one of his hands remains tightly wrapped around her, the other tugs on his ear awkwardly as he avoids eye contact, because who knows where  _that_  would lead?

"What is it? C'mon, spill it," she giggles, completely unaware of his struggle.

Time Lords are  _not_  supposed to be feeling like this. Like their hearts are about to burst and conjure up a wave of all these bewildering feelings that they are  _not_  supposed to feel, and let that wave drown out  _everything_  else, every reasonable thought that remains, just because it's so very hard to love at a distance when the person in question is currently in your arms.

"I think that we-we should-I..."

Rose looks at him, quite unable to hide her own amusement at his, frankly adorable, stuttering. Whatever he was trying to say must have been important, or perhaps it was just yet another daft idea of his that she will poke fun at him about for days to come, although he's never quite this nervous when presenting those, even if they involve climbing an ice berg or some other completely mental thing that requires a ton of effort and often backfires.

She expects nothing out of the ordinary until she manages to catch a glimpse of his eyes just before he looks away again, evidently avoiding eye contact. The look they share for that split second, it's new and it's  _intense_  and suddenly, her heart is pounding as all her buried hope emerges with a force.

Could he...

No...

Maybe...?

"Should what?" she says, keeping the tone of her voice relatively even, effectively masking her (most likely silly) thoughts.

"We should... Weeell..." the Doctor stammers.

His mind is racing, quickly supplying him many possible outcomes, if he actually  _does_  say it. He doesn't even think of it on a conscious level, it's just how his brain works, always analyzing things, consciously or not.

Good outcome would be her giving him a little hope. Anything. Maybe she could, somehow, in some way, lov-

Bad outcome would be her being cross about it, or worse, feeling  _uncomfortable_. What could possibly be worse than that?

Great outcome would be if she might be... Be  _in love_  with him too. Because that would mean they could-

No. She'd never.

No, no, what was he doing?

"We should... We should have some tea! Tea, tea is  _brilliant_ , completely brilliant, and warm, and you  _need_  warmth, Rose, so I'll just, I'll just-just pop into the kitchen for a mo', get us some tea, yeah? Tea!" he beams and stands up, escaping her as if she was made of fire, as if another second spent this close to her would in turn set him on fire, too. Running for his life was something he was exceedingly good at, after all.

Rose lets out the breath she had been holding and fights away a pang of disappointment. It  _did_  feel like he'd say something of significance, but even if he wanted to, he didn't do it in the end, so that was that.

And it takes her  _everything_  she's got not to say what  _she_  thinks they should, could, might and maybe even  _would_  do if he would just let them. If he would just want it, too.

She schools her features to only show him that he's daft, because they're already having tea, so he could not have come up with a worse excuse for-for, well, whatever it was that he planned to say.

"Doctor, what are you on about? What d'you think  _this_  is?" she raises her, still half-full, cup of tea in his general direction. He glances at the mug distractedly, taking a moment to register the fact that yes, they were, in theory, having tea.

"Right."

Silence falls for a moment and Rose can't help but smile again upon seeing his confused, distracted and somewhat bewildered expression. He really was a daft alien, but that was just one of the many things she loved about him.

"Right." he repeats, running his fingers through his hair distractedly, then manages to compose himself enough to add, "But Rose, what about  _biscuits_? We can't have tea without biscuits! So I'll just pop-"

At that moment, a plate of assorted biscuits appeared out of nowhere, straight into his hands. He stares at it with his mouth wide open, brows furrowed and for once, he doesn't know what to say.

What on Earth is his TARDIS playing at? This is completely impossible! Everything was against him and his poor common sense, even his  _very own ship_. The Doctor is completely speechless. It's almost as if the TARDIS wants him to stay there and-

Oh, hell, even  _he_  wants to stay there and say it. And it's not that he is holding back, because he is not. No, this time around he is just  _scared_  that what he wants may not be exactly what she wants, and he'll never know unless he asks her, but-

But they're hardly in a hurry, now are they?

"Looks like the TARDIS has got you covered, Doctor," Rose says with a smirk. The Doctor swallows down the fear and finally dares to look at her, pleased to see that she is merely amused at his antics and nothing else.

"Yes, yes she does," he stammers, carefully searching her face for signs of, well, an understanding of some sort. Hoping that she didn't know what he would say if his courage had not left him, if he... If he knew what  _she_  would say to that.

"Go on, sit down," she pleads softly and his breath catches when he sees the way she looks at him; all amusement suddenly replaced by a new kind of sincerity. She was asking him wordless questions, and he was asking her in return. No answers were given, but it  _did_  make him think.

Maybe she wanted him to say it. If she knew what he would say.

And it made  _her_  think, too. Maybe he  _was_  trying to say something that she might want to hear, but Rose knows more than well that thinking in a similar manner had already gotten her hurt before, back on that 51st century spaceship, and she really shouldn't go there again. If only he didn't make it so easy to fall even deeper, to let go and dream away, even if she dreamt all on her own.

With a deep breath, he complies and sits down once again, close to her, handing her the unfortunate plate of biscuits so that he can still keep his arm wrapped around her while they each pick their favorite kind of cookie. She dips hers in tea, he doesn't, and they say nothing much, both resigned to do what they always do, for the time being. And what they always did was to move past these... These  _incidents_  and pretend they never happened.

Slowly, very slowly, Rose's heart stops beating like a drum; she relaxes into his welcome embrace and sighs in surrender. How could she possibly let him know that she wants more without  _really_  giving it away? She wasn't dealing with some ordinary bloke along the lines of the guys she knew back home, he was a Time Lord with all its good and bad sides. Not that she knew of Time Lords, but she knew enough of him to know that she could write  _I love you, you idiot!_  across her forehead and he  _still_  wouldn't get it. On top of that, in all his ignorance, he was the textbook definition for  _mysterious_ , too. Perfect combination. Oblivious to the signs and impossible to read.

She sighs again and that draws his attention away from the plate and back to her.

"Are you tired?" he asks her, and the tone of his voice clearly shows just how much he wants her to say no. He hated parting with her for the night, even if just moments ago he tried to escape her.

"Well, yeah," she responds softly, "But I don't wanna sleep yet. Let's just... Sit here for a bit. Unless you've got any more tea or biscuits or other things you've got to go and fetch," she adds that last part with a smirk, unable to resist teasing him for his silly behavior.

He chuckles and snaps the last remaining biscuit from the plate before she can get her hands on it.

"You've got to admit, these are good biscuits," he grins and bites down just as she reaches out to force it out of his hands.

"I can't believe this! You're always stealing my sweets!" she whines, struggling to appear offended when she feels like laughing, "And 'course they're good biscuits. They're our favorite."

"Yup," he pops the 'p', "Our favorite." he adds, enjoying the fact that they have yet another thing which was  _theirs_.

It was a close call. He didn't say it this time, but even now, he already knows that he  _will_  say it eventually. He just... He just wants to  _know_. If there is a chance. There are so many things that could go wrong, so many things that will probably sooner or later leave him in pain. That doesn't matter anymore, though. He wants to know that this might be something she'd want, too, because he doesn't wish to cause her any negative feelings with his... His rather urgent need to... To take things, well,  _elsewhere_.

And all these signs he keeps seeing, he doesn't know if he can trust them, because really, how much can a prolonged look tell you? Not much.

Or a lot.

The Doctor wasn't quite sure.

**~oOo~**

They spent around two hours on the sofa and eventually fell back into something that resembled their usual ease. The Doctor rambled on about things a little more than usual, which served as a reminder of his earlier - and current - nervousness; Rose poked fun at him where she could, if only to mask how difficult it had been for her to have his arm wrapped tightly around her and yet not to be able to reach out and kiss him.

In other words, a typical evening, until Rose chose to compromise. She felt really tired, by then, so after a lot of delaying (by the Doctor, of course) she got up, feeling so deprived after leaving his embrace. Not to mention, quite cold. She didn't feel like telling the Doctor just yet, knowing that he'd go completely mental with worry, but she'd probably need to spend a day or two in bed. And some aspirin.

He stood up, too, and glanced at her with a smile, certainly more composed than he had been just two hours ago. He noted, however, that she seemed unwell, and instinctively reached for her forehead to check her temperature. It was warm, so after a whole lot of convincing on his part, Rose agreed to drink a herbal concoction that was brewed on Planet-Something-Or-Other (Rose had a hard time pronouncing Iyyczoeriametzser) which was supposed to help her immunity system. Regardless, the Doctor already knew he wouldn't be sleeping tonight, just in case she'd suddenly feel worse. Better safe than sorry.

Finally, the time comes to part their ways for the night, as they stand at her bedroom door, both equally confused and pleased.

"If you feel the least bit ill, Rose, just say it, you don't even have to shout, just-"

"Doctor, I'll be fine," she cuts him off with a smile.

He reaches to check her temperature again, and for a very brief second, as his hand touches her forehead, it's as if he tried to read her mind - he can see it, he can see it for a very, very short while - and it's not supposed to happen, because he wasn't  _trying_  to let it happen, and he normally has to touch a person's temples, not their forehead, and it has never happened before, not ever, but for a split second, he gained access to her mind, and in there he did not see any definite answers, but he saw that it was-

That it was filled with  _him_. He was everywhere, just as she had been all over his. And this could mean anything, but it certainly did  _not_  mean anything bad.

She blinks; for her it was too short a moment to take note of his unplanned intrusion, all that she can feel is a strange sort of daze which she shakes off quickly; a result of her impending cold, she thought.

Maybe a result of all the events of the day, too. She feels confused.

She decides to just go for it, just b'cause. A little sign. Let him do whatever he wants with it.

Standing on the tips of her toes, she gives him a brief kiss on the cheek just as they are about to say good night.

"Thank you," she whispers, and now it's his turn to feel dazed, "Good night, Doctor."

His mouth hangs wide open, and although he is sure he must have said good night in return, she is long gone when he awakens from this strange daydream in which she did  _not_ stop at his cheek and instead kissed him on the lips, like back on New Earth, only this time completely out of her own will. Just a daydream, a wish, a stupid idea.

He raises his hand to his cheek and slides his fingers across where her lips had touched, still feeling a tingling sort of sensation (which was very undignified and very un-Time-Lordy) all over that part of his face.

_Rose Tyler_.

* * *

As expected, he did not sleep that night, but not only because he wanted to make sure that she would not fall ill. It was also largely due to the fact that his heartbeat would just  _not_  calm down. Not even for a second.

Come morning, Rose was all well. Herbal concoction and all.

And yet, his hearts did not find rest. Perhaps this state of blissful emergency was meant to last. Perhaps he'd always be stuck in this sense of urgency that only grew stronger by the day.

The strange part was, he didn't mind at all.

Would _she_  mind?

For the first time, he thinks that she might not mind it quite as much as he had first expected her to.

And that's a big step in a quite unknown, yet absolutely delightful direction.

A step he could only hope she'd be willing to take with him, one day.

One day soon.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During _The Satan Pit_ , the Doctor and Rose nearly become separated. Will this change anything in their relationship?

_"Oh, she knows."_

Every single corner of his mind is filled with Rose. Only her. The one and only person he thinks of as he descends into this seemingly bottomless chasm, hoping to find a way to get back to her, but also very aware that he may instead meet his own demise.

Memories emerge from the shadows that surround him left and right, creating a slideshow of happiness; his happiness,  _their_ happiness, a perfect picture of the last two years. The first time he ever laid eyes upon her, his regeneration, that kiss back on New Earth, the rapid beat of his two hearts whenever he was in her presence, the sound of her laughter when he rambled about things she had next to no idea about, but always had an opinion about them. In the blink of an eye, all of those brilliant memories are replaced with regret, the one unwanted companion he couldn't seem to shake.

He never wanted to regret anything he'd done with Rose, and that, he certainly did not. What he  _did_  regret was what he  _didn't_ do.

He was falling, falling into a seemingly endless pit, and his last words were " _Oh, she knows"_.

Only she  _doesn't_ know. She would likely never know, not now, not when the odds were against the two of them ever seeing each other again. He would try his best, do what he can if he survives the fall, but chances are that he might not make it.

And she  _should_  have known. He'd been a coward, too scared to tell her, too afraid to let go; he delayed it foolishly, unconsciously believing in that fleeting promise of forever which he knew they would never be granted.

He delayed it, because he never thought their  _forever_  would be cut so short, and now, Rose would never know how much he truly loved her, down to the very last beat of his hearts. She ruled his whole life; the ever gracious queen of a kingdom that once prospered but over the years fell into ruin; the spark of hope that made everything bearable, bringing light into the dark prison of his existence. His Rose, and she would never know that he wasn't just a friend.

It just... It didn't feel  _right_  to tell Ida Scott to pass on the message, he couldn't just say, " _Tell Rose that I love her"_. The sentiment would lose all of its meaning, empty words with no actions to back them up, a ghostly whisper from someone she might only meet again in her own dreams, if she ever dreamt of him at all. He dreamt of her a lot, on the rare occasion that he actually went to sleep.

He  _should_  have told her. Properly, on his own.

He trapped her in a future she should never have been trapped in, and if they were together, it would all be acceptable, but now, odds were that they'd end up alone, never to see one another again.

He would have told her himself one day, given the time, he  _wanted_ to tell her,  _needed_  to, and now he-

Out of the darkness he sees the faint outline of the bottom of the pit, and seconds later, his vision fades to black.

**~oOo~**

Rose found herself in a dark, quiet place, seemingly suspended in a dark void, in a place that was bare of gravity, light, sound and even time. She could not see anything, nothing at all, not even her very own fingers which she hesitantly raised to her eyes, attempting to test her own vision, but no, she could not see them; not a thing, nothing but the looming darkness that surrounded her left and right.

In a state of panic she tries to walk, but she finds herself seemingly unable to move, feeling as if she was frozen in place. She tries to call out, call for her Doctor, knowing that everything was bound to end well if she'd only find him, but she cannot seem to make a sound. Her salvation appears rather quickly, though, and the darkness is pushed aside as she spots him running towards her. A surge of strength and energy fills her body and not a single second is wasted; she takes off in his direction, wanting to be with him, so badly needing the comfort of his embrace.

He stops inches away from her with a look of urgency and distress etched across his face, and he whispers,

"Rose, you must know-"

With that, he fades into the darkness, leaving her stranded in this dark, unnamed place.

Alone. So very alone.

* * *

Rose wakes up with a start, blinking in confusion. What happened? Where was she? A few seconds pass in blissful ignorance, until even that is broken by comprehension as the events of the day hit her one after another.

Krop Tor, The Bitter Pill. They weren't even meant to be there in the first place; they lost the TARDIS, and for a moment, she thought they might go down the slow path together, stranded in this unknown world, but when it came to the two of them, if there was some trouble, there was bound to be even  _more_  trouble just around the corner, and...

And the Doctor fell down the pit-no, he  _jumped_  down the pit, and she did not want to leave him, so the crew of the ship incapacitated her and now-

And now she was being taken away from her Doctor!

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere! Get me out of this thing! Get me out!"

She screamed, threatened and begged, all to no avail. The captain of the ship would not budge, he would not take her back, and it hit her that she might never see her Doctor again.

He would be stranded on that impossible planet, all by himself, without the TARDIS, never knowing that there was someone out there who loved him more than anything else in the whole wide universe, 'cause she's never worked up the guts to tell him. How silly was she, really? Just plain stupid and not merely silly, that's what she was. The Doctor was always so filled with guilt. Behind that smug exterior of his, she had found a man whose only companion were his own bad memories and his self-deprecation. Wounds that not even time could heal, wounds she hoped she could help him patch up, one day. Replace the pain with something better. Show him that there is a person in the universe, however completely insignificant she might be, who loves him more than anyone else in the world.

Now, would he ever know?

She doesn't think of the future, she can't really think of that right now; all she can think of is the Doctor, stuck on that planet, all on his own with the Beast hidden in the depths of the pit.

But the Beast wasn't just with the Doctor. The beast took control of Toby, one of the crew members, and Rose decides to do the only thing that the Doctor would do, if it's the last thing she does. She chooses to sacrifice herself and the rest of the crew for the greater good and puts an end to the Beast by shooting at the windshield of the spaceship, sending him straight into the black hole, and the ship spiraling into the very heart of it.

As they are on their way to their deaths, her own heart is shattered into a billion tiny pieces, each of those pieces filled with pain over what could have been and what never was.

**~oOo~**

Time stood still when they finally saw each other once again. Against all odds, against their own expectations, but fully according to their wishes, they made it, just the way they always did. The Doctor and Rose, defenders of the universe, the perfect team. Saved what they could and ended up together on the TARDIS at the end of the day, only this time, they really had no reason to expect that things would end well, because everything seemed to be against such an outcome.

They did it, they did it  _together_ ; the Doctor disposed of the beast's prison, Rose destroyed its mind, the Doctor then located the spaceship she had been trapped in, stopped the spacecraft just as it was about to be pulled into the black hole, and now she was right there, standing in the door to the TARDIS, looking back at him, her eyes no doubt reflecting his own disbelief and happiness.

Just one second spent frozen in time, that was all it took for them to run to one another, finally finding comfort in each other's arms, the comfort they could hardly go on without.

He spun her around as he embraced her tightly, all the while laughing softly into her hair; she giggled in utter delight, still not quite convinced that he was, in fact, real, that their separation only lasted three hours, more or less. It certainly did not feel like several hours, no, it felt like an eternity. She thought it'd  _be_  an eternity, just as he thought that he would never see her again, yet there she was, right there with him, exactly where she belonged. He would never foolishly take that for granted, never ever let her out of his sight again.  _His Rose._

His breath hitches in his throat as he pulls away to look at her properly and plants a gentle, brief kiss on her forehead, beaming at her in complete disbelief. He vaguely remembers the vision he had when he lost consciousness at the bottom of the pit; finding Rose in the darkness, the urgency to tell her, tell her quickly, just in case he would never see her again.

But he  _did_  see her again, just the way he always did. And there she was, right before his eyes, with the most brilliant smile illuminating her features, looking at him as if he was her favorite sight in the whole world.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she whispers, tears of joy glistening in her eyes, threatening to spill and make their way down her cheek. His expression matches her own as he regards her with tenderness and pulls her in for another quick hug before they finally part.

"Weeell, I  _am_  rather brilliant, Rose, don't you remember? I always find my way!" the Doctor exclaims and cherishes the sound of her laughter, once again vowing to himself never to let her out of his sight again.

No chance. Not ever.

Especially not tonight.

**~oOo~**

The Doctor observed Rose while she was rummaging through the cupboards in search of something for them to eat, for once not trying to assist her by using his sonic screwdriver to prepare the meal within seconds, perfectly content to spend a while suspended in time, with her. He almost lost her earlier that day, and to see her running about was much more than he thought he could ever ask for.

A slow smile spreads over his face as he watches her bite down on her lower lip in a thoughtful manner, clearly at a loss as to the location of this or that ingredient. He'd help her, but he had no idea about things in his own kitchen anymore (to be fair, he hasn't had much of an idea in the first place, but when Rose joined him on his adventures, she quickly took over the whole ship. Decorations, souvenirs from all over the universe, a lost hoodie left in the middle of the library, and lastly, an utter mess in the kitchen), so he indulges and keeps on admiring the way she tucks her hair behind her ear as she keeps on searching for a moment. She then turns to him, suddenly aware of his stare.

"What're you starin' at?" she says with a smile, clearly relieved to see him still sitting at the table; such a contrast from just a couple hours earlier, when she thought she'd never see him again.

They both felt shaken in their own way, and both knew that this day would never be forgotten, yet they did not dare say how much they didn't wish to let the other one out of their sight for as much as half a second. They spent all of their time together, after all; no explanations were needed, were they?

"Oh, I don't know," he replies casually with a grin, "You, making a mess, I s'pose."

"Doctor, you can't say that I'm making a mess, not after the last time you tried to cook," Rose says with her trademark tongue-in-cheek grin, and the Doctor gets off the chair to join her at the counter. He leans against it, slowly starting to relax under the sight of her smile, but still somewhat terrified of as much as having to say good night to her later on.

"I wouldn't have made a mess if you, Rose Tyler, did not misplace every single thing that I own! I swear, it's as if you were hiding the strawberry jam from me, Rose, and that would be a very, very  _evil_  thing to do, because you  _know_  how much I love it, and weeell, I couldn't find it, so I may have gotten a little-"

"Hasty?" she supplies the word, holding back a fit of giggles.

"Perhaps. Just a bit! Besides, spilling a few things is not making a mess, it was a... A... A  _controlled_  mess, exactly,  _controlled_ , absolutely!"

Rose shakes her head at the Doctor, her lips pressed tightly together in order to suppress laughter, still in complete disbelief at her own luck. She got him back, or he got her back, whichever; it's as if she's got a second chance at this, a chance to show him all of those things she so badly  _wanted_  to show him, and she promises herself that she will at least try, slowly. Step by step, show him that he  _is_  loved. Make him smile as much as she can so that he will have some good memories to think back to, shall they ever be separated for good.

She shivers at the thought, hoping that there will be no such separation. Just the two of them, together, for as long as she lived.

"Right. Well, I've got this idea. How 'bout I make us some toast and you can have  _all_  the strawberry jam, and then we just, I don't know, take it easy? You could show me that, err, collection of yours, collection of, what was it, robots or somethin'?"

His eyes widen for a brief moment, because she always argues with him about who would take the last of the jam, and her interest in his collection of machinery was always way down below the sea level, but he collects himself quickly enough and grins at her, about to present a much better suggestion.

He wanted to make her happy, and most of all, to keep her near him for, well, for however long she'd agree to. He already dreaded the moment when she'd have to go to sleep. Thus, the  _idea_.

"That's all very well, but I've got an even  _better_  idea," he says with a smug smile. There was no way she'd pass up on all that, and he could worry about his irretrievably damaged reputation later.

"Yeah? What's that, then?"

"Weeell, you know how you're always moaning about watching these daft films of yours?"

"They're not  _daft_! And I'm  _not_  moaning," she grumbles, struggling to appear offended.

"Right, 'course not, but the point remains! I thought we might, you know, watch one of those. If you like. Or two, or, weeell, anything really, I just thought, 'cause you're always fussing about it, so-"

Now it was Rose's turn to feel surprised, because although he always gave in to her requests at some point, he always moaned about it a great deal, too, saying that  _Time Lords_   _do not watch daft romances, Rose, I've told you so many times_ , and then ridiculing every single thing during the viewing. She knew that he secretly enjoyed it, though, but she's gotten used to the routine of her trying to convince him to do this or that. Convincing him often took longer than the movie itself, although lately, he budged very quickly.

"But you're always makin' such a fuss about it, and then in the end, we always watch them, anyway. And now you're asking me, too. It's almost as if you  _like_  them," she teased.

"Weeell, no, of course I don't  _like_  them, Rose!" That wasn't  _entirely_  true, but he did have a reputation to uphold, so a little lie was completely justified. "I just thought you'd enjoy that. I... I want you to be, weeell... Happy?" his voice falters at the last few words, once again transforming a casual conversation into a much more serious one, just the way they've both done quite frequently as of late.

Rose's heart beats a little faster upon hearing that and she embraces him, resting her head against his chest, faintly hearing the quickened beat of his hearts, feeling comforted by the sound. He really  _was_  there with her. She hadn't lost him.

The Doctor freezes for a second before returning the embrace, pulling her even closer.

"What's this for?" he says softly, perfectly content with her reaction to his idea. Even a hundred daft films would be worth watching just to get as much as one hug from Rose, especially if he gets to cudd-

No, not cuddle,  _embrace_  her on the sofa as she swoons over this or that particularly romantic scene and he imagines that they kiss in that same way, with the world spinning and so on, which of course never happened, but would be nice nevertheless.

"I dunno. Just because," she responds, and for a moment, they don't say or do anything at all, both simply overjoyed to be together at the end of this long day, all the while feeling scared of having to part. Scared and unwilling. So after some additional teasing, she graciously agrees to watch a movie, and then another one, even though she is half asleep by then, having been awake for over twenty hours, but she cannot bring herself to go to bed when the alternative is spending some time with the Doctor. Every second spent with him restored a little piece of her sanity and brought her comfort, so she hardly wanted to leave.

In the middle of  _Serendipity_ , Rose fell asleep with her head on his shoulder. His hearts swelled at the sight of her sleeping so close to him as his fingers traced little paths across her upper arm; words of love in Gallifreyan, but he paid it no mind, too focused on observing her sleeping face.

She looks serene, and he basks in her closeness, completely unwilling to let go of her.

The day has taught him a harsh lesson, a lesson he will make very sure to follow, and soon. Hiding may be the safer way to go, the well known road that he has walked so many times before, but no more. Rose  _needs_  to know.

Needs to know how much she puts him at ease, how she truly makes him  _better_ , how every word that comes out of her lips is like music to his torn, tired hearts. How every time she hugs him he feels as if these hearts of his might jump straight out of his chest, and how he has  _never_  felt anything remotely close to this, so he was at a complete loss as to how to go about it, other than to hope that she might one day see him the same way.

The movie comes to an end and he still does not wish to let go of her, waging a war against his own common sense, as he so often did when it came to Rose. She had to sleep, sleep in her own bed, and it just wouldn't do to prolong the inevitable. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, sleeping on the sofa the whole night. That was the final argument for taking her to bed, even though he remained unconvinced, unwilling to let her out of his sight, despite the fact that she was perfectly safe while on the TARDIS.

With a sigh of surrender, he takes her in his arms and picks her up with no effort. The only effort he is forced to make comes from trying to keep himself from kissing her as he carries her all the way to her bedroom and gently sets her down on the bed.

She takes his breath away, and that says  _a lot_ , considering his respiratory bypass system and all. He cannot imagine ever losing her, even if he has never had her in the first place.

He wants to be with her.  _Needs_  to be with her, against all odds.

Truly  _with_  her, not just next to her. He wants more.

Wants to be able to kiss her right at that moment and not have her find it out of place. He wants to fast-forward into his very own future and see if she will ever end up  _his_ , not just remain his friend; if she will ever allow him closer, infinitely closer than they could ever be as an unlikely pair of time-traveling companions.

His shoulders heave with a sigh once more. He does not want to leave her, feeling irrationally scared of losing her after the events of the day, but he knows better than to remain in her bedroom, staring at her sleeping form for the rest of the night, so he tucks her in and turns to leave the room.

Just as he is about to exit, he hears her quiet voice.

"Doctor?"

He freezes in his steps and gulps before he turns to face her, hoping she wouldn't mind him being around her room for this long, on the odd chance that she was awake during his (most probably rather lengthy) internal monologue. He finds her sitting up on the bed, supporting herself with one arm as her legs remain under the blanket. The looming darkness in the room, illuminated only by her star-shaped lamps, conceals her expression to some degree, leaving him guessing, and the Doctor does not like guessing, not when it comes to Rose.

"Rose! I-I did not mean-It's just, you fell asleep, you fell asleep on the sofa, Rose, and that's very unhealthy, absolutely, causes sore muscles, and I thought, weeell, I thought I might, err-" he begins his chain of explanations in a frantic tone of voice, not wanting her to be upset with him, but she interrupts him before he can even finish.

"'s alright. But... Can you stay?"

Her words hang in the air for a moment as their full meaning sinks in. She wasn't mad, and on top of that, she  _didn't want him to go_. The tone of her voice sounds strangely vulnerable and all of his willpower crumbles, leaving him equally defenseless.

It hits the Doctor that she may have been scared, just like he was. Scared of so many things. It was so human to feel fear, so very human, not something his own race would admit to, but then again, this version of him was shaped solely by Rose, and he could relate to all these human things. Not just relate. He felt them himself.

He doesn't respond for a while, completely taken aback by her request, so she hastily adds an unnecessary clarification.

"I mean, just until I fall asleep. I... I thought I'd lost you, and... And I think it'd help if you stayed, 'cos then I know you're still here," her voice cracks at the end because she knows that her request might seem odd to him, but she so badly wants him to stay, she no longer cares what he might think.

"Right, yeah, of course. 'course I can," he finally chokes out, concealing his emotional turmoil with a casual smile that she can faintly see in the dark. With that, he leans against the door to her bedroom, not quite sure  _where_  exactly she wants him to remain.

"Oh, c'me here, you daft alien," she demands, gesturing at the other side of the relatively large bed with a hint of hesitation, effectively making his hearts stop beating for a second only to start racing like never before barely a moment later.

Each of his steps - leaps, really - is accompanied by a pounding deep inside his chest; he doesn't know what to think, what to say, how to act, and the only thing on his mind is that it's odd how right this feels, when it should, in theory, feel so very wrong.

Then again, he was no regular Time Lord. He had his own set of rules, and the vast majority of them concerned Rose; only now, all these rules seemed forgotten as a feeling of urgency settled deep within his hearts, a feeling only she could soothe, or strengthen, or both.

He sat down at the edge of the bed, unsure of what it really was that she wanted him to do, but as he turns his head around to look at her, the smile on her face - a smile of joy, relief, and...

And...

_Oh._

He kicked off his sneakers and took off his suit jacket, tossing it carelessly aside. He then lied down on his back, quite a distance away from her. She did the same, only she was on her side, facing him, feeling a strange mix of emotions course through her, leaving her in an anxious state. If only he'd at least  _look_  at her instead of staring at the ceiling, she'd find a way to make this a little more  _casual_ , because most of the time, that would be exactly what he wanted, and she hardly wanted him to withdraw and run away just the way he always did.

Only the Doctor cannot look at her, not just yet; he needs a moment to compose himself enough just to glance her way, let alone form a coherent sentence. This was so new and so far out of his... His... Comfort zone? Yup. Comfort zone. Miles, miles,  _light years_  out of his comfort zone.

Yet, somehow, it did not feel wrong to just lie there like that, next to her. No, the  _feeling wrong_  part came from being  _that far apart_ , not having her in his arms, having all this space in between the two of them, when in his opinion, there should be none.

He has absolutely no idea what she wants him to do and he most certainly doesn't want to trespass any borders, but her presence alone is comforting enough for him to take a deep breath that he hopes will go unnoticed and lay on his side to be able to look at her properly.

Her hair is slightly disheveled, her eyes seem to shine in the looming darkness, she bites down on her lower lip briefly, distracting him even further. She then smiles at him, still feeling nervous to a certain degree as she studies his features, forever wanting to keep this moment close to her heart, knowing that it would likely not happen again anytime soon.

Perhaps it would mean nothing in the morning and would never be mentioned again, but the feeling of having him this close could never be topped, so Rose fully intends to make the most of it. After all, they couldn't know what each new day would bring. Monsters, disasters, escape and adventure were the stuff of their daily life, creating a routine filled to the brim with danger.

What they did know, though, was that they were together, right there and right then, and that could never be taken away from them, no matter where the future would bring them the following day.

"Thank you," she whispers with a content smile. Her hand sneaks out from underneath the duvet and she closes the gap between them, resting her arm in the space that separates them, hoping that he would take the hint and understand her silent request.

He does; he takes her hand in his, and only then does she close her eyes, knowing she would likely have a hard time falling asleep with him right next to her, but also aware that if she  _does_  fall asleep, she would want nothing more than to find him still there the next morning.

And the next, and the next, and every remaining morning of her life. But he couldn't possibly know that, could he?

The look she gave him prior to closing her eyes spoke volumes. The Doctor, no expert by a long shot, recognized some of the emotions that were so clearly displayed upon her countenance, from the tone of her voice, from the way she held on to his hand as if never ever wanting to let him go. He recognized them because...

Because he felt them, too.

Fear of loss, immense relief at being together, that feeling that chokes him and renders him breathless when his mind wanders and he realizes that, if things turned out differently, he may have never seen her again.

His doubt just... Starts melting away, somehow. Layer after layer, shield after shield his defenses collapse, melt under the warmth of all these unfamiliar feelings that she had caused in him, and he doesn't even try to cling to his shell anymore, mentally discarding it as useless.

Minutes pass and he simply observes her relaxed face, only partly aware of the transition that happens within him as he fights away the urge to kiss her, comfort her, tell her that he will  _always_  keep her safe, no matter the cost.

Because he never felt this way, and she was  _absolutely brilliant_ , and being away from her for as much as two seconds was far, far too long, and he wants even more than what they've had up until now. So much more.  _Only_  with her.

Fear surrenders to hope, and hope joins forces with a strong resolve as his hesitation becomes certainty, finally giving way to his feelings.

He knew nearly  _everything_  about the future. He knew the exact date of the downfall of every civilization in the galaxy, he knew when each and every star would collapse and burn out, he knew the exact day when there would not be a single sun left in the universe and everything would turn so very cold. When there would be nothing left.

He knew all that, but nothing of his own future. Nothing of her future, either. Time was in constant flux, who would know that better than him?

What their life would bring, he didn't know. But he vowed to himself that he would tell her one day, and...

And just like that, he didn't want to wait any longer. He  _couldn't_  wait any longer. Not after seeing that look in her eyes; a mirror of his own, and he just-

He abandoned his fear, if only for a while, and stood strong against the odds, following this strange road with absolutely no way back.

There was never a way back, was there? Not since he met Rose Tyler, no, there was not.

"Rose," he murmurs in a voice barely above a whisper, knowing that she was not yet asleep. He can tell by the shallow sound of her breaths or the quickened beat of her heart. His voice is hoarse, but free of doubt and hesitation, filled with longing.

"Mmm?" she mumbles in return, still awake, slightly groggy and blissful.

He is aware that from this point on, there will be no going back, and everything they've built during the past two years would change, fall apart only to be rebuilt again from its very foundations, no matter the outcome.

Strange part is, he really wasn't afraid. Not anymore.

He will never be afraid again, not of  _that_ , not  _like that_.

She doesn't know, and she needs to know, because he-

He thinks. Or hopes.

That she might  _want_  to know.

And if she does, then they could-

"Can I kiss you?"

Her eyes snap open with a start as her heartbeat immediately starts racing. She scans his face in the dim light of her star-shaped lamps, quite breathless, looks deep into his eyes; his expression is serious, but not grave, no, it's...

It's filled with  _longing_ , the kind of longing she thought she'd seen in his eyes so many times before, but she always wrote it off as her own wishful thinking. Only this time, there was absolutely no doubt.

He looked at her, so defenseless, seemingly unsure of her response, yet without a shade of hesitation on his face.

His eyes search hers, trying to find confirmation, something to hold on to on this strange new land, and soon enough, he gets exactly that.

Or more. Much more.

"Yeah."

With that, she moves closer to him, putting their faces mere inches away from one another as they share a wordless conversation.

An explanation as to why it took so long, and why it couldn't wait any longer.

And then, just like that, their eyes close and their lips meet.

The kiss is soft and slow and tentative at first; it serves as both the question and the answer, the answer to  _every question_ , the start of something brand new. They taste each other's lips, slowly savoring the moment, pouring all of their feelings into that one dream that at long last came true. Rose's hands are pressed against his chest as they slowly venture further; he props himself up on his elbow, easily losing himself in the moment just as she rolls over to her back at the same time, leaving him somewhat above her, and he leans down to keep kissing her now slightly parted lips, deepening the kiss, meeting her tongue with his own, relishing the taste that he had been dreaming of for so long, even before that  _non-kiss_  back on New Earth.

She reaches out and pulls him closer by wrapping her arms around his neck, running her fingers through that gorgeous hair of his, kissing him back with all of the love she has had for him for the past two years, never wanting to stop, momentarily forgetting how unexpected this was, focused on simply not wanting it to ever end.

Their lips part only very briefly when one of them needs to pause for air, up until the Doctor follows another dream of his and traces a path across her cheek with brief kisses, tasting her skin with each and every caress, moving his lips to her jaw line and then past it, all the way down to the crook of her neck. He does not stay long, however, and quickly makes his way back up to her mouth, impatiently locking his lips with hers once again.

He wasn't thinking. For once in his life, he ran entirely on instinct, and he didn't want to go back.

The way she kissed him eased his doubt, because what he could not read in her eyes, he could feel in the way she touched him and pulled him back if he moved away to catch his breath. Perhaps she might...

She might be...

Oh, he cannot wait any longer. Not a second. Not a tenth of it.

So just like that, he  _doesn't_.

"Rose-" he begins, but she doesn't let him finish, pulling him back, crashing her lips onto his with an urgency that accompanied her long-repressed passion. She wasn't going to let this end, not after all those months she's spent daydreaming about this very moment, night and day, wishing for even just one of those kisses, just one of those looks.

He indulges, of course, willingly kissing her back, sometimes slowly and gently, other times passionately, but he wants to,  _needs_  to say it, because-

Because she needs to know.

"I love you," he breathes in between those intoxicating kisses in a husky voice that is barely audible, almost drawn out by the sound of their shallow breaths, and it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off his chest.

Has he  _really_  just said that? At long last, after nearly two years?

His secret was a secret no longer, but what would  _she_  say? Would she regret kissing him, or would she-

At hearing this, Rose stops trying to seize his lips for another kiss and looks straight into his eyes, a look of shock etched all over her face.

"Did you..." she stammers, "Did you just... Say somethin'?"

She must have heard wrong. He couldn't-

Only, he  _did_.

"I did," he confirms and their rapid heartbeats mix together as they look at one another, closer than ever, each completely overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.

"Did I- Did you say-" her breath trembles inside her chest, "Did you just say what I think you said?"

Rose searches his eyes for answers as she had done so many times before, never finding the slightest clue, but this time, all she sees is resolve mixed with a hint of fear.

This was a big step into the complete unknown for him. He dove right in at the deepest end of the pool, barely knowing how to swim in these treacherous waters, yet when he responds, his voice is free of all doubt.

"Yes."

The word hangs in the air for a moment. Each passing millisecond brings the Doctor nearer to a state of panic, he doesn't know what he will do if she won't acknowledge his... His... His  _confession_  in some way; suddenly, the fear of loss comes right back and strikes him with full force, thinking that he may have been mistaken, perhaps she did  _not_  want this, all the... The snogging and those three words that he could hardly keep in anymore, perhaps she-

He feels her heart race, they are just that close. She must feel his hearts, too, if not even hear them.

Please, Rose. Say something.

_Anything._

Plea-

"Can you..." she bites down on her lip briefly, desperately hoping that he wouldn't back out. "D'you think you could you just... Say it again?"

The Doctor raises his eyebrows, puzzled, confused and once again, hopeful.

She wouldn't ask if she didn't want to hear it, right?

No, she wouldn't, and she-

She looks so... So vulnerable, as if his words could touch her very soul, if one believed in that sort of thing. So he takes a deep breath and gathers what courage he has left, knowing that it has to be said.

"I said that I... Well, I... I  _love_  you, Rose. I've... I've-" he trips over words, finding it so much harder to say these things with her observing him so very intently, "I was... I couldn't tell you- It's all- It's all  _new_  to me, Rose, and I- Time Lords, we, well, we never really did-"

She always had a tendency to interrupt him mid-sentence, his Rose. Only this time, she interrupts him in a far, far better way; not with a mocking remark but with a passionate kiss that he happily returns, letting go of his fear of rejection for an instant.

This time, it is she who pulls away, just barely, and she whispers against his lips,

"I love you, my Doctor," she watches as his expression changes into a look of complete wonder, "God, you have  _no idea_ , do you?"

She-

She-

SHE.

SAID.

IT.

ROSE SAID THAT SHE-

Oh, he is just  _stunned_  in a thousand different ways. Stunned, shocked, delighted, overwhelmed. Words were one of his favorite weapons, but he was never one to be affected by them, but  _she said_ -

She said-

She laughs. Out of joy, out of love, and a  _little_  because it's impossible how dense this brilliant man can be at times if he still hadn't noticed that she's been hung up on him for almost as long as she's known him.

"Really?" he finally manages to choke out, an unbelieving smile spreading over his face.

"Really. For so long..."

The most brilliant of smiles lights up his face.

"Oh,  _Rose Tyler_ ," he says, "All of time and space, and I've  _never_  met anybody like you, and that's- weeell, that's amazing,  _brilliant_ , and you- you are-"

At this, she does what she always does best and interrupts him again, pulling him closer and kissing him impatiently, and they keep on  _interrupting_  each other for the rest of the night, both blissfully unaware of time.

It was a whole new experience, like  _nothing_  he has ever done before, but by the end of the night, the Doctor knew that it was something they would experience  _together_.

It was absolutely exhilarating. Terrifying. Amazing. It was-

It was the two of them, a Time Lord and a human, and for once, the Doctor only thought of the future as a point in time in which they would be together, still. Him and  _his_ Rose.

From now on, truly his.

Over nine hundred years and he never felt like he belonged anywhere. Always on the run, always escaping, but now, he knew that he  _did_  belong somewhere.

He belonged with her. All of space and time, everything may change, but that, that's the one thing that never will.

Never.

He strokes her cheek and kisses her again, thinking that out of all of his many adventures, this one will certainly be his ultimate favorite. No contest.

* * *

**A/N:** I know what you're thinking.  _AT LAST!_  I know it took some time, but let's face it, it would never be fast and easy with the Doctor... I know this was pretty long, I hope you don't mind! ^_^ Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow-up for the previous chapter, taking place shortly after _The Satan Pit_ , only hours after everything changed for the Doctor and Rose.

Rose woke up to the sound of a double heartbeat beneath her ear accompanied by a pleasant feeling of weight upon her back. She's had the most beautiful dream about the Doctor, in which he told her that he loves her, and they kissed, and... And it felt so real that it must have carried on to a slightly more awake state, because that heartbeat was unmistakable for any other sound in the world; in truth, she knew it as well as the beat of her own heart.

She refused to open her eyes for a while, trying her best not to disturb this amazing dream. After all, she knew of only one man who had two hearts, and there was no way that she would ever wake up next to-

"Good morning," she hears his soft voice and feels him rub her back in a lazy motion.

Blimey, this dream was  _extraordinary!_ She's had plenty of dreams about the Doctor, but none were as vivid as this one. Most were rather surreal, short, simple scenes that she had to fight off for the rest of the day to not start blushing out of the blue, powerful little scenes, but never quite as elaborate as this.

This time it all felt like the real thing, and while she felt as if she was wide awake, she must have still been fast asleep. Frankly, she didn't even  _want_  to wake up. She felt right at home in his arms, seemingly cuddled up to him, with her head resting on his chest, the soothing beat of his two hearts filling her own heart with a delightful feeling of finally having found a place to belong; like finding her way home after a long, tiresome journey.

She snuggled up to him with a satisfied sigh, determined to sleep a little longer if that's what it takes to stay inside this fantasy of hers.

"Nooo,  _really?_  You're not going to sleep again, are you? Because I know you're awake, Rose. I just  _know_. Go on, open your eyes!"

She wanted to keep dreaming, to stay with him in that brilliant dream, but it was all to no avail. It seemed as though she was much too awake to fall back asleep since reality was seeping through; after all, she heard him have a moan at her just now, asking her to open her eyes. He did that on a daily basis, waking her at ridiculously early hours of the morning  _every-single-day_. Thinking to herself that she must have fallen asleep on the sofa (or the Doctor decided to barge into her bedroom to wake her), Rose decided to get it over with and oblige. She opened her eyes, wishing that she could have stayed in that dream of hers instead, with him.

As she lazily lifted her eyelids and begun taking in her surroundings, she realized that she was in for quite a surprise.

The first thing she saw was the blue oxford that he had been wearing, the shirt that she knew so well, only this time around, she didn't just  _see_  it, she felt the fabric of it touching her cheek. Which meant that she fell asleep with her head on his chest, her arm resting right next to where her head was, just like in her dream. Rose blinked in confusion, and when she looked up, she took in his form: the sleeves of his shirt were casually rolled up, a few buttons undone at the top, no sight of the jacket or tie, and finally, his face. He stared at her with a look of sheer wonder on his face, feeling as though his hearts might jump out of his chest from all the wonderfully brand new experiences that he has never gone through before, not quite like this.

The Doctor finally chose to let go and ever since that moment, everything felt too right for him to hesitate again. He was giddy with excitement and couldn't wait for her to wake up, although at the same time, watching her sleep was soothing in a strange way; he wasn't one to sit around idly, but with her, even that felt perfectly  _right_. How could it not? It was Rose, after all.

"Hello," the Doctor whispered with a big, loving smile, admiring the way she looked right after waking up, finding her disoriented expression rather endearing and her disheveled state quite...  _Enticing_ , but that's all for later.

It takes her a while to gather her thoughts. She must have been dreaming, still, or the dream  _wasn't_  a dream in the first place. Right now, she couldn't tell which of the theories applied to reality.

"You're here," she states in surprise.

"I'm here," he agrees cheerfully, pulling her a little closer, which in turn brings their faces very close together. He has never acted this way with her before and it felt liberating, in a way, to at long last act on his repressed instinct. To Rose, it was simply mind blowing, because they were always quite  _physical_  since he regenerated, always holding hands, hugging and the like, but this, now  _this_  was a whole different dimension.

First of all, they were very, very close, closer than they had ever been, and to top it all off, he wasn't trying to distance himself from her, quite the opposite. His hair was messier than usual, which she couldn't help but consider a very  _sexy_  change from his already gorgeous norm; she briefly marvels at how he can ever manage to look even better than he usually does, while she undoubtedly looks like a fright first thing in the morning. They were on her bed, in her room on the TARDIS, no question about that.

Rose remembered every single second of that dream, but was it  _really_  a dream? She wasn't all too sure anymore, seeing all this. With her free hand, the one that is not currently resting on his chest, she pinches her own cheek, and it really  _does_  hurt. She looks up to meet his eyes again and is met by a degree of amusement on his part.

"Now, what did you go and do that for?" he asks with a smirk.

"I've had this dream," she says after a moment of silence, "That we..."

"That we...?"

"Well, that we... I mean, that  _you_... But I'm not so sure now, 'cos if it was just a dream, I ought to have been awake by now..." she thinks out loud, frowning in confusion which only increases when she hears him chuckle.

"Weeell, I don't claim to be an expert or anything, although I might as well, considering I'm an expert at pretty much  _everything_ , but! I dare say it  _wasn't_  a dream, not at all, even though I've been wondering the very same thing, but no, this is not a dream, and as such,  _that_  wasn't a dream, either, Rose."

Her heart beats even faster as she asks him,

"So you really did... You really did say it, then? And we-"

"I did.  _We_  did, too, as far as I know," his warm smile does all kinds of things to her overjoyed soul. She really  _wasn't_  dreaming. He  _did_  tell her last night, and they  _did_  spend the whole night kissing, and he  _stayed_. He didn't just get up and leave as she thought he might have. It would have made more sense for him to do exactly that, really. Rose knew that the Doctor rarely slept.

But he stayed there, with her snuggled up to him the whole night.

"Well then," she says, her surprised smile quickly fades as she looks into his eyes, finding herself lost in them, overwhelmed by actually having him this close.

The Doctor couldn't quite believe it either. He hadn't slept the whole night, not a wink, but he has never felt this... At peace. Not for a single second in his very long life had he felt like everything had gone the way he wished, no, a thousand times  _better,_ but that's exactly how it was. He watched her sleep after she eventually drifted off with her head resting on his chest (in between some delightfully slow kisses. He found himself quite addicted to them, but can you blame him? Of course not!), and every minute of that night was spent in a joyful state of giddiness mixed with serenity at finally being right where he wanted to be.

Last night, he  _finally_  gave in. He kissed her and said that he loves her, and she... She said it back! She really _did!_  And then they spent a whole lot of time kissing and just enjoying the presence of one another, not saying all too much. There were still things that needed to be said, but the Doctor wanted to have that one night just for catching up on his own dreams, since he finally found out that they were  _her_  dreams, too.

So they kissed - gentle, slow, loving kisses, and they snogged which was, weeell, a great deal more  _passionate_  and extremely addictive, and they even  _cuddled_  until she eventually fell asleep with the sweetest of smiles upon her lips, and he felt  _so_  tempted to wake her up, because it just wasn't enough. It'd never be enough. On the contrary, he longed for  _so much more_ , which was very, very odd but at the same time perfectly expected (it was Rose, after all), but before they'd venture there, he would need to be sure that she did, in fact, want it, want  _all_  of it, because it could never be reversed if she'd change her mind, which the Doctor sincerely hoped she would not, because this... This strange feeling of peace mixed with excitement and hope was something that he could certainly get used to, no matter how new and frightening it all was.

Meanwhile, his thoughts became scattered as she kissed him again; a tentative kiss that quickly deepened when she noticed his remarkably enthusiastic response. This time around, it was her that was above him, and he instinctively tried to pull her closer as she kept on crashing her lips onto his with an increasing passion that he returned in full.

Quickly enough, the Doctor has lost all sense of time once again, because Rose was always very  _distracting_ , but even more so when she decided to start their morning with a wonderful session of snogging, so when she abruptly pauses her kisses for a moment, he feels terribly disappointed. She studies his face with a dizzy look in her eyes.

"Did you- Did you mean it though, Doctor? What you said last night, did you mean it?" As she asks him this, the tone of urgency in her voice becomes more prominent, temporarily clearing the dizziness caused by being able to actually kiss the man she has spent such a long time pining for.

Taken aback, quite dazed himself after finally kissing her lips again (he waited a whole of five hours for this!  _Five_!), the Doctor takes a moment to collect his thoughts. It was incredible, having all of this with her, it was just-

Right, a question.

"Rose, I meant every word," he says without a hint of doubt as he looks into her eyes and strokes her cheek. He swallows down the lump that had formed in his throat and asks her in return, "Did you?"

His hearts swell in his chest when she smiles at him the way she does, because  _no one_  has ever looked at him the way she did, like he was worth every second of her time, like he was her favorite person in the whole wide world, which he certainly hoped he was, because she most definitely was his.

He never knew that he wanted this. Never knew that he wanted to find someone who would appear out of nowhere and turn everything upside down.

Not until he met Rose.

"Of course I did, you daft alien," she leans down to kiss him again, but soon the roles are reversed and she ends up beneath him, arms wrapped around his neck, fingers running through his hair.

It was odd, so very odd, because none of it felt wrong in any way. Rose was in shock; she didn't think that she'd ever stop being in a shock, at least not in the nearest future. At the same time, kissing him felt so natural, as if it was always meant to end up that way, with the two of them sooner or later crossing that thin line between friendship and love.

Perhaps it really  _was_  meant to be that way, and they were both delaying the inevitable? She liked to think so.

She only wondered where they would go from here. Loving each other is one thing, but what would the Doctor truly want for them? How much would things change? How often would they spend their mornings exactly like this, or perhaps in a... In an even more...  _Pleasant_  way? Would they ever? Would he...  _Want to?_

Her thoughts give her away as the Doctor looks at her face intently, pulling his lips away from hers for a brief moment, breaking the increasingly passionate kiss.

It wasn't hard to tell that she still had some questions which lingered on her mind. So did he. Oh, he did. Because no matter how much it would hurt one day, he was in this for the long run.

He wanted to know if she'd-

If she would want to... Be in it for the long run, too.

To be fair, he  _knew_  that she would. The previous night has made everything so much clearer; he no longer doubted Rose's feelings, not even for a second, and he certainly did not question his own. But there were plenty of differences between a human and a Time Lord, and some of those things he just  _couldn't_  know unless they'd actually talk about it.

Talking about things of a more personal nature was never his forte, but after last night's confession, he feels empowered. Not being able to do this with her, always keeping up barriers, it was... It was  _exhausting_  and  _unfair_ , and now he knew that it was unfair for to the both of them, not just himself.

He would suffer, one day, but that day was a long way away. Until then, he really wanted it  _all_  with Rose.

And by "all", he meant  _everything_. He wasn't one to do something casual, not when both of his hearts were at stake, not when the person he loved was Rose, and Rose was just-

She looked at him strangely, laying on her back as he hovered above her, enjoying both the closeness and the other things that came with it, although he rather quickly realized that this  _talk_  that they needed to have, this talk would have to happen rather  _soon_ , because it was... Weeell. Increasingly difficult to just  _be there_  like that.

It was just a split moment, a brief second suspended in time, but their minds were racing.

Rose flushed slightly, convinced that he must have been reading her mind; not that it would be hard to jump to such conclusions given their current situation. They were in her bed (in which they spent the  _whole night_. Rose had to struggle to avoid squealing from joy when she realized that it was  _not_  a dream), wearing much less clothes than usual, in his case at least, and the way their lips met time and time again was becoming increasingly heated. Oh, and he also was one  _gorgeous_  Time Lord. She hadn't met any other Time Lords, but she was still convinced that none could compare to her Doctor. It's not like  _anybody_  could ever compare to him, so why would those of his own race be any different?

She looked into his eyes and saw love, love which he for once did not try to hide, and seeing it filled her with so much joy that it brought tears to her eyes. She moved her hand into the space that was between them and pressed it tightly against his chest, wanting to feel the beat of his hearts to remind herself that he was, in fact, real. That they were really  _together_  in more than one sense now.

He frowns when he notices the glistening drops in her eyes.

"Is everything alright?" he asks quietly, looking at her with concern.

"Yeah, 'course it is," she smiles, "It's just... I  _can't_  believe this," with that, she lets out a disbelieving chuckle.

He  _loved_  her. Really. She could see it and feel it and hear it in his voice, so tender and so only hers. She only hoped that he saw just how much he meant to her, too. Rose can hardly believe that it's only been what, less than twelve hours since she came to know his feelings for her? Yeah, less than twelve hours.

He relaxes when he realizes that her tears are a sign of joy and not of sadness, but he still kisses them away, pressing his mouth briefly all the way down to her lips only to lie down on his side, right next to her. Staying idly in bed for this long would be unimaginable to him before, but just like everything else with Rose, he found himself enjoying it much more than any dignified Time Lord would care to admit.

"Weeell, it is a little...  _Different_ , I suppose," he says with a grin that she returns in full.

"Good different, or bad different?" Rose asks in reply and they both chuckle at the memory of his regeneration; he asked her that very same question in regards to whether he looked good or not this time around, and she only said  _just different_ , because  _good_  didn't quite cover it, and she missed her old Doctor, too, so she hardly knew what to think.

"Good different. Very good, actually."

They share an intense look which remains unbroken as they study one another in ways they haven't done before, without that gripping fear keeping a tight hold on their feelings.

"I never thought... I mean, I guess I  _hoped_ , but I didn't think that you'd, y'know, ever want this too," she whispers after a moment of silence, looking down briefly before meeting his eyes again, only to find that familiar vulnerability hidden within them. She reaches out and strokes his cheek comfortingly, loving being able to do just that without having to wonder what he would think. Just acting on her feelings, at long last.

"I was... I was  _scared_ , Rose. I wanted this-I wanted this  _so very much_ , but I..."

She nods, encouraging him to continue.

"I was afraid, because letting go meant that everything would, well, have a chance to, errr...  _Escalate_ , and that, that was strangely terrifying, because-"

"Because I'm human?"

"Yes," he responds in a hoarse voice, "And I'm a Time Lord. My race, we... Time Lords  _were_  a superior race, Rose. I'm not making it up," he grins at her, "We were meant to be...  _Above_  such things, I suppose. Marriages were... Arranged, and love was... Weeell, I guess I just... I never really gave it much thought, not until I met you."

"You had a family once," she risks the statement, desperately not wanting to hurt him.

"I did," he says. Now that he started, he had a hard time stopping. Talking about Gallifrey, about his past, it was painful, but also strangely liberating, and he couldn't stop. "Arranged marriages, children born in the looms... My race was so different from yours - you lot are so full of emotions, always crying and laughing and falling in and out of love, not like Time Lords, and that's why I... I'm not really... I don't really know how-" he trails off, finding comfort and understanding in her eyes. She remains silent, waiting for him to continue. "I didn't know what to do, and that was new to me.  _All this_  is new to me."

Rose feels tremendously happy at seeing him so open, but also finds herself wanting to share his pain, wanting to heal his wounds in any way she possibly could.

"You've been through so much, haven't you," she whispers, still stroking his cheek, tracing her fingers across his sideburns all the way down to his jaw. "I mean, you never really told me, but I can see it in your eyes."

The Doctor offers her a sad smile in response.

"I have," he admits once again, "I've lost everything I had, and then... And then you came along, and for the longest time, I didn't know what to do. Imagine that,  _me!_  I know everything, after all, so it was rather... Odd."

Rose giggles softly at his boasting and takes his face in her hands, bringing him very close. Her laughter dies down and there is nothing but sincerity in her tone as she speaks,

"Well, you won't lose me. Not as long as I live."

As Rose keeps her hands on his temples, she briefly sees something inside her own mind. A beautiful planet with twin suns, high mountains and silver forests; the image flashes in her mind only to be replaced by one of that same planet, burning, and then disappears completely. She blinks in surprise and looks at his pained expression.

"Was that..." she trails off, unsure of what to say.

"I can't seem to keep my barriers up around you, Rose," the Doctor whispers, feeling more vulnerable than he ever did before, but also feeling safe, knowing that his hearts were in her hands.

"Then don't," she whispers in reply.

To speak of his home planet, to share it with anybody at all, was unthinkable. The mere memory of it felt like a hundred knives stabbing him over and over again, a constant reminder of his everlasting guilt.

But it was Rose, and he wanted  _everything_  with her. This was a part of it, too.

Maybe she is right. Maybe he shouldn't keep it from her.

He could at least  _try_.

He takes a deep breath and brings his hands to her temples.

He would show her Gallifrey. His home.

Images of Gallifrey flood her mind one after another, followed by his quiet commentary. He describes it all in a soft voice; tells her of the life under the twin suns, of the way the trees reflected sunlight, of the beauty of the sky at sunset, looking as if it was on fire, of the tallest mountains which overlooked the orange and silver valleys, of the rocks which were purple and red and brown and gold.

He doesn't mean to show her more, but it slips past his defenses. Gallifrey burning, Gallifrey lost. When she opens her eyes, he looks at her intently, his eyes serving as a gateway to his troubled soul.

She leans forward and kisses him; a slow, tender kiss. When it ends, their faces remain close.

"Thank you," she whispers, her breath ghosting over his lips.

"I wish you could have seen it, Rose. You would have loved it - I know you would have - I'm  _sure_  you would, but-"

He pauses for a moment.

"But it's all gone now. All burnt. And it was my own doing."

The Doctor looks at her in fear. The fear that has always been there, crippling him. Fear of losing her, of being  _unworthy_  of her.

Would she still want him when she knew what he did? Would she want to spend her life with someone who had so much blood on his hands?

"You had no choice," she says softly, "I could... I could feel it. In your memories, I mean. And you... You've suffered for it every single day," a huge lump forms in her throat as she finds herself nearing tears at feeling his pain so acutely.

"I deserve it."

"You don't. No, really, you  _don't_! Doctor, you're just... You're  _amazing_ , and the things you do for  _everyone_  on every planet in every galaxy, these things are just...  _Incredible_. You've saved so many lives. I should know, you saved mine, too."

"And you saved mine," he struggles to speak, stuck right in between absolution and damnation, " _Rose Tyler_."

They remain in a tight embrace, soothed by the sound of their own beating hearts.

A long time passes before either of them even considers leaving this newfound paradise of theirs, and with each passing minute, the Doctor finally recognizes the start of something that he had been searching for. He's been searching for this for far too long, and he has finally found it.

Down at the very bottom of his hearts, which have been hers for so very long, the Doctor finally finds forgiveness.

**~oOo~**

Neither of them even mentions going anywhere that day. Adventures come in many shapes and sizes, and this particular one was the most important of them all, not to mention that it was one they didn't wish to share with anybody. They wanted some time, time to clear up everything that needs to be said and hopefully begin building something brand new, together.

They held each other for a long time. Rose felt his pain so very keenly when he showed her Gallifrey, it almost broke her heart. She wanted to heal every wound, to be there for him, if she could ever be of any help to him at all. And the Doctor needed her, he has needed her for so long, so much more than she would ever know.

Rose saw the worst of him and  _still_  did not reject him. No, the opposite, he could almost feel each and every one of his scars being tended to by the gentle caress of her love, her kindness and her forgiveness.

Perhaps he would never forgive himself, but he knows that Rose forgave him for the both of them.

And that he is no longer alone.

 

* * *

 

Hours pass and they stay together, always near, always very close, as if it had always been that way, as if this wasn't really all that brand new. But it was, it really was, and every second of it was filled with promise for the days that were still yet to come.

From her bedroom they went to the kitchen, both reasonably hungry after so many hours spent in bed. The Doctor brightened up considerably and claimed that he would prepare dinner, to which Rose responded with a healthy dose of playful wariness.

"Are you  _doubting_  me, Rose Tyler? Because that would be very uncalled for, you see, since I'm a Time Lord and lowly tasks, such as, I don't know,  _cooking,_  are  _nothing_  to me. Could do it all while asleep, blindfolded, hands tied! And  _you_ , Rose, you'd be asking for seconds," he said as he collected all sorts of random ingredients from all over the kitchen.

"Are you seriously planning to mix ketchup with  _chocolate_?" she asks with a grin, looking over his shoulder while embracing him from behind. He leans towards her involuntarily, bringing their bodies closer.

He wasn't really paying attention to the things he picked up, his focus was entirely on her. Ketchup and chocolate, weeell, he had to admit that it was  _not_  the most fortunate combination, but he would have to keep a straight face, so he swallows thickly as his Adam's apple bobs in his throat while he attempts to collect himself. That talk, it  _really_  needs to happen  _soon_.

"What, don't you like it? It will be a... A... A ketchup and chocolate  _cake_! Oh, brilliant! Didn't I say that I was brilliant? I'm sure I did, and I was very right to do so, because-"

Her initial reaction is to wince at the idea of mixing the two, but she soon starts laughing and he turns his head to look at her. She looks amazing in every possible way, if you ask him, and the way she smiles sends his hearts off on a merry race around the globe. Seconds later they are kissing, and the oven, which he had already started heating up, catches on fire. No problem, not at all, they can always buy a new one, build a new one, or simply not  _have_  one. Kissing Rose is more important, and that's what the Doctor focuses on, quickly finding their tender kisses turned into the best snog anyone has  _ever_  had. No contest. It was impossible for any of this to ever be topped, and it was also quite impossible to-

"Rose," he breathes, opening his eyes to find that she was now sitting on the counter, her arms were wrapped around his neck, his around her waist, and they were closer than would be considered appropriate in about 98,7% of all known star systems. Maybe even a full 99%. He wasn't sure.

Rassilon. How did  _that_  happen? They were just- well, they were cooking and pausing to kiss here and there, but this was a taaad more than that. And just a day ago they were still friends! Or so they said, at least, not that there was much truth to it.

And the worst (best?) thing is, it  _still_ wasn't enough. And it would never be enough. Time Lord or not, this was  _Rose_  he was dealing with, and she was, weeell, quite distracting. Very distracting.

Rose looks at him curiously, panting ever so slightly. Her cheeks are flushed and he can hear the quickened beat of her heart as well as he hears his own.

"D'you... D'you happen to remember when I, um, I mentioned telepathic bonds to you once, weeell, maybe more than once, but do you remember? The, err, the bonds?"

"I do," she answers, looking him straight in the eyes.

"You see, the thing is, I meant a... Weeell... A rather  _specific_  kind," they are still holding one another, both treating this as a brief pause and not a longer interruption, which makes it very difficult for him to think. Rose always did that to him, sent his mind on this, this carousel of distracted thoughts, and in this regeneration his mind was never quite organized in the first place, so that didn't help in the slightest. Not at all.

But he  _has_  to tell her, because he wants to share it  _all_ with her. He doesn't want to rush into it without telling her that it's real and that it's for good.

For always, however long they would be given.

His expression sobers slightly and he somehow, miraculously, manages to go on, this time in a more serious tone, wanting to convey the depth of it all to her.

"I'm a Time Lord, Rose, and while the concept of falling in love was, weeell, rather unfamiliar to us, there were a few... A few lucky ones that felt it, and they formed a... Bond. And it lasted for life," he paused, "I've lived a very, very long life, I did! I've seen empires fall and planets dissolve into dust and I've even witnessed evolution, but I have never... Felt this way. Not even once. Not about anyone."

He looks her right in the eyes and he could swear that his hearts were never meant to beat quite this fast, but they still did. And her heart, her heart was racing, too.

"Me neither," she whispers.

"Humans and Time Lords, we... We have a different...  _View_  on these things, in my, admittedly, very limited experience, and I just-"

Deep breath. Go on. Go on.

"I just... I don't want anything  _casual_  with you, Rose, not with you, no, I could  _never_ , and if we-If we really, really do this, I want it to be-"

She cannot breathe as she waits for him to finish. Much like that very same morning, she finds herself wondering if this is all just a dream.

But it's not.

"I want  _everything_. That bond, we-we could still have it, to some degree, different species, but still-and the thing is, it's not something that can just be...  _Broken_. It stays, and it's a... A connection, of sorts, we would be... One, in a way. But I don't know if you want that. If you... If you want everything, too."

She probably didn't know the true significance of it, she couldn't really have, but what he was offering her was  _himself_. Every corner of his soul, every beat of his hearts, _that_  was his offer, and even though she already knew that he loved her, this was even more. This was a... A commitment. Something unbreakable in every sense.

Giving up all of his defenses for the sake of having this with her.

He briefly wonders if it's too soon for her. He knows that human relationships don't quite work like this, but after delaying it for so long, he doesn't want to wait any longer. He doesn't want to go further without knowing  _exactly_  where they stand.

She looks at him, quite overcome by this. She wondered about this very same thing just a few hours earlier; where would they go, what would he want for them?

What she wanted was everything he'd be willing to share with her and more. A reminder of love in each and every second of their life.

A life spent  _together_ , not just next to each other.

"I do," she utters the words, meaning so much more than they could ever convey, "I do want everything, Doctor. With you,  _only_  with you. And nothing could ever make me change my mind."

And just like that, right when he thought he couldn't be happier, he suddenly was.

"Are you  _sure_? This is for life, Rose. I will always be..." he swallows thickly once again, looking at her, nervous happiness in his eyes. "Yours."

"I'd be yours even if you didn't want me," she replies, "I've known that for... For two years, Doctor. I  _love_  you. I'll never stop."

His hearts erupt in a burst of joy, exhilaration and weeell, a hint of pride, too. Rose Tyler, his Rose, she was-

She was his, and he was hers, and if he knew any better, he would have known that they'd end up here one day, he would have known that all along.

But he didn't. He feared and doubted and he couldn't decide, but it was all for nothing.

Everything from this point on would be  _theirs_. Not just a select few moments in their daily life,  _everything_.

Soon to be bound by a bond that he never thought he'd share with anybody, a bond of minds, hearts and souls.

His eyes darken with passion as he is suddenly struck by her proximity; during his speech he'd pushed the thought away, knowing that there were things to be said, but now... Well. Now, it was a whole different story.

No words are needed and it's as if they've been struck by a thunder; an electric current pulses between them, and they are not surprised in the least when their lips meet in a kiss unlike any before, filled with love, passion, longing and impatience. Nor are they surprised when their hands travel to places they haven't previously been to, anxious to explore everything they can, and they certainly aren't surprised when they hastily abandon the kitchen in favor of his bedroom.

When all of his defenses collapse under the weight of their newly discovered love, a connection is born.

And it is one that will never be broken. No matter what happens, it would always be there to stay. A joining of minds.

And even if  _forever_  was never meant to be theirs, the Doctor knew that this bond would last until his hearts beat for the very last time.

**~oOo~**

They spent yet another day in bed.

The Doctor didn't even notice. A year might have passed and he wouldn't have noticed.

This particular Lord of Time couldn't quite keep track of time when pleasantly engaged elsewhere.

With Rose. Always with Rose.

His Rose.

* * *

**A/N:** I usually pick up a few days or weeks after the previous chapter, but this time, it was directly after his confession. I thought it would be important to include what was in this chapter. I'm not sure how canon my Time Lord ideas were, but I hope they don't put you off. I thought this would be a meaningful closure to the previous chapter. :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is brand new to Rose and the Doctor, and their days are filled with bliss. But is it meant to last? Takes place before _Fear Her_.

Four weeks. It's been an  _extraordinary_  four weeks. Or was it five? The Doctor could hardly tell anymore, because for the first time in his life, all the days drifting by were a blur of happiness filled with Rose. Seeing her first thing in the morning, last thing at night. Spending the day together, as was the norm, but in such a different way and setting from before.

He sits on the bed -  _their_ bed - as he waits for her to get ready to go, legs crossed at the ankles, still not wearing his suit jacket, tie or trainers. He'd have plenty of time for all that later. The plan was visiting her mother, which was one of the most unappealing plans in the history of the universe, but since it was with Rose, weeell, he'd just have to endure it. Although he'd much rather pull her back into bed, or, or  _anywhere_  really, he wasn't particularly picky, you see, because just the thought of sitting beside her idly as they sip on tea while her mother prattles on about nothing makes him feel impatient, and they haven't even gone there yet.

He wants to touch her. Constantly.

It was getting a little  _problematic_  to control, and around her mother he'd certainly  _have_  to.

With a sigh, he looks around the room, and his grumpy expression fades as a slow smile spreads over his face.

It was, in theory,  _his_  bedroom that he was now sitting in, but then again, it wasn't, was it? Not anymore it wasn't, because now, it was  _theirs_. And the bed was theirs, too. It was an unspoken agreement of sorts, ever since that first night when they abandoned the console room in favor of his bedroom and ended up spending a whole lot of time in there, so much that neither of them bothered leaving until the afternoon of the next day. And even when they left, they came back. Very soon. And they kept coming back so much that it became a given and not an odd occurrence. So much that one night, when she was exhausted after ehm,  _well_ , and stumbled into her own bedroom to sleep he was absolutely petrified. A night without Rose? Not a chance. Of course, she went there on a dizzy accident, and she didn't get to sleep much once she did find her way to  _their_  bedroom, but that's beside the point.

Point was, the room was full of Rose, even if she wasn't currently in it.

His bedroom was exquisitely furnished, but before Rose it was somewhat devoid of life. A fireplace he didn't care for, on it the few pictures of Rose he managed to accumulate, with his two favorites sitting on the nightstand beside his enormously large bed. Midnight blue covers made of silk (the Doctor likes blue, it's soothing), a frame made of dark wood, bouncy mattress inside of it. Rose loved how bouncy it was; he still remembers that first time when he set her down on that bed, and despite it being a, weeell, passionate moment, she still giggled in delight, bouncing for a second before she seized his lips for a wonderfully long snog.

He made sure to get her a bed of the same type for her own bedroom, but she hasn't slept in it even once, and his own room was filled with traces of her.

Yeah. Just four (five?) weeks later, it was a whole different dimension, that bedroom of his.

Her clothes were scattered all over the place, even in the closet - in fact, he tinkered with the piece of furniture to make it just like his TARDIS, bigger on the inside, and thanks to that their clothes now hung neatly next to each other. No clear distinction, really. His shelves, her shelves, his shirts, her jeans, same wardrobe, same room.

Rose never cared much for cleaning and neither did he, so the room was cluttered. A shirt over the plush armchair, a hairbrush on the bookshelf, a magazine she was reading while he frantically tried to fix his sonic screwdriver after an unfortunate accident with some alien life forms (until she interrupted him, that is. He ended up fixing it while she slept), a rather fetching pair of knickers on the mantel (that was probably  _his_  fault), three pairs of shoes in the corner (she couldn't decide which pair to wear to this fancy planet he took her to), a teddy bear her dad bought for her before he passed away that she still kept close... The mascot was called Eddy and one of its eyes went missing over the years. Rose told the Doctor that she wanted to fix it, but could never find a matching button to sew to replace his eye.

The Doctor fixed Eddy's eye while Rose was sleeping one night.

He stretches, still with a content smile, pondering the past weeks.

It was unusual and new and so very domestic, but it was also  _right_. They shared a bond, now, something he always wanted but never considered plausible prior to finding Rose. He felt her presence so strongly in his mind; a constant reminder of her affection, telling him that he was no longer alone. Of course his ability to explore her mind was much more extensive than hers, but he didn't  _need_  to do it. They were connected in every sense, minds, bodies,  _everything_  (for all intents and purposes, they were actually  _married_. Time Lord ritual), and the closer they were, the stronger their connection was.

The Doctor knows that his people would have frowned upon this. Humans were always considered inferior to the Time Lords, and such bonds were rare even among two of his kind, let alone a cross-species pair. That just didn't happen, not ever. His race was known to stay within the rules, and if those rules were ever bent, it was for the sake of power or knowledge, never for the sake of love.

He would have once thought that he'd feel scared in a situation such as this. Sharing a bed, sharing a life filled with adventures but still so very domestic, days spent on the TARDIS while hardly leaving their bedroom, all of this was something he used to consider impossible, so conflicting with his personality. But after just a few nights spent by her side as she slept, he realized that it  _wasn't_  against his personality, not as such. It was just against his knowledge, his rules and his experience in life. Being still meant being vulnerable. A slow target is easier to hurt.

That's why he never stopped running, not until he ran into her. For her, he could break the rules.

So he didn't panic or despise these slower days, no, not at all. On the contrary, he longed for them, and he convinced Rose to stay in many, many times. It wasn't difficult to do, to be fair, because all of their free time was taken up by weeell, rather...  _Distracting_  activities. And after that was over, he would stay by her side until she fell asleep, at the very least. Often he'd just stay there and listen to her calm breaths against his chest. Many nights he'd sleep with her, not needing it but wanting to, if only for the sake of the brilliant feeling of her kissing him to pull him out of his slumber.

It was all fresh and so very new, but he also knew that it was meant to last, and the Doctor has never felt happier.

Still barefoot and undone, he gets up and makes his way towards the bathroom, expecting that she would be done with her makeup by now. Nasty stuff, that; he preferred the taste of her skin without all these powders and blushes and other mysterious contraptions, but she said she had to if they were visiting her mum.

He finds her in front of the large mirror, apparently done with her beauty enhancements but still trying to choose a shirt from the pile of clothes she brought in order to get dressed.

Seeing her shirtless does all kinds of things to all sorts of his senses, so he embraces her from behind, entwines his arms at her waist and kisses her neck, enjoying her scent and the steadily quickening beat of her heart.

"Hello," she murmurs happily, turning her head to meet his lips. He more than willingly obliges and places his hands on her hips to turn her around so that he can face her, soon sliding them up her back towards the strap of her pesky bra. She stands on tiptoe, kisses him again and then giggles into his lips.

"Doctor, we're goin' to Mum's, remember?"

"But,  _Roooose_!" he whines against her skin, "May I remind you that we are in a  _time machine_? We could stay here for a whole year and visit your mother on the very same day! Can't we go, I don't know, tomorrow? The day after? Someday? Any day except today?"

"Fine by me, but Mum's been ringing like mad. It's best if we just go and get it over with, yeah? And the sooner we leave, the sooner we'll get back..." At that, she slowly slides her tongue across her upper lip, all the while grinning at him with a playful gleam in her eye.

Well. That was the one argument he couldn't really disagree with. Suddenly he wants to rush out of the TARDIS just so that they can come back faster, much faster, hopefully very, very fast.

"Weeell, when you put it like that..." he grins in return, "What're we waiting for, then? Let's go! Allons-y!"

She laughs and shows him the two shirts she's been considering; a blue tee and a red tank top.

"Which one?"

"Neither?" He responds hopefully and she smacks his arm, all the while laughing and choosing the blue t-shirt.

"I thought you wanted to go, Doctor. What's happened to that, eh?"

"Weeell, I don't really  _want_  to. Not really. Strictly speaking, I would say that I  _don't_  want to," he says, watching with disappointment as her fingers work to conceal her skin behind that useless piece of fabric, barely holding himself back from grabbing her wrists and-

"We've got to," she sighs, "And look at you! You're still not dressed! And your shirt is done up all wrong. What would you ever do without me?" She complains but she cannot suppress her smile, so he smiles in return as she corrects his buttons.

"I don't want to know," he says earnestly and leans down to kiss her; a soft, loving caress, before leaving to grab his jacket and put on his shoes.

Tea with Jackie Tyler. Oh, joy.

Tea with Jackie Tyler and Rose. Weeell, when you put it like that...

**~oOo~**

"Are we... Y'know... Telling her?" Rose asks as they walk towards her block, hands joined, leisurely pace. He can sense her concern throughout their link despite her trying to keep it hidden and he finds himself desperate to make her feel better.

"Do you want to?" He asks, squeezing her hand in a comforting gesture.

"I dunno. I reckon she's gonna kill me."

The Doctor chuckles and that, in turn, brings a smile upon her face.

"I think... That it's best if we do. Even if it means that I'm going to get slapped," he grins, "After all, we  _are_  married, Rose, so keeping it to ourselves is, weeell, counterproductive, because we don't want to keep it hidden, do we?"

Her heart leaps up to her throat upon hearing this. She never felt tired of hearing it.

It's been one hell of a month, and she loved every little second of it, even though she still couldn't quite believe it.  _Still!_  But it was true and it was real, she knew that much by now. She could feel his presence in her mind even when she slept, and he was in her every dream, and he was always there when she woke up in the morning,  _always_. Rose knew that he didn't sleep through every night, but he always stayed until she fell asleep and always made his way back to bed before she opened her eyes.

Often, he kissed her awake, as an addition to his usual moaning about her being asleep for too long and that it was already  _five_  in the morning, so she should really get up right now.

The bond and the Time Lord marriage ceremony - joining their hands with a long piece of cloth - it was all surreal, but also breathtakingly beautiful. Not even in her wildest dreams did she ever think they'd go down this road, a path so domestic that even she hasn't given it any thought prior to finding out that he does, in fact, want all that with her. The marriage didn't change a thing for Rose, but she knew that it was bound to make her mum freak out, so she was a little hesitant.

"Let's just see how it goes, yeah?" She suggests as they walk into the block and he nods, holding the door open for her, both taking a deep breath as they ring the doorbell, hands still joined.

 

* * *

 

As expected, Jackie was absolutely ecstatic to see them. She hurled herself at Rose and made sure to hug the living breath out of her daughter, then went on to the Doctor before he had a chance to escape.

"C'mere you! Oh, how are you, sweetheart? Are you takin' good care of my daughter? Are you hungry? We could order pizza, if you like. What have you two been up to, then?"

Rose's mother went on and on as the Doctor and Rose sat down on the sofa, the opposite of her, and both struggled not to give their secret away too soon and in the wrong way. Rose still wasn't entirely sure how to bring up their fresh relationship to her mum and the Doctor didn't wish to go against her will, so they were both unusually quiet. In between all the  _did you hear about Bev, d'you know that Marty's sister is havin' a baby_ or  _you never call me, Rose, I said he was a bad influence, I said it, didn't I?,_ Jackie picks up on their nervous expressions. When they still don't say much for a couple more minutes, she stops her chatter and gets right down to business.

"Go on then, what is it? You two are actin' all weird, you are. I can sense these things! What is it? Are you in trouble? What happened?"

"What are you on about? Everything's fine, Mum. So, what's that you were saying about Bev?" Rose tries to change the subject and the Doctor presses his lips together in an attempt to stifle a burst of laughter at her attempt. His hand finds hers underneath the coffee table and he gives her a gentle squeeze combined with a tender look that Jackie, of course, does not miss.

"Oh, I'm not havin' any of that! I can see the way he looks at you, Rose. What's he done to you this time?" Jackie shoots the Doctor a glare; a terrifying promise of an impending slap.

"Mum, he hasn't done anything," Rose says with a sigh, then turns to look at him again and lets her gaze linger for a little too long. Nervous or not, she still reveled in his presence, and it was almost too easy to lose herself in his eyes.

"What are you starin' at him for- Oh, my God! No! Can't be! Oh, I knew you two were shagging in that little box! I said so, didn't I! Rose, you're  _pregnant_ , aren't you! That's why you're both sittin' here like you swallowed a broomstick, 'cos you're afraid of my reaction! Pregnant at twenty-one?! With an  _alien_?! 's no wonder you didn't wanna call me, Rose, I can't believe this!"

Somewhere during her exasperated speech, Jackie stood up and started flailing her arms angrily as the Doctor and Rose looked at her wide-eyed, jaws slack.

"Mum- Mum, no, stop! What are you on about? I'm- I'm not-" Rose stammered.

"Pregnant. She's  _not_  pregnant, Jackie," the Doctor chimed in, feeling somewhat amused and somewhat petrified, because hearing that  _Jackie Tyler knew they were shagging in that little box_  is not exactly the kind of thing he likes to discuss over tea. No, not really.

Jackie calms down just enough to stop screaming at them and stand still for a second, so the Doctor takes his chance to continue,

"Definitely not pregnant. You can, errr, sit back down, if you like?"

She does and breathes out a sigh of relief before she starts questioning them again, "So if Rose's not pregnant, then what on Earth is wrong with you two? You're acting all weird, I'm tellin' you. Is something the matter?"

"Well, we're sort of," Rose begins, knowing that they can't avoid it any longer, "Um, we're sort of-"

"Married," he adds as Rose bites down on her lip, fighting the urge to bite her nails instead.

"Not on Earth!" she rushes to say, "But it's a, well, it's a..."

"...A Time Lord ritual of marriage, but weeell, we still  _are_. I keep telling you, Rose, it's a big deal! A very, very big deal! Much bigger than your weddings back on Earth, with the frilly dresses and outdated music and-" he would go on but Rose silences him, holding her breath as she awaits her mum's reaction.

Now it was Jackie's turn to appear dumbfounded, because while she knew that the two were completely smitten, this was the kind of thing she certainly did not expect.

"What d'you mean,  _married_?" she finally utters.

"The... That's not important though, Mum. I mean... We've decided to be together, yeah? So it's just a tradition, just like the Doctor said."

"You got  _married_  and you didn't invite me?!" Jackie shrieks and Rose sighs with relief. If that's her biggest complaint about the whole thing, then maybe it wasn't going to be too bad. But then she recalls the whole setting and everything that happened before and after the so called ceremony, and well... Yeah. Perfect, she's blushing. Her eyes travel down to their joined hands and she takes a deep breath as the Doctor draws comforting circles across her palm.

"It's... Err, it's not exactly something to be, weeell,  _invited_  to, Jackie," the Doctor says hastily, "And it was sort of a spur of the moment thing, you see, we didn't exactly  _plan_  it, it just-"

"Just sort of happened, yeah?"

"Exactly!"

Rose's mother sighs with exasperation, looking at the pair of them as the news slowly sink in. Her only daughter, married at twenty-one, to an  _alien_. It could hardly get any worse, so at least it was bound to only get better from there on, right?

"Oh, look at you two, finishing each other's sentences and lookin' like the whole bloomin' planet revolves around you! It's just like your father and I, exactly like it, Rose," she shakes her head, "And I wasn't a day older than you are now when we got married, but that's 'cause I was havin' you! What's the hurry? And are you two goin' to settle down, then? Get a proper house and things, stop gettin' into trouble?"

Rose and the Doctor both sigh under the weight of her question. Rose knew more than well that her mum would never understand, and the Doctor, no matter how much he grew to like and respect Jackie (who was now his  _mother-in-law_. Blimey!), was not one to enjoy conversations such as this one. Domestics never appealed to him, at least not unless it was with Rose, and even though she's changed him a whole lot, this was still a little too far out of his comfort zone - discussing their future with the  _mother_. Eugh.

"No, Mum. I told you, this doesn't change anything. I'm still going to travel with the Doctor, we're just... We're  _together_  now, 's all."

"But Rose, sweetheart, what about kids? Will I ever have a little lad to call me Gran?"

Great.  _This is just getting better and better_ , Rose thought to herself, and she didn't have to be a mind reader to know that the Doctor was probably thinking something exactly along those lines.

"I thought you said you didn't want me to have any?" Rose tries to joke even though she knows it's all in vein. Jackie Tyler was not one to let things go too easily.

"Well, not now I don't, but sometime! Can you two even have kids, then? Can you give her children?" The questions were directed to the Doctor, who was suddenly very pre-occupied with tugging on his tie, seemingly trying to correct the knot.

"I... Weeell... Err, I, I mean-"

"Mum, drop it, alright?" Rose intervened but Jackie still tried to argue.

"Err, Jackie, I thought I might do some work on your washing machine while I'm here, what d'you think?" the Doctor interrupts, wanting to give the two of them some space to talk and maaaybe, just maybe, wanting to escape the inevitably awkward conversation.

Truth was, he hadn't given it much thought, whether they could or could not.

He knew that Rose may want it, one day. So many times he thought of her human needs and the natural way of life; after a certain age, it becomes common for humans to want to settle down, to start a family. To the Doctor, Rose was now family, and he hasn't thought of expanding. Not yet, perhaps not ever, he couldn't really say. All he knew was that it was something for the two of them to talk about - sometime in the future - not now, not with Jackie Tyler in the room.

Rose shoots him a grateful look as she lets go of his hand. He stands up and leaves the room, headed for the bathroom, trying not to ponder what Jackie has said.

Their bond was unbreakable, he knew that and he'd never doubt it, but would Rose be satisfied with a life of traveling, never having a proper family?

_Could_  they even have a family?

And if they could, would they  _want_  to have one?

With such thoughts in mind he starts tinkering away, finding peace in the soft reminder of Rose in his hearts.

**~oOo~**

"That's not alright, y'know? I mean, you can't just go and ask things like that right in front of him, Mum! I'm your daughter, yeah, but it's still  _only_  between the two of us," Rose said, sipping on her tea, feeling rather upset with Jackie. She could tell that her mother caused the Doctor a lot of discomfort, and it was no surprise, not really. They haven't thought about these things, or at least she hasn't, and while her mum had the best intentions, it was just not her place to ask.

"Maybe, but Rose, have you thought about it? What's going to happen in ten years, sweetheart?"

"I'm still going to travel with him, that's all. We'll be together jus' like we are now."

"But what about children?"

Rose sighs with annoyance and says,

"I told you, I don't care about that."

"Not now you don't, but ten years from now? Trust me, you'll want to have a little Rose of your own, and who's gonna give you that, darling?"

"He showed me a better life, Mum," she says and her annoyance fades as she talks about the Doctor, "Everything he does, he does it for others. He's saved so many planets, so many people, and he's done it all on his own, but now, he doesn't need to, 'cos I will never leave him. I just won't. I wouldn't have left him even before, 'cos he... He needs someone, Mum, and now I know that... He doesn't just need anybody, he needs  _me_. And I need him. Couldn't want him more if I tried," she smiles at her mother, wishing she could ever understand, knowing that she likely won't. "He's made me so happy, and I never thought we'd end up like this, but I've never felt so  _right_  in my whole life, really."

Jackie, seeing the sincere and loving expression on her daughter's face, surrenders, if only for a while. She takes a deep breath and walks over to the sofa, sits down beside Rose and pulls her into a tight hug.

"Oh, Rose, it's not what I would've wanted for you, but God knows it's what  _you_  wanted," Jackie says, stroking her daughter's back, "You've been stuck on that man for ages, that's what you were! Now, don't argue, we both know that's how it was!"

"Yeah," Rose agrees after a moment of silence, "That's exactly how it was."

The subject is dropped and Rose allows her mum to gossip until she's content, but her mind is somewhere else. She thinks about what has been said that day.

Children. Not anything she's ever given any thought to, really. She was pretty sure that the Doctor would never want anything of the sort, and she felt both too young to consider having any, and convinced that she wouldn't care for having a family if it wasn't something that he'd want.

She thought of the future and she could see a faint outline of her life; faint, because they were always on the move, in an ever-changing setting, always drifting from place to place and never staying for long. But this time, ever since the confession of love, she knew that there'd be one constant in her life, and that constant would be  _him_. The Doctor wouldn't leave her, and she wouldn't leave him, not ever. This was impossible even before they bonded, creating a link stronger than anything else, strong enough to last through any form of separation.

She'd never let go of this, not for anything, even if she was ever given a choice.

No matter what others may think of her decisions, Rose has never felt this certain of making the one and only choice that made sense. Being with her Doctor, always.

Nothing could ever be better.

 

* * *

 

Once Jackie's washing machine is improved in every way possible, the Doctor builds up the courage to rejoin the two women. They stay for dinner but soon grow weary of not being alone; they've both gotten used to a much higher level of privacy over the last month, so this was starting to get on their nerves.

Jackie kisses the two of them and tells them to be careful, and moments later, they finally find themselves outside, Rose's arm hooked with his as they start walking through the Estate on their way back to the TARDIS. It was a warm summer evening and the sun was just about to hide behind the horizon, giving way to the night.

Finally alone.

"Mum was such hard work today," Rose sighs, feeling more worn out than she usually did after one of their adventures.

"Isn't she always?" the Doctor comments, earning himself a smack across the arm, but he only laughs at it. His mind wanders, as it so very often does, and he decides to bring it up.

He has gotten a lot better at this, this  _discussing-and-talking_  thing over the past month. Time to put it to good use.

"Do you ever... Do you ever wish for it?"

"Wish for what?" she asks, slightly puzzled.

"Oh, you know, the whole human thing. Wedding, white dress, black tuxedo, corny love songs, a  _lot_  of wine, that whole shindig. And then the... The... The house and  _kids_  and cupboards and-"

Rose laughs out loud and pulls him to a stop, making him face her. There is concern etched all over his face and it is that sight that makes her stop laughing, immediately wanting to comfort him. She stands on tiptoe and kisses him out of the blue, both immediately forgetting what they were talking about as the kiss quickly deepens and their only thoughts revolve around getting back to the TARDIS,  _now_.

However, during a break for air, Rose remembers just enough to stop kissing him and say,

"Doctor, I want to be with you, yeah? Always did. I love our life. Don't worry, it's just Mum being daft," she smiles comfortingly, resting her hand right in between his two hearts.

"But it's natural for humans to want a family, Rose. Have you... Have you, err, thought about it?"

The Doctor looks nervous and vulnerable and she can't help but stroke his cheek. He leans into her hand and then takes hold of her wrist, softly kissing it, planting gentle kisses all the way up to her fingers.

Just being able to caress her like that means more to him than he could ever say.

If she'd want it, really, really badly, perhaps he might-

"I haven't thought about it, and I won't. I want  _you_ ," with that, she pauses and her grin grows slightly mischievous, rapidly increasing the rate at which his hearts were beating, "In more ways than one, but yeah, just you."

"I don't even know if we-weeell, if we even  _could_. I mean, human, Time Lord-"

"Doctor, just cos Mum wants me to be a housewife doesn't exactly mean that I want to be one, alright?"

"Are you-"

"Yes, I'm sure. Now stop being daft and kiss me," she whispers and he does exactly that, slowly tasting her lips, deepening the kiss as tongues duel for dominance and hands slide down their bodies.

What was that? Oh, yeah. TARDIS,  _now_.

They start walking at a brisk pace, both anxious to get home and finish the day on a much, much more enjoyable note. Together, just the way they always did.

When they do get back, they take it slow as they revel in the presence of one another; both wanting to taste, to feel, to  _be_. Frozen in that moment, closer than ever, as close as they could ever be. Forever, if only they could.

No matter what people may say, changes weren't needed. How could one even attempt to improve perfection?

**~oOo~**

Much later, when Rose is in his arms with her head comfortably nuzzled into his shoulder, eyes sliding closed as she was at the verge of falling asleep, a sudden thought strikes him.

"You know, your mother didn't seem very surprised," he comments, furrowing his brow at the discovery. Rose giggles sleepily into his neck.

"'Course not," she chuckles, "She's known for ages. About me, I mean."

"Known what?"

She laughs and opens her eyes, propping herself up on her elbow to be able to look at him properly. He smiles at seeing her face and kisses her nose with a loving look in his eyes, momentarily forgetting the topic of the conversation.

The Doctor loved seeing her like this. Messy hair, no makeup, covered only by that silk duvet and his own arms, all warm and soft and so very his. His favorite sight in the whole wide universe.

"That I, y'know, that I had a  _thing_  for you."

He can't help it; his grin is filled with pride. He  _is_  rather brilliant, after all, and if Rose  _had a thing for_ him then that's very, very good, and-

"Wait. Wait wait wait. If she knew, then why didn't she  _tell_   _me_?! Rassilon, just how cruel is your mother? She should have told me, most definitely, and  _fast_ , not now when I already-"

Rose looks at him as if he is being daft again.

"What?" he asks, impatient to know just what he has done this time.

"Of course she didn't tell  _you_ , Doctor. You don't just go around telling people things like that, yeah?" she explains with a patient grin, finding his antics very amusing, just the way she always has.

"That's just  _not fair_. You two were keeping secrets from me, Rose! I would have wanted to know as soon as I could!"

"You know now, don't you?"

With that she kisses him again, no longer half asleep. He meets the change with a whole lot of enthusiasm, and although he never answers her question, he thinks to himself that  _yes_ , he knows  _now_.

Oh, he knows.

 

* * *

 

Many hours later, Rose finally drifts off to sleep, and the Doctor doesn't leave her. He can't sleep that night - he has slept through the last two - but he remains, still filled with energy but now devoid of the never-ending impatience that accompanied his every waking moment in the past. He didn't mind the slow path, he didn't mind it in the least, not with Rose, but what they managed to build was the perfect in-between.

He couldn't be happier.

When she is still fast asleep, he decides to surprise her with breakfast in bed. He's only done it once so far and she loved it, so he was very eager to try it again. Pancakes with syrup would do nicely, he thinks to himself as he makes his way towards the galley, but they're all out of syrup. Not wanting to give up on the idea (which was brilliant in every way, but that's really no surprise, is it?), he quickly lands the TARDIS near a shop and pops out to get the missing ingredient.

When he steps out of the TARDIS, he is hit by crisp, cold air. The Doctor likes colder temperatures; prefers them even, but there is... There is something  _menacing_  in the air, and his hearts freeze for a split second upon sensing that something is coming.

A looming threat, a ghostly promise that he would prefer to be broken.

Not yet, not even  _soon_ , but something... Something was coming.

It could just be him, he thinks as he makes his way back with the syrup and a few packets of their favorite cookies. It could just be the unusually cold London morning, or the fact that he wanted Rose to already be awake so that they could go, or not go, somewhere together.

It could be nothing.

Or it could be  _something_.

Not for the first time, he vows to himself to keep her safe, this time truly no matter the cost. They could always run if they had to; he has saved the Earth too many times to count, if there was something-

No. What was he thinking?

He could never leave any planet in danger, and neither could she. That was just one of the many things he loved about her, so he could hardly act against it, could he?

All of this was for nothing, anyway. He'd keep her safe no matter where they'd end up, and the menacing feeling slowly fades as the time comes for her to wake up. By the time she is awake and enjoying her breakfast, the memory almost slips his mind.

It could be nothing.

It could be.

Her presence soothes him and soon they are on the move. Hours later they get in trouble with a local gang of Iyarians and end up running for their lives, holding hands the whole time all the way back to the TARDIS, hoping to devise a proper plan of action when they are not currently being shot at.

And that they do, and they laugh and he holds her and they share a long snog, and one of the locals tells him that he has a beautiful wife, and for once, he doesn't protest. That's exactly what she was, after all. His hearts swell when she looks at him in this tender manner upon seeing him nod, so obviously proud of being called  _his_ , just the way he felt when she called him hers.

The day ends once again with the two of them in bed, her drifting away in his arms. Over the course of the day he almost managed to forget that nagging feeling in the back of his head.

_Almost_ , but not quite.

That night, he holds her even closer than usual and doesn't let go until the very moment when she wakes up, determined to protect her from whatever danger may be hiding behind the horizon.

He will be there to protect her from any storm. Always, no matter the cost.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Were the Doctor's premonitions correct? And why is he not telling Rose? Things are about to get increasingly difficult...

"How long are you going to stay with me?"

"Forever."

It's perfect. They are together, and they look one another in the eyes, and nothing else exists, not time, not space, not the future and not the past.

Just them and their  _forever_.

And for that one perfect moment, he really believes it.

**~oOo~**

The next day finds them dancing around the console room, laughing merrily as the Doctor is trying to hum a tune they heard on Uria, a moon they had just been to. Cheerful tune, Rose loved it, he wanted to help her replicate it and failed miserably, but still took her hands in his and waltzed around the room to the sound of his pitiful attempt at singing.

"Di dum di daa-AH!" With that, he dips her down just like they do in films, and when he pulls her back up she silences him with a kiss, fingers entangled in his hair as his own trace a path down her back in an enthusiastic response.

"You're completely mad, you do know that, right?" She giggles once the kiss ends, her face still very close to his.

"Oi! Don't pretend that you don't love it, Rose Tyler. I know that you do!"

"Never said anything else," her smile is warm as she says the words and the look they share speaks volumes, replacing verbal confessions with affectionate gestures.

It doesn't need to be said, so they don't. In truth, those three little words that changed everything are also words that they rarely ever say. They don't need to speak of love, because it shines through their every action, every kiss and every look, but the main reason is that Rose knows the Doctor, and she knows that these words will be reserved for special occasions, serene times shared in a quiet place. Speaking about his feelings was not something he felt comfortable with, although with her, he found himself easing into it. She still didn't force it. She knew it, after all.

They've built so much together since they took that next step.

It's been two months and everything is still so very perfect, but...

Exactly,  _but_. Rose couldn't quite pinpoint it, not even with the help of their bond, but sometimes when she looked at him, she caught a glimpse of fear hidden in the way he bore his eyes into hers. Not the kind of fear she was used to seeing prior to them taking their relationship to the next level, because this time he wasn't scared of letting go or opening up; no, all of that has already been done. He was afraid of  _something else_  and that in turn made her feel uneasy. Concern filled her thoughts as she, as usual, found herself wishing to make it better, wanting him to share it with her if only to help her carry whatever burden he was keeping to himself.

Last night he fell asleep before she did, a rare treat, and she took a moment to just lie there, listening to the calm, relaxed beat of his hearts mixed with the sound of his breaths, so even as he slept. She felt tired and spent and so very happy, not to mention just about to ready to drift off to sleep herself, but worry for him still found its way through that thick veil of happiness that she now lived in. Something was bothering her Doctor, and he still hasn't shared it with her.

The only reason for him to keep something from her would be to protect her, she knew that much by now. She also knew that he'd likely have to tell her in his own time, but she was determined to mention it when the time felt right. Not now, but sometime, sometime  _soon_.

"Rose?" His voice brings her out of her silent reverie, reminding her that she was too lost in thought, and while previously his concern was well concealed, this time he made no attempt at hiding it. She saw it and felt it through their bond too; a shift in the ever-present reminder of their connection, expressing his worry and projecting it straight into her mind.

"Yeah?" She turns to face him and smiles at him. They've stopped dancing around and sat on the jump seat, close to one another, his arm around her. Just the way she liked it.

"You've gone quiet. Are you tired?"

His tone is affectionate and she revels in it. Two months or twenty years, this would never get old. Rose knows that. Some things you just  _know_ , this was one of them.

Unable to get rid of that nagging feeling of not knowing, she takes a moment to respond and searches his eyes for some clues. What was wrong? Was  _anything_  wrong at all? Was she just not used to the two of them being so perfectly happy, considering that their daily life was made up of running into trouble?

The look in his eyes tell her that she might just be paranoid, like she's already been so many times in the past. She really wants to believe that.

"Not really," she admits, "But we can work on that, if you like?"

Her grin cannot be mistaken for anything else in the world, not if you are the Doctor and you've already seen that smile plenty of times, finding yourself never growing tired of it. Asking no more questions, in a truly bridal fashion, he sweeps her up and carries her as she wiggles in his arms, laughing and telling him to put her down.

He silences her with a long snog once he does put her down, choosing to pin her against the wall instead. Too long a walk, you see.

And under his passionate ministrations, as his fingers hastily remove her shirt while she rids him of his jacket and tie, she forgets that something is wrong.

For that one moment, she just forgets.

**~oOo~**

A week passes and they never stop. This was the norm with the Doctor, he was never one to stay still, but many times they'd stay in and cuddle on the sofa, even prior to their bonding, but now... Now, they  _never_  stopped. Adventures were separated only by hours of passion and short nights of sleep, nights during which Rose suspected the Doctor hasn't slept a wink, even though he denied it.

And she was worried.

They were rushing, but after what, she couldn't tell. Running, but  _from what_? He wouldn't say, but he still knew exactly how to get her mind to shift focus onto something else. A wonderful planet with liquid roads, a crisis back on Earth three hundred years into the past, waking up to find him removing the covers only to kiss his way down her body... He knew how to make sure that she'd have no time to think.

It's not that he didn't want it all. She could tell that he did, but the faint hint of desperation hidden behind it was unsettling, yet at the same time she... She didn't know  _how_  to ask.

Perhaps she didn't truly  _want to_.

So many times they've been separated; it was separation that acted as a catalyst that brought on the current state of their relationship, after all. They almost lost one another back on Krop Tor and Rose couldn't bear to go through that again. It didn't matter if they always found their way back together, because now, with their bond, they were inseparable by default. She can't even think of the pain that would follow if she were to lose sight of him for too long.

The words of the beast echo in her mind as she stretches, padding behind him towards the galley, very ready for their morning tea.

_The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon._

The Doctor said that the beast lied. Even if so, is that what he was scared of? Lying or not, was he afraid that he might lose her?

"As I was saying," he said, preparing their tea, "They aren't  _strictly_  friendly back on that planet, you see, but that's quite alright, isn't it? After all, we always get in trouble... Weeell, not  _always_ , but  _quite often_. You see, they aren't all that friendly because they are the laughing stock of the universe. The  _laughing stock_ , Rose! D'you wanna know why? Because their noses are bigger than their whole body! Twice the size. Imagine that, Rose. Like a... An extreme version of Pinocchio. Actually, that's what the story was based on in the first place!" The Doctor keeps describing excitedly and she smiles to herself, embracing him from behind, pressing her cheek against his back and inhaling the smell of his jimjams, the smell of her Doctor that she loved so very much.

"Oi, careful, you don't want to make me spill any tea," he says but makes no attempt at freeing himself from her embrace, his voice showing her the smile she could not currently see. "It's painful! And my jimjams would be good for nothing! Sticky, this tea, sugar and all, and I like these jimjams. Can't have them ruined! If I'm not wrong, and I never am, you said that they are very-"

"Very  _sexy_. Yeah, but that's 'cos of you, not 'cos of the pyjamas," she giggles against his back and lets go of him, helping him with the tea, stealing a glance at his proud grin.

"Right. So you think that I'm  _sexy_ , Rose Tyler?"

"'Course I do. Don't pretend that it's hard to notice, Doctor."

"Weeeell, I... I s'pose not, but you never know with you humans," they sit down and begin drinking their tea and munching on their toast, "Not that you're like the rest of them, 'course not, but-"

"But you just like hearing it, yeah? Go on, admit it," Rose laughs as the Doctor works hard to conceal his smug expression.

"No! Not at all," he protests briefly but her amused look makes him give in, "Oh, alright. Maybe a bit. A  _little_. Just a bit, Rose. I'm a Time Lord, I'm  _brilliant_ , but weeell, when it's you... Let's just say that I quite  _enjoy_  it, yes."

"You're not just  _a_  Time Lord, y'know. You're  _my_  Time Lord."

His ever so expressive eyes fill up with love as he takes her hand in his, brings it to his lips and plants a long kiss across her knuckles.

"Oh yes. Definitely," he whispers, letting go of her hand to let her finish her breakfast. "Go on then, eat up! I've got a brilliant plan for the day. No time to waste!"

"Yeah? Where're we goin'?"

"Not too far," he says mysteriously and doesn't give up any piece of information until they step out of the TARDIS on a very typical street in a quaint little area of London.

Apparently, the Doctor decided to take them to the Thirtieth Olympiad, but of course, being the Doctor and Rose, what they stumble upon first and foremost is trouble. Children being snatched off the street, disappearing into thin air. Perfect case for the two of them, and this time, the Doctor finds himself thoroughly impressed as Rose takes charge and starts deducting. Before he does, even! She was always brilliant and he knew that from day one, but she never ceased to amaze him with her ability to think outside the box and seeing things that he, always stuck on the more logical trail of thought, often missed. Together, they were better in every way.

It all becomes an adventure for them and they are having fun playing the roles of two detectives. The Doctor allows himself to be distracted from his gloomy premonitions as Rose helps him search for clues to solve the mystery that plagued this seemingly very ordinary street. Oh, she was always distracting, but all the deducting made her even more...  _Irresistible_  than usual.

It takes every little ounce of his willpower to avoid dragging her back to the TARDIS for a while. A considerably long while.

But of course, he doesn't. Another thing that he loves about Rose (one of many, mind you. It's a very long list,) is that she shares the same sense of duty as he does. She never gives up in face of danger and never agrees to leave until the problem is solved.

_His_  Rose.

He never managed to shake off that feeling of constant wonder, not from the very moment she allowed him to kiss her on that night after they've almost been separated for good. Every little thing she did -  _they_  did - filled him with more happiness than he had ever thought possible.

If only he could get rid of that nagging feeling that told him to be wary because... Because  _something_  was coming.

He still didn't know  _what_. He still hasn't told her. What could he possibly say, if he knew next to nothing?

But she knew, he could see it in her eyes, and yet she allowed him to play along and ignore it for as long as he could. Allowed him to run and hold her so very close, determined not to let go until the danger passes. For once in his life, he chose to be a coward. Whatever the danger was, it was best if they didn't face it. Not unless they'd absolutely have to.

He has already had half his soul ripped out when he lost Gallifrey. He couldn't bear to lose the other half should anything happen to Rose, and so, they ran.

They ran around the street, solving mysteries and having a wonderful time. Just him and Rose, just as it should be.

Until he became the next target for the little girl's drawing, and just like that, they were separated again.

**~oOo~**

_Was this what you were afraid of, Doctor?_

Rose paced around the room, anxiously awaiting his return. Everybody came back. Eighty thousand people at the stadium, the little children, the cat. They all came back. Where is he?

She can feel him still; this tells her that he remains unharmed, that he is out there somewhere. Their bond grew stronger by the day and Rose learned how to discern one situation from another, step by step, slowly. He taught her.

_Where are you?_

She solved the mystery and didn't get her prize; she didn't get the Doctor back. All those moments when she meant to ask him about his concern hit her like a truck full of memories and she presses her lips together to avoid cursing in self-deprecation. She  _should_  have asked! She would know what to do now! She shouldn't have put it off, not the way they live, always on the edge, always in danger. She cannot believe that she had been so stupid.

She was right in thinking that she couldn't bear any separation. It always hurt when he was out of her sight, but now the pain was nearly physical; she wanted to keel over and curl up into a ball until he returns, or to run all around the estate in search of him, or both. There was a hollow feeling in the back of her mind in that space he used to fill, because their connection grew more faint with him not being close by, and that terrified Rose more than anything else.

Just as she decides to go out and look for him again, she sees him on the television screen, proudly carrying the torch that now served as a symbol of hope for all of humanity, and that hope settles back into her own heart as she realizes that he really is alright and they'd see each other soon.

They'd always find their way back to each other,  _always_. No matter what.

She goes out to meet him on his way back, they hug and she gives him cake. Top banana. Everything is perfect.

But she wants to hear it. She  _needs_  the verbal reassurance, which is new, because they'd usually settle for hugs or a long snog or both, but this time around, she needs to hear it. Wants him to tell her that they'll be okay, that whatever he was afraid of is now long gone and she will never lose sight of him again.

"You know what? They keep trying to split us up, but they never ever will," she says as she grabs his hand. He gives her a gentle squeeze, but his next words are not what she hopes to hear.

"Never say 'never ever'."

"Nah, we'll always be okay, you and me. Don't you reckon, Doctor?"

He turns to look at the sky and her gaze finally follows as her heart beats faster, as if sensing that he is finally about to answer the one question she didn't really want to ask.

"Something in the air. Something coming..."

"What?"

"A storm's approaching..."

He doesn't mean to scare her, but to hide it just wouldn't do, not anymore. Not when the feeling only intensified instead of fading. It wouldn't go away, he couldn't shake it, and she deserved to know, because whatever it is, it will be something they will have to face together.

After another second spent staring at the bright explosions of colors across the sky, he turns to her and pulls her close, allowing her to tuck her face into the crook of his neck, just the way she liked it best. His fingers absentmindedly trace comforting paths across her back as he speaks.

"But d'you know what? In a way, you're right. They call me the Oncoming Storm," he whispers, "I've lived a long life and I've seen many storms, Rose. And caused a great many of them, too, and I fought because that was all I knew. And then... And then, you came along, and now I have something to fight for," he pulls away slightly and tilts her chin upwards to look her in the eyes, kissing away the lone teardrop that was making its way down her cheek.

"I don't know what this is, Rose, and I don't know how to stop it. Not yet. But I  _will_. We will solve it.  _Together_."

She takes a deep breath, somehow feeling lighter with the knowledge that he finally chose to share his burden with her, even though his words did not promise a stellar future. She nods and wills a smile upon her lips, knowing that this is what he needs to see. A promise of courage.

He kisses the top of her head and she hooks her arm with his, and together, they make their way through this ordinary London street, eyes on the sky and a mixture of hope and fear in their hearts.

They would be alright.

They always were, in the end.

Little did they know that the next time they visit London, everything will be different.

**~oOo~**

The visit to the Olympiad came and went and they ran, they ran through cities and planets and galaxies and through the rooms of the TARDIS, never stopping, both plagued by a strange sense of needing to escape. The Doctor's ghastly premonitions haven't faded and he was torn between keeping the two of them locked up inside the TARDIS and flying from place to place, never staying long enough to end up in real danger.

The first option seemed better, but he never forgot the very human needs of his Rose, such as keeping in touch with her mother. Besides, could there be any safer place in the galaxy than the Powell Estate? He has already rid Great Britain of aliens so many times, the chances of them ending up in that same place at that exact same time were very low. Miniscule. Next to impossible.

He should have known that the odds were always against him. He  _should_  have known.

Daleks. Cybermen. All of them on Earth. A breach between this universe and the parallel universe they landed in due to an accident just a few months ago, back when they still traveled with Mickey.

The breach had to be closed, and fast, before the Earth turns into training grounds for the millions of aliens that should have never made their way out of the Void. Things escalate very quickly and after they meet Mickey and the parallel Pete Tyler, it's clear that it will never be the same. Jackie follows Pete, but nobody questions the fact that Rose will stay with her Doctor. Together, they will close the breach, and although she will never see Jackie again, she chooses to stay with him.

Their bond is unbreakable. How could they even consider anything else?

Exactly, they  _couldn't_ , so they simply  _don't_. They keep working and just when it seems that everything will be fine, changed forever but still  _fine_ , Rose saves the universe but does not manage to save herself. Pete Tyler catches her right before she falls into the Void and returns to his world with her in his arms.

She's gone. Rose is sealed off in a parallel universe.

The Doctor stares at the white wall of the Torchwood Institute, feeling as though both of his hearts were being torn out of his chest in slow, painful motions, adding to the acute torture. A part of him has gone missing. His favorite part, the only part he ever truly loved.

_Rose._

He presses his cheek against the cold wall. He can still feel her, softly, a faint hum so different from the vibrant reminder of their connection that he could feel just moments before.

She is there, on the other side of that wall, a universe away. Locked away from him.

He has lost all of his people. He lost his home planet. He lost so many brilliant companions that traveled with him throughout the years.

But now, it was worse.

He lost a part of himself.

He lost Rose.

He feared this for so long. He feared it to the point of holding back his feelings from her for such a long time. He  _wasted_  so much time. Of course the last months were spent  _together_  in every sense, but that could never be enough. Not ever.

Not even an eternity would be enough.

He can feel her presence on the other side of that wall, an eternity away from him, and the hollow feeling in his mind threatens to make him collapse to the ground. They were always so close, always holding hands, kissing, sleeping together with her head burrowed into his chest, her blonde locks feeling like silk against his chest, never parting until they absolutely had to.

Would he ever hold her again?

He always knew that he would lose her. Human, Time Lord. Different life spans. But this...

This was something he could never accept. Never come to terms with.

Not ever.

He swallows thickly and moves away from the wall, turns around and starts walking, seeing nothing but emptiness on the road ahead of him.

That day, the Doctor lost his Rose.

**~oOo~**

Several days pass before he sees her again, and in those days, despair fights a war against determination.

He reaches out through universes to be able to see her, even though he cannot touch her. He would talk to her. Tell her of his new plan.

Because the Doctor hasn't given up, and he wasn't planning on it, even though he felt like he was now half the man he used to be.

While he waited for the TARDIS to absorb enough power for him to be able to send a projection to her in her parallel universe, he wandered into their bedroom for the first time since their separation. He avoided it, he hasn't slept a wink, knowing that nothing but nightmares awaited him in the realm of dreams; but now, he walks right in and is immediately surrounded by memories of Rose.

Her scent. Her clothes. Their rumpled sheets, just as they left them on that fateful morning. A bottle of her perfume. Her teddy sitting on the plush armchair, quite as lonely as the Doctor now was.

With a loud crack, his hearts shatter into a million tiny pieces of pain. She was  _everywhere_. Everywhere in his mind, his hearts and his home, his TARDIS.

It was simple. He couldn't go on without his Rose.

After he walked away from that forsaken wall and made his way back to the TARDIS, his initial reaction was to collapse and not do anything at all. Just remain, sleepless, never eating, remain until a kind turn of events rids him of all the pain he had been carrying, one way or another. He knew that a parallel universe was not something he could rescue her from. His people used to make their way across universes, but now, they were all gone. Just like Rose. There was nothing he could do.

Unless...

He was the last of the Time Lords. The very last of them. The only one to tend to their long forgotten rules and restrictions.

The only one who could bend them or smash them into pieces if he so wished.

Initially, he isn't sure. He knows that he may be controlled by his feelings for her and the need to see her again, but... Being the very last of his race, there was no one left to observe the rules. He could break them.

For her, he could. For her, he  _would_.

If his people once knew how to travel from one universe to another, then he would learn it, too. He wouldn't fracture two universes for it. He would simply find a way. If it took him a thousand years then so be it.

He  _would_  find her again, no matter what.

After that decision was made, the next days are spent on constant research as the TARDIS orbits around supernova, soaking up the energy to allow him to talk to his Rose. Three minutes is most likely all they would have, but he couldn't be picky. He works on his ship somewhat recklessly, because he doesn't even notice the drops of blood that emerge from a deep cut across his hand, he doesn't notice that he hasn't eaten and he doesn't care that he hasn't slept. When the ship is ready, he reaches out to the faint reminder of their bond which lasts even through universes, knowing that she will hear him.

From that point on, he waits.

When he sees her again, he sees her on Bad Wolf Bay.

 

* * *

 

It is both excruciating and relieving to see her again. He estimates that at least three months have passed for her while he worked day and night to be able to speak to her again, and those three months must have taken a toll on his Rose. She was slimmer and her eyes were void of that spark he always loved; his own eyes were probably much the same, two dark pools of pain.

Maybe he should let the two universes collapse just for the sake of holding her again.

Of course, these are just thoughts. He won't. But he will find a way back to her; he knows that, no matter how long it might take. So when she asks him if she will ever see him again, he hesitates, but then nods.

"I don't-I don't know how long it will take," he admits, "But I will search the whole universe if I must. My people, they-they used to control this. It used to be possible, and now-"

Deep breath. He hasn't got much time.

"Now, there is only me. And I will find a way."

A small glimmer of hope appears in her eyes which are filled with tears, threatening to spill at any moment. It feels so wrong to not be able to reach out and catch them, to not be able to kiss them away and hold her until everything is fine again. All of this feels wrong, yet the Doctor clings to it much like a drowning man would cling to a knife, knowing that the knife was his only way to stay afloat, his only hope.

Their precious seconds pass them by all too quickly and he doesn't keep track of them, ever the Lord of Time who couldn't seem to measure the passing minutes whenever Rose was involved. Her pain joins his and the mixture of it hits him like a tidal wave, nearly knocking him to the ground.

He would do anything in his power and more. Anything to see her again, properly, to  _be with her_  again, not to merely be reduced to sending a sad message across the universes.

He  _would_  see her again, he convinces himself of this, knowing that this would be his only reason to go on for the next... Well, he doesn't know how long. He only hoped that it wouldn't be too long for her.

She's human, after all.

When their time is just about up she tells him that she loves him, not certain that she will ever be given the chance to say these words to him again. She wants him to know and to treasure it, to remember how much they've had and to never give up, no matter what happens.

He looks at her projection with a look that speaks volumes. He has told her that he loved her, he told her many times, and words alone were never enough. He told her on that morning before he lost her, too.

She knew.

He'd only have time for one more sentence, and out of the two that come to mind, he chooses the one that is more important at the time.

"Rose Tyler," he says hurriedly, trusting his eyes to convey what his mouth will not have time to put across, "I will come back for you."

 

* * *

**A/N:** Shorter chapter because this pained me to write, and I'm sure it was painful for you all to read, too. We all hated that moment, didn't we? But I promise you that in this fic, there will be a happy ending for the two of them. I will not follow the canon from this point on - well, I've already strayed from it, but still. Thank you for reading and I apologize if this made you sad. I promise that  **this story is not over and a happy ending is in sight :)**  Thank you so much for all your feedback. The reviews really motivate me to keep writing :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will the Doctor and Rose find their way back together, against all odds? Read and find out!

The Doctor never slept much.

No, not much at all. One night of sleep every few days was enough to ensure that both his brain and body were kept energetic and healthy, so why would he bother with slumber?

With Rose, he'd sometimes sleep more. Not because he needed to, no. Because he  _wanted_  to.

But now? Now, he hasn't slept in... In over three weeks. Yeah, three weeks, give or take a few days. Not a single moment of shut eye.

There was no time for such trivial things.

Every day, he searched. He browsed and looked and tried to find clues, tried to unearth the long lost knowledge that disappeared along with his people; a way to travel between universes without putting anybody in danger.

He knew it had to be out there somewhere. He just had to find it. Find that one little missing piece of the puzzle that kept him away from his Rose.

It could  _not_  be delayed.

So he simply didn't sleep.

The dark circles under his eyes served as a constant reminder of how much his body needed the rest, but whenever he did fall asleep, all he could see was her. His Rose, about to fall into the Void, only to be saved at the very last second by no one else than Pete Tyler. So abrupt an ending that they didn't even get to have that one last kiss.

Her on that beach as he promised her that he would return, and he  _would_. Absolutely.

On the rare occasion when his own mind wanted to both torture him and reward him for his struggle, he'd dream of her being there with him. Jumping straight into his arms, giggling into his lips as he brushed a loose strand of hair away from her eyes...

That's exactly why he couldn't sleep. It's been too long.

Five months without Rose Tyler.

He still traveled, but it was mainly in the search of a way back to her. He saved what he could on the way; running into trouble was a part of the job, but he never stayed and he never stopped, always in a hurry to get back to his task.

He saved London, no, the Earth, with the help of Donna Noble, and she saved him from dying as he forgot himself in his grief. She was brilliant, Donna, but he didn't ask her to join him. He hasn't asked Martha Jones either even though she was fantastic, not even for a single trip, knowing that his current adventure was not one that could allow bringing a companion. Days would pass and he'd scarcely say a word to anyone - he'd talk to himself sometimes if only to silence the quiet within his mind, the empty spaces that used to be filled with Rose, but he found the solitude stimulating.

His current regeneration was a people person. He liked humans, enjoyed their presence, but the loss of Rose made him a changed man, with eyes and time only for his one goal.

Bringing her back.

She was still there, in his mind. He felt her too, a soft echo from a faraway place, telling him that he too was present in her thoughts. What he could feel now was a gentle reminder of that bond that lasted through universes, the bond that survived through any disaster.

The Doctor remained aware of his duty to the universe, and while he answered various calls for help over the months, his days mainly consisted of searching for clues.

Every single book in his library has been thoroughly scanned, all the knowledge in the database of the TARDIS memorized, remote, long forgotten planets were visited on a daily basis... He was doing everything in his power, but it just  _wasn't_  enough.

Five months without his Rose and without her he was a  _complete mess_.

Her universe was ahead of his, so it must have been even longer for her. He only hoped that she took good care of herself and didn't suffer as much as he did, but deep down, he knew that it was all in vain. They are bonded, two pieces of a single whole, the pain is bound to remain acute until the very moment they see each other again.

And they will. They  _will_.

The silence around him is deafening, so he speaks to his ship while deciphering some ancient tome that might contain the answers he has been seeking.

"Bymontians, odd folk, aren't they? They keep record of all these tiny insignificant things, all these stupid things that nobody cares about, but a huge,  _monumental_  event such as, oh, I don't know, the sky splitting open is never mentioned! Rose would love this book, she would, she'd adore it, it's so ridicu-"

He stops mid-sentence, drops the book and stares ahead, emptiness filling his soul.

Rassilon. How he missed her.

He lost everything before. Every tiny thing that ever mattered, all lost, but now... Now he lost  _her_ , and...

A lone tear travels down his cheek; a sign of weakness, he knows, but he cannot stop it. He'd find her, he has to, there is no choice, but this was... Oh, this was unbearable, wasn't it? Completely unbearable.

Rose would console him in times of suffering before. What was he to do without his Rose?

Search for her, that's what. He brushes the tear away with his jacket sleeve, picks up the abandoned book, blinks a few times and gets back to work. The dull ache in his head reminds him that he is pushing his limits; this body cannot stand being neglected to this extent, but he just doesn't care.

He doesn't have the time to care.

Time was always too fast, but this time around, it couldn't move fast enough. The Doctor wishes that these days of pain would just pick him up and drop him off in the future, a future where she is present again.

A future after he has found her, because he  _will_  find her.

He will. He has to.

 

* * *

 

Many hours pass before he manages to decipher the entire tome; with the language being too ancient for even the TARDIS to recognize, it took a long time. And it brought nothing at all. No clues. No hints. Nothing.

It wouldn't normally take him this long, ancient text or not. His brain is tired, not working as well as it should, but that too is a sign of weakness, and he hasn't got the time for succumbing to it.

Alone, he hid behind a thick hide, not letting his emotions guide him. Only logic and intellect would bring him the answers that would lead him to her.

To his Rose.

Allowing himself three minutes of staring at nothing, he subconsciously makes his way towards their bedroom. He hasn't been in there ever since Bad Wolf Bay, simply unable to handle all the traces of Rose; they were all over the ship, but their bedroom was simply filled with them, and he just couldn't bear it.

He doesn't realize what he is doing until he steps into the room and it all hits him with the force of a natural disaster.

Their sheets, still rumpled. Her scent still strong in the air. Her things  _everywhere_. His things right next to hers.

A picture of the two of them together. Smiling. Her lips on his cheek.

_Rose!_

Just like that, instinct takes over his brain for that one moment and he finds himself crawling into the bed, burrowing his face into her pillow and allowing the memories to pour into this gaping wound that he carried in his hearts.

It's excruciating and it's soothing and he doesn't have the energy to try and control it when his whole body starts shaking in a series of inaudible sobs.

So weak without her. So weak.

So  _tired_.

Finally recognizing the need to rest, he closes his eyes and allows the darkness to consume him, if only for a while, bringing him a moment of blissful ignorance that he so badly needed.

**~oOo~**

"Rose? Sweetheart, what are you still doing up?"

"I'm workin', Mum," Rose responds distractedly, squinting her eyes to see the computer screen despite her exhausted state. This was the second night in a row when she didn't even think of sleeping.

"Oh, you ought to go to bed! You're workin' yourself to death, you are. Get some rest, all these things will still be here tomorrow, y'know!"

"I can't. I've got to work."

Jackie steps into the room and steals a glance at the screen. Rose was researching parallel universes. Again. Jackie sighs and lays a hand upon her daughter's shoulder, but Rose flinches away from her touch, looking at her mum apologetically.

Truth is, Rose  _is_  very tired and she knows that she looks like it, too. Hair tied in a loose bun, still wearing her office uniform from Torchwood, she hasn't even eaten after getting home from work. Rose thinks that they might be close to finding the missing puzzle piece for the dimension cannon.

And that, in turn, meant that she was just a bit closer to her Doctor. How can her mum even expect her to go to sleep at such a time?

She rubs her tired eyes and looks around the room that, in theory, is hers, but it doesn't feel like it. This isn't her home, these peach walls don't belong to her, the carpet is not her style, the Doctor would hate the curtains and she doesn't need this big of a closet when she barely has any clothes. The light of the lamp that stands near her bed is much too sharp for Rose to like it, so unlike the so called stars in her old bedroom or the warm light of the fireplace in the bedroom she shared with the Doctor.

With  _her_  Doctor. Six months ago.

She hasn't done much to settle in during that time. She works at Torchwood for the good of humanity, works on the dimension cannon with a group of people that are willing to help her with it, helps her now very pregnant mum and spends the rest of her time on her own. She's made no effort at buying clothes and things like that, settling for a few necessary things, firmly believing that she  _will_  get back to her Doctor soon enough.

The  _soon_  has already taken much too long, but Rose was nowhere near giving up. Hence yet another sleepless night.

"Sweetheart, you're workin' yourself too hard. Listen to me, you have to move on! I know that you loved-"

" _Love_ ," Rose corrects her mother, "I love him, Mum. And I  _will_  get back to him no matter what, yeah?"

"But this isn't healthy!" Jackie protests, sitting down on the bed and looking at Rose with concern, "You can't just sit here pining for him, you've got to start a life of your own, Rose."

"You don't understand..." Rose sighs with exasperation, resting her elbows on the desk and burying her face in her hands for a moment.

"Bloody well I do understand! What about your father? I've lost him too, Rose, and I will always remember him, but I lived on, and you've got to do the same thing, sweetheart."

"You've got Pete now, don't you? He's like Dad, just... Parallel. But there's no parallel Doctor for me, yeah? I'm not givin' up on him, Mum. Give it a rest, will you?"

"No. Pete's a good man alright, and Lord knows I do love him, but he's not your father. They're two different men, Rose. You ought to find yourself someone, too, someone who will be there for you and give you a proper family," Jackie presses on and Rose sighs again, just about done explaining this to her mother. It's not the first time they were having this conversation. In fact, it was probably the third time this month.

"It's not like that though," she tries, "The Doctor and I, we were... We had this... Bond, yeah? He's a Time Lord, and..."

"So does everybody that's ever had someone they loved! That's no special alien thing, darling. But people live on, Rose. They live and move on and find happiness somewhere out there."

Yeah. There was no point in trying to explain the bonding to her mum. Deep down, Rose knows that Jackie means well - that she's genuinely worried about her - but this isn't helping her in the least. Rose has a goal, a plan and a wish, and the soft reminder of her Doctor that lingers in her mind is enough in terms of motivation. She's not going to move on, no matter what she's told.

She also knows that her mother would love to see her get back together with Mickey, but that's just not happening. Strangely enough, Mickey has been the one who's been the most supportive in all this; having completely accepted that Rose loves the Doctor, Mickey became her good mate and nothing else. They worked together on the dimension cannon, but Rose never agreed to go down to the pub or anything of that sort, choosing to stay in and keep working instead.

She just didn't want to try and settle in this world. She's displaced here, it's not her home. Her home is with her Doctor, and she wishes more than anything that she might be able to come home to him soon.

"Please Rose, get some sleep. You're exhausted, I can see that you are."

Rose feigns surrender and raises her hands, muttering  _alright, alright, I'm goin'_ , planning to wait until her mum's gone back to bed so that she can keep working.

"How's little Tony?" She asks before Jackie leaves, feeling her tummy and the baby kicking inside it. Jackie wasn't due for another ten weeks, but the name has already been chosen.

"Being a right little bugger, he is," Jackie grumbles but quickly smiles, "Never thought I'd be havin' another baby. Thought that was all done for me, but now..."

Rose coaxes a smile upon her lips. At least her mum was happy, happier than she's ever seen her before. The only good thing that ever came out of this whole mess.

At least  _someone_  is happy.

Rose struggled every single day to hide just how miserable she was. It just wouldn't do to sit home, moping about, crying and doing nothing. She worked, she helped around the house, she made friends with Pete, who wasn't her father but was, just like her mum said, a good man. She was always busy in one way or another, always trying not to think.

She cried herself to sleep at night, if she even bothered to try sleeping.

But that was when she was alone.

Now, she's not, so she keeps on smiling as she hugs Jackie and watches her leave the room. She turns off the light and crawls into bed in her clothes, not bothering to change since she won't even be sleeping. She'll just wait a while, half an hour or so, and then get back up to work.

She closes her tired eyes for a brief moment of reprieve, not planning to sleep, just resting.

Seconds later, she is fast asleep.

Two hours later, she wakes up from a nightmare, crying.

She lost him  _again_. She lost him all over again each and every time she slept, and it was heartbreaking.

_I need you, my Doctor,_  she thinks to herself as she gets up, rubs her teary eyes, smearing makeup everywhere in the process, and goes right back to the computer.

Dimension cannon. She's got to get to work.

**~oOo~**

The Doctor finds himself in a dark, dusty room, surrounded by dying flowers that once grew in between the gaps in the wooden floor. All over the floor there are old books, most of them torn apart, possibly by some broken, angry soul. Spider webs clung to the shelves, the curtain that covered the only window was all worn and had a couple of holes in it; as for what's behind the window, only darkness. No stars, just a pitch black night.

He navigates the room thanks to his night vision but soon stumbles and falls, scraping the skin on his hands till they bleed.

As he looks around, still laying on the floor, he finds that before him, there lies an open book. Half the page was torn out, but on the half that remains, he reads:

_At the far edge of the Universe_

_There hides a secret door_

_Behind it, different worlds_

_One may unlock it, but the results are unknown_

_By the Time Lords sealed_

_So very long ago_

_A door once closed may again be opened_

_But only by one of their own_

_In the land of Nevermore_

_Will you find what you yearn for_

_Oh Lord of Time,_

_Lost like never before._

* * *

 

He wakes up with a start, the poem burnt into his mind, echoing in his head as everything slowly begins to fall into place.

Yes, his people sealed off the universes, effectively preventing any form of travel between them; a safety measure in the very last days of the Time War, but...

He jumps out of bed and begins pacing around, talking out loud to help his jumbled thoughts.

"Right, so, Time Lords. As a race, we were... Proud, and- and boastful, and- And we didn't surrender, and we didn't like giving up what was ours, so that means... That means... What does it mean? Think!" The Doctor brings his hands to his head, still pacing frantically, "That means those that sealed off the universes must have left an opening! A tiny, tiny gap that would help them re-open the paths between the universes if they needed to! But," he freezes on the spot, "It can only be opened by one of their own, which means that no enemy can ever cross the borders of the universes! Oh,  _brilliant_! Absolutely brilliant!"

For the first time since he lost her, pure hope runs through his veins and his hearts beat much, much faster. Without a second thought, he rushes to the console room and inputs the coordinates for an abandoned planet called Nevermore, located at the very edge of the universe.

It's going to be a long flight, even in a ship like his TARDIS, but for the first time in months, he feels that it won't all be for nothing.

**~oOo~**

He peeks outside his ship once it arrives at the designated destination and finds that, much to his surprise, next to nothing remains of the old, abandoned planet. Year by year it slowly fell apart until only a tiny fragment of its old glory remained; an echo of the past looking more miserable than glorious.

This part of the universe is cold, very cold. Stars are few and far apart and most life forms are unable to exist under such conditions, which was one of the main reasons why the planet has been deserted in the first place. He used the TARDIS to scan the area for a gap in the universe, but he hasn't found anything, not yet, so he steps out of the ship and looks around.

Gray mountains surround him left and right, the only thing that remains of the planet's old landscape. The sky is pitch black, never having seen the light of day, keeping the planet in a perpetual night. His people must have hidden the coordinates for the gap somewhere here; in a cave, a valley, he didn't know.

He'd just have to go and find them.

As he walks the cold paths, his mind puts together the events of the past few hours.

His brain was tired, so very tired, so very clouded, that he didn't think of the one obvious explanation that was staring him right in the eye. That the universes weren't truly sealed off, not for good, they were merely protected, hidden away from prying eyes, kept safe and sound for the Time Lords whenever they return in all their glory.

Or at least that was the plan.

He swallows thickly, momentarily overcome by guilt, but still he walks on with a look of determination on his face.

A little rest finally did the trick. His mind had cleared just enough to supply him with a clue that was there all along, he just couldn't see it. Now, it was up to him to find the answer.

To find Rose.

 

* * *

 

Many hours pass until he stumbles upon an opening in the mountain, a cave, of sorts. He searches his pocket for a gravity globe to light up the area, which reveals a piece of machinery he was very familiar with. A Gallifreyan DNA scanner. His hearts sink for a moment upon seeing old Time Lord technology, but he has no time to be sentimental.

This was it!

He rushes towards it eagerly and quickly locates the sample spot, then gingerly places his hand inside it, allowing it to absorb the information about his species. Seconds later, a hidden chamber opens up within the cave, containing nothing but a disc with coordinates etched across the surface.

The Doctor stops breathing for just a split moment.

This would be dangerous, no doubt, and against all the rules his race has ever obeyed. No single Time Lord or Lady was ever meant to get his or her hands on this; opening up the universes was a decision for many, for the High Council, not for him, not for the Doctor.

But now, he was the only one left. The lone, abandoned reminder of days of old glory, much like this forsaken planet was.

And he needs-

He needs  _her_.

So he will try to make his way back to her, no matter the consequence, and if he lives to tell the tale, he will seal off the universes again.

That way, he will respect the wishes of his people, and still rescue his Rose.

_Rose, I'm coming_ , he thinks as he makes his way back to the TARDIS and loads the data from the disc, setting coordinates for a place he has never been to before.

 

* * *

 

"This is it, old girl! Allons-y!" The Doctor shouts while looking at the readings on the screen. The journey to the exact opposite end of the universe has come to an end. This was it.

He was about to do the unthinkable, all with the knowledge that his TARDIS most likely won't function in that parallel universe, all with the knowledge that he may very well burn on his way there.

All with the knowledge that seconds from now, he will leap into the world in which his Rose has been trapped in for the last months.

The screen goes black as the TARDIS falls into a spiral of uncontrolled maneuvers and the Doctor holds on tight to whatever he can. Rose's presence in his mind grows more pronounced with each and every passing second as his mind is flooded by memories of her, of the two of them together, thoughts of everything they could still do if he survives this.

_ROSE!_

All the lights on the ship go out with a loud bang as it begins to plummet towards the ground, bringing the Doctor closer towards his salvation... Or his death.

**~oOo~**

_Rose!_

Rose awakens with a start, still quite dazed from passing out with her head resting on the desk after yet another sleepless night, but the confusion clears very quickly as she takes note of the prominent change in her mind.

She  _felt him_. She felt him so much  _clearer_ , no longer behind an invisible wall, just very distant, but...

But she  _did_  feel him in her mind, the bond between them once again shimmering with life, and that could only mean one thing.

He must have found his way back!

Can it be true, though? How many times has she woken up and briefly imagined herself being in his arms once again? How many times did she have to stifle her tears after such a dream, how many times did she consider going back to Bad Wolf Bay only to make sure he is not there?

But no. This is... Different. Yeah, different. Real. Real?

Hopefully real.

She'll take  _hopefully_  over nothing, any day.

Rose jumps out of her chair and grabs the nearest jacket she finds, her wallet and the keys to her car, a very recent present from Pete.

She may be wrong. She may be delusional after her emotional breakdown earlier, when she sobbed for so many hours, feeling completely powerless without him; like a flower that would never know life again because it was left without water for too long.

But could this feeling be wrong? This sudden jolt of proximity unlike any other that she has ever felt before?

No. No... Please,  _no_.

He promised her that he would return, and she never doubted him for a second, so this  _could_  be real.

It could.

She rushes out of her room, willing to take the chance despite the possibility that she very well may have just gone completely mental from missing him too much. She briefly looks at the clock and finds that it's three in the morning, much too early to awaken the others in the house. Besides, what would they say? They already drove her all the way to Norway once and she couldn't let them do it again, not when her mum would give be giving birth to her little brother in just a couple of weeks from now.

No, she'd have to go on her own.

Quietly, she leaves a note on the counter in which she explains the situation and then sneaks out of the mansion, bringing nothing but her passport and all her savings. She's been saving just in case of a situation exactly like this, but she never bothered to pack a bag of the few things she's accumulated over the months. How silly. It hardly mattered, though. Rose is barely aware of anything but the blissful feeling in her mind that is so much less detached than before, almost as if he was right there before her eyes, even though he was not.

She could only hope that he  _would_  be, sometime soon.

Knowing him and his driving skills, if he is anywhere in this blasted universe, it's got to be Bad Wolf Bay.

She gets in the car that she has only just recently learned how to drive and speeds through the empty streets, on her way to the Heathrow Airport.

* * *

Hours have never passed as slowly as they did right now.

First, she had to wait for five hours for her flight to depart.  _FIVE_! That was excruciating - she felt him, she felt him still, but she never heard his voice in her mind the way she did upon waking up. She could swear she had heard him say her name that one time, but he never spoke to her again, so the five hours spent at the airport were a constant battle between thinking that he must be waiting there for her and realizing that she's just gone completely bonkers.

However, her second hypothesis was quickly undermined by the fact that once she got on the plane, the presence of the Doctor in her mind only grew stronger. He was always on her mind, ever present in her thoughts, of course. Memories of the time she has spent with the Doctor flooded her mind day and night, bringing her both happiness and extreme pain. It was all bittersweet, but she'd take that over not knowing him at all. Oh, she'd take  _anything_.

So, yeah. He was  _always_  on her mind, but ever since their bonding he lived  _inside_  her mind, too; a connection which was almost severed when she became trapped in this world that would never be her own, but also a connection that she could almost  _see_  rebuild with each mile that brought her closer to Norway, Bergen. She felt the soft hum of his presence growing by the minute, and although it was still subdued, she allowed herself to hope.

If he was there, on that beach, waiting for her, then she...

She'd be with him again. Be where she belongs. Doesn't matter where or how or when, she'd be with her Doctor, and nothing else could ever matter more.

By the time she arrived in Bergen, the hum inside her mind grew not only more pronounced but also frantic, and it was then that she felt a pang of worry hit her for the first time.

What if something had happened to him on the way here?

How could it?

What if he... What if he regenerated?

She gasps quietly at the thought and rushes to the nearest car rental, rents a car she doesn't even register the color of, let alone brand, and spends the next hour trying not to crash as she drives on the wrong side of the road continuously, used to the British way of driving. She shouldn't be driving this fast considering her miniscule driving skills and not knowing the local customs, but she doesn't care in the least.

She speeds up when she is just miles away from Bad Wolf Bay, her heart beating fast enough to power up the sun for a whole year, finding herself feeling absolutely terrified as she drives up to the beach, knowing that if she doesn't see a certain blue box and a Time Lord waiting there for her, she will be forced to experience the pain of loss once more. All over again.

Losing him twice, only because she was foolish enough to...

At this, her heart stops beating for a full two seconds before it starts racing, because she spots the TARDIS on the opposite end of the beach.

Stopping the car immediately, she jumps out of it and runs as fast as she can. After all, being with the Doctor involved an awful lot of running. She was used to it.

She loved it.

Each step brought her closer to him and she could hardly believe it herself, so it wasn't until she was almost right in front of the ship that she spotted a few strange details.

For one, he didn't come out to greet her yet, even though he must have sensed her presence even better than she sensed his.

Two, the signal light at the very top of his TARDIS was entirely burnt out.

Three, the ship stood right at the edge of the tidal wave, continuously being assaulted by the water.

Lastly, she couldn't feel the TARDIS. Not at all, not a sign of life, and she used to have a slight connection to the ship, too.

Terrified once again, this time for different reasons, Rose runs up to the door.

"Doctor? Doctor, are you in there? Doctor!" She shouts, banging on the door frantically, "Please, let me in. Please!" Rose begs the ship, but when there is no reaction, she pulls out the key that she still uses as a necklace, always keeping it close to her heart. Without a thought she tears the chain away and inserts the key into the lock.

Her heart sinks when she enters and attempts to survey the surroundings.

Everything is pitch black, not even the emergency lights seem to work, and she cannot hear a sound. The console room smells of smoke and as she squints her eyes to try to make out some shapes, she finds that the controls have all burnt out.

"Doctor? Doctor, it's me!"

No response.

Cautiously she walks over the threshold and towards the consoles, then lays her hand on the remains of the TARDIS.

"Where is he?" She whispers, unable to see much of anything at all. She gives up trying and closes her eyes, trying to quiet down her own thoughts just enough to be able to trust their bond to show her the right way. He tried to teach her that once and she was learning, but then...

As she holds her own breath in concentration, in the silence she makes out the faint sound of breathing.

With a gasp, she looks down and finds him laying on the grated floor, unconscious.

_Her Doctor_.

Two steps later, she is right there beside him, kneeling and pulling his head up to her knees, managing to note that his skin is bruised in the faint light of day coming from the entrance to the ship.

"Doctor! Oh my god, I can't-I can't believe this-" She chokes out as her fingers cup his cheek, "What's happened to you? Doctor!"

Her voice takes on a hint of desperation as she realizes that even though he is breathing and she can hear the beat of his hearts, he is also completely unconscious. She recalls the one time they ended up here on accident, back when they still traveled with Mickey, and remembers that the TARDIS almost perished upon entering this parallel universe.

But the Doctor did not. What could have happened now? What could she do?

This is overwhelming. He is there, in her arms, in her lap, her fingers really  _are_  brushing his cheek.

He promised that he would come back, and he  _did_. But at what cost?

He couldn't be dying because then he would regenerate, but why is he unconscious, unresponsive?

"Doctor? Oh, my Doctor," she repeats his name through her clenched throat as she leans forward to plant a kiss across his forehead, not quite believing that she is able to taste his skin again, to feel him so close, to have her mind filled by the vibrant connection between the two of them that did not surrender even when they've been separated by a whole universe.

Initially, she finds herself succumbing to despair as the nagging thought that he might be dying refuses to leave her, but she fights it away. He must have gone through a lot to get here, and now it was her turn to do her part.

She tries in vain to communicate with the ship to help her search for clues. She does not want to let go of him, but she knows that they cannot stay there, in nearly complete darkness, on this hard floor. Reaching the conclusion that his unconsciousness must have something to do with the ship, Rose decides to search the pockets of his coat for a torch, determined to find something that might help her navigate around the TARDIS.

After finding mostly pictures of her or the two of them together she is a sobbing mess, but she keeps on looking until she finds a gravity globe and a torch, both of which provide a much better view of the console room.

The sight of it makes her tremble in fear.

Everything has burnt up and she could see no traces of the Time Vortex, not anywhere. Is that why the Doctor fell unconscious? Because his connection with the ship has been severed?

Rose takes off her jacket and produces a makeshift pillow for him, then covers him with his coat and stands up, walking all around the damaged machinery.

What could she do? She's got to save him somehow. There has to be something she can do, something,  _anything_.

No matter the cost.

An idea comes to her mind and it sticks. Her only idea.

He always said that she must not, not under any circumstances, do what she is about to do now, but she was never one to obey all the rules, was she?

She leans down to plant a kiss on his unresponsive lips and then removes a small part of the grating located nearest to the console and jumps straight down, below the controls, close to the heart of the TARDIS, determined to find a way to save her Doctor.

She would never lose him again. Not now, not ever.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading this! I hope that this isn't somehow extremely conflicting with some Time Lord lore I missed. Also, sorry for the cliffhanger; the chapter would be much too long if I wrote the whole thing in one. I promise that things will only get better for the two of them from now on! As always, I welcome all the feedback, and I'll see you soon with the next chapter! :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has to save her Doctor, but will she manage?

Everything around her was pitch black.

Rose took a proverbial leap of faith and jumped down beneath the grated floor in the console room of the TARDIS, in search of answers and salvation, knowing that if there was any single being in all the galaxies that would know what to do, it would have to be the Doctor's time ship. However, it all turned out to be far from simple, as she very quickly realized when she attempted to survey her surroundings.

The situation was pretty bleak, to say the least. On the one hand, she got her Doctor back and that was... Well, that was everything she has ever dreamed of and more, but on the other hand, he was unconscious, unresponsive, and his ship was much the same. She's found no light down there, not even the smallest spark of the Time Vortex that used to shine so brightly before, and it made her heart sink.

"Are you alive?" She asked quietly, softly stroking the coral wall. She was met by near-complete silence, only interrupted by a faint hum that brought her a small dose of reassurance and nothing else.

The first time she looked into the TARDIS, she was met by a powerful, frightening force. She and the ship saved their Doctor and he told her that she must never, not under any circumstances, try to connect with the ship again.

He said she would  _burn_  if she tried.

But how could she not consider trying when he was up there, unconscious? How could she wake him up all on her own? What was happening to him, to the ship, what was  _really_  going on?

Such thoughts flew through her mind as she jumped down, and now that she was here, all the machinery that surrounded her seemed dead and the heart of the TARDIS which housed the energy of the Time Vortex was much the same. No movement, no brightness, such a contrast from before when the light was nearly blinding.

Everything seems to be dead.

"Please," she whispers, leaning her forehead against the wall of the ship, "You've gotta help me. He's... He's... I don't know, I don't know what's goin' on! We have to..." She trails off, hoping to hear a sound, wishing to see a result of her silent pleas, but finding none.

"We did this once, yeah? You and me. We saved the Doctor. I don't know what to do, I..."

Tears well up in her eyes as she continues absentmindedly flicking switches and pressing buttons, which are more scarce down here than up on the consoles, but still present here and there.

"I... I thought I'd lost him, but I  _didn't_ , did I? And now he's come back for me just like he said he would, and I just... I  _can't_ ," she mutters under her breath, feeling completely lost, "I waited for him, I waited for  _so long_ , and I can't lose him, I just can't, d'you get it? I can't!"

He  _did_  come back for her. He came back here, probably knowing that this might happen, he still took the risk and he came back to her, and now...

Now...

Was he dying? Was her Doctor  _dying_?

No. That could never happen. Could it? He could regenerate, right? Even losing him to regeneration would be a painful experience, but she's gone through it once and she'd gladly go through it however many times she'd need to if it meant getting to keep him. To be with him again, this world or that, doesn't matter where. Not at all.

What matters is that she  _does_  find a way to bring him back to life, and that she finds it  _fast_. He did everything he could, now it was her turn to act.

Newly determined, she lights up her flashlight and looks around once more, thinking about how she's never actually been down here. The Doctor went below the consoles to tinker every now and again but she didn't follow; she sat in the jump seat and talked to him until he got bored of tinkering and came back up, ready to take her to this or that place, or later on, to bed. He didn't like her being too close to the heart of the TARDIS, fearing for her safety after she has already absorbed the energy of the Time Vortex once, so she didn't press it.

She  _should_  have pressed it! Maybe she'd have more of a clue as to what to do in her current situation! She's been stupid, so  _stupid..._

Surrounded by various levers, buttons, switches and so forth, she focuses on the one thing that matters - the heart of the TARDIS. Behind the little columns used to rest the essence of the Time Vortex, but Rose couldn't see a thing right now, everything was seemingly lifeless, but she still has to give it a go.

Gingerly, she slips her hand in between the columns and lays her hand on the pipe that goes up to the consoles, through which the energy of Time used to flow.

Underneath her fingers, she can only feel something cold, but she doesn't let go immediately and her patience is seemingly rewarded as a tingling sensation runs through her whole arm.

"You're alive!" She cries, "I know you are. I can... I can  _feel_  you," she exclaims, not letting go.

Moments pass and nothing else happens, but Rose doesn't remove her hand, trying to re-establish the once broken connection between herself and the, seemingly dead, time machine. She concentrates on all the times the Doctor lectured her about this or that, and how important it is to  _tune in with the TARDIS, Rose! She's a-a sentient, living being, you see, a good old friend of mine, my old girl. She's brilliant, isn't she? Just listen to her, Rose. You can hear her, weeeell, perhaps not_ hear _, but-_

She interrupted him at that point, giggling at his silly rambling, but she still took his words to heart. The ship was alive - so many times she'd help Rose pick an outfit or cheer her up after she's had a row with the Doctor, or help her play a trick on him, or just... She was a  _friend_. And Rose had a distinct feeling that only if they'd cooperate would they have a chance at saving the Doctor, the two friends working together to save the one man that mattered the most... Not just to them, but to the whole universe.

So she kept on.

Her arm has gone all numb but she didn't let go even then, and after a while longer, her teary eyes spotted a very small spark of light. A glimmer, a faint and fleeting reminder of what once was the essence of the Time Vortex.

It was right there, beneath her fingers, slowly coming to life.

Rose nearly jumps out of joy but knowing that she mustn't let go she controls herself and keeps on, desperate to save her Doctor.

 _Her_  Doctor...

"Oh, I knew you were there! Go on then, we've gotta help him, yeah? Come on, I know you can do this," Rose utters quietly, trying to contain her excitement if only to not crash too hard if this doesn't work out.

And of course, it doesn't.

Minutes pass and the light slowly dies out once more, leaving her in the darkness, unable to see anything.

Her hope dies along with the spark of gold.

"No! No, no,  _no_!" Rose begs, putting both her hands on the ship now, pouring all of her love for the Doctor into words, "You can't just-You've got to help me,  _please_!"

Knowing that she can't let this slip away, she closes her eyes and concentrates. Tries her best to quiet down her thoughts, to not think of whatever might have happened to him, to just  _feel_. She concentrates on the love she feels for him and recalls all the many times he has saved countless lives, worlds and galaxies. The universe needs him, but she needs him the most of all, and that is what runs through her mind, briefly replacing her fear for his life.

And just like that, as if within the a flick of a switch, her mind suddenly fills up with a familiar presence - the TARDIS, a gentle, quiet tune that sang somewhere in the back of her subconscious.

With a start, she opens her eyes, and notices that the glimmer of light not only grew but also poured out onto her hands, making them shine with gold.

She was alive!

She was alive, and together they could... They  _might_...

No, they  _would_  save the Doctor.

The energy of the Time Vortex finds its way out and envelops Rose like a warm blanket. This time, she didn't force her way in; she didn't break in and steal what was not hers, because this time around, the connection between them is a mutual choice. Rose feels warmth filling her whole body as her skin turns from pink to gold, and when she blinks, she sees the world through a new pair of eyes.

Once again, she is connected to the Vortex, and this time, it's not hurting her. The acute pain that nearly killed her when she realized that  _she_  was the Bad Wolf was no longer present; she felt as though she and the TARDIS lived in a symbiosis of some sort, neither harming the other, united under the same goal.

The very moment she thinks of it, she is back up top in the console room, kneeling beside her Doctor as her hands take hold of his face, fingers brushing his temples. She acts on instinct, somewhat controlled by a force beyond her own comprehension, but she remains conscious all the same throughout the process.

He still seems fast asleep but distressed at the same time, as if stuck in a nightmare, and the thought of him suffering brings Rose pain of equal magnitude. Without further thought, she closes her eyes and reaches into his mind with hers, suddenly able to do just that thanks to the Time Vortex that is now, once again, running through her head.

Golden light swims through the link that forms between the two of them as Rose lets the TARDIS take control and heal whatever is broken. As the energy pours from her towards him, Rose hears the mysterious singing echo all around them, and it doesn't frighten her. It brings her hope.

At first, nothing happens, nothing changes. She begins to beg him to come back to her, her Doctor, so lost in this strange world, finally having found her once again. She whispers and sobs all the while the golden light surrounds the two of them; a beacon of hope in the still very dark ship.

"Doctor? Doctor! I know you're okay. You've got to..." She trails off, her voice weaker due to fearing for his life, but empowered at the same time. She was the Bad Wolf once more and she wouldn't back down. "You've got to come back to me. Properly, yeah? Come back," the last words are barely above a whisper, and after they escape her, she leans in to plant a kiss on his unmoving lips, closing her eyes and giving way to her love for him through that one kiss, the kiss she's so badly wanted to share with him ever since they were separated during the battle of the Canary Wharf. Her lips softly explore his, filling her with disbelief that she is actually there, doing exactly that, and with fear that his mouth may never hungrily reach out for hers again, if this... If this doesn't work out.

She doesn't move away and doesn't let go, planting quick kisses across his jaw, feeling tears trail down her cheeks and onto his face, not caring enough to stop them.

She needs him so badly that she just might burst.

_Come back to me, my Doctor..._

Rose opens her eyes and finds that his skin now has a golden glow to it, much like hers, and suddenly everything in her mind goes absolutely blank. Complete silence, not a word, not a sound.

The only sound she hears is the beat of his two hearts, strong and steady and increasing with every second. Moments later, the singing returns in full force as the Doctor finally opens his eyes.

Rose's heart stops beating for that one second as the energy of the Time Vortex dissipates from her and finds its way back underneath the consoles before the Doctor has a chance to take note of it. He blinks in confusion a few times until his eyes finally focus on hers and then swiftly grow wide and round as saucers.

"Blimey, I don't remember passing out here... Although it  _may_  have happened, but it's not very likely, no, not likely at all, but... Wait. WAIT, there's something I'm missing, yes, has to be... I'm still unconscious, aren't I? Because Rose-" he rambles to himself incoherently, somewhat unable to accept that Rose was right there, atop him, her face mere inches away from his.

"Doctor?" She whispers through her tears of joy, letting go of his temples and stroking his cheek instead with one hand, resting her other on his shoulder.

He was  _alive_. He was alright.

He was  _with her_.

The steady beat of his hearts stops for a split second as it dawns on him that the Rose he now saw before him for once wasn't a mirage. He made his way into the parallel universe and found her - or she found him, whichever - and she was now  _there_.

With him. Just as it should be.

His mind momentarily catches up to what his eyes are seeing as he recognizes the warm, comforting presence of his Rose, filling every corner of his subconscious with a will to live unlike any he has ever known before he met her.

"It's you," she whispers when he doesn't say a word, her own words filled with the love he so badly missed.

"It's me," he responds simply as happiness creeps into his body and a smile lights up his face, quickly met by an equal smile of her own. The first real smile in over five months.

They were finally  _together_  again.

The Doctor pulls her in without any further ado, wrapping his arms around her and locking his lips on hers with a force, doing what he had been dreaming of ever since he lost her back in their original universe, but when his mouth begins exploring hers, he is struck by a strange sensation and breaks the kiss.

"Rose, you-" he pulls away slightly and surveys her breathless countenance, "You taste of  _time_! And that's not right, not right  _at all_ , since it's been so long-weeell, mind you, I'm over 900 years old, so it's not  _that_  long, but in the grand scheme of things it  _has_  been a pretty long time since you... Since you took control of the TARDIS. So this is, weeell, odd, yes. Rose, what did you-"

Rose has a hard time thinking, dizzy having just held the energy of the Time Vortex, but mainly dazed in a blissful way, having finally kissed his lips again.

Her heart is singing because he is alive and all she wants to do is kiss him again.

"Huh?" She responds eloquently, but before she has time to add anything else, he kisses her; somewhat tentatively, as if trying to taste her. After their lips meet, the Doctor sits up abruptly, leaning against the consoles, legs sprawled out, and she ends up in his lap, perfectly pleased with that turn of events. When he breaks the kiss she moves back to kiss him again, slipping her tongue past the entrance to his mouth, which he certainly doesn't attempt to fight.

It's been  _too long_. Much too long.

Minutes pass before the Doctor remembers what exactly it was that he was supposed to do, tasting time all over her lips and her tongue, so he pulls away and takes a moment to collect his thoughts, all the while keeping his arms tightly wrapped around her.

He'd probably never let go. How could he, when he already lost her once? Besides, what better way to spend your life if not with Rose Tyler in your arms?  _Exactly_!

"Right." He says, not looking her in the eyes, knowing that he'd just lock his lips on hers once again if he did, "Right, you... Wait. Where are we? Is this-"

She giggles in response and holds on to him tighter as she sits in his lap, in complete disbelief at having him near her again.

It's been so long that she thought she might never see him again, but that was only during her darkest moments. She  _believed_ in him even when no one else did, and she was so right.

"We're on Bad Wolf Bay."

"Oh." A moment of silence as he finally allows himself to look directly at her, a brilliant smile sprawling across his face as he does so. "So I made it! What do I always say, Rose? I'm  _brilliant_ , and you, Rose Tyler, are even more brilliant! You woke me up! But wait-" he suddenly remembers, " _How_? How did you manage to wake me? How long did it take?" He inquires, trying his hardest to concentrate on the important information.

"I..." She bites down on her lip and he is  _done for_. Not a care in the world. Completely out of control he kisses her again; somewhat forcefully and desperately, clearly feeling the wound inside his hearts close with each passing second.

His Rose. She's there, right there  _with him_ , and nothing else really matters. Parallel universe, abandoned universe, forgotten universe, lost universe - doesn't matter, every universe is  _his_  universe if he is there with Rose.

"I connected to the TARDIS. Y'know, like... Like before, but... I didn't force her, yeah? I could feel it. She wanted to save you too," Rose breathes against his mouth in a hurry, knowing that he will likely be very angry with her.

The Doctor's brows shoot up and he finally looks away from her (very, very unwillingly, mind you) as his eyes search the console room, finding nothing but darkness.

Apparently he had been so wrapped up in kissing Rose that he failed to notice that his ship was, weeell, not in the best of conditions?

"Right." He blinks a few times then looks to her again, "Right, so, TARDIS. The TARDIS is, weeell-"

"Is she dead?" Rose cuts in impatiently.

"Naaa," he says with a grin, "Not dead, of course not! Rose Tyler, what do you think she is? She's made of stout stuff, my TARDIS! But, she  _may_  be rather, errr, damaged. Parallel universe, not something she's used to, you see, but I can feel her, mental bonds and all. Don't you?" He asks the question as if it's a test of some sort, looking at her intently.

"Well, yeah. Like I always did. But it's like... Like she's not really there."

The Doctor nods in reply then surprises her with a kiss again, allowing his tongue to graze her lip and the roof of her mouth, tasting her both for his own pleasure (alright,  _mainly_  for his own pleasure) and to make sure that she...

She...

He closes his eyes and tunes in to their bond, now stronger than ever, which brings him comfort like nothing else ever could before. To lose your bond mate is... To lose Rose was...  _Unbearable_ , completely. Now it almost felt as if half his body, half his mind, one of his hearts, all of this came back to him and then some, filling him with happiness.

But there was something...

He lets go of her for a brief moment and allows his hands to hover next to her temples then looks her in the eyes, silently asking for permission. When she nods he closes his eyes and touches her skin, allowing his mind to explore hers in order to see just what had happened.

She was the Bad Wolf. Again.

She risked her life for him.  _Again_.

Fear swells within his chest as he keeps reliving the moments that he hasn't really witnessed but was the sole reason for. She found the TARDIS nearly dead, brought it to life by reminding his ship of a very strong connection, the one between him and Rose, letting the TARDIS absorb the energy of it for just long enough a while to allow the Time Vortex to bring him back to consciousness.

He knows now what must have happened. His connection to the ship was severed when he entered this parallel universe, but the main reason for it all was his back-up plan; an insurance policy, if you will, to make sure that he will be able to restore his ship, should this very thing happen.

But of course, he would have done nothing if she didn't feel his presence in her mind, come all the way here and save him. His Rose.

She could have  _died_.

He gulps and focuses on the traces of time found all over her mind and body. It was different than the last time. He lets go of her mind and kisses her forehead; his lips linger, savoring the taste.

"You taste of time, Rose," he repeats, keeping his face very close to hers, so close that he can feel her warm breath on his skin.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I  _did_  take the energy of the Time Vortex again, yeah? Or somethin'. I just... I wanted you back," her voice breaks at the last word and he quickly kisses away her tears, embracing her tightly and breathing in deeply for the first time in months.

"And I wanted  _you_. Oh, Rose, you have  _no idea_ ," the Doctor says quietly as his fingers trace comforting paths across her back, "But it's... Different. Time, yes, you taste of time, but-"

"But?"

Thoughts run through his head. Hopeful thoughts, fearful thoughts, happy thoughts. Mainly happy thoughts. Mainly hopeful, because the way she-

It couldn't be wrong.

"Time will show," he says cryptically then proceeds to stand up, keeping her with him. In the end, he ends up carrying her, both her arms and legs wrapped tightly around him as their lips meet for a heated kiss, both of them finding themselves too impatient to keep discussing boring things such as time, the TARDIS and everything else.

It's been too long. So very long.

Whispering words of love right into her ear, eager to make up for not having the chance to do so for such a long time, he carries her to their old bedroom, unfazed by the darkness around the two of them.

They may be stranded, but they were stranded together. And of all the things that were still wrong, there was nothing much wrong with  _that_.

**~oOo~**

"Don't you need to work on the TARDIS or somethin'?" Rose asks him lazily, head buried into his chest, fingers playing with his chest hair as he kisses the top of her head.

"Weeell, yes. I should. But," with that, he coaxes her to face him and pulls her in for a quick kiss, "I've waited too long for this to just go ahead and tinker."

His voice is calm and loving, nowhere near as distracted as usual, and she finds his tone soothing. They haven't spoken of the future, not yet. They haven't really spoken at all, both too overjoyed to care for words when actions can express everything so much better. However, now that they are spent and wrapped in each other's arms, Rose decides to ask him about everything that led up to their reunion. He fills her in, rambling and pausing every now and then to steal a kiss from her, overwhelmed by this haunting feeling that he must be living inside a dream.

But he is not. They're together.  _Really_.

He tries not to speak of his misery during the past few months, knowing that he would only cause her pain, but she can still sense it very clearly. His pain was hers and hers was his, so as their emotions mix, the burden is finally split in two and for once, they feel like they can breathe without being at risk of crying at any given moment.

"How long... Err, how long has it-" he asks, not really wanting to know.

"Seven months," she says, "Mum's goin' to have the baby any day now. You remember, right? I told you, back on the beach?"

The Doctor nods and pulls her even closer.

"Not letting you out of my sight again, Rose Tyler," he murmurs into her hair, reveling in being able to say her name out loud, "Not even for a second. Weeell, obviously sometimes I will  _have_  to, but not for long! Not a chance. I'm afraid you're kinda stuck."

She smiles as her heart is about to burst with joy, "Stuck with you, that's not so bad."

He makes a happy sound at the back of his throat and finds himself unable to resist her, so minutes pass and not a single word is said between them, not until he whispers  _I love you, Rose Tyler,_  right into her ear, and she says it right back to him.

* * *

Hours pass and he grows used to the hint of time that is hidden underneath her kisses, but he still cannot decipher what it all really means. Sensing that she is not in danger, the Doctor allows himself to hope against hope, hope for something... Something quite  _impossible_ , but perhaps not so impossible.

 _Impossible_  has always been his specialty, after all.

Finally letting Rose convince him to take a look at the TARDIS, they both put on some of their clothes and then climb down below the grating, exactly where Rose was hours ago. His breath is caught in his chest as he sees his brilliant ship reduced to nothing, not a single glimmer of light remains, not a sign of life.

Luckily, he was prepared for this. Sort of.

"What are we going to do?" She asks him with a sad tone to her voice, following him as he walks around the dark place.

"Weeell, I  _do_ have a plan. I always have a plan, except when I don't, but I  _most commonly_  have a plan! But, before I tell you about my  _brilliant_  plan, d'you know why I was even unconscious in the first place? Because it's not a... A  _regular_  thing, Rose. Superior Time Lord biology, I don't just faint for no reason, now do I?"

She shakes her head, impatiently waiting for him to fill her in.

"I looked into the TARDIS," he says, "And stored some of the energy within my own body. Like a vessel, you see! Very dangerous, mind you, it's not quite... Healthy? Right, not very healthy to just  _store_  it like that, but weeell, didn't have much of a choice, did I? Nope! So-"

He pauses and opens his mouth, breathing out a golden cloud that envelops his time ship for a moment before collapsing into a single, barely visible, spark of light that settles inside the TARDIS.

"So I made sure that it'd be safe, but all this extra energy of the Time Vortex in a parallel universe, it was a little too much. Just a tad. Even for me! So I needed a, weeell, a kick start! And you," he turns to her with a loving look in his eyes, "Are the best start to anything, Rose."

"But... I don't get it," she says as she stares at the little speck of light in front of her, "I didn't pass out, yeah? And I did the thing same as you?"

"Not entirely. You see, I took the Vortex and I, well, I held on to it. You took it, shared it with me and then..." he trails off, once again looking at her intently, not quite sure what to think. "And then, it left you. Besides, I crossed the borders of the universe with that thing! It's quite taxing, even for a Time Lord," he winks at her and she finally smiles, stepping closer towards him and looping her arm with his.

"Is she goin' to be okay, then? Your TARDIS?"

" _Our_ , Rose. How many times do I have to tell you, we're married! For all intents and purposes. Weeell, as far as I'm concerned, very married.  _Very_. But your silly human rituals-"

His lips are sealed with a kiss and he doesn't mind in the slightest, so it is a few minutes before he reluctantly picks up the subject again.

"She will be fine," he says somewhat breathlessly, "But, I cannot say when. It will take some time for the Vortex to restore itself. It could... It could take a... A while." He gulps and looks at her intently, expression once again sober as his eyes search hers.

"I don't mind," she says, "As long as you're alright. I mean, I know that you... You don't like to stay still, yeah? I know. So how long do you reckon it's gonna take? More or less?"

"Right, for one, I don't mind, err, staying still. Not with you," he gives her a tender look, "Two, probably a few weeks. I hope. Good case scenario, no more than a few weeks!"

Rose's eyes widen upon hearing this. A few weeks spent in one place was something she always thought was unthinkable to him, but he didn't seem very bothered by it, strangely enough. Sensing her surprise, he clarifies,

"Rose, I've spent the past what, five months? Five. Five months spent on searching for you! I... Haven't slept or eaten or... Anything, really, because I-" his voice breaks, "I  _need_  you. More than anything, and I... I don't care where we are, not now, but- but of course, I  _will_  repair the TARDIS, it's just that..."

"It's just that...?" She prompts, needing the reassurance. She didn't want him to feel trapped there alongside her, in this stupid universe that was never her home.

"It's just that, until the ship is ready, I'm, err, happy to just have  _you_ , Rose. Here, there, anywhere! Because you see, you happen to be the one adventure I can't do without."

Tears glisten in her eyes as she embraces him, and together, they stare at the growing light.

They'd make their way home, eventually. For now, they had  _this_. And it was just as perfect as anything else, when the two of them were together.

Better with two, is it not?

**~oOo~**

Considering that the TARDIS was still dark and cold, Rose suggested that they sleep at a motel. The Doctor wasn't very keen to leave the his ship, but he was even less keen to leave Rose, so he agreed to stay somewhere else until the TARDIS is restored enough to provide at least the usual living necessities. As he drove them to the motel, quite excited about driving an actual car for a change, Rose decided to phone her mum. When she turned on her cell, she found around fifty messages on her voice mail, and that was when she realized that she should have called a whole lot sooner.

"Mum? It's me, don't freak out," she hurriedly says into the handset, but the Doctor is not in the least bit surprised when he hears Jackie Tyler shriek at the other end.

"Mum! I'm alright, okay? It's... He came back. No, he did. He  _really_  did," she chuckles in disbelief, "Yeah, he's here. The Doctor is here. What d'you mean you need to talk to him? But Mum-" she argues, "Right, yeah. Okay, fine. I'll put him on. 'm sorry," with that, she hands him the mobile and observes his grumpy expression in amusement.

"Hello, Jackie! Err, this is the Doctor? Did you want to-"

His eyes nearly jump out of their sockets upon hearing Rose's mother scream at him for the months of her daughter's misery, but most of all, for being the cause of Rose being in Norway of all bloody places, when she, Jackie, is about to give birth any day. He sighs and shoots Rose a miserable look. Same old Jackie Tyler.

Some things just never change.

Ten minutes pass before the Doctor manages to get a word in, twenty before Rose manages to convince her mum to let go of him and talk to her instead. Quickly explaining their situation, Rose apologizes to her mum and makes sure that she'll be okay while they stay in Norway, promising to return as soon as the TARDIS was able to take the two of them home, but just as she is about to hang up, Jackie puts Pete on the phone.

"Rose? Sweetheart, Jacks is goin' wild over here. You ought to come back or she's goin' to drive me mad," with that, Rose hears the sound of Jackie smacking her husband across the arm in the background.

"We can't. I mean, we've got to stay with the TARDIS, and 's not like I can pack a huge blue box into a plane, is it? I'm sorry, really."

"My company is rather well off, you know, and it  _does_  have a company plane. We can have that box of yours packed up and sent home to London together with the pair of you. How's that for a plan, eh?"

She looks at the Doctor knowing that he must have heard Pete's proposition. He grins at her and nods which is quickly rewarded by her brilliant smile. Arrangements are made and they drive right back to the beach, spend a few rather brilliant hours waiting for a truck to pick them up, and the next morning they find themselves on a plane to London.

The two of them, on a  _plane_! The Doctor  _did_  specialize in impossible things, but this took the cake. Traveling by plane, who would have thought?

"Weeell, this is  _odd_. Weird. Strange," he lists as he stretches in his seat, but when his eyes turn to Rose, he adds, "Lovely."

She smiles at him and grabs his hand, shaking her head slightly.

"What?"

"I'm just, y'know. I can't believe it. Just two days ago I was completely miserable, and now..."

"I  _know_!" He replies enthusiastically when she trails off, both of them laughing out loud at nothing in particular.

They were stuck. Very stuck. Just  _when_  they'd actually get back to their world, Rose didn't know. And she'd likely have to leave her whole family behind to follow him, but she was already prepared for that from the very moment she chose to stay with him during the battle of the Canary Wharf. It won't be easy, but it will be necessary.

She cannot be without her Doctor.

The Doctor observed her as she looked out the window, admiring the sights, his mind pleasantly cluttered with all sorts of thoughts revolving around Rose.

One, he'd have to dig up that little plane he kept inside the TARDIS and take her for a trip.

Two, he will most definitely have to sonic a cash point to make sure that they  _don't_  spend the next few weeks living with  _Jackie Tyler_. Ugh.

Three, he cannot let go of how deep under her skin the essence of time seems to run now and he...

Could it...

No, that's all for later. Doesn't matter right now.

Actually, nothing matters right now. Nothing but her and the days ahead of them, this world or any other, consisting of everything and nothing and all of it completely  _perfect_.

After all, they're finally together. The Doctor and his Rose. Not in the TARDIS, but still just as it should be.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the delay in posting this! Busy week. I hope you liked the chapter and that it didn't get too timey-wimey (read: messy). I'm not much of a sci-fi/adventure writer, I always write romance, so I hope this wasn't too bad. Please let me know your thoughts, and I'll see you soon with the next chapter! ^_^


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally reunited, the Doctor and Rose face situations they have never thought plausible.

"No. No.  _NO!_  Doctor... No..."

The Doctor finds himself stirred from within deep sleep; the first proper night of rest he has had in months. He slept so much better with Rose around, that was the norm even before their separation, but now... His tired mind was finally brought to a moment of reprieve, and the feeling of her warm, soft body pressed tightly against his as she slept in his arms was something truly beyond any other experience in all of the galaxies. Rose Tyler, all pink and yellow and only  _his_ , sleeping in his embrace. What could possibly be better? Nothing!

But apparently, she hasn't been sleeping quite as soundly as he was.

He opens his eyes and blinks in confusion a few times before he regains his focus just enough to take note of her uneven, distressed breaths. Is she ill? Could it be that she... That she is in  _pain_?

No, it couldn't. No. She was fine, Time Vortex or not, she was  _fine_ , and now-

"Doctor, don't go," she mutters and that is when it hits him. Rose isn't ill, she's just having a nightmare.

His hearts clench at the sound of her muffled sobs, so he pulls her even closer and burrows his face into her soft hair as she lays there spooned against his body. He kisses that favorite spot of his at the crook of her neck and then says in a tender voice,

"Rose. Rose, wake up.  _Rose_?"

She doesn't react and merely shivers in his arms, still stuck in that terrible dream, so he presses his palm against her forehead, checking her temperature. To be sure that even though she reclaimed her role of the Bad Wolf, she would be... She'd still be alright.

He couldn't run all the tests he normally would, couldn't lead her straight to the infirmary and run various scans while she moaned about it repeatedly, because his ship was nonfunctional and would remain so for quite some time. However, sensing that her temporary connection to the TARDIS was not of a violent, uncontrollable kind this time around, he feels more at ease and predicts that she would be fine, given a few days of rest just for good measure. She didn't even complain about tiredness or dizziness which he was expecting, and that was definitely a good sign.

Right now however, she was not quite alright, was she?

The Doctor props himself up to be able to look at her face and whispers her name straight into her ear, keeping her firmly in his arms.

"Rose, it's just a... A... Nightmare. Wake up." His voice is husky, still tinted with hints of sleep, but most of all, it is concerned. He wants to help her in any way possible, just the way he always does. Just as he is about to reach into her mind to bring her ease, she slowly awakens, finding herself with teary eyes. For a moment she truly thinks that she is all alone, but then she takes note of the pleasantly cooler body pressed against her back, and she realizes that it was all just a dream.

A  _bad_  dream.

She dreamed of Bad Wolf Bay again, the first time they stood on that beach, the time he vanished...

"Doctor?" she calls out for him without turning around to face him but remains aware of his presence, feeling his eyes on her.

"Oh, Rose," he whispers into her neck and pulls her even closer, "You had a nightmare, didn't you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did," Rose responds, still seeking confirmation in her own words, because a most alarming thought creeps into her mind: what if  _this_  is the dream, and that was all real? That he was gone forever?  _Could_ it be real?

The thought makes her shiver again and she turns around in his arms abruptly, bringing their faces mere inches away from each other and locking her tear-filled eyes with his. The Doctor observes her with concern, scarcely able to breathe when finding her in tears. He brushes a loose strand of hair away from her face and says,

"It's all gone now. You're safe here, safe as you can be, so don't-don't  _worry_ , Rose."

"I dreamed that I lost you," she cries as she feels his embrace around her tighten, " _Again_. It's just... Too much, y'know. I used to wake up like this every single night, but now... Now, it really  _was_  just a dream, yeah? I'm not just... Imagining things, am I?"

He always found it endearing when she'd ask him to make sure that something was truly real, but this time, he doesn't chuckle the way he usually would. He can relate to that question on so many levels, having already asked himself repeatedly if it could all be true, if they  _really_  made it. Just the way they always did. Trouble, disasters, even this terrible separation, they always made it back to each other.

They found their way back together. Merely twenty-four or so hours ago.

He intended to never let her out of his sight again, not for a moment, so they both squeezed into this very small bed in her room located on the second floor of Pete Tyler's villa and fell asleep together. Only his Rose was still plagued by the nightmare of the past months, and he couldn't bear seeing her in pain.

He brings her closer, so close that her face is burrowed into his chest, his into her hair.

"I know. I know, and I-well, I... I too  _wonder_ , but no. This is real. You won't lose me. I have to tell you that I'm not very easy to get rid of, Rose Tyler, especially not when it comes to you. I mean, I've crossed universes for you! That's got to mean something! Not letting go of you, nope, not ever," the tone of his voice remains light in an attempt at consolation and it seems to be working, because he can sense that she is smiling when he hears her speak again.

"That's good," she says softly and they just lie there for a moment, neither saying a word until she finally breaks the silence, "What time is it?"

"Three forty-four in the morning. Oh, and it's... seventeen, eighteen seconds past," he says without even checking the time. He doesn't need to. Time ran straight through his veins; he knew it so well, he was just sometimes too distracted to keep good track of it.

"Did I... Did I wake you? 'm sorry," Rose says, feeling a pang of guilt at interrupting his sleep, knowing how rarely he gets any shut-eye.

"You're forgetting that I'm a Time Lord, Rose! Superior genes, don't need much sleep, me. You remember that, don't you? Of course you do! So, don't apologize.  _Never_  apologize to me, Rose."

He still finds himself repeating her name much too often, the name sounding like a caress, a term of endearment. Knowing that this is a direct result of his own disbelief at having her close, he doesn't attempt to fight it. No, instead his hand finds her cheek and she leans into it thankfully, closing her eyes and bringing her own hand to cover his.

"You can tell me. If you want," he prompts with a dose of caution.

"About?" she murmurs, feeling calmer by the minute.

"The dream. The... The  _nightmare_. If you think it might help."

She hesitates, but soon words spill out of her mouth while the Doctor swallows thickly as he listens to her description. Parting back on Bad Wolf Bay, having him pulled away from her never to be seen again, her all alone in the darkness without any help in sight.

Her nightmares were almost identical to his own. He was plagued with visions of losing her and being all on his own, just the way he always was until he found Rose. The shared nightmares are just further proof of their ever-growing bond, but the Doctor wishes that she would have been spared  _this_  particular proof.

He hated seeing her scared, sad, in tears; oh, it punctured his hearts.

"It was just a dream," he assures her softly, looking at her in the dim light of some unidentified lamp placed outside, admires her beautiful features, gazes into her eyes as she nods at him slowly. Finally, as if on cue, they both lean in and join their lips in a long, loving kiss. After it ends, they remain close, both finding comfort in the presence of the other.

"You're really here," she whispers.

"Of course I am! Where else would I be? Never letting you wander off like that again, Rose. I can't... Couldn't bear to... Lose you."

There is a pained look all over his face as he says this and all she wants to do is turn it into a smile, but they both know that no matter how lucky they might seem to be, he  _will_  lose her one day. And after months of separation, both their souls are so plagued that the wounds will take a while to heal. The nightmares won't just disappear over night, especially considering that they are not meant to be together  _forever_ , no matter how much they wish to be.

Time Lord and human. Two different species. So alike, yet so very different.

At least they would be dealing with those painful memories together. The Doctor and Rose, the stuff of legends, ready to face any nightmare side by side,  _always_.

Rose sighs and says, "It's a long way away, Doctor. I mean... I'm human, yeah? But still young. We've got quite the age gap, y'know," she manages a smile and he can't help but return the gesture, although his mind is running back to his uncertain discoveries from earlier. That taste of time, the way it lingers on her lips still...

Oh, well. Time will show. Can't think of that right now.

He doesn't say anything in reply, merely pulls her closer so that he can feel her warm breath caressing his neck again.

"Better get some sleep. Long day ahead! Or weeell, according to Jackie, it will be. Your mother didn't seem very pleased at your unplanned trip to Norway," he says and she giggles against his skin.

"Mum's never pleased at anything really, but yeah, we'd better. You get some sleep too, alright?"

He makes a sound of agreement, all the while knowing that he won't be sleeping anymore, deciding that sleep wasn't important while Rose could be having nightmares again. Instead, he allows her to turn around so that he can wrap his arms around her, and whispers words of love in Gallifreyan straight into her ear until she falls back to sleep.

He spends the rest of the night on recalling the previous day and thinking of the future, letting both of his hearts soak up the overwhelming feeling of hope caused by the unarguable fact that he was now, at long last, back exactly where he belongs.

 

**~oOo~**

 

The next few days are a blur of events that, although much different from their adventures on the TARDIS, still keep them occupied. Busy during the day, insatiable during the night, the Doctor and Rose catch up on what they have been missing when they were separated, and also prepare for what will have to be their life until the TARDIS is restored and able to take them back home.

The first day is messy, to say the least. When Rose wakes up in her tiny bed and finds him next to her, happiness sprouts in her heart, much like it has been in his, and several hours pass before they finally emerge from her bedroom, only to be yelled at by her mum. It's a good natured sort of yelling, though, and after Jackie has given them a proper talking to, she proceeds to squeeze the Doctor much too tightly and for once, even though he winces, he doesn't attempt to escape her embrace. Rose is his only family, his  _everything,_ but Jackie is her mother, and he always felt as if she was a part of his family too;the closest thing to family he has right now, at the very least.  _Mother-in-law_. Eugh.

So, that first day... Rose knew more than well that the Doctor would feel uneasy enough being deprived of his TARDIS, let alone having to live with her family, so when he suggested renting out a flat she had no reason to disagree. She suggested using up her savings to rent something, the Doctor suggested just using his sonic on a cash point, and that spurred a reasonably lengthy debate about whether or not sonicking a cash point would be  _stealing_  and just what they should really do.

"Doctor, I know you've saved this universe, 'course I do. Or at least this version of the Earth. But until they decide they ought to give you somethin' for it, you can't just go stealing money from cash machines, yeah?"

"But it's not  _stealing_! Besides, no one will even notice. They never do! Banks just go about missing money and nobody ever notices until somebody is sent to jail for it! Which, statistically, doesn't happen very often. And if I  _did_ get sent to jail I'd just sonic my way out, so yes, you should just  _let me_. Your mother is, weeell, a... A  _charming_  woman, but I think it's better if-" He trails off and she bores her eyes into his with an expectant look on her face.

"Yeah?" Rose prompts bemusedly when he doesn't continue.

"If we live... On our own. You know, because of, weeell,  _reasons_. Reasons. Important reasons! Not to mention, it won't be long until we can get back to living on the TARDIS. Flying her is one thing, but just maintaining the rooms is much, much less taxing."

She shakes her head with a small smile as he absentmindedly rubs the back of his head, keeping his other arm occupied with embracing her tightly as they sit together on the sofa in the living room, surprisingly enough left alone for a short while. The Doctor shoots her a questioning look and she says,

"Never thought we'd be havin' this conversation. I mean, not even before..." He nods, letting her skip the mention of Bad Wolf Bay, "But now, it just feels, I don't know,  _right_. Are you really okay with all this, though? I mean... Being stuck here?"

"Rose, I risked my ship, my life, my  _everything_  just to be here with you. I think it's safe to say that as long as you're around, I'll be just fine. And by around I mean  _right here_. And by right here I mean  _with me_ ," he smiles at her warmly and gives her arm a firm, reassuring squeeze, but she still looks hesitant and he wants nothing else than to dispel all her fears, so instead of talking he pulls her closer, lips meeting in a kiss that starts off as tender but quickly ends up very passionate. She climbs up onto his lap, forgetting their surroundings within a flash and loses herself in the kiss, abandoning flats, cash points, sonics and other boring things in favor of her Doctor.

As for the Doctor, he rarely noticed much of anything when Rose was around. The Earth could collapse around them and he wouldn't notice as long as her lips remained locked on his, so it's no wonder he doesn't take note of the entrance of Jackie Tyler until Rose's mum clears her throat loudly and then speaks.

"Look at you two, goin' at it like a pair of teenagers! Blimey, I can't leave you alone for two seconds, can I?" She says with her hands on her hips. Rose and the Doctor abruptly stop their most distracting snog session and look at her in bewilderment, both wide-eyed, slightly breathless,  _very_  embarrassed.

They got a little carried away. A  _little_.

Rose immediately leaves his lap and sits down properly, but it's much too late to recover.

"Right, Jackie, hello! Rose and I were just- We were just, err-"

"Just about to have a quick shag on the couch, that's what you were  _just about_  to do! No foolin' me, Doctor!" Jackie says as they both freeze in terror. Discussing quick shagging on the sofa was definitely  _not_  their favorite subject when it came to speaking to Rose's mum. "'s alright, though. Pretty thin walls in this house. I already knew that-"

" _Mum!_ " Rose interjects, sitting a healthy distance away from the Doctor now but still holding his hand. This was a nightmare on a whole different level, and while the Doctor could sense Rose's intense embarrassment, it was easily shadowed by his own.

Getting caught in a, weeell,  _slightly compromising_  position was one thing. Getting caught by  _Jackie Tyler_  was another. Completely another.

It was an awkward situation to be in, no doubt about that, but when Rose spotted her mother's amused expression, she realized that they were both just being silly. They've spent  _months_  apart wishing to be together, and now they sat at the opposite ends of the couch just because her mum walked in?

How silly is  _that_?

Rose scoots over closer without any second thoughts. He looks at her surprised but welcomes her into his embrace again, shooting her a loving look before his eyes turn back to Jackie.

"Right, Jackie, we were just... Errr...  _Discussing_. Rose and I decided that we-"

"We'll rent a flat somewhere in town, 'cos it'll be a while before we can use the TARDIS again, so..."

"Exactly! It's a brilliant plan, it just needs some, weeell, some polishing. Fine tuning. Yep."

Jackie shakes her head at the two of them finishing each other's sentences and says,

"I know, I know. I was listenin' at the door. Just for a while, mind you, I wasn't brought up in a barn, y'know! And then I remembered that Pete's said somethin' about there being a reward for the two of you. You know, for saving the Earth and so on. If you ask me it's all just them posh people being bored to death and giving out their money for free, but I thought,  _well, I ought to tell them_!"

Although the Doctor didn't listen to the whole sentence, his mind did catch on to her mentioning a  _reward_. He often got rewards from all sorts of places, so it's no surprise, not really. A reward would be most convenient. Not quite like claiming it yourself without asking, and not using up Rose's savings. Perfect! So, a few questions are asked, they go and talk to Pete (after a brief moment spent on  _inspecting_  Rose's bedroom once Jackie finally left them alone), a few calls are made, and apparently, the Doctor happens to be moderately rich in Pete's World. As said, very convenient.

Most convenient, really, because being stranded with Rose was not half bad, but being stranded with Rose, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler and soon-to-be Tony Tyler was a little less a great prospect. They were best on their own, just the two of them, together.

Rose convinces the Doctor to stay another night at the Tyler residence so that they can rent something out tomorrow, and after a series of rather delightful kisses, he  _kindly_  agrees.

When nighttime falls, he finds himself surprisingly tired at the end of the day. Still half in a delirious daze over having her with him again, he drifts off into sleep with her in his arms, and this time, no nightmares await them in the land of dreams.

 

**~oOo~**

The next day keeps them equally occupied as they go on an adventure they never thought they'd have to venture on - a hunt for the right apartment to live in for the upcoming weeks. The Doctor doesn't care in the least about whether the windows are facing south or north or if there is a bathtub instead of just a shower but Rose does, so he patiently follows her around all sorts of flats and gives his input when he is asked to. Alright, so maybe he complains  _a little bit_ , but that's only because he is well aware of how much she likes his silly whining, and he doesn't mind being the source of her amusement, not in the least. Besides, just how long can one stare at walls and floors and the like before growing mad with boredom? Not long, that's for sure.

In the end, after viewing over ten different flats, they settle on a house. A proper house, with doors and carpets and things, and a garden where they can park the TARDIS to let the ship restore itself in safety. The house is small, just three bedrooms and one floor, in a quaint little area of Pete's World London that wasn't too far away from the Tyler residence. That was Rose's idea, too: she predicted that her mum would want some help when the baby is born, and thus, they were now within walking distance of her old home.

The Doctor was quite grumpy about that; knowing Jackie Tyler, they wouldn't get a second of peace, and if there was any charm to being all  _domestic_  and settling down and having curtains and flower pots and the like, the charm of it all was being with his Rose. In that house, any house, anywhere at all, really. Not necessarily being with his Rose and Jackie and Pete and-

Although... After over five months of searching...

Yes, this was quite  _lovely_ , wasn't it? The two of them with a proper house. The Doctor and Rose and their little home. For a couple of weeks, mind you, surely not any longer than that. Just temporarily.

Exactly.

As they got their keys and were about to enter the house which they paid for two months in advance (for good measure, he said, it surely  _cannot_  be that long. Weeell, most probably not. Hopefully. Perhaps not. Most likely.  _Yes_.), he couldn't resist the urge to sweep Rose up into his arms, carrying her bridal style through the threshold as she giggled in delight. Once he does set her down, her giggles become more subdued as they look one another in the eyes, standing in the hall of this rather cheaply furnished house which was, apparently,  _theirs_. For the time being.

She wraps her arms around his neck as his entwine at her waist, bringing their bodies very close, mixing the beat of three hearts into a melody that is both soothing and exhilarating.

Just a few days ago, they were so alone. Lost and lonely and broken, but now... The future has never looked brighter. And so what if they'd have nothing much to do in a house like this? They were the Doctor and Rose, the stuff of legends. They'd never get bored. Not a chance?

And so what if this was too domestic? Having a house with Rose, standing still for however long it takes?

It's been a long time since he finally realized that he  _does_  need a home to return to at the end of a long journey, and he found that home in Rose. She was the one that made it all worthwhile, and she was the one he'd share his future with, no matter the circumstances. If their separation has taught the Doctor anything, it was to take in as much as he could and then some and not to hold back with her, not for a second, because they could never know how much time they would still be given. How long they could be together.

"So apparently, I'm Mrs. Smith," she whispers with that tongue-touched smile of hers, "I wasn't aware of that." She must have seen the names on the form they signed while renting out the house, and apparently, she chose to tease him about it.

" _Rose_!" He whines, "How many times do I have to tell you?  _Married_! Properly! Although, not by your human standards, but no one cares about those. Boring little rituals! Besides, what was I supposed to say? They just sort of... Assumed that you are my wife. Weeell, I may have told them. But that was for a good reason.  _Very_  good."

The reason was that one of the real estate agents dared to look at Rose for a little too long, but the Doctor doesn't mention that. He still has a strong reputation to uphold, this universe or any other.

She laughs it off and says, "But  _Rose Smith_. That sounds so... So...  _Generic_! Couldn't you come up with a better last name? Something like, I dunno, McDowell. Or somethin'. You could try out that Scottish accent of yours then, yeah? I liked that," her smile remains teasing but her eyes are dark with longing, and the Doctor has no doubt that his own expression matches hers to a tee.

"You liked that, eh, lass?" he says with a Scottish accent, much to her delight, "What was it that I said back then, with the Queen and the werewolf and all? Tim'rous beastie? That's right! It was rather brilliant, wasn't it?"

"Oi! I'm no beastie!" She protests with laughter, suddenly realizing that they are still standing in the hall, not caring in the least about seeing their new home properly. How could she bring herself to care when the Doctor is right there, before her eyes?

"Are you sure of that, Rose?" he asks as his tone suddenly dips, his voice low and husky, "Are you  _quite_  sure?"

One of his hands travels up her body all the way to her chin, lifting it so that their lips can meet without any effort. The kiss quickly deepens as her fingers run through his hair in slow motions, his own hands slipping underneath the hem of her shirt.

"Not quite," she whispers, breath ghosting over his lips for a brief moment before he pulls her back in, stumbling over their new furniture as they try to make their way towards the bedroom.

After all, what better way to test a new bed than to test it  _very thoroughly_?

 

* * *

 

Once the initial shock at being together, without company, in a  _proper house_  has died down a little, Rose proceeds to drag the Doctor around the house in order to give everything a proper look. Their new home was simply furnished, but Rose seemed to be pleased enough. The bed was very large and very comfortable, the kitchen, although tiny, was perfectly sufficient, the living room had the coziest little sofa she's ever seen, and the colour theme of the rooms was quite lovely: all white and blue with a hint of gray in the bedroom.

But first and foremost, it was meant to be  _their_  home. Rose briefly recalls how scared The Doctor had seemed when she mentioned getting a mortgage together back on Krop Tor and she stifles a laugh. It feels like such a long time ago. They were both different now, both committed to this, and although she knew that the Doctor would never be quite the fan of domestics, Rose didn't fear him growing bored with this way of life, not all too soon, at least.

It was just a stop on the road, and after months of separation, she secretly preferred this to going straight back to their adventures. She longed for those slow days with her Doctor, days when they didn't even bother with leaving the bed, or days when they stayed in and watched sappy movies all evening.

She longed for  _them_. For everything they've built together and everything that was taken away from them back in her home universe.

After the improvised tour around the house, they ended up in their new kitchen. The Doctor went straight to tinkering with the microwave, the oven, the fridge and everything else all at once while Rose prepared a shopping list, both marveling at how  _normal_  it all was and how surprisingly lovely it turned out to be, too. Neither said much, both quite content with the presence of the other, somewhat lost in thought.

The Doctor pondered the situation in silence, stealing glances at Rose every now and again just the way he used to do so long ago, long before he even dared to admit that he was completely besotted with her. He rarely considered himself a lucky man; on the contrary, he has suffered so much that he would sooner think himself cursed rather than blessed, but as he sat in this unimpressive kitchen with Rose, tinkering with a cheap microwave as she sat the opposite of him writing something on a piece of paper, the true extent of his own luck finally dawned on him.

Alternate universe. Odds were that he would never ever see her again, but he  _did_. Weeell, odds to begin with were that he'd never get to meet her in the first place. The universe is vast and big and wide and filled to the brim with people and other life forms; what chances were there that he'd meet the one and only capable of striking a chord in his broken hearts? The one and only that could mend them from scratch? Yes, he  _is_  a strangely lucky man. That, or some sort of a kind spirit is trying to compensate the loss of everything he has ever known, and Rose  _is_  that compensation.

The Doctor doesn't believe in spirits. Or in luck, for that matter.

But he  _does_  believe in Rose.

And whatever force brought them together at the very start and then kindly kept bringing them back together, he couldn't help but feel thankful for it.

Once again, he swore to himself never to lose her, not until there was no other way. And that, in turn, leads him to thinking of  _time_  again. Of the Bad Wolf. Of the strange energy that he could almost see with his naked eyes when he looked at her; the glow that was always there, but so many times stronger now, after her latest connection to his ship.

His ship. How he wishes he might be able to run tests, to find out if his instinct is telling him the truth... His own mind is his greatest enemy, supplying him with ample good and bad scenarios and explanations, and for the time being, the Doctor wants neither. For once, there was nothing for him to do but wait.  _Wait and see_ , he says to himself, smiling smugly as their microwave now operates at five thousand times the normal speed.

"Guess what?" Rose's voice pulls him out of his silent monologue. He smiles up at her, still not quite convinced that they are together, in a proper house,  _properly together_. It's very, very brilliant and he loves every single second of it.

Just as he loves everything else even remotely related to his Rose, but that's just details.

"What? Did you finally decide to let me upgrade the washing machine? It will be  _brilliant,_ Rose! It will wash and dry and iron and sew and-"

"No, you daft alien," she giggles and then laughs out loud as his excited expression falls, "Guess again."

His eyes travel towards the ceiling as his tongue peeks out at the very corner of his mouth, creating a very thoughtful expression. What could she be trying to make him guess? The lottery numbers? Her mother's zodiac sign? The color of the sky on Yerita Seven?  _What_?

After trying all the things that come to his mind, he surrenders and says with a small pout, "I don't know. What is it? You've got to tell me, you know, because it's extremely  _unfair_  to make me guess and not tell me, and I  _need_  to know, because-"

"I love you," she interrupts him with a warm smile, leaving her chair only to embrace him as he sits there, stunned, sonic screwdriver in hand.

They didn't say these words too often, although of course they have been said since their reunion, but the fact that she had the sudden urge to  _tell him_  melts his hearts effortlessly within half a second, so feeling quite overwhelmed, he says happily, "Weeell, that's quite lovely, yes, that's all very well and all, but I'm afraid I happen to love you even more, Rose Tyler."

"Smith," she corrects lovingly, feeling her heart race at his always welcomed declaration.

"Both," he suggests and makes a happy sound at the back of his throat as she sits in his lap, kissing his forehead and watching him tinker, effectively interrupting his work. Not that he minds. Not in the least.

That first night in that new house of theirs, the Doctor doesn't sleep a wink, merely holding Rose in his arms as his hearts fill up with this strange, joyful energy; a sense of peace, a sense of home, a sense of love, and a strange certainty telling him that the upcoming weeks, no matter what they will bring, will be quite brilliant. Yes, quite brilliant.

And even when a few days later, a sharp ringing tone pulls him out of a deep sleep to announce that a brand new Tyler was about to be born and  _Rose needs to be here right this instant, the nurses are all driving me bonkers, I'm tellin' ya!_ , he still doesn't mind this way of life all too much. Takes some time getting used to, mind you, but...

But he had Rose. Against all odds. Still had her. Would  _always_  have her.

And strangely enough, everything else in the universe pales in comparison to even the simplest of moments spent with Rose. 

With that thought in mind he heads out the door, holding her hand as they hurry along the dull streets, and as they arrive at the hospital, the Doctor uses the last silent moment to say,

"Thank you."

"For what?" she asks distractedly, looking around and trying to locate the correct entrance.

"For...  _You_ , I s'pose."

A brilliant smile and a quick peck on the cheek later, the Doctor is quite prepared for the many hours to come, and the weeks to follow afterwards.

After all, he had Rose. What else could he possibly want?

 

* * *

 

**A/N:** Hi everyone! Again, a bit late, but I intend to post the next chapter sooner as it is all outlined. We are nearing the end of the story, but don't worry: there is still a bit to go! Thank you  _so_  much for your positive feedback, and I hope your weekend has been brilliant :) As always, all reviews are veeery appreciated and motivating!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At long last reunited, the Doctor and Rose face difficult choices as they try to find their way back from Pete's World.

Two months seemingly just fly by, somewhat in a flash,  _mostly_  in a flash, although in a way, time passes kind of slowly. It's a rather good kind of  _slowly_ , though.

Has it really been two months? The calendar says so, as does the Doctor's impeccable sense of time, but it certainly does not feel like it's been that long. It wasn't even supposed to be that long in the first place. His initial estimation of the recovery time of his ship was a tiiiny bit off, leaving them stranded in Pete's World for a little longer than he had anticipated. Just a little.

It wasn't exactly a  _problem_ , though. The TARDIS restored herself well enough to sustain the most used rooms after just three weeks time, and additional rooms were opening up once every few days. Some sacrifices had to be made, such as getting rid of the swimming pool and their least favorite garden, but he was certain that he'd eventually restore those too with the right amount of tinkering, which is exactly what he was doing right now, all the while entertaining himself with thoughts of the past eight weeks.

Two months have passed since they found their way back together.

They didn't abandon their rented home even when the TARDIS was capable of accommodating them again. Instead, they chose to share their time between the ship and the house; they'd pop into the cinema room for a quick Disney marathon and then go back  _home_  to their bed, or just stay in and spend the night on the ship, or... Well. They've had a lot of possibilities over the past two months, but traveling in the TARDIS was not one of them, not just yet, even though the day was near. He could feel it very well and it brought peace to his mind.

The Doctor crawls out from underneath the consoles and observes the golden, vibrant energy of the Time Vortex, now nearly filling up the rotor. A content smile plays on his face as his connection to the ship tells him that it won't be much longer before they can depart and return to their home universe. However, that also brings back a flood of memories, and along with them, concerns about the future.

Two months. What have they been doing?

The first few days are a complete blur of events and emotions. Love and longing and so much loneliness waiting to be disposed of; they rarely did anything but gaze one another in the eyes like a pair of love-crazed teenagers, and the Doctor, although uneasy without his ship, did not feel out of place when he came home with Rose at the end of the day. All those human things such as cooking and watching the telly and an awful lot of sleeping (for Rose. He caught up on lost sleep within a few nights and often just stayed awake to admire her peaceful features as she slept), they did all of that. But Rose knew him so well, and he knew her so well, too. It just wasn't them; not always, not  _forever_ , so in between those calm moments, they still had plenty of things to do.

First of all, taking care of her little brother. But we'll get there in a moment.

Second of all, Torchwood. The Doctor harbored a lot of angry feelings towards the Torchwood Institute, subconsciously blaming them for the loss of Rose, but she stubbornly insisted that the institute on this version of the Earth was perfectly fine. Eventually, he budged, and soon enough he saw for himself that the people working in Torchwood were quite passionate about what they were doing and were definitely not driven by money or power. From that realization, it was just one short step to assisting them with their work.

Although they both didn't want to be employed full time which would keep them away from each other for far too long, they were valuable as freelancers of sorts, and the Doctor was happy to help the people that came to Rose's aid when she worked on the dimension cannon. She never got to finish it in the end, but she  _tried_ , and these people helped her. For that, he most certainly owed them a favor, so once every few days they'd pop into Torchwood. He'd end up tinkering with some broken alien machinery while ordering everybody around, Rose would help in the alien cultures and defense departments, and then they'd be off on their merry way, hands always joined as they walked across the streets of Pete's World London.

Often, they'd just go home or back to the TARDIS. Still insatiable, a lot of their free time was spent, weeell,  _alone,_ and the Doctor didn't mind that in the slightest. Odd, that; he used to be sure that staying still would bore him, but he did not feel boredom, not at all. Of course, he  _did_  feel restless at times. He longed for the stars, but then again, so did she.

Together, they endured it, and together, it wasn't half bad.

They'd do all those very human things together, like sit on the sofa while Rose absentmindedly flipped the channels on the telly, cook dinner or help their elderly neighbor bring in her groceries, or proudly nod when asked if they are married. Well, that last one was all the Doctor; Rose instead looped her arm through his and smiled.

They went about their day in regular ways, finding excitement in each other's presence instead of their usual adventures, and although they both longed for the stars, they tried to substitute in the best of ways.

Sometimes, they'd go on little trips. They'd go wherever Rose's car or their own feet would allow; one night he took her outside the city, up on a small hill. They looked at the stars together, coming up with new names for each and every one or deciding which one of them they would visit once they finally can.

It was  _brilliant,_ really. Odd, but brilliant nevertheless.

Three, a resemblance of normalcy: helping people. This version of the Earth was slightly more advanced and thus attracted a lot more alien attention. Who could deal with all that better than the Doctor and his Rose? Thus, sometimes they'd be busy running for their lives or saving somebody else's, just as usual, and that was really, really great.

Other times, they'd head straight to the Tyler residence for reasons that were much more  _human_  and down-to-earth.

Which brings his thoughts back to Tony Tyler.

The Doctor shuts the TARDIS door behind himself as he leaves and walks the streets at a quick pace, eager to see his Rose and to some degree, her family.

Rose loved her little brother at first sight. She told him once that she didn't really like kids, but even if she didn't exactly  _like_  them, she was still quite brilliant with children, and the Doctor couldn't help thinking...

Suspecting...

 _Worrying_...

That it might be a little  _hard_  for her to abandon all of this once the time comes for them to return home.

Of course, he has ideas. Plenty of them. Plenty of fixes, but not one of them certain, and even though he knows that Rose will follow him wherever he goes, he can't help the pang of guilt that washes over him as he observes her while she holds her little brother, all smiles and seemingly endless patience. The Doctor doesn't know much about human offspring, not really. Children are shouty angry little things, but that doesn't mean he dislikes them, not at all.

In fact, seeing Rose holding Tony was...

He swallows down the lump that formed in his throat and barges right in through the front door of the Tyler residence, not even bothering to knock. His connection to Rose would show him the way even if his ears didn't, and as he enters the room with the fireplace, he finds her.

His hearts skip a beat. She is so  _beautiful_. Always.

Rose is pacing around the room with the baby in her arms, trying in vain to quiet the little boy down. Proves his theory, doesn't it? Shouty angry little things, that's what human children are!

And yet, Rose looks absolutely  _lovely_ , and he cannot help feeling that he is robbing her of something rather  _important_  by taking her back to their Earth, back to their universe.

Not that Earth was ever  _his_ , of course not. Gallifreyan by blood and by hearts, that's what he is, but weeell, home is where his Rose is. Brilliant little saying!

He stands in the doorframe, still unnoticed by her, and feels that pang of guilt work its way back into his hearts. He will take her away from her family, for good. He still doesn't know if he will ever be able to give her a life like the one her mother and Pete Tyler were now living, a proper life with not only a home but also a  _family_.

Maybe, just maybe... Maybe he  _could_. But would they even want that?

Would  _she_  want that?

Rose finally spots him in the doorframe and jumps a little at the sight.

"My god, you scared me! How long have you been starin' at me, Doctor?" She says, her initial surprise quickly changing into a brilliant smile as she walks over to him to give him a loving kiss which he is all too happy to return. It is much too brief, though, as she still keeps her little brother in her arms.

"Hello," he gives her a dazed, content look as he smiles warmly and then looks down at Tony, "Hello Tony, my little man! What is the problem this time, then? Don't tell me it's the global warming again. I'm telling you, you've got  _years_   _upon years_  to worry about that! Although it will only get worse in a few years time, but still. Live today, worry tomorrow! Isn't that what they always say? No? Weeell, I said it just now. That's just as good!"

Tony finally stops crying upon hearing the Doctor's voice, and Rose cannot help but admire how her Doctor seems to have the infant under some sort of a spell. Tony was just two months old, but Rose didn't doubt for a second that her brother adored the Doctor, because whenever the Time Lord was around, Tony fell silent.  _For a change_.

"Let me just get him back to mum and we can get goin', yeah?"

The Doctor nods and watches her as she leaves, mumbling little nothings to the baby that she held in her arms.

What if-

What if she  _needs_  this?

He considers something he never thought possible before. He considers staying here, in this universe, just to ensure her happiness. He'd get the TARDIS to work here, eventually. They could still travel - perhaps not quite as extensively as they used to - and their old universe would just have to make do without them.

His shoulders heave with a sigh. He could do that for her, he  _could_. But would it be the right thing to do?

It was all too easy to forget his duties when Rose was so directly affected by his decisions. Too easy to follow his hearts. Then again, she taught him to do exactly that; to act on instinct, to  _enjoy_  it, but even still, he finds himself torn. Not because of his own wishes, but because of  _hers_. Would she rather stay here and let go of the stars and adventures and things?

The Doctor knows her well enough to say that  _no_ , she wouldn't, but the feeling of robbing her of something lingers, eating away at him persistently until she returns to fetch him so that they can leave.

It won't be long until they can go home. Two weeks, three maximum. And that is with all the miscalculations already included and then some.

With a combination of giddiness and regret in his hearts, he grabs her hand and they walk  _home_  at a slow pace, stopping every now and again as their impatient lips seek contact, just the way they always do.

He remains silent for the majority of the way, which is quite a contrast from how he usually behaves, but that is because his already quite superior brain is now working at full capacity. What could he do? What  _should_  he do?

His bond with Rose helps him along, and it dawns on him that he cannot deprive her of all of this; her family, her little brother, the life she has had before him. On the other hand, he cannot lose her either, not a chance.

So what he needs is a combination of the two, which should not involve staying in Pete's World.

Seemingly impossible.

Buuut, he does have a rather superior Time Lord brain, doesn't he? He'll just have to make it happen!

 

**~oOo~**

 

Rose observes the Doctor as he tinkers with some unidentified piece of the TARDIS. He's been hard at work these past few days, and judging by the look of excitement all over his face, it was going remarkably well. They'd really be going home any day now, not just  _sometime_ , and Rose cannot hold back her own thrill at going back to their old life.

It was all bittersweet though, 'course it was. She'd likely never see her mum again, or Pete, or little Tony, or even Mickey...

She shakes her head, stopping that trail of thought before it truly started. She had to be with her Doctor, no question there, and this was the price she'd just have to pay. At least she knew that her mum would be well taken care of and happy, finally having a proper family, having a husband and a little son to look after. Mickey was doing well, too. Him and his Gran lived at the Tyler residence, Mickey worked for Pete and has just started dating a really lovely girl. He too had someone to rely on.

And Rose would have the Doctor, for as long as she possibly could. Just months ago this seemed impossible, but now, two months into living with him under quite  _normal_  conditions, Rose is just blissfully happy. Mind you, she's missing the stars and the adventures and everything, but in the end she is just happy to have him back.

So very happy. But why does he look so downcast despite all of his excitement, as if a great big gray cloud hung over his head and he tried to rid himself of it, or at the very least to conceal it?

Not giving it any further thought, she surprises him by sitting in his lap as he tinkers. He drops whatever he was working on without hesitation and beams at her. A short snog distracts her, 'course it does, but she gets back on track with her little agenda a few minutes later.

"Doctor?"

"Mmm?" He mumbles happily against her lips.

"You've been kinda...  _Off_... Today. And yesterday. And the day before. What's goin' on?"

Her eyes scan his face in search of the answers that she so badly needs. Rose knows more than well that the situation they are currently in is, to put it lightly, very  _unusual_  for her Doctor, and she worried about him every single day; although up until a few weeks ago, she's had next to nothing to worry about. He was carefree, somewhat restless, but most of all, very happy. Now, it was somewhat different. Still happy, but  _different_.

She could sense his concern through their mental link, but just knowing that there  _is_  a problem does not necessarily bring one to a solution. Knowing  _what_  the problem is might, though, so she smiles at him encouragingly as he sighs in reply.

"What do you mean, Rose? I don't seem  _off_  in the least! I could be quite  _on_  though, that is much, much better, and much more useful, too," he tries, giving her a meaningful look that she giggles at but remains unmoved by.

"C'mon, Doctor. I can feel it, yeah? Something's bothering you, and I want to know  _what_. Tell me," she prompts softly, leaning in to kiss his forehead as she remains in his lap.

With yet another sigh of resignation, he finally surrenders.

"Do you want to... Errr... Stay here? With... With your family." He blurts out, eyes boring into hers nervously. She is taken aback by the question; shocked, even. Does he mean...

"D'you mean... Without you?"

"What! No,  _of course not_! Rose, how can you even-"

Relief washes over her, soothing her momentarily. How could she be so silly to even assume that he'd leave her? He would  _never_.

"So you mean you'd... You'd give up the stars and everythin' for me?" Rose asks uncertainly, not quite sure what he truly meant. The Doctor nods slowly in response as he says,

"Weeell, not necessarily  _give up_. I'm sure I could get the TARDIS to travel around this universe, too. But... I  _would_  give up the stars. If it meant that you were happy," his voice is so soft and sincere that a lone tear appears in her eye, only to be brushed away gently by his thumb as his hand cups her cheek. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, 'course," she says with a touched smile, "It's just pretty  _sweet_  of you to say. I'm surprised."

"Rose Tyler, are you implying that I'm not  _usually_  sweet?" he inquires with mock-indignation.

"You have your moments," she admits and kisses his frown away, but then returns to their previous subject. "But no, Doctor. I mean, I will miss Mum and Tony and Pete and Mickey, I'll miss them  _so much_ , but I know you. I know you want to go back. 'Cause you do, don't you?"

They share a wordless look that speaks volumes. He doesn't have to say  _yes_  for her to know that he does want to return, that it feels right, that this is not their universe, that they don't truly  _belong_  in Pete's World.

But she does have to say it, so she wastes no time.

"Me too. That universe needs you, Doctor. It's our home, and we ought to go back."

"Rose," he mutters her name, knowing that just that one word will convey the depth of what he'd really like to say. The tone of his voice is suddenly vulnerable, raw, exposed, as is his soul when she looks into his eyes without a shade of doubt in hers.

She could do anything she wanted to him, truly. He was smitten, besotted, so very hers; she's got him wrapped around her finger, but she only did all the best of things. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat as he swallows thickly, feeling touched by her sacrifice, and he cannot help blurting out another question.

"What about a family?" he asks, somewhat surprised himself, and the question hangs in the air for a few silent moments as they study one another carefully.

"What d'you mean?"

"I-I wonder, because you look after your brother, you do it  _so well_ , and when I... When I see you holding him, I-" he pauses for a moment to gather his thoughts, then looks her in the eyes with a strange kind of remorse. "I wonder if I'm not, maybe, just a-a  _little_ , if I'm not... Stealing something from you, I s'pose. I mean, you humans, you are basically programmed to want to produce offspring, and I-"

"Doctor," she interrupts him, now truly concerned, "We've talked about this before. I want  _you_ , yeah? 'sides, we're together. You always keep goin' on about that, bond and so on. We  _can't_  be apart. Right?"

Once again, he simply nods, allowing her to take the lead in the conversation just this once. Alright, so it may not have been the  _first_  time he allowed her to take the lead, but that's another story entirely and it is besides the point. Precisely.

"So what are you trying to say? I mean, I told you, I don't really care about that. I love Tony, but if I had one of my own I think I might've gone mental within, I dunno, twenty minutes? Thirty, tops," she flashes him her trademark smile and he brightens in response, although a hint of guilt remains somewhere deep inside and she can easily sense it.

"Weeell, I just wanted to- to make  _sure_. I mean, you're  _human_ ," he says, looking at her strangely. He still sees that golden glow. It hasn't dimmed in the slightest, his eyes just got used to it. His lips had gotten used to the lingering taste of time on her skin too, but he still took note of it. He still didn't  _know_  what it was, he could only suspect.

He still couldn't run any tests in the infirmary, and his increasing impatience on the matter was yet another thing that contributed to his restlessness. The Doctor cannot help but appreciate Rose even more than usual now, when she made it clear that she will follow wherever he goes, and that she too wants to go home.  _With him_.

The one thing he can do for her in this situation would be to ensure that the price of them going home would not be too high. That is why he's been hard at work the last few days, tinkering away whenever she slept and often during the day while she kept him company in the most delightful of ways.

He was  _this_  close to finding the solution, and maybe now was the right time to tell-

"And you're an alien. A daft one, at that," she intercepts his thoughts with a brilliant smile before he manages to get a word out, "Y'know, 's funny, I talked to Mum about all this today. You know, while you were here and I went to visit them?"

The Doctor nods, curiosity replacing tenderness in his stare for a moment.

"They thought about... Moving, too. I mean, going back with us."

He frowns as he ponders the option. Why has it never crossed his mind? It's a-

No, wait. No, it's not. He should-

Rose picks up her monologue before he gets a chance to speak, "But I told her that they shouldn't. It was... Well, I wish they could go, yeah? But they've got this amazing life here, this house, Pete's job, Mum's even made some friends, and I..." Rose trails off and he embraces her, still keeping her in his lap, shooting her a comforting look. "I can't take that away from them, not really. So I... I told her to stay."

The Doctor can easily tell how difficult a decision that must have been, not only for Rose but also for her mother. He may not know Jackie Tyler all too well, but her love for her daughter was impossible not to notice.

If not for the day's discoveries, he would now feel extremely guilty, but instead, he finds himself able to deliver good news.

"Quite right, too. It wouldn't be safe for little Tony to travel through time and space, not yet at least; too young, his brain hasn't been fully developed yet. Anyway! Rose, d'you know how I said that Time Lords used to be able to travel between universes? It was all ours,  _all_  of it! The whole of the sky and beyond, at the very tips of our fingers. Have I mentioned that my race happened to be rather  _brilliant_? Right, so, since the TARDIS  _will_  be able to fly us out of here, I thought, weeell, why not fly us back in, too? And I-"

"Wait. Do you mean that we could..."

"Come back? Yes, occasionally. Mind you, it won't be  _very_  often, it is rather, err, taxing on the ship, but yes. Sometimes. Pop in to visit and then back out! You see, my people made travel between the universes forbidden during the... The... The Time War," he looks away as he mentions it and she softly takes hold of his face, bringing it close to hers and kissing his lips briefly. Remaining close, forehead to forehead, they sit in silence for a moment before he picks up again. "So, yes, it's not technically  _legal_ , but it is  _possible_ , and-and I'm the last of them, the last of the Time Lords, so I s'pose I can decide what's legal and what's not, can't I? Just some work with my magnificent ship and it's all done! She's used to this universe by now, my TARDIS. A little risky, a little energy consuming, but completely, positively plausible!"

"So you mean... You mean we could, I dunno, visit sometimes? Every now and then?" Rose asks in disbelief, moving her face away to take a good look at the Doctor. This was so much more than she could ever hope for, and if it could ever work out, she couldn't be any happier.

"I'm pretty sure that we could. If you like," he says casually and then observes the most amazing smile in the universe as it spreads across her face. The sight fills him with all sorts of brilliant emotions, such as, well,  _love_  and  _serenity_  and also a hint of pride. Being able to make her smile like that was worth every treasure the universe had to offer, and even then it wouldn't be enough.

A few minutes spent on snogging later, Rose asks him  _how_  and if he is certain and if it is safe and all sorts of other little questions which he happily addresses, keeping her in his lap, arm tightly wrapped around her waist. He goes on about extrapolators, the Time Rotor, the Vortex, the shield fuse generators and all sorts of other fascinating things for about ten minutes before she finally interrupts him. Normally Rose could only handle much, much less of his technical talk, but being in a dazed state of joy as she was, she let the Doctor try and explain advanced quantum physics around three times before she finally sealed his lips again in a very successful attempt at making him stop talking.

As always, he happily obliged, and although they  _did_  talk later on, it did not involve physics, chemistry or the theory of relativity, and they were both quite content with that.

Yes, quite content indeed.

 

**~oOo~**

 

It awakes him in the middle of the night. Out of nowhere, a tangible presence in his mind, and the moment he opens his eyes, he simply  _knows_.

The TARDIS is finally ready to take them back home.

Excitedly, although quietly as to not wake Rose, he leaps out of bed and runs straight to the console room. They have spent the past week on the TARDIS simply because the Doctor knew that this moment was coming and he didn't wish to miss it when it does happen.

With a few big steps, he jumps underneath the consoles and is immediately hit by the brightness of the Time Vortex, now completely filling up the rotor, powering up his ship. Climbing back up, he runs his fingers across the controls with a huge grin.

"So, you're finally ready to go, eh? I know, I know, this trip has been rather, errr,  _difficult_. Now, don't get all grumpy! Took you long enough to recover, didn't it? But now," he pauses, inputting the correct coordinates but not starting up the engines just yet, "Now, it's time to head back home. Although..."

A content smile lights up his face as he remembers his own little saying. Home is where his Rose is, isn't it? Of course it is! So he runs all the way back to their bedroom, not wanting to waste even a second.

"Rose," he whispers into her ear, kissing her hair, "Rose. Wake up!"

She mumbles something incoherent and turns away from him, so he starts grumbling about humans and their inferior bodies and sleeping and-

"Blimey, Doctor, I'm tryin' to sleep! It's like what, four in the morning?"

"Almost five! It's four thirty-three, Rose! And I'm fairly sure you will want to see  _this_. Yes, quite sure. Absolutely sure, even! So go on, get up!"

Rose is not exactly pleased to wake up merely four hours after she went to bed, but he finally manages to lure her out. He grabs her hand and drags her underneath the consoles, embracing her as they stop to admire the nearly blinding light.

"Oh, you're back, aren't you," Rose whispers as she runs her fingers along the rotor in a tender manner, looking at the ship in a state of awe. The Doctor looks in the same direction for a short while, but quickly turns his eyes to look at her instead. Much better view, you see, because his Rose happens to be weeell, breathtakingly beautiful, and-

His thoughts freeze in place for a moment as he notices her eyes, glowing in a strong shade of gold ever so briefly before she turns to face him and the light in her eyes dissipates, scattering into a thousand little pieces of eternity.

It was as if the Time Vortex ran underneath her skin,  _still_ , and the Doctor still didn't know what to make of it.

"So we can go home now?" Rose intercepts his thoughts and his arm around her tightens as he whispers,

"Yeah. Rose Tyler, we can finally go  _home_."

Twenty minutes spent on showering and dressing later, they are right out of the door, knowing that before they leave Pete's World behind - if only for a while - there are things that they need to tend to.

 

* * *

 

It's a busy day. They visit Torchwood to thank everybody and say goodbye, the Doctor offering them a few pieces of alien technology as a present, Rose hugging each and every person and wishing them luck. They then go back to the place they both referred to as home, this tiny house with a lovely garden, and gather up the traces of the past two months. Clothes, earrings which were long forgotten on the sink in the bathroom, a collection of his ties, her makeup bag. Eddy the Teddy is snatched from the bed, books taken off the shelves, and an hour later, one might imagine that the Doctor and Rose have never even lived there.

He stays behind for a few quiet seconds after they close the door shut and allows his brain to soak up the memories. The exact color and placement of the building, the scent that lingers in the air, a scent of home, of Rose, of peace.

He thinks of the day he found her here, in Pete's World, or rather, the day she found him and brought him back to life. He thinks of the day they rented this silly little human dwelling and of all the peacefully beautiful hours they've spent in there, hours during which Rose taught him so much about being human that he almost felt like one himself. Almost, not quite.

Regardless, it was always a  _good_  feeling. He ached for the stars, but what he ached for the most was Rose.

With a barely audible gasp of surprise, the Doctor realizes that he will  _miss_  this. The peace and quiet and this strange kind of normalcy that he has never experienced prior to meeting his Rose. And with that realization, a plan forms in his head.

They have the TARDIS, but they could also have a  _home_. Not here, just somewhere back in their home universe. A little static, fixed point in time and space that would only be  _theirs_.

"Are you coming?" he hears her voice and it shakes him out of his thoughts, "We ought to visit my family before we go, y'know."

A pang of sadness in her voice strikes him and he makes certain to assure her that by the looks of it, they  _will_  be able to travel back here. It's not a  _guarantee_ , it won't be until they try to make their way back here, but the safety measures he had taken to ensure that they'd be alright during such a trip gave him just enough hope for it to work out.

Once they return the keys to their little home, both strangely quiet, they head to the Tyler residence to say their goodbyes, or rather their  _I'll see you again, yeah? All of you_.

"Mum, it's not... It's not certain, but we'll most likely be back."

Jackie looks at her daughter through her tear-filled eyes and then turns to the Doctor for confirmation. He nods, placing both of his hands upon Jackie's shoulders, and then says,

"I tried my best, Jackie, and I think-I'm  _almost_  positive that we  _will_  make it back here. But you have to keep in mind, this universe is ahead of ours. It will be quite some time before you will see Rose again."

His voice is serious but not gravely so, and Rose's mother nods through her sobs. Pete walks over to her and embraces her, kissing the top of her head.

"How long d'you-d'you reckon it's going to be though, Doctor? Oh, Rose, sweetheart," Jackie cries as she leaves Pete's side and embraces her daughter. Salty drops spill from Rose's eyes as they both sob; Rose quietly, Jackie - the opposite.

"Errr, I-I cannot say, but it will probably be a... A year. More or less. Although, if you factor in the recovery time of the engines-"

"Oh, just shut it, you daft man," Jackie laughs through her tears and lets go of Rose with one arm, extending it to the Doctor, "C'mere, will ya? One last hug before you two run off on that mental journey of yours?"

A warm smile spreads across his face and for once, he obliges without moaning about it, wrapping one arm around Jackie, the other around Rose. He rests his chin on Rose's head, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo, and smiles helplessly at Pete Tyler who stands beside the three of them, rocking little Tony back and forth in his cradle.

"I'll miss you so much," Rose whispers as she lets go of Jackie and walks over to Pete, "And you, too. You take care of her, yeah? Take care of them both?"

"Of course," Pete says, pulling Rose into a tight embrace, "You're like the daughter I've never had, you are. My little Rose."

Rose smiles through her tears and turns to Mickey, who stands a few steps back, trying not to interrupt the emotional scene. Without further ado she rushes to embrace him and his Gran, wishing them both all of the best. She then goes to say her one last goodbye: to her little brother. She kneels beside his cradle and softly takes hold of the tiny little hand, looking at Tony with a mixture of pride, joy and sadness.

"Be good to Mum. Stop wakin' her every night, will you? She's got to sleep, too, y'know." Rose mutters, "And be smart. And  _curious_. Don't be like me back when I've had no ambition, yeah? I don't know when I'll see you again, so I'm telling you now. Be smart, you little monster."

With that, she stands up and leans over to kiss her brother's forehead. Turning to the most important people in her life, she puts on a brave smile, knowing that the excitement about finally going home won't kick in until she is back on the TARDIS. At this very moment, it all just feels painful; saying goodbye to her loved ones could never be easy, even if it really is only temporary.

But the Doctor was the one person she could never bear to say goodbye to. Her past, her future, her whole world... No, not her whole world. He was the one that  _showed_  her the world and set her free; the one who helped her spread her wings and learn that she could be so much more than just a shop girl from a council estate in London.

He was her gate to the world, and she was the one who crossed it and never wished to go back. Together, they were finally going home.

Her sad smile brightens when she waves back at her family as they go to see them off at the TARDIS.

It was time. Finally going home, with her Doctor, just as she should be.

**~oOo~**

They stand next to the consoles, coordinates already typed in many hours before, one button away from taking off.

"Ready?" the Doctor asks her, excitement so very apparent on his face. He was giddy, a little scared (but he wouldn't admit to that. Not in a million years! Time Lords never get scared, not ever.), but most of all, completely shocked at how it all worked out in the end.

He lost her once, he got her back, and now, they'd both get their lives back, too.

Just one button away...

"Always," she smiles and makes a sound of surprise when he takes hold of her waist and pulls her close, kissing her lips decidedly as he sends the TARDIS into the Vortex, on her way back to their home universe.

"Alright then, Rose Tyler, hold on tight! It might be a little, weeell, shaaaa-KYYYYYYY!"

The TARDIS starts tossing them around like never before and they hold on to each other for support, both laughing equally out of joy and out of fear for their lives up until the ship finally stops. They find themselves on the floor, hands still joined, both panting in their dazed state; like a person who has spent a little too long on a particularly advanced carousel.

They quiet down their breaths and say not a single word. Did they make it? Did they make it back home? Was the ship fine? Were  _they_  fine?

As if on cue, their heads turn towards one another and their eyes meet, each asking the other these wordless questions until the Doctor finally shrugs, gets himself off the ground and then helps Rose up, keeping an arm around her in a protective gesture.

"That was a little, errr, unstable," he notes, rubbing the back of his head distractedly. The TARDIS seems to be fine this time around, but all the screens have burned up, rendering the Doctor unable to check their whereabouts. Oh well. They will just have to step outside and check.

"Not like that's any different from the norm, is it?" Rose teases, smiling at him with a dose of uncertainty. They both swallow thickly and speak up at the same time,

"Let's check where we landed, yeah?"

"We should probably see what's outside. If everything went well, it will be London, Earth, the Solar System, but weeell, travel between universes, it's a little  _unpredictable_ , you see! So yes, we'd best check. Checking is good, very good, even! I always make sure to check. And double check. And triple. Unless I, err, forget."

A small giggle escapes her lips and they walk together, slowly, hand in hand, to the entrance to the ship. Sharing one more look and a nod, they wordlessly agree to just go for it. See where they are. Give it a shot.

It couldn't possibly be worse than being on Bad Wolf Bay, so they  _should_  be fine.

With a deep breath, the Doctor busts the door open and reveals a familiar, if unimpressive, sight that takes both of their breaths away.

London, the Powell Estate. That little playground they often parked on when they visited Jackie.

 _Home_.

Their perfectly apparent happiness mixes together, both sensing the joy of the other through their mental bond as they step out of the time ship, alive and well and most of all,  _together_.

"We made it," Rose utters in disbelief, squeezing his hand tight, traces of tears appearing on her cheeks. Noting the weakness of her voice, the Doctor pulls his eyes away from their surroundings and looks at Rose, both of his hearts bursting with joy. He realizes that for the past two months, he could never quite fully believe that he  _did_  get back to her. It just seemed too good to be true. Only now, standing on their own version of the Earth, does he truly, completely allow himself to believe that they made it. They really  _made it_.

Just the way they always did.

"Yup," he pops the 'p' happily, "Yes, it... It appears that we  _did_."

He turns around to face her fully and cups her cheek, lifting her face to lock his lips with hers. There is a hint of desperation in both of them when the kiss begins, but as the beautiful reality sinks in, they relax into the soft caress and allow the joy, the relief, the hope to wash over them for good, tending to the remains of the wounds which were caused by their previous separation.

When they absolutely have to pause for air, they both turn their eyes away from each other and look in the same direction, observing the gray, dull blocks with an awe that nobody except them could ever relate to.

"Are you happy?" Rose whispers, "To be home, I mean."

Once again fixing his gaze on her, he smiles down lovingly and allows his mind to travel far into their past for a few seconds.

 _"Run!"_  he said that day as he grabbed her hand, and he never truly let go of it since then. He too was running, he was running from himself, and once he met her, he ran  _with_ her and  _from_  her at the same time.

So very scared of loss, so very scared of the consequences, so very besotted with this pink and yellow human girl that, even in those early days, was still the very image of perfection to this old, broken Time Lord. They ran through streets and meadows and frozen seas and through entire planets, and at the end of their every adventure, he only fell even deeper in love with her.

He changed from the brooding man in a leather jacket into this talkative, slightly manic, slender man with a whole lot of hair, but his hearts remained just the same. They remained  _hers_.

When he changed, he kept running, but not for long. No, it all caught up to him eventually, his feelings for her, ever growing, so very constant.

It strikes him now that it was probably always meant to be this way. From the very moment when he told her to run, from that very second, he was destined to be hers.

And so, he'd always be hers. A love that lasts through any disaster, so unlike the norms of his race, yet so very right for this particular Time Lord.

A sense of home, of having a place to belong to, no matter which corner of the universe they'd end up in, stuck or not stuck.

His Rose.

Was he  _happy_?

What sort of a question is that?

"Home?" he asks with a sincere smile, pulling her closer. " _Home_? I've been with you, Rose Tyler. I've been home all along."

Fully accepting the truth of his own statement, he takes hold of her hand and leads her along the gray streets in no particular direction, feeling as though their real adventure has only just begun.

 

**THE END**

**~**

**A/N:** The end? Well, not quite! There'll still be an  **epilogue** , so this is not marked as complete just yet. The epilogue will address any questions that I still haven't answered, so don't worry about that :)

There will be time for thank you's and being sentimental when I mark the story as complete, so I will end this chapter by saying that your support truly  _does_  mean the world to me, and without you all I would likely never have written this much. Please let me know what you thought about this chapter, and I'll see you soon with the (really) very last one ^_^


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of the story, the epilogue explores the lives of the Doctor and Rose after they find their way back home from Pete's World.

Months passed and their bond only strengthened, but the Doctor still could not a definite answer to the question that has been bothering him ever since he made his way to Pete's World for the first time.  _Rose_.

Golden eyes shone brightly for a few seconds before fading into their regular shade of deep brown. Her skin would shimmer with the essence of Time at those times, too. Times which were seemingly unconnected, but also increased in frequency as the days went by.

It was as if she was the very embodiment of Time itself, and he didn't know what to think. His ship wasn't very cooperative, giving him inconclusive results, and after a few months of trying the Doctor accepted that he will just have to  _wait_. He hates waiting, absolutely despises it, but there was no other way. Whatever it was, it was still forming, and he wouldn't know until it was ready.

He  _did_  tell Rose about it, of course, but she dismissed it as some sort of consequence for fusing with the TARDIS, which it very well may have been, but...

 _But_  he couldn't help hoping that it would be a bit more than that.

So, yes. Months passed. A few months back in their home universe. They saved planets and people and stray dogs and they saved themselves and it was  _perfectly right_. Eventually, they attempted to go back to Pete's World, estimating that around a year must have passed for Rose's family left back there.

Admittedly, it was a bit of a stretch, the whole traveling-between-universes thing. Very taxing on the ship, a tad dangerous, but they both loved danger. Although, the Doctor hated putting  _Rose_  in danger, but that is precisely why he made very sure that it wouldn't be all too dangerous. Plenty of safety measures, a lot more calculations than on his first trip, a huge amount of energy just in case the ship loses its hold on the Time Vortex again...

To be fair, looking at Rose, the Doctor silently thought that she alone may be big enough an energy source to power up the ship, should anything happen. No, of course not like  _that!_ Just the way he did, simply blowing a golden cloud into the rotor. Not merging with the ship, the Doctor wouldn't allow that, but the essence of Time that seemed to flow through her veins only grew stronger by the day. It did not seem to change anything in her, but it was  _there_. It certainly was.

Right, so, Pete's World. His calculations were a tad off and they arrived two years after their departure. Jackie was in tears, even Pete shed one or two, little Tony recognized Rose only from the photographs his parents kept but she was quick to steal her little brother's heart once more.

They stayed a week and then went back home. Their departure was still as heart-wrenching as the first time, but Rose felt more certain that she might still see her family again, and the Doctor would never deprive her of it.

Back home they ran into Jack and found out that he was the Face of Boe, they ran into Donna Noble and they ran into Martha Jones and saved the world on numerous occasions, but in the end, they preferred to be on their own. Although they've made a couple of trips with Jack who incessantly teased them about starting a family and having little Time Lord babies on the TARDIS, they've let him go back to his job at Torchwood at the end of it all. They visited, mind you, but they never stayed.

At the end of the day, it was just the two of them, and that was exactly how the Doctor liked it best.

He was still in an awe at everything she did, everything she said. Every time their lips met he wondered if this time he will wake up from this breathtaking dream, but he never did. And Rose was much the same.

She grew, matured, lived by the values that she has always had but was afraid to follow prior to meeting her Doctor. She loved helping others and she loved their life among the stars just as much as she loved their quiet evenings on the sofa, in bed, by the fireplace, sitting on the fluffy carpet that she just  _had_  to have and spent thirty minutes convincing him to get. In her old bedroom, both staring at her very own stars, or sitting at the exit of the ship, drifting calmly in the Vortex, snuggled up to him as he kissed her forehead and told her about the many wonders of the universe they were still yet to see.

There were still times they were mere inches or seconds away from losing one another, but they always prevailed, always found their way back together, and with time, even he started to believe that even though the events keep trying to split them up, they never ever will.

* * *

 

After a few visits to Pete's World, just as the Doctor was finally starting to get the hang of this whole parallel universe travel thing, Jackie and Pete surprised both Rose and the Doctor with the decision to move back to Jackie's home universe. Tony was old enough to travel, nearly four years old, and Pete, after confirming that they do in fact use the same currency in the other world's London, was certain that their family would be just fine. Many hours of arguing against it and presenting all the downsides, the Doctor observed with a sigh as his TARDIS sheltered the entire Tyler family, ready to take them on a trip across the universes.

Rose thought that Mickey would follow, but Pete left him in charge of Vitex, not to mention the fact that Mickey was actually married. He met Martha Jones, a wonderful, ambitious doctor, and just six months later he was a happily married man awaiting his firstborn child. The Doctor observed the happy couple fondly, remembering the woman he saved a hospital with and recognizing many of the same traits in this parallel Martha, and Rose couldn't help but feel overjoyed for Mickey. He has finally found his way in the universe, as did she.

So, the whole Tyler clan made their way across the universe in order to be closer to Rose, and although it was a bit of a bumpy ride, it gave little Tony Tyler an experience he would never forget. Opting to settle somewhere else than London as to avoid being too out in the open, Pete and Jackie moved to Scotland, where Pete quickly started up a profitable business that gave his family everything they needed.

The Doctor and Rose stopped by and visited much more often now, and although the Doctor would never admit it, he enjoyed those visits nearly as much as Rose did. Young Tony took a particular liking to the strange man in a blue mysterious box, and after his tenth birthday, his sister and her husband took him on trips to the stars. Not very often, but often enough to make him itch for the stars in a way that Rose never really did. As an adult, he became a scientist, researching space travel and extraterrestrial life.

Now, we've gone a bit too far into the future, haven't we? Right, let's go back to just eleven months after Rose and the Doctor returned to their home universe. Or weeell,  _just_. Relative word, that, because the Doctor  _patiently_  awaited for these results for what felt like an eternity. And by  _patiently_  he means that he may or may not have kicked his ship on more than one occasion, and he may or may not have dragged Rose to the infirmary to repeat the scans just about every week; but well, eventually, he finally got exactly what he asked for.

That day, as he dragged Rose into the infirmary for yet another scan with yet another new piece of alien machinery that he picked up on Kartoilzen, the TARDIS finally gave him a conclusive result, and it truly nearly made his hearts jump out of his chest.

The TARDIS no longer registered Rose as fully human. Not Time Lord, still about 99% human, but not quite  _completely_ , and the Doctor needed no further proof for his most-favorite theory.

Kissing her in absolute ecstasy, he took her hands in his and started dancing around the infirmary as Rose laughed and tried to ask what was going on, never getting a reply other than his disbelieving chuckles. Finally, he calmed down just enough to run an additional scan. Thirty seconds later, the results that came up on one of the screens made him grin from ear to ear even more.

"Doctor, when're you gonna tell me what's goin' on?" Rose insisted, giggling at his silly antics.

"Rose! Oh, Rose, this is-this is-err, this is-"

"Go on then,  _what_?"

"Oh, but Rose, but this is  _amazing!_ " He exclaimed, kissing the top of her head and then keeping his hands firmly on her shoulders, beaming at her in delight. "Rose, you are- You- You have traces of Time running through your veins, Rose!  _Time!_ "

She looked at him as if he was a complete lunatic and slowly nodded, "Yeah, you already said that, y'know. Even back in Pete's World... So... I don't get it...?"

"Yes, yes I did, but you see, this is much,  _much_  different, because the TARDIS  _confirms_  it. You are, weeell, a little  _different_. No human is meant to be infused with the essence of Time itself, but you, Rose Tyler, you most certainly  _are_!"

The Doctor couldn't quite believe his own luck. Of course, the inevitable would still... Happen... One day. One day very, very far away. But for now, he would have his Rose, he'd have her for a very-

"And? What's that mean then?"

"It means that when you last connected to the TARDIS, she left you with a... A... A  _present_ , of sorts. She altered you very, very slightly. Now, don't look so concerned! It's nothing  _bad_ , certainly not. She... She slowed down your aging process, Rose. By a... I suppose a... A whole lot. Not like Jack, mind you, but it means that we... That we-"

Rose gasped in disbelief, not quite sure what he truly meant. She scanned his face intently with a small frown, unable to decide if she should be happy or frightened. A space ship tinkered with her DNA and slowed down her aging process. Could that even be true? Well, she's seen a whole lot of completely mad things with this man, but none of them directly changed  _her_.

Wait. 'course they  _did_. Each and every one of them. All their adventures, they all made her  _better_.  _He_  made her better.

She opens her mouth to ask for a better explanation, but he senses her confusion across their mental link and beats her to it. "A small, very tiny fragment of Time remained, Rose, and it took a while to form, to-to  _fuse_  with your system, that's why I couldn't be sure of it up until now. But now-Now, it means that we will... We will have a whole lot more time together, Rose. Much, much more."

"So am I like... A... Time Lord or somethin'?"

"Time Lady," he corrects absentmindedly but then shakes his head, "No. You're human, just with a much longer lifespan. And I dare say that is quite  _brilliant_! And this, this also means... I think it might mean that we-that we could be, err,  _compatible_. If you'd ever want, weeell, a little Tony Tyler of your own-not that I-err, I mean-"

"Really?" she breathes out and he nods, feeling a strange warmth wash over his hearts as he senses a spike of happiness across their link. It's still nothing for them to consider, but the Doctor is...  _Not opposed_  to the idea. "So we could..." she continues hesitantly, looking at him intently.

His smile fades as he takes in her serious expression, matching it with one of his own. He can sense all her questions, he can sense that she doesn't know how to feel about all this, but underneath the confusion, he also senses a strong surge of joy.

"So we could have... A  _family_?"

"Errr, yes, I-If you'll want to. Some day. I'm not  _entirely_  sure, but-I think so, yes. And we will have a lot more time together, Rose."

She still seems shocked, although in a  _good_  way. They never truly considered a family, and the aging... So many times they both worried about the inevitable. He couldn't bear the thought, she worried about how he'd live on without her, but now... And they could even...

"You mean... You mean we'll stay together for..." she whispers and he nods in reply.

"Yup. For a very, very long time. Just as it should be," he answers in a tone that is both filled with emotion and informative, allowing the news to sink in for the both of them before they do anything else.

She always yearned for forever. He always wished for forever. They both knew that it could never be.

It still might never be, but if what they'd have would be closer to  _forever_ , what else could they possibly ask for?

The golden glow settles back into her eyes as a brilliant smile spreads over her face and she says, "Well then. All of time and space, yeah?"

"All of time and space," he agrees with a matching smile, and only then does he allow himself to kiss her lips which taste of Rose and a hint of  _forever_.

 

* * *

 

 

Once a year has passed since their return home, the Doctor finally completed his plan that he first thought of back in Pete's World. He woke her up early, even for his standards, and amongst all the moaning she did ( _Doctor, it's four in the bleedin' morning! I'm tryin' to sleep here, yeah? I mean, 's not like you let me sleep much last night, is it?_ [And at that, he interrupted her and before he managed to keep track of time again, it was seven. Oh well.]), he covered her eyes with his tie and secured it tightly around her head despite her protests.

He proceeded to lead her out of the ship, still refusing to let her make use of her sight, his hands firmly planted on her shoulders as she tentatively walked through the soft grass, barefoot, slowly letting a smile spread over her face.

Whatever the surprise was, it was bound to be fantastic, so Rose eventually stopped complaining. It was a two minute walk and then, as one of his hands left her shoulder, she heard his sonic screwdriver beep as he led her off the grass and onto something rough and cold, and only then did he allow her to take off the makeshift blindfold and open her eyes.

She gasped in a complete awe as she scanned her surroundings, eyes jumping from one sight to the next in under a second, each new view taking her breath away all anew. She stood on a paved road, laid out among the crisp green grass. Twin suns shone in the sky, illuminating the trees of silver and blue and purple and orange, and as if she had just regained not only her sight but also her sense of hearing, she suddenly heard music. Songs sung by hundreds of birds, distant echoes of an ocean, the beat of her Doctor's hearts, all mixed into one delightful melody.

That was not all of it, though. The paved road led up to three windows, each suspended in the air. Next to every window there was a red button, and behind them, she saw different sceneries. One was a beach: the sea was wonderfully turquoise, the sand was white as snow and looked very soft and strangely endless. In the corner of the beach, she spotted a tiny stone house with a blue chimney, which did not quite fit its surroundings but still looked lovely all the same. The other window was the exact opposite of the first scenery; behind it were mountains covered in snow, very steep, and in a valley between them stood that same house from the beach. The last window hid perhaps the biggest surprise. That exact same little house, surrounded by stars, suspended in space, floating around planets and suns and asteroids in perfect harmony, as if it too was carved out of the same celestial material as they were.

She registered all that in mere seconds, disbelief and happiness fighting for domination over her features as he observed her with a loving expression, giddy with excitement, sensing her joy but wanting to hear about it and weeell, maybe  _feel_  it, too. She hasn't kissed him for a whole ten minutes now. Much, much too long for his liking, if you ask him.

Lastly, she took note of the fact that the paved road continued past these strange gates to different worlds, all the way up to the house she was already familiar with, only this time it was right before them and not behind a window. That same blue chimney, blue door, charming little cottage made up of gray stones and blue window panes. TARDIS blue. On the sides of the road grew flowers like the ones she has first found in one of their gardens, beautiful flowers with a name which she could not pronounce even though he tried to teach her so many times, the flowers she started referring to as Doctories because they happened to be his favorite. They instantly became her favorite too, but he did not call them Roses to match her little nickname for the plants. Rose was much more beautiful than any silly flower, and surely Yariejakeras is not that hard to pronounce, so why would he do that?

When she stopped admiring the surroundings, she finally looked at him. Her Doctor; he was all anticipation and happiness and excited sparks in his chocolate brown eyes, hand joined with hers just the way it always was, feeling more than ready to answer any questions she might have.

"Is this..." she trailed off, unsure of what to call everything that was before her eyes. Paradise? Heaven? A dream?

"A planet. A planet with no citizens. Weeell, apart from us, I s'pose," he beamed at her, "And this, Rose Tyler, this is our home.  _Homes_ ," he corrects himself, pointing at the three windows and the paved road leading up to the fourth house.

Tears glisten in her eyes as she smiles and shakes her head, admiring the area again before turning back towards him. "But... How... I mean,  _home_? What about the TARDIS? And these-these windows, they're-"

"Tiny little worlds in a box! Isn't that clever? I first saw them on this planet in the corner of Otiera, lovely little galaxy, not very remarkable, but not everything can be, now can it? I actually had to fight a rabid space lion for it, Rose, but it was worth it! It's  _brilliant_ , that's what it is! You know, in case we ever get bored of having just one home. Now, we can have many! Why have just one if you can have plenty? If we ever want to, I don't know, take it  _slow._  Not often, mind you, that's just  _boring_ , but- but  _sometimes_. A day here and there. If you like?"

Rose giggles and locks her lips with his in a long kiss that neither of them wants to break. They both missed that sense of home that they found when they lived in Pete's World; a proper house with windows and maybe even carpets, they longed for it but they never dared to say. The Doctor had his reputation and he wasn't the biggest fan of domestics, Rose didn't want to pressure him into having more of those slow days than they already did, so she never said a word.

In the end, it turns out that she didn't exactly  _have to_.

He just read both of their minds and created a base, should they ever want a day or two off in their own secluded little world; a place where the only adventure of theirs would be the one he has never had prior to finding Rose.

"And this one?" She tilts her head towards the house hidden among the colorful willow trees, and his expression softens even more. "It reminds me of what I've seen in your memories," her voice is quiet and careful as her eyes intently scan his, searching for signs of pain. She does find a faint trace of guilt and sadness, but it is replaced by love as he cups her cheek in her favorite way, allowing her to lean into his hand as he strokes her skin gently.

"Weeell, that's... I... I thought you'd like it. It's not exactly the same. It couldn't be," he whispers, "But it's similar. I've seen your home and I guess I... I wanted to-to show you  _mine_. And this one," he briefly tilts his head towards the cottage, "This one could be  _ours_."

She beams at him and wraps her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest as he makes a happy sound at the back of his throat.

"So this was a good idea, I assume?" He murmurs, embracing her and kissing the top of her head.

"It's  _lovely_. Thank you," Rose says, her feelings pouring into the words, a few tears of joy and affection traveling down her face.

"I'm glad," he says and then asks, "Now! Take your pick, Rose. Which one today? Mind you, we can go to them all, if you like. We could even go to all of them  _at once_ , although that is a little  _tricky_ , but-"

Smile on her lips, she pulls away and takes hold of his hand, running towards the house that is not hidden behind any window, the one under the twin suns, and then drags him into their own little corner of heaven, ready for all the days that are yet to come.

 

* * *

 

 _All of time and space,_  he thinks, observing her as she bounces happily on the bed in their little cottage and insists that he joins her, all smiles and giggles and Rose,  _All of time and space. Different faces and different lives and so much good, but not enough to soften the bad. Not until you. Not until you, Rose Tyler._

Trustingly letting his hearts dream of eternity, the Doctor flops down on the bed next to his Rose. It was all like a dream, being with her, and not the nightmares he had prior to meeting her, no, this was a lovely version of reality that he never thought he'd be granted.

He allows that one lone tear of joy to travel down his cheek as he closes his eyes when she leans in to thank him properly for the brilliant surprise, marking a beginning to yet another chapter of this brilliant adventure that they both wouldn't have missed for the world.

 

**~oOo~**

**A/N:** And that's a wrap! Phew. I hope you enjoyed the very last chapter of this story, because I know I enjoyed writing it. To be fair, I enjoyed writing the whole thing, and I feel it has taught me a lot. I hope to carry that knowledge to my upcoming fics.

Thank you so much to all of you that read this, reviewed and supported me along the way. This fic was an adventure of its own for me and while I still have much to learn, it's all of you that motivated me to keep writing. :)

I won't abandon writing after finishing this - in fact I'm going to start posting a different multi-chapter Ten/Rose AU story very soon (probably within a week) as well as all sorts of random one-shots (one of them a quick scene between chapter 15 and 16 of this story), so if you liked ADSoA, be on the lookout for more. ^_^ As always, reviews are super appreciated, and thank you so much for all your support!


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